RyTom21 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I'm 27 years old and i have aspergers syndrome. Im a virgin and have never even had a girlfriend. It's pathetic that I'm nearing 30, a time when most people are married with kids, and I can't even talk to a girl. Everytime I see an attractive woman I say to myself, "She's way too hot for me. She probably only dates hot muscular guys". I mostly say this because that's what happened in high school. I was ignored and the jocks got all the girls. I can't get that image out of my head. Its with me to this very day. Plus hollywood hasn't helped. Women all over the word talk about how Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp are so hot. I feel like those are the kinds of guys I need to look like in order to stand a chance in the dating world. I have days where I'll look in the mirror and think I'm actually a pretty good looking Guy. But then I walk around all day and see tons of guys that I think are better looking than me, and by the end of the day I'm depressed again. How can I stop this self destructive behavior?. I really don't want to die alone.
spiderowl Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 (edited) This is what you are telling yourself though what you are telling yourself may not be the truth. You need to start giving yourself better messages. Tell yourself you are attractive, that girls like you and want to spend time with you. Ignore the bad messages and replace them with good ones - better programming, if you will. You've got just as much chance as any nice-looking guy. Practice talking to girls, asking them about themselves, being fun and friendly. Assume they will like you and want to spend time with you and then don't worry about it any more. If you have the right self-talk, it will make a difference to how you come across to women. Good luck. You sound a nice guy and I'm sure there's a girl out there looking for you. And don't worry about being a virgin. Girls can't tell, you know. Edited January 28, 2012 by spiderowl
pie2 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Girls can also be attracted to non-physical traits. Focus on your strengths, and remember that there are women out there who will appreciate the skills that God has given you.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Ask yourself how many men look like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp? Ask yourself how many women look like Victoria Secret models? These are more fantasies than realities, this is what people set as the pinnacle. It's like wanting a dream car but every day you drive a honda. It may not be the hot and expensive car you want to drive (even though you're overpaying just to drive the piece of crap even if you had it) but you know it actually works well, It gets you from point A to B and as you grow up you realize that you don't need something extreme to make you happy, a lot of the things you need to be happy are very simple. But this isn't about other men, or even expensive cars. This is about how you feel about yourself as an individual. This is the problem that is keeping you from meeting women (setting aside your clinical diagnosis) and having a chance at the future you want. It's about your confidence, your self-esteem and self-worth. No man can accomplish anything If he's already defeated himself, it takes courage, It take fortitude and even a blind faith. You've got to learn to believe in yourself, even If nobody else does. And when the limitations you set for yourself start to become conquered by your efforts and persistence will to succeed...you will realize that your walls are as high as they are because that is how high you have set them. If you can't learn to give yourself credit for the things you have accomplished, resist the negative things people tell you or you hear in the world, then you're always going to be grounded before you even have the chance to take off. That's the trick of it, It can only keep you repressed If you let it...there is always something you can do...you just have to figure that out, you have to look inside out and recognize your issues and instead of feeling self-defeated make attempts to conquer them because it's not going to be easy, no one is going to wave a magic wand and change your life...no woman is going to be able to right all your wrongs, or make you feel like you're worth it. You know how many attractive women walk around with the tiniest bit of self-esteem?...Beautiful faces, gorgeous hair, sexy bodies, great personalities...or maybe there's just something about them. But you know what they see when they look in the mirror? The fact they don't like their nose, or their eyebrows, eyes, chin, ::insert million number of things here that women can critique::, I've seen women with gorgeous bodies feel gross because they had a few extra pounds. Yet they're perfectly fine and very attractive, in fact you probably couldn't ever imagine why they wouldn't be stuck up and egotistical....but they're not, because how you see yourself makes all the difference...no matter who you are or what you look like. And there's no man that can change that, even though they try and receive acceptance from men in order to feel that way...many end up used and abused because they had no self-respect. So it's a very different world then who you see it. If you're a realistic person then realize that Hollywood is a tiny part of the world and in 99 percent of the rest of it doesn't operate anywhere near that. People aspire to that because of lack of self-confidence, not because they have it because a person with it doesn't feed off of that kind of crap. Stop worrying about dying alone or anything else, and do what you can to assist yourself with your syndrome. Take classes, go to group sessions, stop being afraid to take chances and do things that one step at a time. It's going to take courage to change yourself, but you first have to recognize the qualities inside of yourself that make you a valued person and start treating yourself that way. You only need one great woman to see you for who you are, just one. And you can accomplish that.
RecordProducer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 You only need one great woman to see you for who you are, just one. And you can accomplish that.Excellent post - everything you said!
somedude81 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 You only need one great woman to see you for who you are, just one. And you can accomplish that. And yet it's almost nearly impossible to find.
betterdeal Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 And yet it's almost nearly impossible to find. Then double your efforts and looks some more.
somedude81 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Tiring and stressful. Insomnia is my constant companion, visiting me roughly every three hours. Just when I was getting excited about going out there and trying with a new school semester, I was blessed with a cold. There's always something
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