barriob Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 i wanna text my ex saying that i hope we can talk in the future... should i? i miss him HELP PLEASE...
Phateless Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 i wanna text my ex saying that i hope we can talk in the future... should i? i miss him HELP PLEASE... Why did you break up? Did you end it or did he?
M2155 Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 But he doesn't miss you. You will never get over him if you keep contacting him...you see how the last time made you feel worse when he didn't respond? You can't be ignored if you ignore him instead. You will be reinforcing that he can treat you like crap and you will still keep reaching out to him.
geegirl Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Stop B. 1) The man has been clear about not being able to give you a relationship. 2) He demoted you to an FWB 3) Blatantly informed you that he will be sleeping with other women You want more from this than just a sex arrangement. He cannot give you what you need. You text. Then what? You go back to where you were. Nothing changes. I know you miss him but contact is just temporary comfort. Once you hit send, you'll be anxious waiting for a response. If he doesn't answer, you'll drive yourself bananas. If he responds, it's not going to be the response you want. Then what?? If you contact because you're craving to remind him of your existence, don't. He shouldn't have to be reminded. If he needs reminding, then you know where you stand. Let the urge pass. You must not react but deal with the discomfort and it will pass. Be strong.
Chi townD Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I wouldn't. It would only give him an ego boost. It would tell him that he had such a profound affect on you that you can't let go. It's okay to miss an Ex. It's natural. But, if you want to contact him again. I wouldn't do it until you are completely over him and harbor no feelings for him at all.
CaliBabe Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I agree with everyone above. It will not get you anywhere. Be strong!
ScienceGal Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 i wanna text my ex saying that i hope we can talk in the future... should i? i miss him HELP PLEASE... No, you shouldn't. I did that and he responded "when I'm ready I will". We've been broken up for 8 months and I haven't heard a peep. I don't even want to talk to him anymore. He was not good for me and I feel foolish for ever reaching out to him. You're looking to feel better right now. You're seriously grasping, but unfortunately there is no response that will make you feel better. Don't do it.
Author barriob Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 yeah. but we were in contact on and off after the breakup. were you? its gonna be 8 months soon since the bu. idk...its been 2 weeks and he hasnt text me.
geegirl Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 yeah. but we were in contact on and off after the breakup. were you? its gonna be 8 months soon since the bu. idk...its been 2 weeks and he hasnt text me. Even if he contacts you, it doesn't mean anything. You were an FB. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He has stated he will have sex with other women. It doesn't matter how long it's been, if you were on and off, etc. Contact will still give you the same shoddy treatment you had when you were with him. A woman he just has sex with. Aim higher barrio. Contact is one thing. But ask yourself what will you actually be going back to when he contacts. Nothing.
Author barriob Posted January 31, 2012 Author Posted January 31, 2012 Even if he contacts you, it doesn't mean anything. You were an FB. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He has stated he will have sex with other women. It doesn't matter how long it's been, if you were on and off, etc. Contact will still give you the same shoddy treatment you had when you were with him. A woman he just has sex with. Aim higher barrio. Contact is one thing. But ask yourself what will you actually be going back to when he contacts. Nothing. yeah i get it. he said that he would have sex with someone else only because there will be someone else in his life. it wasnt like he was saying he was gonna go out and have sex with a lot of girls.
geegirl Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 (edited) yeah i get it. he said that he would have sex with someone else only because there will be someone else in his life. it wasnt like he was saying he was gonna go out and have sex with a lot of girls. "So my ex recently told me he wold have sex with other girls if the opportunity came." Your words. I am just recalling what you said. Whether he seeks it or they come to him, singular or plural, he will be having sex with others. Twist it whichever way you think helps you with your denial. Edited January 31, 2012 by geegirl
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 i know, i knnow.:/ what do you think of this all? be honest. what do you think of him?? and what do you think i should do??
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) what do you think of this all? be honest. what do you think of him?? and what do you think i should do?? Your Threads 4th Oct !!so hurt - Broke up with you and told you that you won't be able to get over him but for you to move on 5th Oct Update! - Told you can be friends but you must move on 5th Oct Goodbye! - Going to text ex goodbye because he treats you like crap and you are done 6th Oct NC or what?? - You wanted to talk about unresolved issues but he didn't want to because there was no point 8th Oct newwww!! - You asked if it is worth chasing an ex 11th Oct suggestions on contacting him - Doing better after 1 week NC but you're heartbroken and want to text 17th Oct What's left to do?? - Ex ignoring you so what else is there to do, you ask. After all you did everything for him how can he do this. 14th Nov hurting and.... - You broke NC after 1 month. Asked to hang out but he never followed through after saying yes. Ignored you. 26th Nov Broken... - On and off since break up 5 months ago. Hot and cold. He stated he doesn't want to rekindle, talk on the phone or do anything with you. What to do? 27th Nov long forgotten - Along the lines of thread dated 26th Nov 9th Dec hoping and waiting for ex?? - Ex and you texted back and forth but he always texts back days later. Why the hot and cold, you ask? 22nd Jan done for good! I think - You agreed to be FWB. He then stated he would have sex with other girls if the opportunity presented itself. It hurt you deeply 26th Jan not good enough - Ex said he would have sex with other girls if he could. You called him a jerk and that you were done. Texted to apologize but he is ignoring. You ask what you should do. 29th Jan moving on and long gone - You mention the name calling and that you apologized and you are confused as to why he is ignoring you 31st Jan I want to contact - Self explanatory I don't have to tell you what I think about the situation or how I feel about him. Just read your threads and ask yourself what's wrong. It's you. Four months of running in circles. If this doesn't open your eyes Barrio, I don't know what will. What you should do? You should move on. Work through your pain even when you feel it eating at you. Don't react when you feel emotional. Realize that this is dead. Accept that he is done with you. Snap yourself out of it when you are romanticizing him. Rationalize the truth of the matter. Read this list over and over again. Don't accept contact because all you will get is hot and cold. Try to wrap your head around this rather than react emotionally because you're afraid to let go. Do something, anything, just stop contacting/accepting contact and heal from this, once and for all. Edited February 1, 2012 by geegirl
M2155 Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 You shoul call him and tell him you will be there waiting for him like a little puppy even though its been 8 months, he constantly ignores you and is interested in sex with other girls. That way you can be sure he never talks to you again and hopefully you will eventually get the message. What I really think is you have lowered yourself and giving this guy all the control and he's taking your self-respect with him. You've shown him that you are willing to be a doormat and he has shown you that he's willing to walk all over you. You know why he does it? Cause he CAN. He doesn't have to make any effort or treat you like relationship material because you are there no matter what. I slipped a little this way with my ex and it's completely 100% my fault for allowing it. Look at Geegirls post. Now you live wondering how the ex thinks/feels and are putting him ahead of your own needs and happiness. We all go through that but you have to have some fight in you and desire to move on. What you should do? Turn the page and don't look back. If he comes calling, run the other way. He's expecting the same you that's been agreeably off-and-on for 8 months. It won't change until you change it. Until then, you're wasting time on a waste of time.
lalalandman Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Nah you don't miss him. How could you possibly miss someone who doesn't want anything to do with you? You've become dependent. You need to find yourself. Then you won't really care anymore. When you're ok with yourself, then you stop caring about what your ex is thinking, and doing. And oh, it feels good. Especially if you've been pinning over them for a long while and they've been hot/cold on you. For me, it started with Forgiveness. Then your heart opens up a little more and you can move on. Then the best part....you realize what a selfish turd your ex really is.
Glove_slap Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 umm what's with all attacks lately? geegirl and lalaland, why are you two attacking the OP for pouring their hearts out? This is a place where we help one another, do you honestly think you can just get over a heart break that easily? Most people come here to seek refuge from the world when they no longer want to turn to anyone else in real life because they're afraid of being ridiculed and now you're just reaffirming many of those feelings. I don't understand it, why are you in this forum? This is a give and take forum, you reassure/help/give advice to someone with hopes of being reassured and etc. "Nah you don't miss him. How could you possibly miss someone who doesn't want anything to do with you? You've become dependent" - What are you talking about? How do you know how someone else is feeling? What gives you that right to diagnose something like dependency? - "How could you possibly miss someone who doesn't want anything to do with you" - I'm pretty sure missing someone has NOTHING to do on how the OTHER person feels about YOU.
lalalandman Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) I guess I'm just stronger than I was before. This is a forum. We're all coming from different angles so expect some different viewpoints. Attacking her? I'm not going to sit here and validate someone's actions that are preventing that person from moving on and feeling good with themselves again. That's like asking me to lay next to a dead horse. Nope. Especially not after I've been through the same crap that they're going through right now. If you want to validate her feelings, and validate her thought process and her same patterns, then go ahead, that is your choice. But don't expect me to. Sorry. Or maybe, you're in the same place barriob is right now, and are relating with her, as we speak. I apologize if I sound harsh, but the world isn't going to save her. She can only save herself. Edited February 1, 2012 by lalalandman
Glove_slap Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 (edited) Bitterness isn't strength. You're right the world won't save her and there's not much we can do to help her but this is a community forum not the harsh "real world". Validating someone's feelings doesn't mean giving false hope or delusional theories on how to win their ex back, it's letting them know that what they're going through is NORMAL and it happens to EVERYONE. Her story is only unique in her experience, the truth is this place has so many heart breaking stories from so many people that almost anything can be considered normal and anything could happen to anyone. **** happens and people deal with it, but you can't just tell them that they're the problem and they have to find themselves. Just answer her question and move on instead of forcing your ideals on her. - My advice to the original poster - The more you contact him the more you fuel his ego and thus successfully making you look inferior in his eyes. Do not contact him by any means as he is aloof and clearly apathetic to you. If you're going to lose him then fine, lose him but no matter what NEVER lose your DIGNITY. Have strength and go no contact. I've been NC with my ex for over a year, It CAN be DONE. P.S lalaland, don't try to psycho-analyse people. You're not qualified and you only come off as a pretentious pseudo-intellectual. Edited February 1, 2012 by Glove_slap
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 thank you guys(: i really appreciate it. do you guys think he will ever realize what he did? all i wanted was an apology and for him to care. do i keep looking for him? oh and i am getting a new phone in march, should i text him and let him know my new # or never contact him again? help
Author barriob Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 aww thanks for the advice. the thing that hurt me the most that he said would be he called me psychotic. and said he didnt want to do anything with me, did not want to talk to me on the phone. but then weeks later he told me he did want to do things with me. the other thing that really hurt me is when he told me he would have sex with someone else. that hurt so much, you have no idea.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 umm what's with all attacks lately? geegirl and lalaland, why are you two attacking the OP for pouring their hearts out? This is a place where we help one another, do you honestly think you can just get over a heart break that easily? Most people come here to seek refuge from the world when they no longer want to turn to anyone else in real life because they're afraid of being ridiculed and now you're just reaffirming many of those feelings. I don't understand it, why are you in this forum? This is a give and take forum, you reassure/help/give advice to someone with hopes of being reassured and etc. Where have I attacked her? My intent towards her has not been out of ill-will but to help her. I didn't spend time going through all her threads to make her feel bad but to help her see the cycle she has put herself in and to remind her of what her reality has been for the past 4 months. Fluo is right in that sometimes I am too logical and that is because my stance is from a very unemotional point of view, specifically when I see someone keeping themselves stuck in a bad situation for far too long. Barrio is one of them. This when I want to knock clear sense into them. No one is forcing ideals. We're providing an outsider's view of her situation. She came here for help, she gets it. I know when to coddle, comfort and say it like it is. If a poster doesn't like it then I would be more than happy to step back but if the advice is welcomed, then I don't understand why you're all knotted up. This thread is about Barrio and I won't hijack it with this nonsense. Good luck to you in your own journey.
geegirl Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 thank you guys(: i really appreciate it. do you guys think he will ever realize what he did? all i wanted was an apology and for him to care. do i keep looking for him? oh and i am getting a new phone in march, should i text him and let him know my new # or never contact him again? help I don't know if he will realize it Barrio. Sometimes when you've detached emotionally, it's less likely for someone to actually find self awareness, in the sense of going back and unveiling what went wrong. Maybe he will one day and maybe he won't. Never wait for an apology. If it comes to you, accept it. I know when I was hurt I wanted an apology so badly and to me that was the only way for me to forgive and move on. It took him a long time but by then I had already found it within myself to forgive him and let it go. You have to find that within yourself. You cannot hope or wait for it. We all want them to care but it's something that you have no control over. Feelings change. Needs change. People change. Nothing is ever a guarantee. Waiting for someone to care for you is you placing your control in someone else's hands. The only person that you can depend on is yourself. That care and love you need should come from YOU and not from anyone else. You want him to validate you so badly that you would literally squeeze it out of him if you could. You can't force someone to love you. We've all been through that. You don't look for him anymore. If you want to spend the rest of your months chasing him to love you, you can. But you know better than to continue the same cycle. Again, read your threads. Nothing has changed. NC is the only way you will get out of this. Getting a new phone is a blessing. If you don't give him your number, you won't be staring at it every two seconds. It's draining to live that way. Do you want to live that way? Or do you want to go through your days at some point, not caring about digging into your bag, heart racing, hoping to see his number only to be disappointed when the screen is blank? Try to visualize all the scenarios in your head. Visualize what breaking NC would mean and the aftermath, etc. You have to break this cycle. Come here and ask for advice on how to move on. Step by step, people here will help you move forward. Keep looking at your list of threads everytime you want to repeat a bad pattern. You must break this cycle.
Glove_slap Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Fluorescent, if someone is in desperate need of guidance do you tell them what you can or do you create a record of all the posts they've made and slowly disregard them as something close to pathetic? I know I'm being hard on them but the advices I've gotten from posters like Wilsonx in a way saved my sanity because not only are they logical but EXTREMELY helpful because they answer the question without ridiculing you. In most cases on loveshack, people are well aware that they make a lot of posts. We're all looking for answers when we have our hearts broken and I think this is one of the best places to find answers because so many different people have gone through so many different things.
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