My girlfriend was sexually involved with one of her closest friends in the past.HELP!

[parc]

My current girlfriend was sexually involved with one of her closest friends in the past. They actually hooked up the first time they met and they continued to hook up for a short period of time. The sexual relationship faded away fairly quickly, after a couple of months, and the relationship turned into a strong friendship. They have been friends for some time without any thoughts or desire to ever be intimately involved again. Although I am not worried at all about them still being interested sexually with one another, I still feel very uncomfortable about the situation. Is this just a stupid guy possession feeling and am I overreacting or is this something that I should be upset about. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[disguy]

My bestfriend happens to be a woman. We once got drunk and were both feeling lonely at the time and did things that shouldn't have been done. And till this day we both know about it, but don't ever bring it up. With that said i don't think that you should have anything to worry about. How long have you guys been going out? Has she ever done or said anything to you that would make you not trust her? Ask yourself that question and that should ease/or make how you feel worse. Hopefully you can trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt. My girlfriend has a lot of guy friends. Matter of fact, she has more guy friends then girl friends. We've been together for two years and i have never questioned her about it. Only because she has never done or said anything that made me not trust her.

[parc]

I have no reason at all not to trust her, actually we are very open with one another and trust each other fully. But trusting her or him for that matter was not bothering me, what was bothering me was that they know each other in that light and how I would now react knowing what happened in the past when I was around them or when I know that they are hanging out. Is it warranted for me to expect a certain change in their relationship in that sense now that I know about their past?. Does your or your best friend’s significant other know that you and your best friend hooked up in the past? If so how did they react to the news? Is this past between you and your friend something that you share at all with your significant other or think should be shared just to get everything out there and be honest? And finally do you have a different relationship at all with your friend out of respect for your current lover if she does know about your past and if she doesn’t know do you think you would or should act differently with your friend?

[disguy]

1. Is it warranted for me to expect a certain change in their relationship in that sense now that I know about their past?. 2.Does your or your best friend’s significant other know that you and your best friend hooked up in the past? If so how did they react to the news? 3. Is this past between you and your friend something that you share at all with your significant other or think should be shared just to get everything out there and be honest? 4.And finally do you have a different relationship at all with your friend out of respect for your current lover if she does know about your past and if she doesn’t know do you think you would or should act differently with your friend?

 

1. I can see how you feel awkward knowing that the fact that they did have an intimate relationship. I wouldn't blame ya for feeling the way you do. The only thing i would expect is that your gf is telling you the truth when she says that that was the past and nothing more. Only, and only if, she gave you a reason not to trust her. But you already stated that you have her total trust.

 

2&3&4. Ok my bestfriend and I never hooked up. It was just a moment of being drunk and i just went for it not thinking of the consequences. I mean we didn't go all the way, for the simple fact that i didn't have any condoms. But yes i did pentrate her and stopped only because of the fact.

 

Nobody ever knew about the moment we had. I mean NOBODY, not even my current girlfriend. I just feel that some things are just better left unsaid. And that was one of them. But honestly when my bestfriend and I hang out, there is nothing more than friendship. Maybe because that's the way that i am. I mean we did both talk about being more then just friends, but in the end, we just didn't wanna lose that friendship that we cherish so much. I don't know your girlfriend and I can't say that she means well when she says that nothing will happen or that they are just friends. I was just sheding some light on my experiences with me being male and my bestfriend happens to be a female. Oh you also say something on the lines of being honest. Well i feel that i am honest for not sharing this incident with anybody, only because we just pretend that it never happened. I don't wanna get things stirred up in my gf's head, kinda like what your going through.

 

 

feel free to ask me anymore questions.

[winterwonderland]

Just by reading this post and many others .....this is the main reason I won't even consider marriage of any sort. This way you won't have to worry about friends he banged and wonder will it ever happen again also, you won't have to deal with the ex's and kids. Life is so much better being single and free and not having all this stress.

[disguy]

Just by reading this post and many others .....this is the main reason I won't even consider marriage of any sort. This way you won't have to worry about friends he banged and wonder will it ever happen again also, you won't have to deal with the ex's and kids. Life is so much better being single and free and not having all this stress.

 

lol i used to think the same way you do. You just have to find that special someone. Someone you would take a bullet for. You can't be single for the rest of your life because then that just defeats the purpose of life altogether. Sure you will have family and friends, but its just not the same. Maybe someone in the past has really hurt you and made you feel really bitter. Whatever it maybe, i hope that one day that there will be that special someone that changes your views.

[parc]

I have one final question and it may not have a set answer. I explained that i was very uncomfortable about the situation to my gf and said I would deal with it to the best I could. I also asked my gf to be conscience of the fact that the situation does upset me and to act accordingly about her relationship with her friend. I would never ask her to discontinue the relationship but I am not sure what type of limits I should expect...meaning should she feel that her and her friend should not go out to dinner by themselves and now should involve mutual friends..this is just an example. Once again I do not have any doubt that this fling was totally in the past and I trust my gf, however the problem is dealing with the knowledge of the past between them. Any thoughts on what would be reasonable to expect them to do or not do about their relationship going forward and what may be unreasonable for me to expect. I know the question is vague but any outside thoughts on the situation would be greatly appreciated.

[reservoirdog1]

When I started dating TBXW almost 12 years ago, I knew that she had been sexually active with one of her close male friends, before she and I had ever met. If that ever bothered me, however (and I can't recall if it did), it didn't last very long. As far as I was concerned, that was totally her business and had nothing to do with me. I had no right to say anything about it, or to be bothered by it.

 

It was the guys she was sexually active with WHILE she and I were together that got to me. Go figure, huh?

 

And, interestingly enough, the close friend she'd done the deed with before she and I met has become, over time, a very good friend of mine. And is now no longer a friend of hers, largely because of what she did to me. Strange, the way things work out sometimes.