SJC2008 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Met a woman online, she's 25 I'm 30. If yall know my history I'm not a virgin but have never had an "official" girlfriend and have had a bad run this last year (dam near a year anyway) with getting 2nd dates. Well I finally got a second date. I was strait forward with her when we talked before we set up the first date and told her I'm not looking for something serious because of work and school but it would be monogamus. She's nice, is cool with the fact I moved back to my mothers a few months ago and is on the same page about not serious but monogamus. That being said I'm not attracted to her one bit. She is defiantely not ugly, I'd say she's a plane Jane, but that's not the problem because I have been attracted to plane Janes in the past and they were pretty in my eyes but she just doesn't do it for me. I would not call her pictures misleading but she did look better in them, I guess it could swing both ways as I am not the least bit photogenic. I don't want to be shallow and will go on our second date but how many dates should I give it (if she reciprocates) before I decide that attraction will never happen?
neowulf Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I don't want to be shallow and will go on our second date but how many dates should I give it (if she reciprocates) before I decide that attraction will never happen? You want what you want man. Nothing shallow about that. I've met some *wonderful* people, I wasn't attracted too. That doesn't make them any less wonderful. I just wasn't attracted. In actual fact, you're doing her a favour by not leading her on, because someone out there is going to take one look at her and think she's amazing. I give it two maybe three dates tops to see if fireworks happen. If nothing happens by the third date, it's a non-starter. Remember, you're not a bastard for turning down someone. Rejection is part of the game. You're a bastard if you allow their expectations to become over inflated and lead them on. Good luck!
soserious1 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 You don't want a serious or long term relationship? This means that you're basically looking for light companionship & sex, hot on the half shell. You aren't attracted to her enough physically to be excited about the prospect of having sex with her? Why would you bother wasting money and time to go out with her again? Time to go back to the online dating site & check out some more profiles.
Author SJC2008 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 @soserious. Yeah u pretty much called it. My time and living sit won't allow it. I won't be looking for "the one" till next year when I'm out of college and get a good job. Attraction wise her body is fine and yes I'd sleep with her.
jobaba Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) Well I finally got a second date. I was strait forward with her when we talked before we set up the first date and told her I'm not looking for something serious because of work and school but it would be monogamus. She's nice, is cool with the fact I moved back to my mothers a few months ago and is on the same page about not serious but monogamus. That being said I'm not attracted to her one bit. She is defiantely not ugly, I'd say she's a plane Jane, but that's not the problem because I have been attracted to plane Janes in the past and they were pretty in my eyes but she just doesn't do it for me. This question has been asked a million times and everybody is going to give you the requisite "You need to be attracted" and "Maybe you will grow to be attracted to her" mumbo jumbo. So I won't get into that. What I will get into is that you've never had a girlfriend. That being the case, I'd say you need to give this willing participant a little bit more of chance than a successful guy would. You never know when the next one will come along. She might not turn into a relationship, but if you pass her up, you might have to wait another few years before you get another girl that likes you. Again, I'm just guessing at your situation. I don't really know what it is. But I have been there. Experience is gold. If you end up dating this girl for a while, that experience will help you in countless ways. You want what you want man. Nothing shallow about that. I've met some *wonderful* people, I wasn't attracted too. That doesn't make them any less wonderful. I just wasn't attracted. In actual fact, you're doing her a favour by not leading her on, because someone out there is going to take one look at her and think she's amazing. You sound like my second grade teacher. Somebody thinks everybody is beautiful. :lmao: Ummm, yeah... Edited January 29, 2012 by jobaba
Author SJC2008 Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 I literally lol'd when I read "it may take a few years before you get another girl that likes you". I can attract average/ semi attractive women. My problem was confidence and literally not being able to be myself in front of a woman. This isn't a psych forum so I'll leave the reason why I feel I was like this out. I've worked on myself hard and know what you mean about the experience but I'd hate to use someone for experience. Yea I am human and it did cross my mind to give it a shot to get the exp. That being said I'll give it this next date and one more if she reciprocates to decide whether or not to pursue. PS I still haven't figured out how to quote someone where it puts a box around it.
jobaba Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I literally lol'd when I read "it may take a few years before you get another girl that likes you". I can attract average/ semi attractive women. My problem was confidence and literally not being able to be myself in front of a woman. This isn't a psych forum so I'll leave the reason why I feel I was like this out. I've worked on myself hard and know what you mean about the experience but I'd hate to use someone for experience. Yea I am human and it did cross my mind to give it a shot to get the exp. That being said I'll give it this next date and one more if she reciprocates to decide whether or not to pursue. PS I still haven't figured out how to quote someone where it puts a box around it. Like I said, I was guessing at your situation... A few years, yea. It might take me that long before I found a girl that liked me. It might take several years. Depends how aggressive I am. You ... I don't know. It's not that you're using her. You're just giving her more of a chance based on non-shallow factors. If you find you don't like her after getting to know her better, then there it is.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 So anyway we had our second date on Mon. We met up at a restaurant before catching a movie. Off the bat I was a lot more attracted to her than the first time we met. I don't know if it was the color she was wearing but I was feeling it way more this time. We were pretty pooped by nights end and there was really no "mood" for a move, she literally looked like she was about to fall asleep (not because of me lol), but I did hold her hand earlier and gave a couple of compliments. I've talked to her since and we'll see eachother again. We'll see what happens
Oxy Moronovich Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 but I did hold her hand earlier and gave a couple of compliments. I've talked to her since and we'll see eachother again. We'll see what happens You got to hold her hand? You are one helluva Casanova. Did you also whisper sweet nothings in her ear?
Author SJC2008 Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) Yeah and I gave her a note saying do you like me circle yes or no lol. Get lost donkey hole. Edited February 2, 2012 by SJC2008 mispell
KathyM Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I'm glad you gave it a shot. Attraction can grow as you get to know a person, and it's not based purely on appearance.
Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I was not instantly attracted to my boyfriend. I met him online. I kept seeing him, and over time, I found him to be the most attractive man in the world to me. I was not attracted to him at first, but now he is soooooooo hot to me! I know he was okay to start off with, because he has had some hot and good quality girls before. I just did not see it at first, until I got to know him. You are not looking for a relationship, of course, but from my own experience, the sexual attraction grew as I got to like him more. Perhaps it only occurs with love? he is a very good looking guy, actually! For some reason, I just did not see it at first. Good luck with this girl! I feel that, if she turns out to be an awesome person, to be around.... and u are at least not repulsed by her... then attraction can occur, based on how much u admire and like her as a person.
FitChick Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 I gave her a note saying do you like me circle yes or no That struck me as so funny! Brings back memories. Of course, given some of the people on this forum, I wouldn't be surprised if a guy said, "Why didn't I think of that! I'll pass her a note in Starbucks!"
insertnamehere Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 I won't be looking for "the one" till next year when I'm out of college and get a good job. As a person who has always wanted to wait until things get better, I figured out a couple years ago that that was just my way of rationalizing not actually ever wanting to get married. There's always a perfectly good reason why this isn't the time to settle down. And after all, I still have a pulse, so it's OK to ****, right? See the problem with that line of thought? It turns into a mechanism to shield you from feeling like the bad guy. You sound like my second grade teacher. Somebody thinks everybody is beautiful. Well, if you need it in a more jaded form, there's a pig willing to roll in the mud with every pig. See? Pop psychology and platitudes can be adjusted for the age of internet snark.
ShannonMI Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Met a woman online, she's 25 I'm 30. If yall know my history I'm not a virgin but have never had an "official" girlfriend and have had a bad run this last year (dam near a year anyway) with getting 2nd dates. Well I finally got a second date. I was strait forward with her when we talked before we set up the first date and told her I'm not looking for something serious because of work and school but it would be monogamus. She's nice, is cool with the fact I moved back to my mothers a few months ago and is on the same page about not serious but monogamus. That being said I'm not attracted to her one bit. She is defiantely not ugly, I'd say she's a plane Jane, but that's not the problem because I have been attracted to plane Janes in the past and they were pretty in my eyes but she just doesn't do it for me. I would not call her pictures misleading but she did look better in them, I guess it could swing both ways as I am not the least bit photogenic. I don't want to be shallow and will go on our second date but how many dates should I give it (if she reciprocates) before I decide that attraction will never happen? You aren't being shallow. You are not attracted to her. What's the big deal? It is what it is. You are not going to all of a sudden find her attractive, so don't waste time continuing to date her. Move on.
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