Is he or isnt he?

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No it just means I dont pigeon-hold folks to strict views of what "real men" and "real women" are supposed to be like some people. These things are objective and change with time anyways.

 

I have viewpoints that accept people for what and who they are, for the most part at least.

 

I don't pigeon hold people, I just accept people are dictated by their behaviour and their ways.

 

It's not like I'm saying " oh he's gay, how sad". No. The reason I asked is because I started this thread as a curious question; not for it to end up as a catfight between posters.

 

@Kaylan I accept the fact that I'm a hypocrite when it comes to dating bisexual people, I don't have a defense. I guess you can compare me to a smoker advising a non-smoker never to pick up a cigarette because it's bad for them.

 

My relationship was my first with a woman even though I have dated other girls, but I saw it as a learning process. I have came to find out some bi- female and male are not capable of remaining faithful. Or they feel like they need the best of both worlds thus compromising their lover in favor of an open relationship. If that's their preferred lifestyle, fine; I think there are worst things in the world than to chastise someone for having sex outside of a relationship. But it's not for me. So if you have to ask me if I want to date a straight man or a bi man, I would choose the former.

[gaius]

Dude, there could be a number of reasons hed likes to talk to her and maybe isnt into her. Just because a guy is single doesnt mean hes trying to bang every girl he simply talks to a bit. Give men some credit. Ive had some friendships where I just didnt cross that boundary because I felt itd kill a good friendship, or if I saw no future outside of a hook up, but still enjoyed spending time with the girl.

Its also possible hes keeping her at arms length because hes not ready to date. Like myself, right now a close chick friend would be nice, but dating would be kinda annoying and time consuming at the moment. My lifes too hectic at the moment for more than fwb quickie type deal.

It's not about wanting to bang her, it's about getting sexual validation from another person. It feels good even if you aren't interested! There are plenty of ways to have fun flirting and then gently shoot down the idea of a relationship if it ever comes up. At the very least you should flirt back to be polite. He wants all the normal attention over text he can get from her but none of the sexual? Doesn't make sense.

 

You really think he's at risk of ruining the friendship if he flirts with her? I don't, and none of your reasons seem to apply to this guy if he has the time to drive to jersey for dinner at her apartment.

 

Oh and since Ditz isn't around has any woman on this board every dated a guy as fem as Richard Simmons and found him to be a monster in bed? I'm pretty sure there are some guys who are desperate to tell the world they are gay even if they can't bring themselves to say it in English and he's one of them.

[kaylan]

It's not about wanting to bang her, it's about getting sexual validation from another person. It feels good even if you aren't interested! There are plenty of ways to have fun flirting and then gently shoot down the idea of a relationship if it ever comes up. At the very least you should flirt back to be polite. He wants all the normal attention over text he can get from her but none of the sexual? Doesn't make sense.

Sexual validation?

 

Not everyone feels validated having people they arent interested in flirting with them. I get nothing out of having girls I dont like end up being attracted to me. A lot of people are the same way.

 

Flirt back to be polite? Come on now. Now people need to show courtesy and flirt back with those they dont really want to flirt with? Get real.

 

Whats wrong if he wants normal attention from her without sexual attention. Maybe he just sees her as a friend. You know plenty of guys are capable of platonic friendships with women right?

 

I think you are being a little immature about this.

You really think he's at risk of ruining the friendship if he flirts with her? I don't, and none of your reasons seem to apply to this guy if he has the time to drive to jersey for dinner at her apartment.

Flirting doesnt risk the friendship. I never said that.

 

What comes after flirting risks it though. As a guy whos lost three good friends from complications of hooking up with them, Ive grown up and learned to weigh the pros and cons. I have also learned that its possible to have purely platonic friendships with some females.

 

All I said is that its a possibility he wants to take things at a slow pace and not rush things. Things can escalate real fast once flirting gets kicked up a notch. So dont be naive. We dont really know his reasons for not reciprocating with her though.

Oh and since Ditz isn't around has any woman on this board every dated a guy as fem as Richard Simmons and found him to be a monster in bed? I'm pretty sure there are some guys who are desperate to tell the world they are gay even if they can't bring themselves to say it in English and he's one of them.

Lolz @ Simmons.

 

Like I said earlier, just because a man or woman doesnt fit into what your view, my view, or societies view of how the genders should behave, shouldnt have bearing on how they view themselves.

 

If they are a little more or a little less masculine or feminine then what everyone thinks they should be...who the hell cares. Why judge and try to tell them they are something they dont believe themselves to be?

 

They are attracted to, and sleeping with, who they want. For you to tell them they should be sleeping with someone else based on how you perceive their behaviors is very childish.

 

Hell, I grew up in NYC and have seen it all. I say let people do their own thing, and I wont judge. Plus I went to a pretty liberal and accepting college. I dont have time to waste worrying about someones orientation. Thats for them to figure out.

[kaylan]

I don't pigeon hold people, I just accept people are dictated by their behaviour and their ways.

 

It's not like I'm saying " oh he's gay, how sad". No. The reason I asked is because I started this thread as a curious question; not for it to end up as a catfight between posters.

I was not specifically referring to you with the pigeon-hold comment.

 

Im not sure I understand what you mean by dictation of behavior and ways. I think you used the wrong verb. That or I am comprehending the statement incorrectly.

 

@Kaylan I accept the fact that I'm a hypocrite when it comes to dating bisexual people, I don't have a defense. I guess you can compare me to a smoker advising a non-smoker never to pick up a cigarette because it's bad for them.

I think its less hypocritical since you make the blade swing both ways by not dating either the men or women.

 

Thats different from the bi chicks ive known. They would date bi women, but not bi dudes for some reason.

 

Your view reminds me of Megan Fox's quote when she came out.

My relationship was my first with a woman even though I have dated other girls, but I saw it as a learning process. I have came to find out some bi- female and male are not capable of remaining faithful. Or they feel like they need the best of both worlds thus compromising their lover in favor of an open relationship. If that's their preferred lifestyle, fine; I think there are worst things in the world than to chastise someone for having sex outside of a relationship. But it's not for me. So if you have to ask me if I want to date a straight man or a bi man, I would choose the former.

Lol I wish you wouldnt tell me this about bi folks and their fidelity. Because I have tried very hard myself to get over my own hangups regarding potentially dating bi chicks. Some do need both worlds, but I understand that some dont. Im paranoid like you about this. And I wonder if its possible for a bi gal to want only me in a relationship. But you are bi yourself, so if you are capable of monogamy, wouldnt you think others are as well?

 

But like people told me in my thread, straight folks are the same way. Some cheat, some dont. Some want more than one partner, some dont. I try and drill that into my head just so I dont sabotage potential happiness if the next girl I fall for happens to be bi.

 

But like all things in life, just because some people suck, doesnt mean all people do. Hell if I let my bad experiences cast a bad light on a whole group, then I would have to turn myself completely off to Italian women. Hell, to be honest, Im very cautious about girls from Italian families after the drama Ive had with a couple in my life. But everyones different.

 

I dunno, if lifes taught me anything at all, its that the things that put us on edge the most, will take a main stage in our life at some point. When I shared this same insecurity with one of my friends, she told me "watch the next girl you really fall for is gonna be bi....and shes gonna challenge your insecurity" She was right. Oh wells.

 

I understand where you are coming from though.