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he wants me back after 6 months..


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Posted

I dated a guy 6 months ago, for about 3 months. he broke up w.me out of the blue one day(there were signs leading up to it but i thought we could work thru it) and i went n/c for a few weeks. he wanted to be friends at least, but i was hurt, angry and told him no that i needed time to think. fast forward to now, and i get a 3 pg text message from him saying he loves me, im the best thing that ever happened to him, he cant believe how badly he ****ed up with us and he wants to at least talk. i wasnt mean but i told him no, then i decided to tell him everything i felt and see what he has to say for himself. we talked for over an hour on the phone, and he informed me hes moving to my city, 5blocks away actually, misses me like crazy, hasnt dated or wanted to since we broke up etc. he told me the reason he ran is because he got scared (his previous relationship was with someone for 3yrs and 1 child together) he was going thru a lot at the time also, which added with the long distance, our young children and his issues w/the ex it was too much too soon for both of us. so, im at a crossroads, i want to try again because he does/did make me happy, and we have an amazing connection. ive told him IF i take him back he has to show me he wants this and really work for me. on the other hand, i do worry that he may revert to his old ways, and start taking me for granted again(he admitted he did as much when we were together) any insight or advice would be appreciated. :)

Posted

You wont know until you try.. Just take things Slowly and make sure you both sit down and be 100% honest with eachother about the reasons for breaking up previously and make sure these issues get sorted Before you even agree to try again. Then, and only then do you decide if this is a risk worth taking, only you can decide that for yourself, just make sure you make him really work for it ;)

 

If you both can resolve past issues you have to ask yourself if you turn him down, will you look back in years to come and regret not taking the chance...?

 

Good luck and keep us posted! :-)

Posted (edited)
he broke up w.me out of the blue one day
How nice! :sick:

 

(there were signs leading up to it but i thought we could work thru it)

You wanted to work through it, but he wanted to run away. :sick:

 

i get a 3 pg text message from him saying he loves me, im the best thing that ever happened to him,
In a text message? Couldn't he call or email or write a letter or drive to your city and show up at your door? :sick:

 

he cant believe how badly he ****ed up with us

He can't believe? Sorry, "I can't believe" is used when someone else does something or something that's out of our control happens. Or at least something that we did long time ago.

 

he informed me hes moving to my city, 5blocks away actually,

Why is he moving to your city? How far does he live now?

 

he told me the reason he ran is because he got scared (his previous relationship was with someone for 3yrs and 1 child together) he was going thru a lot at the time also, which added with the long distance, our young children and his issues w/the ex it was too much too soon for both of us.

He doesn't know what he wants and is not willing to put in any effort to make a relationship work.

 

so, im at a crossroads, i want to try again because he does/did make me happy, and we have an amazing connection.
He also broke up with you after three months so it couldn't have been such a strong connection - because something else overpowered that connection.

 

ive told him IF i take him back he has to show me he wants this and really work for me. on the other hand, i do worry that he may revert to his old ways, and start taking me for granted again(he admitted he did as much when we were together)
He somehow managed to take you for granted in only three months??? :sick:

 

Sorry, I always want to err on the side of giving love a chance and I promote fogoveness because nobody's perfect, but this guy needs a bitch who will keep him on his toes. You're in for one disappointment after another should you give this guy a chance. Even his sudden outbursts of remorse and passion show that he is emotionally unstable and unserious. He left you one day with no explanation and he re-appeared with his grandiose text messages expressing his immortal love. Cut me a break! He spent 6 months without you and he misses you like crazy. Why did he dump you in the first place?

 

I know you will give him a chance and I wish you good luck, but be prepared for a nerve-wracking roller coaster with him.

Edited by RecordProducer
Posted

While I wont be quite as blunt as our friend RecordProducer here, I'd agree with what she has to say. The actions during the relationship speak of immaturity, and the way he has attacked now speaks of desperation and lonliness. But the entire story is not here so what I would suggest is that you follow your gut. If you'd like to try, then take it slow and go through things with a fine tooth comb. Get every detail you need in order to feel comfortable enough to give things another try.

  • Author
Posted

he is moving here because his son lives about 20miles from here, instead of an hours drive away(he doesnt drive btw). he tried one other time to talk to me, a couple months ago but at the time i was still hurt, angry and going through other personal issues. we do have a strong connection, its just that we both went in head first and were practically living together when we were a couple months into the relationship(i would visit him for a week or so at a time or he would come here).ive given him my terms and rules and hes agreed to my terms and to take it day by day as its what i want and he also. if it doesnt work then thats ok too.

Posted

Well in that case I wish you luck Confusedangel, just take tings slow, it can often be tempting to jump right back in there and at least if things dont work out you cant regret not giving it another chance :-)

  • Author
Posted

thanks confused kitty :) you have a good point. i think once he's moved here and were able to see eachother, it might work out for the best. time will tell :)

  • Author
Posted

just an update: recently i found out that when my ex contacted me to say sorry etc, he had been drinking( one of the issues i was having with him just before our break up was the fact that he was starting to do this more often than i was comfortable with). coupled with that, and the fact hes admitted to using substances(pot) other than his medication for his back pain from buldging discs, im seriously leaning towards not taking him back. hes gone from night to day with his feelings, i asked if he meant any of what he said. his reply was "most of waht i remember, yeah" seriously?! im glad we havent seen eachother in person, and i highly doubt hes ever going to be more than an occasional friend(if that). he also seems to have a hidden agenda(or so it seems to me) he keeps mentioning how he needs help to move in 2 months. the more i think about it the less i want to try again.

Posted

ok plain and simple. well really not so simple. i would tell him that although u want to give him a chance, you feel he is too erratic. that not remembering loving things he said to you to change the dynamics, is unacceptable. that he need to get off the booze and pot...or you wont be able to take anything he says seriously...if he cant even remember it. he might be the best guy on earth...but i really feel strongly, these drugs are clouding him and will do the same in the relationship. you guys need to talk when hes straight. a lot say pot doesnt matter..or make a difference. but i have seen that it does matter.

 

people are still under the influence. case closed.

  • Author
Posted

well, i did a lot of thinking and told him today that I can't get back together with him. he informed me that I'm "playing games" and to make up my mind. so, i said well, im actually not the one who wanted to get together again, nor did I contact you while I was drunk and acting pathetic and he just lost any chance of me having anything to do with him. it was over before it began, and I'm glad I listened to my gut.something didn't feel right .I'm sure he had an ulterior motive, he had been dropping hints about needing help to move, was broke ,etc. none of which i would have helped with.

Posted

Good job on making a tough decision. Sounds like the right decision to me, but all that matters is if it feels right for you.

Posted

I do not want to be a downer , and I could be wrong .

 

My ex ended it in July and just recently got back in touch wrting a long email wanting me back and saying he wants to spend the rest of his life making me happy and still wants children with me...

 

Been a week since he contacted me now and he said that he wasn't thinking when he emailed me that .

 

In my opinion , if someone breaks up with you and takes that long to realize they want you , they can go suck it.

  • Author
Posted

thanks exit :) im glad hes not going to be in my life again, i dont need the stress or drama. onto better things :)

Posted

My ex ended it in July and just recently got back in touch wrting a long email wanting me back and saying he wants to spend the rest of his life making me happy and still wants children with me...

 

Been a week since he contacted me now and he said that he wasn't thinking when he emailed me that .

 

What the hell is wrong with people like that? Why would someone do something so cruel?

Posted
recently i found out that when my ex contacted me to say sorry etc, he had been drinking( one of the issues i was having with him just before our break up was the fact that he was starting to do this more often than i was comfortable with). coupled with that, and the fact hes admitted to using substances(pot)

 

For the most part I have found, once a drinker or druggie, always a drinker or druggie. The fact he was starting to drink more often is a bad sign. He will continue down that road and probably become an alcoholic. It's a horrible life to be with someone who is an alcoholic. I am glad you said no to another chance. I agree that he just wants help moving. Maybe his pot dealer can help him.

  • Author
Posted

well him being dependant on substances isnt anything new to him, he spent about 12 years solid being on drugs(anything you can think of he did) then got sober and has been up til last summer when he started drinking more often(at all actually).

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