Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 what do you think about what he caled me and told me in the above reply i wrote?
Glove_slap Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Where have I attacked her? My intent towards her has not been out of ill-will but to help her. I didn't spend time going through all her threads to make her feel bad but to help her see the cycle she has put herself in and to remind her of what her reality has been for the past 4 months. Fluo is right in that sometimes I am too logical and that is because my stance is from a very unemotional point of view, specifically when I see someone keeping themselves stuck in a bad situation for far too long. Barrio is one of them. This when I want to knock clear sense into them. No one is forcing ideals. We're providing an outsider's view of her situation. She came here for help, she gets it. I know when to coddle, comfort and say it like it is. If a poster doesn't like it then I would be more than happy to step back but if the advice is welcomed, then I don't understand why you're all knotted up. This thread is about Barrio and I won't hijack it with this nonsense. Good luck to you in your own journey. When you made your record I misinterpreted and I apologize for that. I'm getting defensive because the last post I've made I've received many negative feedbacks from various posters including lalaland, something I never expected from loveshack. Your method of posting is effective, I take back what I previously stated.
Chi townD Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) aww thanks for the advice. the thing that hurt me the most that he said would be he called me psychotic. and said he didnt want to do anything with me, did not want to talk to me on the phone. but then weeks later he told me he did want to do things with me. the other thing that really hurt me is when he told me he would have sex with someone else. that hurt so much, you have no idea. He's playing head games with you. Telling you that he can have girls anytime he wants. He calls you psychotic and then recant's weeks later. Could be that he was looking to get some from you. He's pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. He's playing the field and looking over peroidically to see if you're still waiting on the sidelines. How is that fair to you? Look, there are a ton of guys out there that know how to treat a woman. This guy isn't the only guy in the world and definately isn't God's gift to women. If you don't believe me? Look up Jenjen83's thread in this sub-forum. Thread should be titled "Going on a date and I'm scared" or something like that....read it. Edited February 1, 2012 by Chi townD
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 UPDATE: He text me saying hes sorry and that he doesnt want anything though
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 what do you think about what he caled me and told me in the above reply i wrote? "the thing that hurt me the most that he said would be he called me psychotic. and said he didnt want to do anything with me, did not want to talk to me on the phone. but then weeks later he told me he did want to do things with me. the other thing that really hurt me is when he told me he would have sex with someone else. that hurt so much, you have no idea." People often say things that are hurtful in the midst of their own emotional drama. He could have been frustrated with the pressures of what was happening between the two of you and lashed out at you. It should however never be an indication of how you feel about yourself. You should never let his words or insults define you. Is he there with you, comforting you and supporting you? While he says he wants to engage with you, he also counters that with demeaning insults and hurtful words. You have to start asking yourself why is it you want this man in your life. Is he giving you what you need? Can he give you what you need? What is it you look for in a partner/boyfriend? Does he check your list? What does it say about him to tell you blatantly that he will have sex with someone else knowing you are emotional about him? If I knew someone loved me, I would never want to hurt them even more by planting that type of seed in them. He seems capable of very easily stabbing you in the heart with a knife. It's cold and heartless. He may say he wants to do things with you only when you are able to keep your emotions separate from what he needs from you. Have you noticed that when you get emotional, he runs. When it has simmered down, he ropes you in. Then when you get emotional again, he cuts you at the knees. He wants you in his corner only when he can have you without the emotional attachment. Hence agreeing to an FWB arrangement. It fulfills his needs. Anything other than that, is not what he wants. When he tells you I am going to sleep with other women if the opportunity presents itself, while you are engaging in an FWB agreement with him, he is almost laying out the terms for you. You are sleeping with him but know it is only sex as he will be sleeping with others. Sleeping with you is not emotional and that any attachment on your part is at your risk. Your expectations have to be non-existent. What is it about him that makes you want to cling? It's not love anymore when you keep going back time after time to practically nothing and nothing that continually hurts you. You're addicted to this drama. Like an addict looking for a fix. You want him to validate your worth. You want him to acknowledge that you mean something to him. You can't force that out of him. He's showing you in his actions and his words. You must try to think about these things and rationalize these behaviors in your head. I know you are emotional but sometimes you have to focus on the reality and start changing your thought patterns.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 UPDATE: He text me saying hes sorry and that he doesnt want anything though I'm sorry Barrio. You must start grasping his words and the decision he has made. This is when you should really step away and allow NC to help you heal. There is no more grasping and clinging. It's time to let go and start focusing on your healing. It's going to be painful and uncomfortable. I've been there and most all on this forum. But until you make that choice to break this cycle, you will continuosly enable him to jump in and out of your life and consistently hurt you.
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 yeah, very true. I think i should just tell him i no longer want to speak and that im done. I dont want to be hurt again. he says he is sorry, but then again he has said that several times before. and does the same thing, only ends up not texting me and being mean to me.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 When you made your record I misinterpreted and I apologize for that. I'm getting defensive because the last post I've made I've received many negative feedbacks from various posters including lalaland, something I never expected from loveshack. Your method of posting is effective, I take back what I previously stated. Apology accepted, Glove. I'm not here to hurt anyone or kick someone when they're already down. I've been through the same or even worse pains, as most of you are going through now. It wasn't my intent to ridicule her postings or the number of postings but ONLY to help her visually analyze the reality of what she's been clinging to for so long and to make her realize that his/her patterns have never changed. You have the option of taking what you need from the advice that is given and discarding what you feel is unhelpful. I am sorry that you've been affected by negative feedback. The best way to deal with that is not to fight it, but to just ignore it. Sometimes advice may come of as harsh but I believe the intent is most likely always coming from a good place.
CaliBabe Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 yeah i get it. he said that he would have sex with someone else only because there will be someone else in his life. it wasnt like he was saying he was gonna go out and have sex with a lot of girls. Barrio, you are making excuses for him.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 yeah, very true. I think i should just tell him i no longer want to speak and that im done. I dont want to be hurt again. he says he is sorry, but then again he has said that several times before. and does the same thing, only ends up not texting me and being mean to me. So you see a pattern here. He is nice, gets you in his corner and then he gets mean and pushes you away. You see that pattern in him. And that pattern is also enabled by you. This is where you have the power to take it away from him. He then doesn't have you on his terms anymore. You now get to create a new path for yourself and on your terms. He won't have control over you anymore. If you want to tell him you want nothing to do with him, then do it. But you have to mean it. Because you yourself have said many times that you're done and allowed him back. So both of you are playing games. You must stay true to your words. That is IF you want to truly move on.
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 yeah i wanna be done. h only wants to text me here and there. what do i do or tell him?
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 yeah i wanna be done. h only wants to text me here and there. what do i do or tell him? He just texted you that he's sorry but he doesn't want anything more. You can thank him for the apology and tell him that it's time for you to move on and that you would prefer for him to respect your wishes for no contact. Wish him all the best and then keep to your words. Very short and sweet. If he contacts, you can now ignore without feeling bad because you've set your terms and he is aware that contact will not be reciprocated. This way you don't struggle with regards to being rude, unkind, etc., should he break NC.
flitzanu Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 yeah i wanna be done. h only wants to text me here and there. what do i do or tell him? this is pretty easy. "what do i do or tell him?" nothing. that's what you do, and that's what you say. nothing.
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 i thiunk we r gonna talk tonight on the phone about it all.
Million.to.1 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I think i should just tell him i no longer want to speak and that im done. I dont want to be hurt again. he says he is sorry, but then again he has said that several times before. and does the same thing, only ends up not texting me and being mean to me. I don't understand why you need to tell him. Just do it. this in particular "only ends up not txting me, and being mean..." - he has said "I'm sorry too, but i don't want anything" and now you are going to say "i don't want to speak to you. I'm done" then you will expect a reply, even though he has clearly stated that he doesn't want anything. He wants you to get on with your life. He can't help you. Even if he ignores you, you still want something from him. LET HIM GO. As Geegirl has pointed out, you are creating a cycle. Next week you will txt him saying sorry that you said you are done and don't want to speak with him... and then expect something back again. Cycle continues. I also read through some of your previous threads, and you do need to start taking some responsibility and actually listen to the advice you have been offered. I have noticed that you will focus on replies that validate your behavior and ignore posters that are offering firm but good advice. Barriob, Don't you long for indifference? Don't you really want to just not care about this person or what they are doing/saying? Wouldn't it be nice to go a whole week without thinking about them? You are the one perpetuating this cycle as he has clearly said he doesn't want anything from you and has said things that will hurt you, probably so you will leave him alone. I know it's hard, but you don't need to update him on what you are doing in regards to him. Just move on with your life, in your own way, in your own time, and stop this cycle of back and forth which has gotten you nowhere. Like everyone has already said, use the new phone as a fresh start. No excuses.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 i thiunk we r gonna talk tonight on the phone about it all. I don't know what it is you need to talk about on the phone. He has said he wants nothing more. You on the other hand do. You're hoping to hear something different on the phone. Again Barrio, this cycle will never be broken until you choose a different path. I hope you get on the call to tell him you are moving on and for him to respect your wishes.
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 i am not going to call hm because it will only end up worse. ill give in and it wont get anywhere, and then he will think that he can do anything and say anything. im just gonna not text him anymore.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 i am not going to call hm because it will only end up worse. ill give in and it wont get anywhere, and then he will think that he can do anything and say anything. im just gonna not text him anymore. So does that mean you are not going to pick up the phone when he calls because the fear, for you and me is that he will rope you in. We don't want that because it'll go back to the same ole' story. And no sharing new number too!
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 So does that mean you are not going to pick up the phone when he calls because the fear, for you and me is that he will rope you in. We don't want that because it'll go back to the same ole' story. And no sharing new number too! the thing with him is that he doesnt call. i have to remind him several times to call me. and then he ends up saying he doesnt wanna talk.
ScienceGal Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 the thing with him is that he doesnt call. i have to remind him several times to call me. and then he ends up saying he doesnt wanna talk. If someone is willing to lose you from their life, let them.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 the thing with him is that he doesnt call. i have to remind him several times to call me. and then he ends up saying he doesnt wanna talk. Remember all these things and remind yourself that this is not how you want to be treated by him or anyone else. You should be the highlight in someone's life. Having to remind him of your existence is time for you to want much more for yourself.
Million.to.1 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 the thing with him is that he doesnt call. i have to remind him several times to call me. and then he ends up saying he doesnt wanna talk. I don't know how much clearer the message needs to be. Let it go. You need to deal with this on your own. He cannot do or say anything that will help you anymore. It must make you feel terrible to have to remind him several times to call you. You must know it makes you look desperate and pathetic in his eyes when you do this. Is that what you want?
Author barriob Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 yeah. I want to let go but at the same time i wanna know what he is sorry for. he didnt bother to explain. so he said he wants to keep texting as friends but he doesnt wanna hang out. just be there for each other. what do you think aboput that??
Sugarkane Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 OP what makes this jerk so special? I mean what a shyte bf he must be! Ice been in the same situation as you before. All this guy cate about Is getting a piece of ass. I wouldn't even tell him I'm going NC. I'd just completely cut him off and change my number!
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