purplepanda Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Okay so I hung out with this guy the other night, then went on a date the next night. He said I could go anywhere, so we ate at my favorite Mexican restaraunt. He's really sweet and kinda shy, a lot of girls have told him that they were breaking up for someone better looking, harsh. I think he's cute, though. Well he paid and stuff, but on the way ultimo the place his phone kept beeping. I put my phone on silent, cuz I didn't want to be rude, first date and all. He kept answering it during dinner.... kinda bothered me so I said who's that? "Heather." :/ heather is his ex girlfriend.. they broke up two weeks ago, but they were only dating for a couple weeks, otherwise I wouldn't have gone out with him so soon. His explanation was that she wanted to be friends... what the hell? Is this a dealbreaker?
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Of course it is.... IMO, there are good reasons or people that you might have to respond to via text at dinner.. one example might be a babysitter watching your kids.. etc etc.. maybe even work if you are on call. But... and old GF being texted during your first date at dinner... Dealbreaker.. never talk to him again.
Bridgey Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 This would be a deal breaker for me. It sounds like he isn't completely over her yet, otherwise he wouldn't have responded to her texts while on a date with you. He's probably just trying to keep his options open by going on dates with other girls, but isn't necessarily looking for anything serious.
carhill Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I wouldn't give such a person a second thought, and haven't. Basic human decency is in play. Exception: While I was caregiving, I needed to occasionally take emergency phone calls from my help or the facility, so would leave my phone on vibrate when out socializing and answer/return such calls.
phineas Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Of course it is.... IMO, there are good reasons or people that you might have to respond to via text at dinner.. one example might be a babysitter watching your kids.. etc etc.. maybe even work if you are on call. But... and old GF being texted during your first date at dinner... Dealbreaker.. never talk to him again. This! If it isn't the person watching my kids I don't answer when on a date. Unless it's family or close friend calling me more than once. Then I'll assume something is wrong. I once had a woman I was dating for a short while spend the entire date txting then when my phone beeped (i didn't even look at it) she wanted to know who was txting me. HUH? I didn't even care who she was txting. I didn't ask her out again.
shayla Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Dealbreaker? Oh yeah! If the man cannot resist texting during a one hour dinner, then yeah I'd never talk to him again.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 It just kinda show early on what this person is about, the level of respect, decency or even common sense. And that they just don't take you very seriously, since how many things are that important? He sounds like an idiot otherwise from what you've said about him so far, at least to me.
Stupid Girl Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 100% dealbreaker. How stupid is he??? You deserve better, panda!
ditzchic Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Dealbreaker. Especially if he was texting back. It's one thing to look and make sure it's not an emergency but to text back is jut ridiculous. Unless it's a babysitter or a sick relative, you should be the main thing on his mind on a date. Tell him good luck with his "friend" and move on.
Casablanca Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 The amount this person texted, yes, deal breaker. A quick check isn't going to bother me...I've know of women where their best friend will check up on them once in a while to make sure the guy they are with isnt a killer or something. I might look at mine on a first or second date and only respond if important. If they go to the bathroom or something I might send a message and I'm okay if they do....but if they send more than 3 or 4 I'll consider it a deal breaker because I'll take it that they're not very interested in me.
RecordProducer Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Hold on. Did he say the first time "Sorry, Heather, I am busy, Iwill talk to you later?" or did he keep texting back and forth? If the latter, then he is either a jerk or has no manners or is clueless about what's appropriate. In fact, since you liked him, I would actually tell him (IF he ever calls you) that you thought he was interesting (or whatever compliment you are willing to pay him), but that you were disappointed by his texting back and forth (I wouldn't even mention Heather). I'd be curious to see what he says.
Jane2011 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 I actually wouldn't mind a guy texting during dinner on a 1st or 2nd date as long as 1) it's just one or two return texts, and 2) he sort of explains it as he returns the text. Like, "It's my friend, Mike; he's seeing if I'm free tonight. I'm just answering him really quickly." It's somehow more uncomfortable if you don't know who they're texting to. Also, as I said, it obviously shouldn't be ongoing throughout dinner, to the point that they're neglecting being with you. I know for some people this is a really big deal, like the epitome of rudeness. I just don't think so. I mean, we're such a cell phone society now. I expect everyone I'm with, whether friends or a date, to receive texts and/or calls while I'm with them.
Jane2011 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 P.S. I think that what your date did was out of line.
Jane2011 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 The other reason why I'm okay with one or two texts on a 1st or 2nd date is that I like my dates to feel casual, like we're just hanging out, not like we're on a date. I'd still try not to text on a first or second date, and would hope the guy wouldn't either. I'm just saying it wouldn't bother me all that much if he did (in the manner described above).
ascendotum Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 The other reason why I'm okay with one or two texts on a 1st or 2nd date is that I like my dates to feel casual, like we're just hanging out, not like we're on a date. I'd still try not to text on a first or second date, and would hope the guy wouldn't either. I'm just saying it wouldn't bother me all that much if he did (in the manner described above). I'm okay with them taking a call, if its quickly dealt with or say sending a txt msg to their flatmate who cant find where say the band-aids are. Texting more than once and its out of line. Texting an ex or another friend of the opposite sex is out of line. Interupting your date to text back & forth with someone with a grin on your face over some private in joke is rude. I've had this happen. He should have ignored her txts. I'm surprised he mentioned it was his ex, and just didn't say it was someone else. Interupting your date to discuss things with your ex on your phone...real classy...Not!
silvermercy Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 (edited) EPIC, HUGE, GIGANTIC dealbreaker!! You shouldn't have to ask about it, I'm sure you already know. That's the epitome of rudeness (or perhaps stupidity, which is not a good character trait either). I would be extremely offended even if it was just a male friend or even his sister texting or calling. I think he has shown to have an air of low self-esteem with a need for validation. Maybe THAT'S the real reason why ALL his other ex gf's have left him (as you already found him cute, no?) The ugliness is in his behavior and this is a huge red flag. He's shown you his true colors early on, I suggest you move on and find someone who is not dumped constantly by other women and actually pays great attention to YOU on a date. I'm actually surprised you didn't leave him right then and there! I know I would!! Edited January 30, 2012 by silvermercy
zengirl Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Yes. I'm understanding -- I think it's fine if people check in on kids or work when they have to (with fair warning ahead of time that it might happen) -- because I have to check in with work some nights, no matter what I'm doing. But taking a text from an ex while on a date? No way is that acceptable. Neither is just bull****ting with a friend.
Jane2011 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 I'm okay with them taking a call, if its quickly dealt with or say sending a txt msg to their flatmate who cant find where say the band-aids are. Texting more than once and its out of line. Texting an ex or another friend of the opposite sex is out of line. Interupting your date to text back & forth with someone with a grin on your face over some private in joke is rude. I've had this happen. He should have ignored her txts. I'm surprised he mentioned it was his ex, and just didn't say it was someone else. Interupting your date to discuss things with your ex on your phone...real classy...Not! I agree. I stated in another post that what the OP's date did was out of line. Texting an ex several times on a 1st or 2nd date with a new person...crazy, absurd.
Emilia Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 He's really sweet and kinda shy, a lot of girls have told him that they were breaking up for someone better looking, harsh. I think he's cute, though. Maybe his social skills have been the issue rather than his looks
ShannonMI Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Okay so I hung out with this guy the other night, then went on a date the next night. He said I could go anywhere, so we ate at my favorite Mexican restaraunt. He's really sweet and kinda shy, a lot of girls have told him that they were breaking up for someone better looking, harsh. I think he's cute, though. Well he paid and stuff, but on the way ultimo the place his phone kept beeping. I put my phone on silent, cuz I didn't want to be rude, first date and all. He kept answering it during dinner.... kinda bothered me so I said who's that? "Heather." :/ heather is his ex girlfriend.. they broke up two weeks ago, but they were only dating for a couple weeks, otherwise I wouldn't have gone out with him so soon. His explanation was that she wanted to be friends... what the hell? Is this a dealbreaker? The texting is annoying and rude, but that isn't as much of a deal breaker as the fact he still talks to his ex. And while he's on a date with a new girl? Not cool!! I'd say adiós to this one.
veggirl Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 I actually wouldn't mind a guy texting during dinner on a 1st or 2nd date as long as 1) it's just one or two return texts, and 2) he sort of explains it as he returns the text. Like, "It's my friend, Mike; he's seeing if I'm free tonight. I'm just answering him really quickly." It's somehow more uncomfortable if you don't know who they're texting to. Also, as I said, it obviously shouldn't be ongoing throughout dinner, to the point that they're neglecting being with you. . Totally agree with this. If it's a quick one or two msg thing, okay, it happens. Not the epitome of politeness, but if they give a quick explanation and don't carry on a whole convo with the person on the other end of the phone, it's fine. The texting is annoying and rude, but that isn't as much of a deal breaker as the fact he still talks to his ex. And while he's on a date with a new girl? Not cool!! I'd say adiós to this one. MAJORLY THIS. Run, run, run! Curious how long the convo with Heather went on as well. Regardless OP, you aren't seeing him again..right?
blueskyday Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Text him, "I'm out of here. See ya!" Then leave. Really, I've only had this happen once on a date. After a bunch of texts back and forth, he looked up at me. I asked him if it was an emergency or something. (which I would understand, as everyone else already posted). He told me he was just "busy." I replied, "I understand. Think I will just head on and let you deal with your stuff." He chased me out of the restaurant. I gave him another chance, and he never did it again. So, I would mention it to someone once and then see what they do. But, yes, dealbreaker...so rude...NEXT!
RecordProducer Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I don't think she's an ex. Not in the sense that he's done with her and she's just a friend. I think he is trying to get back with her and meanwhile he's making her jealous in order to accomplish this goal.
peterstreet Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I've just had something similar. Wonder if you could help. I have been on 4 dates with a woman, and although she was a bit addicted to her phone, it wasn't really that bad. Here comes date 5 and we spent all day together. She spent a lot of time checking her phone and replying to tons of messages/facebook/bbm etc. I said I felt it was rude, and she said her friends and family come first. I have taken the view I should move on. Am I right?
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