malibustacydoll Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I am friends with this guy and trying to determine what his intentions are. Perhaps I am vastly overthinking the situation but I would really like an outside input. We are both students and in the same department. I will try to lay it out simply and easily with the facts here for everyone. Please let me know what you think! Reasons to think he is interested: We have been very close almost since I met him. We do a lot of activities together including many meals, drinks, coffee, movies, overall hanging out. (The vast majority of the time these are alone- just him and I.) We talk practically on a daily basis—whether online, on the phone or hanging out—typically hours at a time. He often confides in me about a variety of things within his life. He went back to his country recently for several weeks and made great effort to keep in contact with me. He also brought me back several gifts—including jewelry. We have had some forms of affection although it seems like I have to initiate them or bring up wanting them and he often seems awkward about it. He has said he likes me but not in what context. He seems to always want me around/to hangout/ to talk. We plan doing things together in the short-term future. He asks me about my future plans and mentions some of his hopes/dreams to me. He wants me to visit his country and has mentioned me “going away with him”. We have a lot of the same mutual friends/fellow classmates/colleagues—and if we came out as “dating” a lot of drama would ensue. I don’t want this drama and I wouldn’t want to tell anyone for a long time anyway—but I’d like to know if we’re heading down the dating route. Reasons he might not be interested: When we first met I was in a serious-long term relationship. I am no longer in that relationship although am temporarily still living with the ex. Perhaps he allowed out friendship to grow because it was safe and now things are just awkward? When we were cuddling the other day before things went farther he used the phrase “I don’t want to hurt you”. (note: things did not go farther then and I refuse to without any sort of commitment.) He claims because he is not sure how long he will be here study/what job he will take/where the road will take him. He travels a lot. I have laid out my intentions to him. He knows that I am interested in him. He seems to be okay with moving forward physically but does seem to avoid talks of any sort of labels. I think he likes things to just be—not to talk about or analyze them. Yet, in my mind makes me think if he was actually that interested he’d want to make sure he “had” me. He seems to not be a very emotional person at all. I am very much in touch with feelings and emotions. I am also extremely affectionate. I believe when the door to kissing/hugging/cuddling is opened—that passion should ensue! He even asked in the past why people like hugging—that he just doesn’t get it—with the way he lives his life he has not had need for this. That door seems to have been opened but he seems awkward about it. I can’t determine if he’s hesitant because he’s not interested or he’s just feeling awkward about all of the other variables at play. I help him out a lot because this isn’t his home country—he doesn’t know the area—etc. Sometimes I wonder if in the end he is just using me. We are quite a bit apart in age difference and not to mention the cultural differences. Thank you for reading-- please let me know what you think:love: Could this just be a case of "he's just not that into you" ??!
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Anyone care to offer advice? Am I stressing out over nothing or is there reason to assume he just isn't that into me?
FitChick Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Which country is he from? His culture and background would influence his choices. If he's from the Middle East, I doubt you'd have a future. If he was from Scotland, things would look more promising.
neowulf Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 You could always just lay one on him and see what happens. Look, I know that sounds forward (possibly a little scary) but someone has to take that leap and it seems like he's not willing or able too. That could mean one of two things; He's too afraid to actually open up and make a move on you. Or He likes you as a "proxy" girlfriend, for companionship without having to worry about a real "relationship". Instead of worrying about what he thinks or how he feels, ask yourself this.. "Do I want more from my relationship with this man". If the answer is "yes", then go out somewhere, dress yourself in the way you would if you were going on a *real* date and when the time comes.. kiss him. That's it. He'll either return your affection.. or he won't. In either case, you'll have your answer. In these cases, thinking is pointless. Actions count. Not words. Not thoughts. Good luck!
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Which country is he from? His culture and background would influence his choices. If he's from the Middle East, I doubt you'd have a future. If he was from Scotland, things would look more promising. He's European. We don't have any "language" issues in terms of communication-- if anything it's more generational and he's more old fashioned about things.
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 Looks promising. He's doing a lot of fun and sociable activities with you. I only do the most fun and sociable activities with women I am interested in. Otherwise, if I don't care for anything long-term, I just go out to movies, eat out, and sex on the couch (after or during a movie).
Author malibustacydoll Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 You could always just lay one on him and see what happens. Look, I know that sounds forward (possibly a little scary) but someone has to take that leap and it seems like he's not willing or able too. That could mean one of two things; He's too afraid to actually open up and make a move on you. Or He likes you as a "proxy" girlfriend, for companionship without having to worry about a real "relationship". Instead of worrying about what he thinks or how he feels, ask yourself this.. "Do I want more from my relationship with this man". If the answer is "yes", then go out somewhere, dress yourself in the way you would if you were going on a *real* date and when the time comes.. kiss him. That's it. He'll either return your affection.. or he won't. In either case, you'll have your answer. In these cases, thinking is pointless. Actions count. Not words. Not thoughts. Good luck! Ready for this one? We have kissed! So.. within the last week we were talking (not in person) and I made it known I wanted to kiss him. The next time we hungout at the end of the night he kissed me. The next day I saw him and no kissing-- I made a comment a day later about how must not like it/etc. Usually when I first kiss a new guy-- that opens the door to a lot of kissing/affection. He's weird with emotions and affection. I feel connection when we kiss but I'm not sure he does. I almost feel like now he is doing it out of an obligation because he knows I want it-- and not necessarily that he's interested-- if that makes sense. We have kissed at the end of nights since then. Since we have been friends he has been "cold" in a lot of ways-- so it's hard for me to determine how much of this is just how he is versus if it's in anyway because of me. I feel like he knows I want more. I don't know if him stating he doesn't want to hurt me or not being into labels is just his way of saying he isn't that interested in being serious? I don't know if it's because of all the factors at play being classmates/coworkers, age difference, me being out of a long term relationship (still living with ex), cultural issues, and him not being sure how long he will be around is the issue or if it's me.
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