Things are starting to get more serious- and I am still questioning if this is for me

[Breezie]

Hi everyone.

I posted a thread a while back about me not liking being 2nd to my boyfriends kids.

Link is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t278509/

 

Anyways, fast forward until now- I met the kids, I love the kids, think they're fantastic, however I still hate the part that on Saturdays, I don't get to spend it with my boyfriend, even when it's not "his weekend" with the kids, because he's busy attending all his sports games.

 

My best friend was getting married, I asked him to be my date to the wedding weeks in advance, and he agreed. I reminded him daily, up until the day before. The day before he told me he couldn't go to the wedding, becasue his son had a basketball game. That was embarassing to me, and it really hurt my feelings, especially since he commited to me that he was going to go, and changed his mind at the last min.

 

Another similar situation happened, where he promised me he'd be involved with my yearly tradition to go to the local festival. Literally 10 min before we were supposed to leave, he had a change of heart and went to his kids game instead, leaving me to go to the festival myself.

 

We're now discussing the option of getting engaged and married, and moving in together. I feel like I'm still not satisfied with never having a Saturday with him. He works night schedule, while I work day schedule, so my only days with him are Saturdays and Sundays.

I guess if we lived together, we might see eachother more (possibly), but it still doesn't change the fact that if I would like him to attend something with me, he won't go if it's on a Saturday.

 

We have a cruise booked, and even though he payed his half, I still question on weather or not he's going to get on the ship, until we physically get on the ship and sail away.

 

The reason why I am thinking about this even more was that there was a "groupon" put out (if you haven't heard of them- it's basically a coupon that a big group of people purchase, which is on sale for 1 day. Anyways, one was released today for a bus trip to New York. It's one of my favorite places to go, and I'd really like to purchase them for us. But thinking about it, he'd never be able to go, because there is a game every weekend. usually 2 or 3 games. It would be useless. Thinking about that got my mind spinning.

 

 

Another thing I'm concerned about is the fact that he hates that I go out with my friends on Thursday and Friday night. Believe me, if he didn't work night shift, I would spend every second with him. But he works night shift, and lives over an hour away. So Thursdays and Fridays I go out with my girlfriends to a local bar, or to dinner etc. It drives him CRAZY. He doesn't think a bar is a place for an attached woman to go. On the other hand, I see it as perfectly harmless, as I'm hanging out with my girl friends gabbing and enjoying a few drinks.

 

I would like advice, thoughts, etc.

Am I over thinking things? Am I getting cold feet, since I literally have to make a descision about moving in with him in the next few weeks? I'm confused, and need my fellow forum member's insite.

Thanks!

[Lobouspo]

You will ALWAYS play second fiddle to his kids. I read your first post, so you have known the score before you got serious with this guy. Accept the reality of the situation or break up with him if you can't handle it. Pretty simple really. The good news is that you are still young enough where you can find someone minus all the baggage. Good luck to you

[FitChick]

This is why I don't date men whose kids are younger than teenagers. In my opinion, marriage to this man would be a big mistake. Date others and then in a few years when the kids are older, if you both are available, maybe date again since the kids would be more independent. You appear to be a convenience to him. Living with him would be more convenient for him because it would be like having a live in housekeeper and hooker.

[Mme. Chaucer]

At least he's been consistent. I think you are either going to have to learn how to accept things exactly as they are with a lot of grace, or move on.

 

Any chance you might join him at the games? I know it's not your choice of activity, but you'd be spending the time with him that way. If he's talking about marriage, it's appropriate that you are included in family stuff too.

[creighton0123]

I think you're overthinking things and not looking at the long term. His kids aren't always going to be kids. If you are seriously considering the future, there will be a time, a few years from now, when he will have Saturdays free. Kids grow up and get lives of their own. That's how it is.

 

Talk to him about his discomfort with you going out with your friends. Tell him exactly what you do when you go out. Even more so, tell him why this time with your friends is important for you, just as his time at his children's sports is important for him.