sarahkm Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I have done the no contact thing before where I just stopped talking to the ex and I got over it like it almost never happened. Looking back, I have no idea what I saw in that person. Now it's that time again. I read minimum 60 days to get over the situation, or at least make some progress so that's the number I'm starting at. It's more challenging this time around b/c of mutual friends and the fact that we still live in the same city. Luckily for me, every other break up I've had involved both of us ending up in different cities, which made things infinitely easier. And none of my past relationships involved as many mutual friends. We broke up months ago but tried the friend thing and even though I'm not crying my eyes out or anything like that, it still hurts. So I'm going to document every day on here from now til Day 60. I'll also document any contact from him, or if I break. Today is: Day 1. Anyone else, feel free to join and share your experience!
Author sarahkm Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 I will join you :-). Except even when the 60 days is up my ex will never be somone that I go "I don't know what I saw in them". An amazing person who blessed my life x I understand what you mean. I've had those too, where to this day I can still see why I fell for them. I guess the better way to describe those are that my feelings for them are gone b/c of no contact, and I don't feel anything (along the lines of hurt, anger, or jealousy) to know that they are with someone else. That's the place I want to get to - Indifference. The last couple of guys (before this one) I have no idea what I saw in them. Lol. 1
lalalandman Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 When have you taken the time to be by yourself? I'm just reading your posts for the last year....
Author sarahkm Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 When have you taken the time to be by yourself? I'm just reading your posts for the last year.... I took a few months around the end of 2010 through the beginning of 2011 between the relationships. Just a bit more journaling about my Day 1: I went to the grocery store after work and cooked for myself, which I think is an accomplishment b/c I know there have been days spent where I rather skip errands and just mope around at home.
Frank13 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 So I'm going to document every day on here from now til Day 60. I'll also document any contact from him, or if I break. Today is: Day 1. Anyone else, feel free to join and share your experience! I think that is a great idea to document every day. The thing that helps me the most is coming here and seeing that other people are going through the same thing. I will be reading your daily posts. For me 7 weeks seems to be the point where I start feeling much better, but in the past it has also been the time when NC got broken and we ended up getting back together. I too am looking forward to feeling indifferent. I know it will come but there are days when I wonder if it will.
Buttercup84 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Ok I will join in . I managed almost 100 days nc till my ex contacted me out of the blue . I can do it again . Go us !!
Cmac Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Doesn't counting the days make it harder though? I'm not even sure how long I've went NC for now, around the month mark but I don't know exact numbers. Just seems that keeping count keeps everything in the forefront of your mind.
Buttercup84 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Doesn't counting the days make it harder though? I'm not even sure how long I've went NC for now, around the month mark but I don't know exact numbers. Just seems that keeping count keeps everything in the forefront of your mind. Eventually you forget , before it was such a struggle to even get through a day , and then suddenly I realized that I was NC for a month .
Author sarahkm Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 I'm not sure how to proceed. It's Day 2 and he's already texting me to hang out with our mutual friends. I wrote back. I suck at this. I think I might have to just give up and not initiate anything.
patagonia Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I'll join. I couldn't take the hurt anymore and told this woman I couldn't do it anymore. I've never thought someone was so beautiful...the thoughts she said, the words she said, the feelings she had...they haunt me. How can a nightmare be so beautiful. I'm on day 2 of nc.
Author sarahkm Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) ok i'm going to start over. My goals are: 1. i won't initiate contact. if he texts, i'll answer, but short and sweet. because if i completely ignore him, it'll make me seem totally bitter in front of our mutual friends, and i want to come across as non-chalant (which to date, as far as i know is what it seems like). 2. i won't agree to meet up in person for any activities. this is the best I can do right now. Maybe after the 60 days I can go completely w/o answering when he contacts. DAY 1. Again. I slept in so late b/c getting up is the hardest part of the day, and since it's Sunday, I don't have any responsibilities to anyone to get up. sigh. Edited January 29, 2012 by sarahkm
mike588 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I was dumped 6 months ago and have been in strict N.C. for all that time except the 1st week after the b/u. It wasn't easy...Oh God I can't count the time I almost broke N.C. Doing so has helped me soooooooo much!!! and am glad now I did it...I'd hate to know where I'd be now if I/we (my ex) and I were talking during the last 6 months. I'm so over her now and want nothing to do with her. Early this month she broke N.C. I haven't replyed and am not going to!
sunflower11 Posted January 30, 2012 Posted January 30, 2012 Go Sarah!! I am at 9 weeks NC and you can see on my first threads how much I would break NC. It is the hardest thing to do but now I am so proud I have made it this far. You can do it too!!! What helped me was starting with small goals like first make it through a day, then 3 days, then one week and so on!
Author sarahkm Posted January 30, 2012 Author Posted January 30, 2012 I thought long and hard about it today. He texted me today and I responded. Just stupid crap. I decided that from now on I'm going to do real NC, no responses whatsoever. Tomorrow will be Day1 since I already screwed up today. If i can ever get past Day 1!!!! Today sucked - emotional and depressing, which is why I decided on full NC. There's really no other way for me.
confused kitty Posted January 31, 2012 Posted January 31, 2012 Il join in too. Im on day 11 of my second round at NC, I once made it to 2months NC and stupidly thaught I was over him and sent him and his family best wishes for Christmas, HUGE mistake!! So as I said Im on day 11 now and finding it really difficult not to text him the last few days (today in particular) Im finding it extremley difficult this time around
Author sarahkm Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Day 1: no fun. my friends got me through it, thankgoodness. I feel like he has completely forgot about me
Author sarahkm Posted February 1, 2012 Author Posted February 1, 2012 Day 1: no fun. my friends got me through it, thankgoodness. I feel like he has completely forgot about me
sleepykitten Posted February 1, 2012 Posted February 1, 2012 I'll join, broke up 8 mths ago (I know!!) longest nc 6 weeks broken by me-damn christmas holidays, que texts and mails from both of us, he apologised, sort of for how he had been but still didnt make it any better really, got a bit of closure i guess as hit a real low in between christmas and new yr and really need to not put myself through that again, so after he text a few weeks ago saying " i didnt lie to you in november, i will always wonder what if, quite frankly this christmas was nothing like the ones we have had together" No wonder its taking so long for me to get over this b/u as theres been contact like this from the outset, and 2 meet ups, and countless days, weeks of me feeling at rock bottom. I dont need any answers or anything from him i know he is not a good guy and has strung me along for a long time. So its 3 weeks and a day of nc today.
Author sarahkm Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Day 2: Today was actually ok. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was going to be. I skipped the gym, but went to the grocery store and cooked dinner. Always debating if I should respond if he contacts and if he is interested in someone else :-/ which I know shouldn't matter, but at this point, it matters, if only in my stupid head.
sleepykitten Posted February 2, 2012 Posted February 2, 2012 Well done, cookings good, I always know if I am in a good place mentally as I cook, tend to neglect looking after myself food wise if I am in that depressed phase. If he does contact dont respond, I know its hard but it only starts the cycle off again, belive me i have done it many many times, if he is interested in or indeed seeing someone else you will find a million questions to ask him and any answer will never seem good enough. Of course at this point in your head it seems to matter but knowing about it wont help, at the moment you want to know that he's not interested in or seeing anyone and thats why you are debating responding. With nc its time for you, the first weeks are the toughest, i made it harder for myself by contacting or replying to him, he has a new g/f which i asked a hundred questions about and read so much into fb pics etc, now it doesnt matter to me so much, i blocked her so cant keep looking as thats what set me back too. Its 3 weeks and 2 days so far this time.
Author sarahkm Posted February 2, 2012 Author Posted February 2, 2012 Day 3: Thanks for the words of encouragement sleepykitten. I'm going to try my absolute hardest not to respond to him if he contacts. I don't know when, but since he thinks we're friends still, it'll most likely happen before my 60 day goal is over. I totally understand what you mean about starting the cycle again. If I had done NC from the very beginning, I would probably be over it by now. Instead I am at day 3 Today I actually felt physical pain at work from this mess. I did manage to go to the gym and bang out some negative energy there, feeling a bit better now.
confused kitty Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Sarahkm, just a warning - Please dont think that once you get to 60 days NC that you will be healed and totally over this guy because it is most likely not going to be the case. I reached a little over 60 days NC and I thaught I was genuinely over him and thaught Id be fine sending him 1 text to say merry xmas, (I wanted to be the bigger person) this was so not the case!! I wasnt expecting a reply but he replyed straight away and said he missed me blah blah, well fast forward and Im back to square one, Again!!! Im not saying you wont be healed by then, but just want to warn you in case you fall into the same trap I did! Day 14 - AGAIN!!!!
sleepykitten Posted February 3, 2012 Posted February 3, 2012 Yes, agree with confused kit, even if you feel confident and that physical pain is gone, dont text/contact, I have done that too really thought I was ok then back to square one-again!! At the moment I feel ok, feel over him in the respect that I dont want him back and i dont want to contact him, but theres still a sad feeling inside at times if and when i think of how he treated me at the end and after and what we had in the beginning. Still seeing him sometimes with those rose coloured glasses on.The key is to keep busy as its when boredom sets in my mind starts wandering and then i do stupid things like look at his fb which still has all our photos on from day one its like a love story in pictures!! Right...I need to leave the house today!!!!
patagonia Posted February 7, 2012 Posted February 7, 2012 I've broken contact like 3 or 4 times in the last two weeks. I said enough is enough. Gave my phone to my mother...and I'm 29! My health is what this is about and to me it is well worth it to miss calls and texts by others just so I can get through this! You can do it too! Do whatever it takes!
Author sarahkm Posted February 7, 2012 Author Posted February 7, 2012 oh wow,..i've seriously considered just leaving my phone at home while at work. I've been trying to hit the gym or keep occupied so I'm not constantly checking my phone. Like alot of the other posts on here, the gym helps alot, if only for an hr a day.
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