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Jealousy - how do you deal?


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Posted

Every time a close girl friend starts dating (in a serious way, exclusively), I get jealous and so much so that I kind of stop wanting to see the girl friend anymore. Partly because the girl friend (understandbly spends more time with SO and less time with me) and I feel I can't really deal with her gushing about her new relationship.

 

Some girl friends I also found out after her SO that they're just "lame." They only hung out with me because we were all single at that time and after they get into relationships, they drop off from the face of the earth.

 

I admit that I'm jealous. I want a relationship as much as the other person. So am I bad friend and an insecure person that can't be happy for the others' lot?

 

Anyone else in similar situation? How do you deal when your friends seem to get into serious relationships so easy? I bet I'll attend all their weddings soon.

Posted
Every time a close girl friend starts dating (in a serious way, exclusively), I get jealous and so much so that I kind of stop wanting to see the girl friend anymore. Partly because the girl friend (understandbly spends more time with SO and less time with me) and I feel I can't really deal with her gushing about her new relationship.

 

Some girl friends I also found out after her SO that they're just "lame." They only hung out with me because we were all single at that time and after they get into relationships, they drop off from the face of the earth.

 

I admit that I'm jealous. I want a relationship as much as the other person. So am I bad friend and an insecure person that can't be happy for the others' lot?

 

Anyone else in similar situation? How do you deal when your friends seem to get into serious relationships so easy? I bet I'll attend all their weddings soon.

Yes, you're an insecure friend. Do you do things to sabotage these relationships? If so, then you're an insecure and bad friend.

 

That being said, a lot of friendships are superficial. I'm sure female/female relationships can be superficial as well. Sometimes women are only friends to backstab, or, like you said, only friends because they do not wish to be alone.

 

I'd say the reason why they get into relationships so easily is because they are more open. There is probably something about your demeanor, personality, or behavior that is standoffish. Have you considered this?

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Posted
Yes, you're an insecure friend. Do you do things to sabotage these relationships? If so, then you're an insecure and bad friend.

 

That being said, a lot of friendships are superficial. I'm sure female/female relationships can be superficial as well. Sometimes women are only friends to backstab, or, like you said, only friends because they do not wish to be alone.

 

I'd say the reason why they get into relationships so easily is because they are more open. There is probably something about your demeanor, personality, or behavior that is standoffish. Have you considered this?

 

I don't do anything to sabotage their relationships. I just see them less since they're either too busy for me or I just find other friends that have the time.

 

I'm not sure I would say they get into relationships easily. What I meant was that all my friends seem to get into relationships one after another. One of the friends that got into a relationship recently had been single for almost 6 years now.

 

I've considered a lot about why I haven't had a relationship in a while. One of it is I probably don't look as approachable as I should.

 

Guess right now I'm feeling sorry for myself, feeling lonely. :o

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