SlevinKalebra Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Obligitory "sorry this is so long" I am a loan officer and one of our regular customers came in one week and was extremely flirtatious. I noticed she had moved her wedding ring from the ring finger to the middle and had rotated it so the diamonds were not showing. I stopped flirting right away and figured there was absolutely no way I was going to try to get anything going. Afterwards I talked to a female coworker who knows every customer's business and found out that my coworker had thought she was already working towards a divorce if not already doing the paperwork. She came in a few more times and we had a little light conversation which she steered towards feeling out questions, If I had kids etc... She was also very done up, she is absolutely gorgeous as is and more than that she has that certain look and mannerisms that are my type and drive me crazy. Anyway, mentioned one of my students (I teach women's self defense) had given me tickets to a comedy show and asked if she'd like to come along. Gave me an excited yes and we exchanged numbers. I called once and left a message... no call back, a few weeks later a text, again no response. A few days ago she called to check her balance and asked if I got her number when she sent it to me (right in the line at work) I said yes and explained I had tried to contact her and got no response so I deleted the number. The conversation was very normal and I was not being rude or short with her, in fact I was acting as though nothing had happened and I was just answering a customer's question. Her response was "Oh, well I have been thinking about you a lot and would like you to call me" she gave me her number again and I sent a text saying confirm you got this. she did, then another text saying "Although I am not single right now, I would like to keep in contact write or call anytime." responded with "You are a cool girl and seem like you would make a good friend so I'd like to stay in touch too." then invited her to join the self defense class, no response no further contact. I am definitely hung up on her, something that has not happened with me in years. I was going to ask her to go over my entrance essay, because she is a writer (reporter) and seems like a good way to try and make contact. Since my divorce I have not come across anyone that has even sparked an interest in me. I keep re-reading that text trying to figure out what it may mean. I don't want to blow the chance with her if it is there but I won't be strung along either. So... thoughts?
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Well, I usually don't play where I work but I guess for you this might be an exception or at least something to consider being that she's someone you'd be really interested in. I think since she's not done with her "situation" she probably doesn't have the freedom or extra time to contact you whenever she would like to and could be dealing with drama at home with the current hubby. I get the impression she want's you around when she comes out of this marriage officially, as to not complicate her current situation that only cause her problems. Which is why she came back and reassured you with her number and her interest. I wouldn't try to press the issue or demand a reaction from her, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad idea to keep you on her mind, she probably would reciprocate at some point, I just wouldn't push too hard and maybe even contact through email or something she can get around to more easily when she has the available time. Although the whole situation does feel a little be scandalous to me, and If I were you I probably wouldn't do a whole lot until she was officially separated since I don't like drama myself, especially If she's still living with her husband...not really my thing personally.
Author SlevinKalebra Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 Well, I usually don't play where I work but I guess for you this might be an exception or at least something to consider being that she's someone you'd be really interested in. normally I would not either but like I said I haven't been really interested in anyone like this for years. I think since she's not done with her "situation" she probably doesn't have the freedom or extra time to contact you whenever she would like to and could be dealing with drama at home with the current hubby. I get the impression she want's you around when she comes out of this marriage officially, agreed as to not complicate her current situation that only cause her problems. Which is why she came back and reassured you with her number and her interest. I wouldn't try to press the issue or demand a reaction from her, but I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad idea to keep you on her mind, she probably would reciprocate at some point, I just wouldn't push too hard and maybe even contact through email or something she can get around to more easily when she has the available time. Although the whole situation does feel a little be scandalous to me, and If I were you I probably wouldn't do a whole lot until she was officially separated since I don't like drama myself, especially If she's still living with her husband...not really my thing personally. Believe me I hate drama too from what I got from my coworker she told her they were separated. I never thought about the possibility that they were still living together Thanks for your thoughts
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 She is looking to get her cob webs dusted...
Feelin Frisky Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I'm not sure I understood everything you said or meant in the way this is sort of hanging out there and if there is a next move and whose it is, but I totally identify with the feelings you must have. It's probably got you twisted up in want. That feels so good. But I read some flakiness on her part which has to be disquieting. There might be something in her that is testing you and perhaps other guys to see how emotionally together you are. If she's getting divorced it's often that the women is escaping something about her husband. But of course, as I found in my serious involvement with a young divorcee who claimed it was all him, it was all her who was the problem. So, so far you seem to be doing pretty good--not showing some big emotional display of being ignored and at least appearing to keep a detachment. If she is really interested in you, just be sharp but pretty-much the guy she's already attracted to and don't throw her some red flag. By sharp I mean do assert yourself and don't let opportunities go over your head and make sure she knows that you are in the game. Good luck. She sounds hot as f*.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Normally, I'd cut off a woman after she didn't respond to my calls. But since she's going through a divorced I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what she's going through emotionally. She may be still attached to her man and wanna get back together with him. The time you called may have been a time when she thought that was possible. However, a gorgeous woman getting divorced is always a red flag for me. Is her man gay or a serial cheater? If not, why would he divorce his gorgeous wife? OP, get as much info on this woman and the circumstances surrounding the divorce as you can.
johan Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Maybe she's the one seeking the divorce. And maybe looks aren't the most important thing when it comes to having a successful marriage.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Maybe she's the one seeking the divorce. And maybe looks aren't the most important thing when it comes to having a successful marriage. It doesn't matter who is seeking the divorce, the OP should get as much detail as possible. Plus, looks aren't more important thing in a marriage, but physical attractiveness shouldn't be overlooked. A lot of spouses let themselves go badly after marriage. On the other hand, many attractive wives have terrible personalities. Like I said, get as much detail about her and the circumstances surrounding the divorce as you can, OP.
LadyGrey Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Unless you have independent confirmation of a divorce, she is MARRIED still. She might just be toying with the idea of a divorce right now or she might really have filed the paperwork but unless you know for SURE, she is still married. If she has filed the paperwork it still takes people time to get to a healthy space. Even with her flirtatious behavior, she isn't that in to you or she wouldn't be stringing you along. For any of the above reasons, you'd be wise to steer clear.
Author SlevinKalebra Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 Ok, so maybe I over accentuated the gorgeous part. She is beautiful but more than that she has that certain... thing. That I am attracted to. Girl next door, soft spoken, sweetness. Not just her looks, I've come across several "10s" and they do nothing for me.
Shaun-Dro Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Normally, I'd cut off a woman after she didn't respond to my calls. But since she's going through a divorced I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't know what she's going through emotionally. She may be still attached to her man and wanna get back together with him. The time you called may have been a time when she thought that was possible. However, a gorgeous woman getting divorced is always a red flag for me. Is her man gay or a serial cheater? If not, why would he divorce his gorgeous wife? OP, get as much info on this woman and the circumstances surrounding the divorce as you can. I agree with you on this. Something's definitely strange with this so-called beautiful woman wanting out so bad and her husband willing to let her go, and having OP lined up. But then again, she seems to be hesitating with the OP as well. I wouldn't get involved with this because it could all go so wrong in a hurry.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I'm sure it goes either way.. but when I filed my divorce I had already removed my ring (there is more story there.. but that is for another thread) ..and at that time my soon to be exw also removed hers.. presumably to pawn it As far as looks having anything to do with marriage/divorce.. hahaha You can't tell anything from someones looks about their marriage or status..
carhill Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Anecdote: ExW's best friend, one of the 'cats' in my journal story about getting my ass grabbed amongst other things, split with her H and was dating a widower down the street long before they filed for D. She's still with him now about 18 months later. Saw a picture of them in her office. Her words: 'After 20+ years of not getting my emotional needs met, I found this new man to be a refreshing change'. Her H was kind of a d!ck, so I imagine that has traction at some level. So, the couple years she 'played' with me was a tuneup for moving on. Makes sense. OP, if you can do non-invested, have fun. Might work out. Keep your eggs spread around, IMO. Good luck.
maybealone Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Something's definitely strange with this so-called beautiful woman wanting out so bad and her husband willing to let her go, and having OP lined up. I don't think it's that strange. I have a beautiful friend who had the hardest time coming to the decision to leave her alcoholic husband. It wasn't until she met another guy that she finally left him. She didn't cheat, but even under the awful circumstances she was in with her marriage, she seemed to need that little bit of incentive to move on.
Author SlevinKalebra Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 I'm not sure I understood everything you said or meant in the way this is sort of hanging out there and if there is a next move and whose it is, So this is really what I'm getting at, "call or write anytime" Seems like she is interested Do I persue? Do I let her make all the moves considering she obviously has a lot going on? I know there are a lot of red flags and I am not ignoring them but I really want to know if there is something here.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 So this is really what I'm getting at, "call or write anytime" Seems like she is interested Do I persue? Do I let her make all the moves considering she obviously has a lot going on? I know there are a lot of red flags and I am not ignoring them but I really want to know if there is something here. How can you say you're not ignoring the dozens of red flags but still want to pursue? What red flags can you see?
ShannonMI Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Obligitory "sorry this is so long" I am a loan officer and one of our regular customers came in one week and was extremely flirtatious. I noticed she had moved her wedding ring from the ring finger to the middle and had rotated it so the diamonds were not showing. I stopped flirting right away and figured there was absolutely no way I was going to try to get anything going. Afterwards I talked to a female coworker who knows every customer's business and found out that my coworker had thought she was already working towards a divorce if not already doing the paperwork. She came in a few more times and we had a little light conversation which she steered towards feeling out questions, If I had kids etc... She was also very done up, she is absolutely gorgeous as is and more than that she has that certain look and mannerisms that are my type and drive me crazy. Anyway, mentioned one of my students (I teach women's self defense) had given me tickets to a comedy show and asked if she'd like to come along. Gave me an excited yes and we exchanged numbers. I called once and left a message... no call back, a few weeks later a text, again no response. A few days ago she called to check her balance and asked if I got her number when she sent it to me (right in the line at work) I said yes and explained I had tried to contact her and got no response so I deleted the number. The conversation was very normal and I was not being rude or short with her, in fact I was acting as though nothing had happened and I was just answering a customer's question. Her response was "Oh, well I have been thinking about you a lot and would like you to call me" she gave me her number again and I sent a text saying confirm you got this. she did, then another text saying "Although I am not single right now, I would like to keep in contact write or call anytime." responded with "You are a cool girl and seem like you would make a good friend so I'd like to stay in touch too." then invited her to join the self defense class, no response no further contact. I am definitely hung up on her, something that has not happened with me in years. I was going to ask her to go over my entrance essay, because she is a writer (reporter) and seems like a good way to try and make contact. Since my divorce I have not come across anyone that has even sparked an interest in me. I keep re-reading that text trying to figure out what it may mean. I don't want to blow the chance with her if it is there but I won't be strung along either. So... thoughts? She's not single. You need to wait until she is. Until she's divorced. If she ever goes through with it. The ring thing is suspicious to me. Why is she even wearing it if she's getting divorced? And hiding it like she did is a bit suspect too. I don't know about this woman.
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