sweetpea. Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I know this is not something new, but I'd just like any sort of advice you guys are willing to share. When my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to have sex, everything was going fine until he went limp and freaked out. He shut down and went quiet and I could tell he was pretty upset. He was so embarassed that we couldn't continue with anything intimate really, and as much as I tried reassure him that it was okay he wouldn't listen to a thing. Since then he gets a little nervous when getting more intimate with me and is worried now about pleasuring me properly and really performing well in bed so to speak. So I was just wondering what ways I could go about calming him down. I wasn't mad or anything of that sort that this happened and am missing sharing intimate moments with him. All I really want to do is gain that comfort level back, that will relax him more so we can have fun. Any advice, personal stories etc are welcomed, thanks!
cerridwen Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) I know this is not something new, but I'd just like any sort of advice you guys are willing to share. When my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to have sex, everything was going fine until he went limp and freaked out. He shut down and went quiet and I could tell he was pretty upset. He was so embarassed that we couldn't continue with anything intimate really, and as much as I tried reassure him that it was okay he wouldn't listen to a thing. Since then he gets a little nervous when getting more intimate with me and is worried now about pleasuring me properly and really performing well in bed so to speak. So I was just wondering what ways I could go about calming him down. I wasn't mad or anything of that sort that this happened and am missing sharing intimate moments with him. All I really want to do is gain that comfort level back, that will relax him more so we can have fun. Any advice, personal stories etc are welcomed, thanks! Some ideas: Avoid making it a high pressure situation. I'd steer clear from "staging" the bedroom with candles, music, and the like and instead, keep it low-key with the emphasis off penetration and more on pleasure. Get into bed with just the objective of being close. Make out. Cuddle. Concentrate on the other errogenous zones. Make each other feel good. If you feel him getting tense, stop. If you "feel him thinking", stop. Go back to cuddling and kissing. Let him know he's loved. Let him know also, in these ways, he's not the "performer" and you're not "the audience." It's about shared intimacy and physical expression, no pressure. Let him set the pace and let him know it's okay to slow that down. It's nerves and expectations and both, when managed, can be soothed. Edited January 29, 2012 by cerridwen
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I'm sorry, but that's pretty funny. However laughing aside, I think this guy is just really insecure and lacks the confidence in his abilities to please, and there is just so much going on in his mind that it blocks his desire and replaces it with an overwhelming anxiety. Does he suffer from anxiety in general? He might want to look into that If that's the case, ask me If there are certain situations that just make him feel overwhelmingly uncomfortable and nervous. Other than that It's just going to be a process of step by step, it's like training a child to talk to the cashier when he's too embarrassed to speak to strangers. Once you baby him through the process and reassure him that should give him some confidence. Talk dirty to him, give him a blow job....then just jump on his ass before his slim jim goes limp. Just try not to be over-bearing, don't like push it If he feels uncomfortable, the little tiger inside him has to decide when his time to roar...or meow..whichever it is. Tell him that you just want to be with him and be close, you're not expecting anything more, you'll still love him and all that crap. Just babying him basically until he comes around and gains some confidence, of course he also could have a form of erectile dysfucntion...maybe push him to see a doctor for that.
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