55XL 33BR Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) My ex and I have recently reconnected, after 7 months apart. We dated for about 2 years. we hung out twice (yes, the first time we had sex and cuddled like old times, it felt right...but the second time we just hung out as friends), and had a generally good time. We ate lunch together, flirted and saw a movie. He told me that he wants to keep it simple and let things happen naturally, he knows how fast we moved the first time and he told me there is not a better match for him out there...but here is the kicker, he wants us to both keep continuing to see other people. When I was in another relationship, he wanted me back so bad. We both are recently out of relationships ( more like rebounds that lasted about 4-5 months since our break-up), and I don't mind this. I actually told him that I would like remain single for a while and see what happens between us. I know he is dating other people and he knows that I am as well. He met someone he really likes, and I don't know where that is going. We haven't been in contact for a couple of days, and I called him today out of the blue. Our conversation got heated because he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was going on a date. He got short. And told me he doesn't understand how I expect him to act when I'm going to sleep with another guy...funny thing is, he just got done telling me how he ditched this date that he really liked to hang out with me. When we were broken up and I went no contact, he would every once in a while send me something like "I miss you" and things to that affect. I know we are not ready to commit again, but I would like to in the future. I guess what I'm looking for here is that I still love my ex and I get jealous, but I don't want him to start seeing someone else and I know I can't control this. I asked my ex if we would like to spend the night the other night and he thought it would be best if he went home because he doesn't want to rush into things with me...he later found out that that night I was with another guy. I guess I don't know what I want and I would like some advice on how to get my ex back. We were bestfriends and we broke up last summer because we both weren't happy. We have now worked on our issues, I'm just worried that my ex isn't as enthusiastic to see me as I am him. What do I? Disappear for a few days and see if he pursues me? Edited January 29, 2012 by snpjr
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 If indeed it is the right move to make any effort toward getting such a person back, then you'd have to show more interest and vulnerability in focusing ON him, instead of acting as if you are mostly indifferent to him. While it is clearly your right to date around and bang other guys, your doing so is counterproductive to the main goal you suggest here. In brief, the way to give yourself the best chance to get your old guy back is to get his attention, and KEEP it! It is a foregone conclusion that your old guy won't be present when you're banging other men, so stop doing so. Resolve the issue of not knowing what you want before you waste any more of your old boyfriend's time. PS - and no, you don't 'disappear for a few days' (you've been doing that all along, with minimal results)
Author 55XL 33BR Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 In the long run, I want my ex back. We were bestfriends. I just don't want to blow it and bend his arm.
leoc1973 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 When a guy thinks of a woman as girlfriend or wife material they need to know that you are going to keep other penises out of you. It seems like he is trying to be a gentleman and do the right thing in taking it slow he goes home instead of staying the night and sleeping with you and you turn around and call another guy? Huge red flag from a guys point of view. He loves you but is finding it hard to have respect for you. This happened with my ex, she just seemed like she couldn't spend a night alone at home she seems to always need a guy it is a huge turnoff. Its actually a little disgusting from the way a guy whom is trying to consider you girlfriend material. Just being honest not trying to hurt your feelings or anything but when a guy thinks a woman is so easy to have sex with anyone then it almost feels like you are nothing special. What you need to do here is play a little hard to get but not too much cause as the previous poster suggested you are acting too indifferent almost as if he is just nothing special to you, almost like you are thinking "eh whatever there are more penises in the sea" A guy wants to be admired as much as a woman and he will reciprocate the gesture if you do.
Frank13 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 We haven't been in contact for a couple of days, and I called him today out of the blue. Our conversation got heated because he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was going on a date. He got short. And told me he doesn't understand how I expect him to act when I'm going to sleep with another guy...funny thing is, he just got done telling me how he ditched this date that he really liked to hang out with me. What's funny about this. He put you above his date and you did the opposite. I guess what I'm looking for here is that I still love my ex and I get jealous, but I don't want him to start seeing someone else and I know I can't control this. I asked my ex if we would like to spend the night the other night and he thought it would be best if he went home because he doesn't want to rush into things with me...he later found out that that night I was with another guy. So you don't want him to start seeing someone else, but you are dating and when he said he didn't want to spend the night you simply replaced him with another guy. I guess I don't know what I want and I would like some advice on how to get my ex back. We were bestfriends and we broke up last summer because we both weren't happy. We have now worked on our issues, I'm just worried that my ex isn't as enthusiastic to see me as I am him. What do I? Disappear for a few days and see if he pursues me? First you say you don't know what you want then you say you want your ex back. You are dating other guys and you tell him this. Then when he doesn't want to spend the night you simply replace him with another and he finds out. Then you wonder that he might not be as enthusiastic to see you? Are you putting us on? Seems to be you read a book "How to push my ex away".
Frank13 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 While it is clearly your right to date around and bang other guys, your doing so is counterproductive to the main goal you suggest here. In brief, the way to give yourself the best chance to get your old guy back is to get his attention, and KEEP it! It is a foregone conclusion that your old guy won't be present when you're banging other men, so stop doing so. I wish I would have read your eply before posting mine as it is the same and excellent advice. I actually have to wonder if the OP is a prankster.
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