The big "Weight" issue in dating...

[Ninjainpajamas]

Living in the good ole United States of America, with obesity seemingly on an overwhelming rise it appears that it's going to be a hot topic for some generations to come.

 

My stance on it has always been...you either want to lose weight bad enough to do it, or you'd rather eat and at least be happy with the way you are and don't bitch about it. It's your body, your life.

 

However with that being said, it's something actually quite hard to ignore in the dating world, and it doesn't seem to ever take a back seat, at some point or another it's going to come up and be a topic.

 

It seems like most people would rather bitch about it...especially when it comes to dating and you frequently see comments on dating sites about determining their "weight class" and people saying "curvy" when they're 350 pounds or how they don't want to be judged on the outside but what's on the inside, blah blah blah.

 

Which leads me to my biggest gripe...

Why do "overweight" people expect not to be judged for their weight?

 

It seems to be ok to judge people by their income, job title, living situation, smile, height, but whatever you do, don't judge me because I'm fat!

 

It seems like somehow I'm supposed to have a conversation with my penis and explain to him how great of a person, nice and great of a heart you have and how I and other men should not be so harsh ::while scolding my penis with my finger:: and that you should force yourself to get hard because although you're not doing anything wrong, you should feel like a bad person and MAKE or CONDITION yourself to liking undesirable and unattractive fat, that you find very unappealing as If someone was telling you to do something that you felt a little repulsed doing.

 

And this goes the same for women, I've known a lot of "big" guys who want these little stick girls that are half their size and yet they wonder why the girl isn't interested...I mean that can't be all the appealing seeing a sausage hanging out in a lathery mess of fat and rolls with a patch of pubic hair signifying the location of the reproductive happy organ.

 

How is desirable to people? And why are people who are not attracted to something that is clearly undesirable scorned upon and made out to be shallow and selfish human beings instead of healthy people with 20/20 vision or somewhere close to it?

 

And you know what I'm tired of hearing people say as well "Well it's not like men don't get all fat either wah wah waaaah". You know what? then go with that guy! you can be happy together! Why are you pushing men who are clearly not that guy? people who don't find themselves attractive being overweight not just you which everyone makes it out to be like?

 

Conclusion:

 

I'm not saying that we should all be judgmental and criticize each other, two people should meet out of mutual attraction and interest. However I'm way over this "see me for who I am on the inside" crap, just because someone's deal breaker is "fat people" and your deal breaker is "short guys", "uneducated", "unattractive" yet for some reason you think that you should be able to shun the that guy without having to feel shallow while you're expecting Mr. Hotty over there to come and play with your dough. Or Ms swim suit model to come over there and chill on your beer belly and twiddle your man trail with her tongue.

 

I'm tired of the excuses, I'm tired of the "Why won't anyone date me?" when you weigh more than most of the guys/girls you are after and they are good looking and in shape, I mean c'mon get real. Anyone who had a perfect body and great looks would never settle for anything less and that's the bottom line, and IF they did it would be more likely because they're insecure than just attracted to that type.

 

If anything it's a incompatibility because;

 

A) Someone in shape or eats healthy is not going to "motivate" your life style, It'll just be like every other failed diet. Motivation has to come from you.

 

B) No you can't lose 50 pounds and starve yourself so that you can get in shape then balloon after you are in a relationship with a person then blackmail them for not loving you because it's what they signed up for

 

C) You'd likely be more interested in lounging on a couch all day and watching tv at the end of the day instead of hiking up a trail, riding a bike, or going to the gym...because being in shape or close to it takes effort and is a lifestyle..not a book you read or a diet you follow for two months

 

D) You're probably a foodie and will likely fatten up said skinny person, then you'll both in trouble and more overweight, then you'll both be sad and depressed while carving out a carton of icecream!

[ditzchic]

Coming from a former fat chick, I never really understood this line of thinking either. Of course I knew I was being judged. And it's ok that I was. When you wear your emotional baggage on the outside, which I really think is why most obese people are obese, people are going to notice and they will judge accordingly. And honestly, I was in no place for serious dating when I was that big. I kind of knew in the back of mind that anyone who wanted the mess that was me at the time was really not dating material anyway.

 

I have some friends who are bigger that don't get it. They think that guys should just overlook their bodies date them for what's inside. Sometimes I really want to open my mouth and tell them "Hey your outside is the biggest reflection of your inside." But I know how bad that would hurt so I could never.

[Emilia]

 

I have some friends who are bigger that don't get it. They think that guys should just overlook their bodies date them for what's inside. Sometimes I really want to open my mouth and tell them "Hey your outside is the biggest reflection of your inside." But I know how bad that would hurt so I could never.

 

This is what I wanted to say as well but glad you said it first.

[stillafool]

What's funny is people saying they are curvy, yet they have no waistline at all. Being curvy involves having some sort of waistline that doesn't include fat and a protuding stomach.

[maysj18]

Its not shallow to find someone unattractive if they are clinically overweight, but its shallow to find someone who isn't a size two to be "fat". I don't think that is what you all are referring to at all, but I'm just throwing that out there.

 

I tend to feel the opposite about weight. I find skinny guys to be less desirable than chubby ones. I don't want to be on top and feel like I'm crushing them. I am well aware that they can't help it most of the time so I can usually overlook it; however, the most attractive men in my opinion have meat on their bones. My ex gained some weight towards the middle of our relationship, but he was a chem/math double major who was applying to medical school. Stress coupled with no free time to work out were the culprits, but I realized that weight wasn't important during that time. I was proud of him and never lost attraction.

 

I could never date an obese man or one smaller than me. I can, however, overlook slight weight issues if I like the person. I'm sure you all agree, so I'm not trying to say any of you are shallow or anything.

[USMCHokie]

Fantastic post.

[Emilia]

I think the OP specifically referred to significantly overweight people not those with a little extra. I agree on not being that keen on skinny men either, I don't mind lovehandles on a guy the slightest as long as he has muscles. Most people won't find extremes attractive though and I think that's fair enough.

[azsinglegal]

You're not allowed to use the word "fat" anymore. It's being removed from the English language.

 

Haven't you heard?

[KathyM]

There's nothing wrong with being attracted only to slender people, it's just that if you limit yourself to only that type when dating, you will be discarding 2/3rds of the population from your dating pool. A person isn't shallow for wanting a slender person or being attracted only to a slender person, they're just limiting their options quite a bit, that's all. A person isn't shallow for having a height preference, or a hair color preference, or any other preference that they find attractive in a person. It's only when that physical characteristic becomes the most important thing in what you are looking for in a dating partner, above all else, that I would consider to be shallow. I know beautiful, slender, women who have men who are just average looking because the man has other things going for him that make up for it. I also know slender, attractive men who are dating or married to chubby women because of all the other beautiful things about that woman. Maybe those men would have a preference that the woman be slender, but the other qualities of the woman has made her so desirable, that the bit of extra weight doesn't seem so important to them. I think it's unfortunate that the trend in America is to be overweight, but to shame these people and make them sound like low quality human beings just because they have that extra weight is not the right thing to do. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Weight is just a weakness that the majority of Americans have, that's all. But I would agree with you that trying to make being overweight out to be a good thing by calling it curvey is rather rediculous. It's like going from one extreme to another--instead of shaming a person, they are glamorized for it. Neither is right, IMO.

[Dust]

I would love for this country to be like others where people arn't all fat and out of shape. It's so refreshing to look around an have every women young enough to date you be hot for the most part.

 

Bottom line a person who is fat is no better then a person who isn't. Less healthy very posibly so. Has a struggle you can see yes.

 

I hate this society. A society that promotes zero physical activity and poison food.

 

Why arn't there bike paths and great side walks with shade and safety. You can't get around to most places safely unless you drive your car. Then the food. My government here subsidizes sugar industry in many different ways. They also help make animal product cheaper then plants... IT's sick. Then of course we're built to love this crap sweet, fatty, salty food. But just like we're built to love drugs it can become to much real fast. So we need to use our minds to adapt to our situation. Bottom line people a sheeple to want this government system and job system and life that has done this too us. More and more people will be fat if we continue down this path.

 

So no in shape people are no better then a sickly fat person. Healthy people are more attractive. Now when some on looks in shape they look healthy and there for sexy. As opposed to some one who looks like they can't walk properly or that they're fat they look sick.

 

I'm not attracted to fat people. I like curvey in shape girls. By that I don't mean some gym girl. I just mean a girl who's smart enough not to drink to much soda, beer, juic... what ever... knows to drink water. Some one who knows to have a majority of their diet be whole fruits and vegatables... instead of 90-100% proccesced crap and animal protein.

 

So yeah I'd love to go out and see a 30 year old woman and be like yum yum. Then see the 25 year old woman and go sexy sexy. Then hell even see the 16 year old girl and say to myself I feel dirty but shes hot!

 

But no I go out and see the fat 37 year old woman with her fatter 16 year old daughter and the 25 year old girl who looks kind of cute but like she's really strugling not to tip over into fat from a little too chubby. Then when I see just a normal girl next door type who doesn't have a fat face I'm like WOW!

 

Yep sad. But I still think its easy enough to get an attractive girl. Feel bad for guys who settle. Then again a lot of guys are complete losers so they are lucky all these fat women exist haha

 

I don't want to be on top and feel like I'm crushing them.

 

Oh god I so want to crush you!. Thanks for putting that picture in my head of you crushing small men cutie.

[verhrzn]

Shallow is not so much having a preference, like wanting your partner to be tall or skinnier. Shallow is defined as seeing ONLY the physical aspects of a person. Judging them ONLY by your physical preference, or drawing conclusions about their character from their outer appearance.

 

There are as many reasons that someone is fat as there are people. People struggle with their weight for very personal reasons, some relating to health, some relating to emotional issues. Some of them aren't struggling with their weight at all... they actually ARE fat and fit. But they may feel defensive or ashamed of their weight because society pounds into their brains that fat = unhealthy, leading to erosion of their confidence.

 

It isn't that people on dating sites don't want to be judged on their weight. It's that they are defensive that people look at them and see ONLY their size. Their weight becomes their only defining characteristic. We do judge people by their income, job, height, etc., but it's rarely the ONLY thing we use to come to our conclusion about the person. People don't look at a guy's profile and refer to him as "$24,000 a year." But people do look at overweight people's profiles and refer to them as "fat."

 

What people are complaining about is being judged by that one criteria, a criteria that also extends to judging not just someone's outer appearance but their character as well. Society looks at fat people, and says they're lazy/emotionally damaged/disgusting/unnatural. It's fine to have a preference, but when you start assigning characteristics to people based purely on what they look like, THAT'S when you slide into "shallow" territory.

 

It's the difference between me saying "Eh I'm not a fan of people with yellow hair," and me saying "Blonde people are disgusting and they should dye their hair because it's so ugly."

[azsinglegal]

There's nothing wrong with being attracted only to slender people, it's just that if you limit yourself to only that type when dating, you will be discarding 2/3rds of the population from your dating pool. A person isn't shallow for wanting a slender person or being attracted only to a slender person, they're just limiting their options quite a bit, that's all. A person isn't shallow for having a height preference, or a hair color preference, or any other preference that they find attractive in a person. It's only when that physical characteristic becomes the most important thing in what you are looking for in a dating partner, above all else, that I would consider to be shallow. I know beautiful, slender, women who have men who are just average looking because the man has other things going for him that make up for it. I also know slender, attractive men who are dating or married to chubby women because of all the other beautiful things about that woman. Maybe those men would have a preference that the woman be slender, but the other qualities of the woman has made her so desirable, that the bit of extra weight doesn't seem so important to them. I think it's unfortunate that the trend in America is to be overweight, but to shame these people and make them sound like low quality human beings just because they have that extra weight is not the right thing to do. Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Weight is just a weakness that the majority of Americans have, that's all. But I would agree with you that trying to make being overweight out to be a good thing by calling it curvey is rather rediculous. It's like going from one extreme to another--instead of shaming a person, they are glamorized for it. Neither is right, IMO.

 

So what if the trend in America is to be obese? Blame the food. Blame the media. But the fact is, being obese or overweight is a CHOICE. You can choose to go to McDonald's and super size your meal, or you can go to the grocery store and have a salad and sandwich with less than half the calories.

 

Weight isn't a weakness, it's a lifestyle choice. Playing the blame game won't make thin people accept their heavier counterparts.

 

You can't force someone to be attracted to overweight people because if not, they're limiting their dating choices. I say screw that. I don't find anything attractive about obesity. I don't find cellulite sexy. I don't find bellies that hang over a belt something that I want in a mate.

 

It's easier to accept your circumstances, blame everyone and anything else for being overweight than it is to do something about it. I get that.

 

Then whine and complain that you're not "accepted" for being obese and lazy. Ridiculous.

[zengirl]

It seems like most people would rather bitch about it...especially when it comes to dating and you frequently see comments on dating sites about determining their "weight class" and people saying "curvy" when they're 350 pounds or how they don't want to be judged on the outside but what's on the inside, blah blah blah.

 

Which leads me to my biggest gripe...

Why do "overweight" people expect not to be judged for their weight?

 

I don't think most overweight people (or people in general) 'expect' or feel entitled to people being attracted to them, if that's the question. I think they expect common courtesy, human decency, and to still be treated like a complete human being and not solely judged on their looks; I think that's what most people expect, regardless of size. People who are unattractive may also find it a harsh and sad reality that looks matter, but I don't think most people (exceptions exist, of course) feel entitled to someone else's attraction. And if anyone does, regardless of size or shape or looks, they're a jerk and an idiot.

 

I think the 'not being judged' comments often arise from people getting overly uppity about someone else's weight. Why do people feel that they have the right to comment on or criticize someone else just because of the way they look? Also, how is that productive? I do not think you have to be attracted to overweight people (I never was, FTR), but I do think you have to have some basic human courtesy not to criticize, berate them, or continually point out their weight. Truly overweight people generally know they're overweight, and they do not need your reminders, I'm sure.

 

If anything it's a incompatibility because;

 

A) Someone in shape or eats healthy is not going to "motivate" your life style, It'll just be like every other failed diet. Motivation has to come from you.

 

B) No you can't lose 50 pounds and starve yourself so that you can get in shape then balloon after you are in a relationship with a person then blackmail them for not loving you because it's what they signed up for

 

C) You'd likely be more interested in lounging on a couch all day and watching tv at the end of the day instead of hiking up a trail, riding a bike, or going to the gym...because being in shape or close to it takes effort and is a lifestyle..not a book you read or a diet you follow for two months

 

D) You're probably a foodie and will likely fatten up said skinny person, then you'll both in trouble and more overweight, then you'll both be sad and depressed while carving out a carton of icecream!

 

First of all, foodies are generally reasonably thin. Most foodies I know eat fairly healthy diets; you don't see a foodie eating McDonalds regularly, etc. Liking food is not necessarily code for being overweight! Many foodies I know are uber-healthy folks who eat locally grown, organic, appropriate portion-sized healthy meals more often than not. I wouldn't consider typical ice cream a foodie type food!

 

Second of all, these are all unnecessary judgments. No one is saying you have to be attracted to anyone in particular, but why feel the need to see an overweight person and assume you know their whole story? I think most overweight people who complain about being judged just want people to (a) shut up about their weight already -- they get it, (b) treat them like an individual and a whole person, not just like being overweight is their ONLY human characteristic, and © stop assuming specific judgement or assessing value judgments -- i.e. the person is lazy or eats only bad food or whatever -- based on their weight. I really don't see a lot of people saying they feel entitled to people being attracted to them, despite their weight.

 

FTR, I know people much larger than me (not 350 pounds or obese, mind you) who would probably be considered 'fat' by some who work out more and eat better. I'm a size 0 or 2, I eat what I want, I exercise 20min 5x or so a week, and that's about it. I have muscle definition and everything, but my friend who's a size 12 and exercises every single morning for at least an hour and then often again at night and eats almost entirely healthy meals is never going to be my size. It's not like you really CAN tell someone's story by looking at them, so why try? If you're not attracted, why worry about their weight at all?

Edited January 30, 2012 by zengirl

[verhrzn]

So what if the trend in America is to be obese? Blame the food. Blame the media. But the fact is, being obese or overweight is a CHOICE. You can choose to go to McDonald's and super size your meal, or you can go to the grocery store and have a salad and sandwich with less than half the calories.

 

Weight isn't a weakness, it's a lifestyle choice. Playing the blame game won't make thin people accept their heavier counterparts.

 

You can't force someone to be attracted to overweight people because if not, they're limiting their dating choices. I say screw that. I don't find anything attractive about obesity. I don't find cellulite sexy. I don't find bellies that hang over a belt something that I want in a mate.

 

It's easier to accept your circumstances, blame everyone and anything else for being overweight than it is to do something about it. I get that.

 

Then whine and complain that you're not "accepted" for being obese and lazy. Ridiculous.

 

Except you don't know what they're eating, how they're exercising, or what their lifestyle is by looking at them. You are creating a false dictomoy between obese <-> lazy.

 

The fact is, losing weight is f*ing hard if your body doesn't naturally regulate it. My ex literally ate nothing but pizzas, tacos, and Wendy's, and he's extremely lanky without hardly any exercise. Always has been. It's just his metabolism.

 

Compare that with me. For the past few months, I've been on an intense Paleo diet... no grains, no processed foods, no refined sugar. Nothing but protein, vegetables, and fruits with some dairy. I do weight lifting three times a week, martial arts twice a week, belly dancing once a week, on top of doing interval cardio before every weight lifting session. I drink maybe 3 cans of pop a week. Otherwise it's water with occasional whole milk.

 

And I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, my body fat percentage has stayed the exact same amount as it did from before I was eating healthy and exercising so much. Looking at my body, it's like nothing has changed. I am still fat and squishy.

 

I am in way better shape than a lot of the thin girls I see at the gym. But looking at me, you would have no idea that I can lift as much as I can, move as fast as I can.

 

By judging me entirely on my appearance, a guy would miss out on finding a girl who actually IS physically healthy, can keep up with him at the gym, and isn't in any way "lazy."

[ditzchic]

Shallow is not so much having a preference, like wanting your partner to be tall or skinnier. Shallow is defined as seeing ONLY the physical aspects of a person. Judging them ONLY by your physical preference, or drawing conclusions about their character from their outer appearance.

 

There are as many reasons that someone is fat as there are people. People struggle with their weight for very personal reasons, some relating to health, some relating to emotional issues. Some of them aren't struggling with their weight at all... they actually ARE fat and fit. But they may feel defensive or ashamed of their weight because society pounds into their brains that fat = unhealthy, leading to erosion of their confidence.

 

It isn't that people on dating sites don't want to be judged on their weight. It's that they are defensive that people look at them and see ONLY their size. Their weight becomes their only defining characteristic. We do judge people by their income, job, height, etc., but it's rarely the ONLY thing we use to come to our conclusion about the person. People don't look at a guy's profile and refer to him as "$24,000 a year." But people do look at overweight people's profiles and refer to them as "fat."

 

What people are complaining about is being judged by that one criteria, a criteria that also extends to judging not just someone's outer appearance but their character as well. Society looks at fat people, and says they're lazy/emotionally damaged/disgusting/unnatural. It's fine to have a preference, but when you start assigning characteristics to people based purely on what they look like, THAT'S when you slide into "shallow" territory.

 

It's the difference between me saying "Eh I'm not a fan of people with yellow hair," and me saying "Blonde people are disgusting and they should dye their hair because it's so ugly."

 

But when it comes to online dating it's largely a superficial and shallow game. It's like catalogue shopping. It doesn't matter if someone is overweight or perfectly normal weight or has 10% body fat and in great shape. People are looking at your pictures and judging them first and the content of the profile comes 2nd. If someone is sensitive or insecure about their looks, online dating is not the place to be.

 

At least in real life people have a little more to judge you on then what you look like in pictures. But something tells me the people who complain about being judged probably don't have the most stunning of personalities either...

[ditzchic]

Except you don't know what they're eating, how they're exercising, or what their lifestyle is by looking at them. You are creating a false dictomoy between obese <-> lazy.

 

The fact is, losing weight is f*ing hard if your body doesn't naturally regulate it. My ex literally ate nothing but pizzas, tacos, and Wendy's, and he's extremely lanky without hardly any exercise. Always has been. It's just his metabolism.

 

Compare that with me. For the past few months, I've been on an intense Paleo diet... no grains, no processed foods, no refined sugar. Nothing but protein, vegetables, and fruits with some dairy. I do weight lifting three times a week, martial arts twice a week, belly dancing once a week, on top of doing interval cardio before every weight lifting session. I drink maybe 3 cans of pop a week. Otherwise it's water with occasional whole milk.

 

And I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, my body fat percentage has stayed the exact same amount as it did from before I was eating healthy and exercising so much. Looking at my body, it's like nothing has changed. I am still fat and squishy.

 

I am in way better shape than a lot of the thin girls I see at the gym. But looking at me, you would have no idea that I can lift as much as I can, move as fast as I can.

 

By judging me entirely on my appearance, a guy would miss out on finding a girl who actually IS physically healthy, can keep up with him at the gym, and isn't in any way "lazy."

 

If what you are saying is true... You need to go to a Dr. and get a blood test.

[azsinglegal]

Except you don't know what they're eating, how they're exercising, or what their lifestyle is by looking at them. You are creating a false dictomoy between obese <-> lazy.

 

The fact is, losing weight is f*ing hard if your body doesn't naturally regulate it. My ex literally ate nothing but pizzas, tacos, and Wendy's, and he's extremely lanky without hardly any exercise. Always has been. It's just his metabolism.

 

Compare that with me. For the past few months, I've been on an intense Paleo diet... no grains, no processed foods, no refined sugar. Nothing but protein, vegetables, and fruits with some dairy. I do weight lifting three times a week, martial arts twice a week, belly dancing once a week, on top of doing interval cardio before every weight lifting session. I drink maybe 3 cans of pop a week. Otherwise it's water with occasional whole milk.

 

And I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, my body fat percentage has stayed the exact same amount as it did from before I was eating healthy and exercising so much. Looking at my body, it's like nothing has changed. I am still fat and squishy.

 

I am in way better shape than a lot of the thin girls I see at the gym. But looking at me, you would have no idea that I can lift as much as I can, move as fast as I can.

 

By judging me entirely on my appearance, a guy would miss out on finding a girl who actually IS physically healthy, can keep up with him at the gym, and isn't in any way "lazy."

 

There's always exception to the rule. But sorry, 90% of the people who are obese or overweight is because they're lazy.

 

You know this. I've been overweight too...why...because I was LAZY. It takes a lot of effort to lose weight and keep it off. Maybe you're not burning enough calories, maybe you're not doing exercise correctly to lose weight? Who knows...my point is, I'm tired of being told to ACCEPT obesity because of so much of the population is obese.

 

My post wasn't directed at one person in particular, I apologize if you took it that way.

 

Btw, stop the soda altogether...it's really bad for you. Did you see the video that a can of mountain dew dissolved a rat?

[Dust]

If what you are saying is true... You need to go to a Dr. and get a blood test.

 

You don't necesarily lose weight in just a few months unless you were very fat to begin with. A girl is also suposed be some what soft so her saying she is squishy doesn't mean much. Also I've seen pictures of the girl and shes not fat just crazy.

[ditzchic]

You don't necesarily lose weight in just a few months unless you were very fat to begin with. A girl is also suposed be some what soft so her saying she is squishy doesn't mean much. Also I've seen pictures of the girl and shes not fat just crazy.

 

I soooo did not call her fat. But you totally called her crazy! That's rude! She's not crazy. Just a little disillusioned by low self esteem.

 

But if I read her original post correctly, she said she started hardcore exercising like a month ago. An initial few pounds will fall off in a month when you start something new. Even if it's just like 2 lbs. Once your body gets used to it it starts getting harder to lose.

[KathyM]

So what if the trend in America is to be obese? Blame the food. Blame the media. But the fact is, being obese or overweight is a CHOICE. You can choose to go to McDonald's and super size your meal, or you can go to the grocery store and have a salad and sandwich with less than half the calories.

 

Weight isn't a weakness, it's a lifestyle choice. Playing the blame game won't make thin people accept their heavier counterparts.

 

You can't force someone to be attracted to overweight people because if not, they're limiting their dating choices. I say screw that. I don't find anything attractive about obesity. I don't find cellulite sexy. I don't find bellies that hang over a belt something that I want in a mate.

 

It's easier to accept your circumstances, blame everyone and anything else for being overweight than it is to do something about it. I get that.

 

Then whine and complain that you're not "accepted" for being obese and lazy. Ridiculous.

Yes, it is a lifestyle choice to be overweight. But why do people feel they have a right to shame people for making this choice for themselves? Thin people don't need to change what they find attractive. If they want to limit themselves to the top 20% of the dating pool, they certainly have that option--just don't expect that top 20% to be less ridged about what they find attractive either.

 

People don't have an obligation to conform to what society deems is attractive. They are making a choice for themselves, which is their right to do.

[ditzchic]

I don't find cellulite sexy.

 

Hey! A lot of perfectly healthy people and even people in really decent shape have cellulite!

 

Let she without dimples cast the first stone.

[azsinglegal]

Yes, it is a lifestyle choice to be overweight. But why do people feel they have a right to shame people for making this choice for themselves? Thin people don't need to change what they find attractive. If they want to limit themselves to the top 20% of the dating pool, they certainly have that option--just don't expect that top 20% to be less ridged about what they find attractive either.

 

People don't have an obligation to conform to what society deems is attractive. They are making a choice for themselves, which is their right to do.

 

Did you know that the #2 avoidable cause of death is obesity? (#1 is smoking).

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to feel sympathy for a group of folks that are the #1 reason MY healthcare costs are sky high. I'm also not going to date them just because if I don't I'm "limiting myself".

 

I suspect you are overweight, because you seem to come to the defense of the obese in every thread it pertains to. Now while I'm not judging you for that, I think you need to understand that from a non-obese point of view, that isn't a desired lifestyle or what I want in a partner. It feels sometimes that you are PUSHING that we must accept a partner that we might not find attractive because of their weight, just so we are not alone.

 

I'd rather be alone, than be with someone obese just because I have no other option.

[azsinglegal]

Hey! A lot of perfectly healthy people and even people in really decent shape have cellulite!

 

Let she without dimples cast the first stone.

 

I have it, and I don't find it sexy. That's why I don't wear shorts. Gets a little balmy when it's 120 outside.

[verhrzn]

There's always exception to the rule. But sorry, 90% of the people who are obese or overweight is because they're lazy.

 

You know this. I've been overweight too...why...because I was LAZY. It takes a lot of effort to lose weight and keep it off. Maybe you're not burning enough calories, maybe you're not doing exercise correctly to lose weight? Who knows...my point is, I'm tired of being told to ACCEPT obesity because of so much of the population is obese.

 

My post wasn't directed at one person in particular, I apologize if you took it that way.

 

Btw, stop the soda altogether...it's really bad for you. Did you see the video that a can of mountain dew dissolved a rat?

 

That's why YOU were fat, but that doesn't mean that's why OTHER people are fat. YOUR reason for being fat was that you were lazy, that doesn't mean that's what causes OTHER people to be fat. What is difficult about this concept? Being overweight/obese is different for every single person... for SOME people it's lazy, but for others, it could easily be they have a thyroid imbalance. Or they are taking medication that has a side effect of severe weight gain (anti-depressants and hormonal birth control, for example, can really drive your weight up.) They could have injured some part of their body and can't work out. They could be poor and subsiding on food stamps, which means the only food they can afford is the stuff at the grocery store loaded with salt and calories.

 

No one is asking you to be "accepting" of obesity. What we're asking is that you jettison the judgmental behavior towards those who suffer from obesity. Or at least educate yourself about the causes. There's tons of academic material out there showing that there was very complex social, economic, and personal reasons for weight gain, and there is not yet a "magic bullet" for treatment. Nope, not even the calories in/calories out spiel.

[FitChick]

Looks like poor people on food stamps will be slimming down in the future if more states follow Florida's lead. At last, common sense!

 

I don't care what anyone else eats or if they are fat. I am a libertarian. Do what you like but don't make me pay for it (or date it).