without Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) OK,here's the thing...I am emotional,but i don't think i deserve to be treated this way.. you see,for example somebody i really like texts me, he's usually serious,tells me you have a horrible taste in movies , and i get upset,and tell him that hurt,maybe i shouldn't tell you of things i like. That emotion is actually heightened because i truly care for him,and coming out of him ,it really hurts. then he tells me you overreact and doesn't talk to me anymore... and uses silent treatment which is abusive and i feel like **** afterward. my ex used to tell me that too,i know i am but there's always a good reason behind it... am i wrong? Edited January 31, 2012 by without
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I don't know what the full story is but I think if you have a lot of conflicts with someone, the golden rule is that the other person isn't good for you and that the two of you are not compatible. Perhaps you keep seeing the wrong type of men? Maybe you should try outgoing, friendlier types.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 he's not friendly at all,but i really like him,and always am very kind with him,but i turn out to be the one apologizing all the time. that was one example ,it has happened before too....that's the way i am if i care for sth then it matters and i may overreact...
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I think perhaps you want to work out why you hang out with men that don't treat you well. That's not healthy.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 :(I know,but somehow i really like him,he's very special in many ways...maybe i should just stop it with him..
TigerCub Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 OK,here's the thing...I am emotional,but i don't think i deserve to be treated this way.. you see,for example somebody i really like texts me, he's usually serious,tells me you have a horrible taste in movies , and i get upset,and tell him that hurt,maybe i shouldn't tell you of things i like. That emotion is actually heightened because i truly care for him,and coming out of him ,it really hurts. then he tells me you overreact and doesn't talk to me anymore... and uses silent treatment which is abusive and i feel like **** afterward. my ex used to tell me that too,i know i am but there's always a good reason behind it... am i wrong? Sorry to say, but yes, in the example you gave, you were over reacting. Its not the end of the world if the guy you like doesn't like your taste in movies. I make fun of my bf's taste in music and movies, and it doesn't mean **** because he will still like it, and it doesn't matter if we're not 100% on everything. But if you are in a relationship where you're constantly feeling like crap and are apologizing to someone all the time, that's not a healthy relationship. So its not worth being there. But that aside, I think you need to build your self esteem and confidence up more so that you get to a point where a person's opinion of you or your interests doesn't define who you are and therefore wont upset you.
KathyM Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 You admitted you are quite emotional and two boyfriends have told you that you overreact to things. Maybe you should consider that they may be right about you, and work on getting a little more control over your emotions and not be so reactionary towards others. The sign of a mature person is one who can disagree with another or be miffed at someone, but still able to keep their cool and discuss calmly what it is they are concerned about. Someone that blows up at things easily and gets upset easily is someone who has not learned how to handle disagreements in a mature way. Perhaps a parent of yours was like this as well, and you learned that reactionary style from him/her.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 yeah i totally get what you guys are saying....it totally makes sense being in a healthy relationship ,idk its just that im in wrong ,unhealthy relationship or im just too emotional.... I sure know that the relationship isn't 100% healthy... any advice on how can i make myself better?
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 yeah i totally get what you guys are saying....it totally makes sense being in a healthy relationship ,idk its just that im in wrong ,unhealthy relationship or im just too emotional.... I sure know that the relationship isn't 100% healthy... any advice on how can i make myself better? Perhaps if you posted a more specific example including the full conversation you had with the guy, his reaction, your reaction, etc
KathyM Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 yeah i totally get what you guys are saying....it totally makes sense being in a healthy relationship ,idk its just that im in wrong ,unhealthy relationship or im just too emotional.... I sure know that the relationship isn't 100% healthy... any advice on how can i make myself better? Counseling is what I would recommend. If you've learned that reactionary style from a parent, it is pretty engrained in your personality and will need some work to break out of that.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 [it's texting,he is really into movies,I love what he likes.he's serious.lately he just stays at home] me:I was just seeing X. he , oh that?you're seeing that crap? -:lol,yeah,i am,maybe if you would go out with me today,I wouldn't have watched it. -:stop bringing excuses for your horrible taste in movies. me:just because i like X,it means i have a horrible taste? he:yes. me:well that hurt. no answer. me, ok maybe i won't talk about what i like,then. later he:you've started to attack again. me:yeah cuz i'm terrible just like my taste. no answer me:i'm sorry ,i didn't mean to attack but i didn't think you thought that way. no answer.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 maybe one of my parents are a bit emotional,btw i don't like counseling .
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Do you always hang out with men like this? What sort of place do you live in? Are your friends similar to him?
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 no my friends aren't like him,he's kinda frank...so you think i didn't overreact?
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 No. I think he is quite mean and not a nice enough boy. I think you need to change your taste in men.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 thanks,good,I was really beginning to question myself, cuz i didn't think i was overreacting ,just a bit emotional...
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 If someone makes you feel bad about small things, that should ring an alarm bell always. ESPECIALLY when they go quiet to make you feel even worse. A decent person will try to understand your viewpoint and he will tell you whether you are overreacting in his opinion, rather than just go quiet like that.
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 yes exactly..you're right...it IS the worst thing being silent like that. I think I've given him enough time to see how he is,and being ok with everything just cuz i think he has very special in some ways. I'mjust going to cut him out of my life,it's just makes me feel bad about myself.
Emilia Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 There are times when people make us feel bad about ourselves a little bit but when it's a regular occurrence then I think it's safe to say the two of you are not compatible for whatever reason. Sometimes personalities just don't mesh, even if the other person has some great qualities. Good luck, I hope you find a nice boy
Author without Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 thanks... I don't know about being compatible ...we have much in common ,but i think he's really mean.and i'm tired of always feeling like that.
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