me decipher this situation?

[razz90]

(sorry the title should be HELP me decipher this situation)

 

So I met these 2 guys (very good friends) at a social meet on Tues, got on really well with them, they had a great sense of humour. They decided to invite me to a restaurant they both love next week, and one guy (lets call him M, took my number and texted me the name of the restaurant). After the pub closed I asked what their plans were , and they wanted to party or go drinking, and since I had a free house i said we could go chill at mine, or we could go party. They decided to come to mine, but when we got to the train station one guy (not M) realized how far i lived and the fact he had to get up early the next morning, so he decided to head home, so it was just me and M. We got to mine, were chilling on the couch then he kissed me. So we were making out and things developed. Thing is though, at first I seemed to be the assertive one. I was the one who turned down the lights. I was the one who took my top off, then his. I was the one who started pulling down his pants. And I was the one who said we should go to my bedroom...

BUT, i was quite resistant to him taking my panties off (i guess because the last time a guy put his hand there it really hurt), but eventually he got em off and fingered me. Then I tried to give him a handjob which failed epically (i was there till my hand hurt...and nothing! ). After a while he was like "i'd come alot faster if you used your mouth" But i said I don;t do that with guys i've just met (i guess because i consider it quite intimate, and also I don't want to do it without a condom unless I know and trust the guy doesn't have a STI). So he laughed and said it was ok, and I stopped.

 

So anyway, when we were kissing he kept asking if i was ok (because I kept stopping his hand pulling down my panties), and said we don;t have to have sex. And I said I didn't. I wasn;t sure why. I just had this gut feeling... and I couldn;t explain it. So I told him I really don';t like one night stands (true) and that I knew if we had sex I probably wouldn';t see him again. (He was like 'of course we will'). Plus I tend to get at least a little emotionally attached to people I have sex with (in that I don';t like us to ignore each other, not that I fall in love) and I guess I just wanted to protect myself from that. But I dunno, I just said I didn't want a one night stand. But after reflecting on it, I realize that the real reason wasn't because I was worried about not seeing him again, but actually because I didn't feel totally comfortable enough with him yet. And I didn;t know him well, so it felt like it was sex with a stranger which I wasn't totally comfortable with. When we were both naked next to each other he kept asking if I was sure I didn;t want sex, and I was like yes. So we got our underwear on and turned the lights off to go to sleep, and he started saying that it was good I was so "innocent" ...whatever that means.

 

The next morning , I took a shower, and made him coffee, and we talked for a bit on the couch (he mentioned again how it was good I was so innocent.. ) , and he asked if I was going to be at the social thing the next Tues, and I said maybe. then later he had to leave and he was like "well I'll see you again soon since this wasn't a one night stand!", and I again repeated "I just dont like one night stands, they make me feel ****ty afterwards" and he was like "well u shouldnt feel like an object.." or something along those lines and I just laughed, and we hugged goodbye and off he went.

 

So anyway, I have been thinking how I'd like to get to know him a bit more and maybe become FWB. He seems perfect for that...not someone I think I would fall for, but someone I would like enough to sleep with.. But after that night I have no idea what he is thinking. From what I've said about what happened, can anyone offer any perspective? When I see him next Tues, I wonder what to do/say..What is he thinking? Am i still invited to the restaurant with him and his friend? Will he tell his friend what happened?? Will he ever make a move on me again?

 

TIA!

Edited January 28, 2012 by razz90

[Yookie]

I think he's thinking that you're a huge cock-tease. Why on earth would you invite a stranger over then proceed to seduce him but get cold feet when you get down to your panties? He probably thinks that you are not really that innocent at all but you just decided at the last minute to not sleep with him because you want to give the impression of being innocent.

 

If you really want to get to know a guy, this approach is wrong wrong wrong on so many levels. There is no way to know if he wants to see you again but I wouldn't blame him if he decided that you're too wishy-washy to be bothered with.

 

The next time you meet someone that you're interested in, be sure to spend some quality time with them doing activities. Do not place yourself in situations where intimacy can easily escalate before you have a chance to really get to know him better. That means no house dates, no motel/hotel rooms, no romantic parking spots!

[razz90]

i'm a wishy washy cocktease? Ok fair enough. maybe I was.

 

No other thoughts anyone??

[Ninjainpajamas]

You've got some issues...

 

So you invite two guys (strangers) to your house after having a meal at a restaurant..you decide to invite them both back to your house ( I mean c'mon really?) One decides that he can't go (which means he's giving his friend the green ligh to get laid) so you waddle on back together at your place...everything is going according to plan for the guy, except that you're the one doing the initiating, which means it's in the bag for him in his mind...

 

At this point this is where you should have stopped things If you were so opposed to a one night stand (which is just you afraid to get hurt). Let's say you were naive enough to not expect him to go for the gold once he got back to your place (which I doubt you were), yet you were acting as If you were the type of girl that was perfectly ok with just getting laid even inviting him back to the bedroom...you basically did everything a girl would do that was going to sleep with you just about..

 

Then for some reason it dawns on you at this point that you don't want to have sex with the guy? not because you don't want to have sex, not because you are afraid of one-night-stands but because you decided you wanted to drop the bomb on him right then and there so you could figure out this whole "situation" : /

 

I mean really? You go through all of that and THEN you decide to work out the logistics and the official "status" of things?. Honestly I think you would have given in If he was pushing the right buttons or maybe even know what he was doing or had the ability to comfort you with a few empty words or promises.

 

If I was him I would think you were ridiculous and one of those con women that try to pull men into the bedroom just to trap them into an unwanted relationship, by acting like you never had a one-night stand before or all of sudden had these values. The only question is why weren't you that comfortable with him yet If you were ok with the rest? but I'm sure that's a female thing, they tend to go farther than they had the capacity to think.

 

I think he's either done with you and he won't see you next Tuesday, because he probably called his friend and they were like wtf, It seemed like an done deal. And he's probably lost a bit of his pride since he didn't have enough skill or you didn't have enough desire to sleep with him, which of course is going to make him feel a bit inadequate especially after getting that far...think about it from a guys perspective? laying in a bed together naked and no sex? really? that's ridiculous.

 

I think he was just telling you what you wanted to hear in terms of "shouldn't feel like an object"..what else were you going to be that night? the ultimate romance? So he's probably done with you as to avoid future disappointment.

 

However depending on what his ability with women are, he may throw out a line and try once more again (a casual hello or how are you doing and to use the situation as leverage instead of a step back which is how he sees it at this point) but at this point I doubt it unless hes' pretty forgiving or confident.

 

I also think you got the sense for the kind of guy he really was along the way, which is why your gut told you not to do it either.

 

Lesson to learn: You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with, regardless of where you stop it. However, you could have done a much better job at preventing a situation like this and even setting up a more comfortable experience for yourself and him...because let's face it, he's a man...and a FWB is not likely to get turned down, so what are you worried about?

Edited January 29, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas