wildgeese Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 A little background before I begin: The boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and a half. In August of this past year, he moved to a city about 9 hours away for work and that's when we became long distance. Our relationship has only grown stronger and our LDR has been relatively bump-free (other than missing the hell out of each other). Before he moved we alternated staying at each other's houses; I doubt we spent more than a day or two at our respective homes without the other. We lived together briefly before he moved because of leases and things being out of sync, and that time was probably about three weeks altogether. Like I said, very brief. I am going to be making the move to be with him at the end of May. I feel solid in my decision and it was agreed on mutually. It just makes the most sense since his job is more of a career whereas I am still transitioning. We're incredibly lucky that one of my parents already lives in that state, I actually really like and would love to live in that particular city, and that I haven't put down any roots in a job yet. I guess I'm just starting to get nervous about living with someone for the first time in general, especially in a new city. I'm absolutely crazy about my boyfriend and I feel like we have a good handle of who the other person is. We're realistic people, we have a common communication/confrontation style, we've traveled together, we've seen each other sick, we've seen each other grumpy, etc. He's my best friend and we certainly see a future together. A part of me knows that we're going to fine and to just relax about it all. But then another part thinks about how common it is for people to move in together and then split just months later. Maybe I just need some sound advice for living with a partner? Especially if anyone has moved for their partner? I'm incredibly new to all of this! And starting to get nervous. Since I know most people will ask this: our ages when moving in together will be 23 and 24.
folieadeux Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I think it's all par for the course to be a little anxious about moving in with a new partner (LD or not). You already have a huge leg up, though. Having a parent already living in the area and already having lived with your SO previously will be a big help. Every couple has their rough patches, even those that have lived together for years...that's just the way it is. I'll be relocating to be with my fiance around that same time too and, apart from him, I know no one there but his parents, a few of his friends and a client from work. But I couldn't be happier and am very willing to take the risk because in long distance situations, we really don't have a choice. You start out going into it that one or both of you will be moving otherwise there won't be a relationship. As the date fast approaches, the only thing I can say that makes me a bit nervous is the issue of space. My SO and I have never lived together and have been long distance for the duration of our relationship (almost two years). I know there will be an adjustment period for the both of us because we'll be going from seeing each other on visits every few months to being married, living together and seeing each other every day. It's a wonderful feeling don't get me wrong, but at the same time, it can all get a bit overwhelming at times! Things will settle down though, as they will for you too. Enjoy the last few months of countdowns, living on your cell phone/webcam, missing each other, living in cars/airport terminals and all that other stuff we can't wait to rid our lives of forever.
Author wildgeese Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 You're absolutely right, folieadeux. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and anxious about change, but I know that it's the best possible thing for us and I honestly am so excited to live with my best friend. I guess I just need some advice on how to be a good live-in partner and not just a roommate! I'll have to hit up some of my coupled-up friends. I let him in on my fears and he laughed (in that adorable way of his!) and reassured me. Thank god for having a supportive partner. I'm so glad you're also taking the risk and doing it with such courage! We only have a few more months to wait now.
erika2610 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I just moved in with my long distance boyfriend after a year, and I had no idea what an adjustment it would be! Neither one of us had lived with anybody before, and were so set in our ways. It was not easy at first, but it did gradually get better to the point that we learned to compromise. We were so used to doing things our own way, and over time realized that we had to work together if things were going to work. I was so overwhelmed when we moved in together - I had barely ever been away from home in my 30 yrs., and lived in the same town my whole life. Moving 1200 miles away from everything and everybody I know was the biggest thing I have ever done, but it has been the most rewarding. And you have one leg up because one of your parents already lives there! Two of the biggest things we have learned - "pick your battles" and compromise. Congrats and I hope it all works for you!
folieadeux Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) You're absolutely right, folieadeux. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and anxious about change, but I know that it's the best possible thing for us and I honestly am so excited to live with my best friend. I guess I just need some advice on how to be a good live-in partner and not just a roommate! I'll have to hit up some of my coupled-up friends. I let him in on my fears and he laughed (in that adorable way of his!) and reassured me. Thank god for having a supportive partner. I'm so glad you're also taking the risk and doing it with such courage! We only have a few more months to wait now. Thanks! I know it's so close now it's unreal. I've started cleaning up and packing...that helps distract me from stressing about it too much haha. For me, I don't even think asking people who just moved in together would help because none of them were in LDRs. The dynamic is just SO different with our situation. No one truly understands unless they've been through it. My SO is also my best friend and I've always gotten along better with men in general so I'm hoping that the adjustment period won't be too bad for us. Edited February 8, 2012 by folieadeux
Avis Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 Hi guys, I've moved in with my SO 6 months ago now, we were long distance 2.5 years before that and frankly this forum was a big support to me all those years We settled down in the country that neither of us was native to, or ever lived in, so I left my country and he moved from where he was. To make it even funnier, we started a business together I have to tell you guys, that was the best decision I've ever done. I've never been happier in my life. I have to add though, we are both quite mature (especially my SO - he's 39 now, I am 32). We've moved around a few times in our lives before (this is my third move, for him it's his 4th country) so the adjustment wasn't really a problem. Love conquers all. There's Internet to stay in touch with friends, there's planes to get you home if you miss it, there's English language to converse with people (for me anyway, English is not my first and it helped me big time I can speak it). So shake your fears off, your move is SOOOO worth it! You'll be just fine. 3
Gottman Institute Posted February 16, 2012 Posted February 16, 2012 I agree with some of the previous comments. I think it's normal to feel nervous about all the change that is taking place in your life. One recommendation I have is to try to form your own network and make your own friends quickly. It can be hard on a relationship when you both don't have your friends and your own space. It's fine to have overlap... but try not to rely solely on his network and his friends.
folieadeux Posted February 17, 2012 Posted February 17, 2012 Hi guys, I've moved in with my SO 6 months ago now, we were long distance 2.5 years before that and frankly this forum was a big support to me all those years We settled down in the country that neither of us was native to, or ever lived in, so I left my country and he moved from where he was. To make it even funnier, we started a business together I have to tell you guys, that was the best decision I've ever done. I've never been happier in my life. I have to add though, we are both quite mature (especially my SO - he's 39 now, I am 32). We've moved around a few times in our lives before (this is my third move, for him it's his 4th country) so the adjustment wasn't really a problem. Love conquers all. There's Internet to stay in touch with friends, there's planes to get you home if you miss it, there's English language to converse with people (for me anyway, English is not my first and it helped me big time I can speak it). So shake your fears off, your move is SOOOO worth it! You'll be just fine. Thank you so much for posting; I can't tell you how inspiring (and comforting!) it is to hear others that have successfully bridged the gap! Afterall, the story isn't over after the move. I wish you both the very best.
Author wildgeese Posted March 16, 2012 Author Posted March 16, 2012 It seems like I've begun to move past my "nervous-as-all-heck" phase into my "excited-as-all-heck" phase! I could shout about how happy and excited I am. We're down to me moving in about 9 weeks, which means we only have 8 weeks apart left since I'll be spending a week with him in April. I've never felt more confident about our future together. He's been so encouraging and understanding about how nervous I get over new situations (I have some social anxiety issues I'm working out) and it's so nice to know he's counting down the exact days too. I may be guilty of already starting to clean out my current home. 1
Aidenwood Posted March 17, 2012 Posted March 17, 2012 Maybe you and your significant other have talked about for a long time. Or maybe it’s been a thought brewing in your head for the past week, and you want to approach the topic with your partner. Whether at the beginning or dating long distance for years, eventually closing the distance makes it way into a discussion. ____________________________ Asian girls for dating Asian dating and singles Asian dating and single sites
folieadeux Posted March 18, 2012 Posted March 18, 2012 It seems like I've begun to move past my "nervous-as-all-heck" phase into my "excited-as-all-heck" phase! I could shout about how happy and excited I am. We're down to me moving in about 9 weeks, which means we only have 8 weeks apart left since I'll be spending a week with him in April. I've never felt more confident about our future together. He's been so encouraging and understanding about how nervous I get over new situations (I have some social anxiety issues I'm working out) and it's so nice to know he's counting down the exact days too. I may be guilty of already starting to clean out my current home. I've already started clearing out things too; it's never too early in my book (and seriously helps pass the time)! I go through waves of being anxious and being excited too, and today is definitely one of my "excited" days as well. Literally the only thing we're waiting on is the house. As soon as we find a place to live, I can finally move down. At this stage, it's all getting very daunting and I just want to leave already. We got approved for our mortgage, but there's just not a whole lot on the market right now. I'm really glad to hear your SO is being so supportive through everything and is counting down the days right along with you!
shorty7 Posted March 20, 2012 Posted March 20, 2012 I honestly am so excited to live with my best friend. I guess I just need some advice on how to be a good live-in partner and not just a roommate! Standard roommate issues apply regardless of SO/romantic relationship or not. Have you ever tried living with a best friend (girl/guy, doesn't matter)? It usually doesn't work out because most of the times, friend expectations and living habitat expectations differ very drastically. on that note: Two of the biggest things we have learned - "pick your battles" and compromise. ^ THIS. Seriously. I'd add "respect" to that list. Anyhow, congrats on closing the distance! I'm sure you can't wait!
Author wildgeese Posted April 1, 2012 Author Posted April 1, 2012 Standard roommate issues apply regardless of SO/romantic relationship or not. Have you ever tried living with a best friend (girl/guy, doesn't matter)? It usually doesn't work out because most of the times, friend expectations and living habitat expectations differ very drastically. on that note: ^ THIS. Seriously. I'd add "respect" to that list. Anyhow, congrats on closing the distance! I'm sure you can't wait! I appreciate all of the advice I can get. I've lived with close friends over the years and some have worked out while others haven't. The negative experiences typically happened because nothing was talked about. My partner and I been very forthcoming with what we're anxious about and hopefully we continue to have that open communication. I'm over the moon excited!
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