irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Recently, I had a woman severe ties with me....why? Because she found out that I wanted to date her, and not be her friend. She found this to be quite superficial,that a man can't be just friends with her, and fault him for asking her out or finding a romantic interest in her. You know, the kind of human behavior that let our planet go forth and populate itself? This got me wondering, have SOME women reached a WHOLE new level of thinking this way? Seriously?
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 She thought you were her friend, as in legitimate friend. When she turned you down romantically, you deleted her from FB. You proved to her that you weren't her legitimate friend, that all she was good for to you was someone to date or have sex with. I can easily see how that would be offensive to her, and many other women.
jerbear Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Yes, your underlying intentions could not be trusted. Every time you two spent time together, she'll have to watch her back and can't really be herself. Guys do similar actions.
colliejoanie Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 She thought you were her friend, as in legitimate friend. When she turned you down romantically, you deleted her from FB. You proved to her that you weren't her legitimate friend, that all she was good for to you was someone to date or have sex with. I can easily see how that would be offensive to her, and many other women. Yep..........Sorry. She's not interested in more.....and now she knows she can't have you as just a friend either.
aj22one Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Dude, who cares what she thinks. She's clearly not good enough for you. You have the right to be attracted to whomever you want, no matter what that person thinks about you or your attraction. Stop worrying and just get back out there. She's about as good to you as the guy who works behind the deli counter now.
Author irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Yep..........Sorry. She's not interested in more.....and now she knows she can't have you as just a friend either. Actually, she had thanked me for reminding her that she can't be friends with a man. It was life lesson, and a good lesson she had learned. Otherwise, it is unnatural. I actually deleted her from my Facebook, because she was unresponsive to me, and when I did, that was when she had a problem with it. Women need to learn that it is indeed unrealistic, and unnatural to think a man might not want to date them. But some women seem to be unclear how people ...well, date, get into relationships and even married. I tend to wonder what these women are even thinking. "Woah, he has some nerve asking me out , what a JERK!" I didn't expect that of a STRAIGHT man! If men can chime in and answer, I'm sure they can concur. Not sure if it's that I cannot be trusted issue, might not be entirely related. Yes, your underlying intentions could not be trusted. Every time you two spent time together, she'll have to watch her back and can't really be herself. Not really mature behavior.
aj22one Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 She thought you were her friend, as in legitimate friend. When she turned you down romantically, you deleted her from FB. You proved to her that you weren't her legitimate friend, that all she was good for to you was someone to date or have sex with. I can easily see how that would be offensive to her, and many other women. Haha. I think OP has enough "friends". He's done with the "honorable mention" trophies and wants to get first place for once. Hardly offensive.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I tend to wonder what these women are even thinking. "Woah, he has some nerve asking me out , what a JERK!" You don't seem to understand that it wasn't that you asked her out that was offensive to her, it was that you deleted her as a friend on FB when she turned you down. By doing that, you essentially told her she's not good enough to be your friend, only good enough to date or have sex with. THAT is what is offensive.
Author irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Haha. I think OP has enough "friends". He's done with the "honorable mention" trophies and wants to get first place for once. Hardly offensive. Yeah, she needs to find gay men or something. I have no problem starting off in general as friends with women...but there just might be that ONE I'll take a shine, too, that I may just want more than that. If she has a problem with that, she needs to reassess her way of thinking. She stopped being MY legitimate friend, when she was unresponsive to me since we had last spent time together.
aj22one Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 If men can chime in and answer, I'm sure they can concur. Not sure if it's that I cannot be trusted issue, might not be entirely related. Because men are expected to be the pursuer, women expect men to be pretty much straightforward from the get go about being aggressive and stuff. Guys might be annoyed when a female friend likes them as more than a friend, but women tend to get really creeped out by it and downright offended. This is in large part why I suggest that men and women have to be careful about their friendships.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Yeah, she needs to find gay men or something. I have no problem starting off in general as friends with women...but there just might be that ONE I'll take a shine, too, that I may just want more than that. Just "ONE"? I doubt that.
aj22one Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 She stopped being MY legitimate friend, when she was unresponsive to me since we had last spent time together. Unfortunately, on this site you're going to get a lot of "people" telling you that it's your fault blah blah blah, because a lot of people like to have things both ways. That chick didn't want to be your friend she wanted to have you on the back burner as a spare tire just in case. Hardly worth worrying about. She was a classic case of someone who likes to use people.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Really? We're still trying to figure out if men can be legitimate friends without wanting more? lol What are we in? third grade? Just because they don't or can't pursue more with you doesn't mean they aren't interested...she's the foolish one IMO and other other woman that thinks a man wouldn't shag her crazy If there was the opportunity. However In my experience as well, I'm not sure women can truly be friends with men either. I think acquaintances is the only realistic expectation, anything more and there's a chance whether now or in the future.
Author irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Guys might be annoyed when a female friend likes them as more than a friend, but women tend to get really creeped out by it and downright offended. This is in large part why I suggest that men and women have to be careful about their friendships. I know what you mean, I thinks that's why a lot of marriages end in divorce or relationships go south rather quickly. They get off on the "newness" of it all, "Oh, I'm in love, he's such a great guy, he's so wonderful!" The idea of being in love is so appealing, they move fast and not try to let themselves become familiar with the person. Apparently, if you know someone TOO well, the "spark" or whatever it's called, goes away. I know some people that avoid dating within their own social circle and would rather find someone online or someone outside that circle, because they have this irrational fear, if it doesn't work out, they might have to see each other again. I have a female friend that's doing this now....she's seeing a guy like 3 hrs away, he drives up to see her on the weekend, he gets a hotel room and go out. Pretty discrete I suppose. Very outside the normal circle of friends. Her problem was, if she started dating someone in her own circle...and it didnt' work out, and that person started dating someone else she knew in that circle, it would bother her seeing the two of them together. She had a bad break up with a guy she dated a while from said group, and...he started dating in that group, and just ate her up inside seeing them together all the time.
colliejoanie Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Actually, she had thanked me for reminding her that she can't be friends with a man. It was life lesson, and a good lesson she had learned. Otherwise, it is unnatural. I actually deleted her from my Facebook, because she was unresponsive to me, and when I did, that was when she had a problem with it. Women need to learn that it is indeed unrealistic, and unnatural to think a man might not want to date them. But some women seem to be unclear how people ...well, date, get into relationships and even married. I tend to wonder what these women are even thinking. "Woah, he has some nerve asking me out , what a JERK!" I didn't expect that of a STRAIGHT man! If men can chime in and answer, I'm sure they can concur. Not sure if it's that I cannot be trusted issue, might not be entirely related. Not really mature behavior. It's not "whoa!!! how dare he ask me out!!!" It's "whoa, I didn't think of him in that way". you can't blame her for her feelings. She honestly thought of you as a friend. But, if she is mad because you deleted her from facebook and refused to put up with watching her life unravel without you....... RUN!
somedude81 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Sigh Men get offended when a woman just wants to be friends with a guy. Women get offended when a man just wants to date her.
Astro Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Actually, she had thanked me for reminding her that she can't be friends with a man. It was life lesson, and a good lesson she had learned. Otherwise, it is unnatural. I actually deleted her from my Facebook, because she was unresponsive to me, and when I did, that was when she had a problem with it. Women need to learn that it is indeed unrealistic, and unnatural to think a man might not want to date them. But some women seem to be unclear how people ...well, date, get into relationships and even married. I tend to wonder what these women are even thinking. "Woah, he has some nerve asking me out , what a JERK!" I didn't expect that of a STRAIGHT man! If men can chime in and answer, I'm sure they can concur. Not sure if it's that I cannot be trusted issue, might not be entirely related. Not really mature behavior. She was unresponsive... her fault, not yours... She got what she deserved, This woman stops talking to men that she has known for a while because they ask her out. What kind of reactions she expects?
Author irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Unfortunately, on this site you're going to get a lot of "people" telling you that it's your fault blah blah blah, because a lot of people like to have things both ways. That chick didn't want to be your friend she wanted to have you on the back burner as a spare tire just in case. Hardly worth worrying about. She was a classic case of someone who likes to use people. Yeah, pretty much....I thought it was funny she took notice that I had unfriended her a month later. It was only then, is when she finally contacted me, reading me the riot act. "How dare you un-friend me!!" It really irritated me calling me superficial for thinking such a thing. She was actually presumptuous by my unfriending action, but...I do admit it, I was attracted to her....and she knew it, too.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Yeah, pretty much....I thought it was funny she took notice that I had unfriended her a month later. It was only then, is when she finally contacted me, reading me the riot act. "How dare you un-friend me!!" It really irritated me calling me superficial for thinking such a thing. She was actually presumptuous by my unfriending action, but...I do admit it, I was attracted to her....and she knew it, too. You seem a lot more upset about it than she is, starting multiple threads about her.
colliejoanie Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Yeah, pretty much....I thought it was funny she took notice that I had unfriended her a month later. It was only then, is when she finally contacted me, reading me the riot act. "How dare you un-friend me!!" It really irritated me calling me superficial for thinking such a thing. She was actually presumptuous by my unfriending action, but...I do admit it, I was attracted to her....and she knew it, too. Did she say the word superficial?? Or did she just stay "how dare you un-friend me!!"?
counterman Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I wouldn't try to be friends with a girl you're attracted to. You'll end up doing things you normally wouldn't do with a friend you weren't attracted to, you'll react differently. Several months ago I tried to be friends with a girl I wanted to date. It ended up being messy since I reacted to her unresponsiveness, I cared more about it than she did, I was more invested. It was her suggestion to be friends but she never initiated any outings, phone calls, etc; it was one-sided. The bottom line was, knowing that I was attracted to her, I accepted being friends with her, which was a huge mistake -- the more time I spent with her, the more I became emotionally attached and attracted. I thought I could be friends with her and wanted to because we had a lot in common and to talk about anything but it didn't work out. It was probably best that you un-friended her. I'm going to make the assumption that she was less invested in the friendship. I often find it hilarious when someone offers friendship and never backs it up or follows through and gets mad when the other person refuses it. Personally, if someone isn't willing to put effort into a friendship and actually make time for a friend, what's the offer really? You have to seriously think what she was inputting into the friendship and whether it was really mutual, whether she's really making an effort, if not, then why be her friend? Or, why is she YOUR friend? If you un-friended her because she wasn't really being a real friend, that's fair IMO. Her reaction and whatever response is inconsequential. Maybe she's no guy has ever rejected her friendship before? Maybe she wanted you to continue to be attracted to her as a friend for her ego? (I know some girls like that) I don't know, but in any case it's best to move on. My ex-girlfriend suggested being friends right after our break-up. Naturally, I was destroyed and couldn't be around her. Our relationship was toxic and I just didn't want a friendship or anything to do with her. When I refused to accept her offer of friendship, she got really angry at me and started telling me off. Did it ever occur to her how I was feeling? Did she ever consider what I wanted? More importantly, did she think about what she was saying, whether she would really be a good friend? Maybe it's just me, but when someone says friend, I mean a real friend, not a facebook friend who I chat with here and there.
gaius Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I actually deleted her from my Facebook, because she was unresponsive to me, and when I did, that was when she had a problem with it. So you tried to punish her for ignoring you by deleting her from FB and it backfired. She used the opportunity you gave her to get rid of you entirely. Sounds like she had absolutely no respect for you, and I wonder why as a man you put up with it for so long.
ditzchic Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 How pushy were you in trying to ask her out? Did you show her that you were ONLY interested in dating her and not actually being her friend? I don't keep a lot of guy friends mainly because I'm a girls girl and don't have much in common with men to really form a rue friendship and also because when there is a one-sided attraction things get awkward and I would rather not deal with it at all. I had one guy that I would consider a true friend, we were so on the same level emotionally and spiritually. We could talk about life and philosophy for hours on end but I just was not physically attracted to him. I didn't want to be with him. But I loved his friendship. He could not get that through his head and would just keep pushing for something more. He would get really jealous whenever I would start seeing a new guy. Eventually he got bitter about it and the friendship went to ****. I had to cut ties with him completely. There was only resentment left. No friendship. I still miss our talks...
Author irc333 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 How pushy were you in trying to ask her out? I wasn't pushy at all. Did you show her that you were ONLY interested in dating her and not actually being her friend? I was actually interested in being her friend, but over time I wanted to take it to something more, because we had a lot in common and shared values, our brand of humor even matched up. I found her to be someone I wanted to be more than friends with. I actually can be friends with women, but it was usually with women I couldn't see myself dating, like they had a different religion, I've even been friends with women that other men had a physical thing for. But, chances are, there will be an inevitably out of all those female friends you befriended, a man will want to make more out of one of those friendships. Some women think that, when a friendship develops between a man and a woman, and then that guy decides to take it further, he's misjudged to be a shallow/superficial fool that only had an agenda. God didn't 2 separate genders on earth to be soley friends with each other, we're put together to be attracted to one another for whatever reason, get married, have babies, and so on....then another cycle begins. I don't keep a lot of guy friends mainly because I'm a girls girl and don't have much in common with men to really form a rue friendship and also because when there is a one-sided attraction things get awkward and I would rather not deal with it at all. You might be better off, I have noticed as men get older....they are less likely wanting friendships with women, and wanting to form romantic relationships. I had one guy that I would consider a true friend, we were so on the same level emotionally and spiritually. We could talk about life and philosophy for hours on end but I just was not physically attracted to him. I didn't want to be with him. But I loved his friendship. He could not get that through his head and would just keep pushing for something more. He would get really jealous whenever I would start seeing a new guy. Eventually he got bitter about it and the friendship went to ****. I had to cut ties with him completely. There was only resentment left. No friendship. I still miss our talks... Funny you mention this......I had a couple of female friends, who acquired new boyfriends, but I had no jealousy issues with those men, I was happy for them. Me and this one female friend, she lived alone, we'd chat on the phone or online for a while, made it a habit of it. Then the new boyfriend moved into her place.....he noticed her chatting with me, and he put a stop to it. He actually intervened and told me to leave his girlfriend be. Ties were cut there. Another woman, she wounded up getting serious with a guy, and she got married, and asked that I only email her at her work email, not at her personal email anymore. LOL I had a guy friend, that had a female friend he was very close with. She was single and unattached. When she got a boyfriend, and started getting serious with him, she stopped responding to his texts cold turkey. They all had one thing in common, once these women got a new boyfriend or got married, they themselves severed these ties with their male friends.
phineas Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 OP, deleting her off FB made you seem a little butt-hurt. Should of just stopped talking to her or kept her as an acquaintance & just not hung out with her one-on-one. As long as you didn't pretend to be friends with her as a way to get in her pants than she should be adult enough to understand you have no interest in spending time with a woman who just wants to be friends.
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