WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 How do I let the guy I have been seeing know that I need more attention/affection without seeming clingy or needy?
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 How do I let the guy I have been seeing know that I need more attention/affection without seeming clingy or needy? A few questions: How long have you been seeing him? What's the frequency of get togethers/contact during a week? What would you like that frequency to be? Is it that you see each other, but he's not affectionate, or is it that he doesn't even make an effort to see you much?
Author WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 for 2 1/2 years.. started out as a fwb kinda thing, told him I now had feelings and wanted more.. he agreed we would try... We see each other every day for a short period of time since we work together.. we maybe see each other outside the work place once a month.. which is terrible.. I we text some but its not alot.. I guess I am just used to alot of attention since thats what I got from previous relationships.. we have been thru alot and he has trust issues.. which is the cause to alot of our problems.. Im not a hard person to please.. I would just like more comminication outside the workplace via Text or phone and would like to see him at least once a week outside the workplace.. as far as the affection part, he is really great at that when we finally see each other.. I want to bring this up but i dont wanna seem pushy or needy in any kind of way.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 for 2 1/2 years.. started out as a fwb kinda thing, told him I now had feelings and wanted more.. he agreed we would try... We see each other every day for a short period of time since we work together.. we maybe see each other outside the work place once a month.. which is terrible.. I we text some but its not alot.. I guess I am just used to alot of attention since thats what I got from previous relationships.. we have been thru alot and he has trust issues.. which is the cause to alot of our problems.. Im not a hard person to please.. I would just like more comminication outside the workplace via Text or phone and would like to see him at least once a week outside the workplace.. as far as the affection part, he is really great at that when we finally see each other.. I want to bring this up but i dont wanna seem pushy or needy in any kind of way. I really think you should find a guy who is capable of a loving and affectionate relationship. Why are you doing this to yourself?
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 for 2 1/2 years.. started out as a fwb kinda thing, told him I now had feelings and wanted more.. he agreed we would try... We see each other every day for a short period of time since we work together.. we maybe see each other outside the work place once a month.. which is terrible.. I we text some but its not alot.. I guess I am just used to alot of attention since thats what I got from previous relationships.. we have been thru alot and he has trust issues.. which is the cause to alot of our problems.. Im not a hard person to please.. I would just like more comminication outside the workplace via Text or phone and would like to see him at least once a week outside the workplace.. as far as the affection part, he is really great at that when we finally see each other.. I want to bring this up but i dont wanna seem pushy or needy in any kind of way. Thanks for answering. Ok, well seeing each other at work everyday counts and doesn't. Like I'm thinking he thinks it counts, but if you're working - it so doesn't and its not a date and you need a date. So...If you really like this guys and want him despite all his baggage, the only fix to your problem is to suggest you guys hang out more. Find something that's going on when you're both not working, and ask him out to it, see how that goes. If its successful, do that again, the next week - and express to him that you like your get togethers, and see how he likes it. But honestly, if its been off and on for 2 1/2 years and he's not taking initiatives to see you outside of work and spend time with you, I'm sorry, but that says he's not interested. Maybe he has gf that you don't know about - cuz 1 time a month is sooooooooooo not "normal" time spent between a couple that live in the same city.
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Ok, WildWildWest.... Put the "I am whipping myself stupid" cat-of-nine-tails down..... Walk --- away --- from ---- the -- whip.... Back off....not-so-slowly..... wow.... talk about settling for what you can get.....! you could get so much better, girl!!
ilovedhim Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 But honestly, if its been off and on for 2 1/2 years and he's not taking initiatives to see you outside of work and spend time with you, I'm sorry, but that says he's not interested. Maybe he has gf that you don't know about - cuz 1 time a month is sooooooooooo not "normal" time spent between a couple that live in the same city. I agree with Tara and Tiger. He's not interested. Don't waste anymore of your time.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 I'm sure he does think seeing each other at work counts.. and it does to a certain extent since we are seeing each other, talking and flirting but its still not enough.. I'm not going to lie tho, I have done some things in the past that would make him not trust me and he still keeps giving me chances.. I have recently brought up the fact that it feels like we are just work buddies and even asked him if thats what we are.. just 2 ppl who play around and joke at the job and nothing more.. thats when he told me that I should be calling him and letting him kno when I get off work early in the evenings.. we have diff work schedules.. he works morning and i work evenings.. I have already questioned him bout other women.. he says he hasnt messed with anybody since me.. He is also a firefighter and that takes up alot of his time.. I really think thats what Im competing against.. All I'm looking for is more conversation.. even if its just a simple Hi how u doing, how was ur day text and I would like to have a movie night once a week, just some time to spend together.. but im affraid if I keep mentioning things then he gonna think im being pushy or needy.
ilovedhim Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 He is also a firefighter and that takes up alot of his time.. I really think thats what Im competing against.. All I'm looking for is more conversation.. even if its just a simple Hi how u doing, how was ur day text and I would like to have a movie night once a week, just some time to spend together.. but im affraid if I keep mentioning things then he gonna think im being pushy or needy. Policemen beat, firemen cheat lol j/k Not much of a relationship or huge communication problem if you're too worried to even bring up watching a movie once a week. You're basically wasting 3 weekends a month not meeting new, INTERESTED, guys holding on to this. Yes if you keep mentioning these things to someone who is not responsive you seem needy, pushy, obsessive... you're not getting honesty from him. I'd just move on.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 Thats why I have given him ultimatuims before.. telling him what I want and what Im looking for and when he was ready to give it s try to call me.. he always calls.. he always flirts with me at work.. its like he wont leave me alone.. like part of him wants the relationship and part doesnt.. he has mentioned to me before that he doesnt like to talk bout his feelings but he does feel the same way.. I just dont know how to get him moving forward and start seeing each other more often.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 You can't. He is stringing you along for sex. There is no point in giving someone an ultimatum if you don't stick to it, he will just respect you less because he will see you as weak-willed (which appears to be the case here). Stop making excuses for him, he is flirting with you because he wants to get laid but he doesn't want to spend too much time with you. It's not that part of him wants a relationship, it's that he doesn't want a relationship at all. Is he married by any chance?
Author WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 So I guess the best thing to do is to let go and move on.. Not sure how to go about that since its so much harder to do since we work together.. how do I end it? Not sure what I should say to him.. And no he isnt married.. never been and has no kids.. I dont think he's ever been in a serious relationship.. told me he has only been with 3 ppl including me and he's in his mid 30's.. guess that shoulda been a red flag in the begining.. Now I guess I need to think about how I want to end it
FitChick Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Look for a better job elsewhere. Then if he is interested, he will have to go out of his way to be with you. Now you are just a convenience.
Author WildWildWest Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 Maybe it is really convient for him since he see's me everyday he feels he doesnt have to put much effort into it.. However I did hear from him the weeks he was on vacation and we didnt see each other every day.. maybe I'm just reading into this to much..
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 A relationship needs to be on a much more solid footing than this one for you to be able to tell your partner you need more attention / affection and then receive it. Even though you and this guy said you were beyond "FWB," the reality of your relationship does not look that way. Please let this go and start fresh again with someone else, when the time comes. Someone who wants the same thing that you do out of a relationship and who does a lot towards making that happen.
TaraMaiden Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 the 'caliguy' link in my signature is by a guy who worked with his GF. she cheated on him at a time when he could have done with her support. Instead, he ended it - and lived to tell the tale. Read it - and his latest thread. Then absolutely put it into practice, 100% And don't make excuses. He didn't.... 1
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