huskers11 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 If any of you have read about my past relationships, especially within the past 4 months, I am terrible at dating. I get into things way too fast, get attached easily, come off as clingy or desperate, over text, and freak out when things go wrong. I entered counseling, it's only been about a month, but it seems to be helping. So.. I met this new guy week and a half ago.. I tried to change my MO this time. I wasn't texting half as much, more going off what he did. We went on, what I thought, was a great date. Got sushi then hung out at his place for 3 or 4 more hours. I met his roommates, which they knew a little about me, and just talked. He invited me to go play pool the next night with his cousins, I met him through one of his cousins. Well he kind of blew me off. Then on Friday, I heard from his cousin that he thought I didn't like him. So I texted him telling him I liked him and wanted to take things slow. This conversation got really weird and at the end it seemed like it was more of a miscommunication than anything and like we had it straightened out. Well I hadn't spoken to him since(he did tell me once he wasn't a good texter). So last night, I texted him asking, kind of last minute, to go to a movie. He replied with, "I like the offer but Mondays my big day and I have to study for a test but hit me up this week sometime." so I replied with "I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you don't seem overly intersted.. So if you actually are, you're going to have to make the move! But good luck on your test.. I hope you do great! :)" Well in my head I made the Friday conversation to be big deal but I realize it wasn't. I've been really stressed with nursing school, work, finances, and everything so that was kind of the last straw and I panicked. I spent most of the weekend in like a constant anxiety attack(I get them occasionally). I have tendency to over worry about things.. Although, I don't think he was aware of any of it but that's why I told him he had to make the move. Plus I'm trying to break the habit of chasing guys who aren't worth it. I guess I'm just curious from a guys point of view, did I self sabotage here? My gut says yes and it's over but I've also been in a really weird funk for the past 2.5 days so my judgement probably isn't the best. I'm just trying to take it easy and see what happens but I am curious.
ShannonMI Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 If any of you have read about my past relationships, especially within the past 4 months, I am terrible at dating. I get into things way too fast, get attached easily, come off as clingy or desperate, over text, and freak out when things go wrong. I entered counseling, it's only been about a month, but it seems to be helping. So.. I met this new guy week and a half ago.. I tried to change my MO this time. I wasn't texting half as much, more going off what he did. We went on, what I thought, was a great date. Got sushi then hung out at his place for 3 or 4 more hours. I met his roommates, which they knew a little about me, and just talked. He invited me to go play pool the next night with his cousins, I met him through one of his cousins. Well he kind of blew me off. Then on Friday, I heard from his cousin that he thought I didn't like him. So I texted him telling him I liked him and wanted to take things slow. This conversation got really weird and at the end it seemed like it was more of a miscommunication than anything and like we had it straightened out. Well I hadn't spoken to him since(he did tell me once he wasn't a good texter). So last night, I texted him asking, kind of last minute, to go to a movie. He replied with, "I like the offer but Mondays my big day and I have to study for a test but hit me up this week sometime." so I replied with "I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you don't seem overly intersted.. So if you actually are, you're going to have to make the move! But good luck on your test.. I hope you do great! :)" Well in my head I made the Friday conversation to be big deal but I realize it wasn't. I've been really stressed with nursing school, work, finances, and everything so that was kind of the last straw and I panicked. I spent most of the weekend in like a constant anxiety attack(I get them occasionally). I have tendency to over worry about things.. Although, I don't think he was aware of any of it but that's why I told him he had to make the move. Plus I'm trying to break the habit of chasing guys who aren't worth it. I guess I'm just curious from a guys point of view, did I self sabotage here? My gut says yes and it's over but I've also been in a really weird funk for the past 2.5 days so my judgement probably isn't the best. I'm just trying to take it easy and see what happens but I am curious. Texting him what you text him about him making the move if he is interested wasn't a good thing to do. It's fine you aren't chasing this guy because girls that chase are a bit pathetic, but you should have just let him make a move on his own. You didn't need to TELL him to make a move. If he's interested, he'll pursue you.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 You know whenever I hear "You're going to have to work for it" or "earn it" that's just too much of an invitation to come forward, and it's just not a good move for a woman...It makes it seem like you have men on the line and it's a competition...kinda like that game at the Carnival where you shoot the wall in the hole to make the horses race! For me as a confident guy, that just makes me try less or even altogether give up as I'm not interested in games. I think you need to let things just flow, you have to stop worrying that you need to pressure or guy or stay in his face in order to like you or "make a move". You need to just be confident in yourself and be nonchalant as If the guys company is nice but you're not addicted or sucked into him. Guys like to get the impression (at least for me) that you're not easy/clingy type. They don't want just another girl that's ready to ride another guy into the night and hope that he magically falls in love with her and her vagina (even if you didn't act like this, it's how we can see it) because sometimes women act like you have to pay the toll keeper after the fact...If that makes any sense. Anyway, just stay neutral, never push it or apply pressure. If they guy likes you then he'll come after you, he'll be nervous, he'll ask you questions and try to make conversation...you don't have to try hard, you're a woman for god's sake! I know, I know...but really, they will...you've got to know your self-worth and build yourself up before you really start dating IMO, because otherwise you don't know what's good for you or bad, It's like you have a price tag that has no amount...just depends on the guy and the situation...and when that's the case you can bet that a guy is going to want it for as cheap as he can get it. You've gotta change everything you know and do about dating, and it's got to start with knowing who you are and what you need and want, and be strong enough to push away men that don't meet that standard. And there will always be another man, I promise you that.
veggirl Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Yeah, sorry that was a bad last text. At this point, your best bet is to lay looooow. Don't be the next to initiate contact. If he DOES contact you and ask you out, I think you have a little damage control to do. I know you said you are in counseling and it's helping, but it doesn't sound like it is from this story, sorry I think you should take a longer break from dating. A month is nothing...you need longer.
turt Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 I probably wouldn't respond after getting that message! You should try to apologize or something similar.
FitChick Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 I know you said you are in counseling and it's helping, but it doesn't sound like it is from this story, sorry . Conventional therapy isn't very good at changing behavioral patterns like hers because she is being "run" by her core beliefs, which have to be eliminated. Then she will automatically do the right thing. No effort involved. Really! Lefkoe Method, baby!
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