lalalandman Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I guess I don't really know ho to process what i've been feeling lately for the past week. Something seemed to sort of snap inside me and i just, stopped being angry, and bitter. 8 months later. I found myself sitting around sometimes, only thinking about the good times we had. And I smiled. I started to cherish all the fond memories in my mind and I felt a lot of love in my heart. And when something popped into my head about a fight we had or a bad moment in our past, I would sit there and think how much wasted energy it took and unecessary pain it caused. Everyday lately, sometimes I'll do or say something and I'm starting to pick up on little nuances of mine, and I'll just stop and think, "Why did I just do that?" Or I'll start to pick up on others feelings and reactions. I can't explain it but something is different on my perceptions of things around me. Me and my ex have been talking recently and you know what, I'm really not angry at her. I don't feel bitter. I even feel like i could apologize to her for things I've done in the past to cause pain. Stupid, stupid things. I mean we both did stupid things but, now, looking back, wow. I couldn't be mad at her if we didn't get back together. I have so much love for her. I mean she was my angel and we adore each other. But I couldn't be angry. I just kind of realize where things went awry. I can't be mad at a girl who is frightened to go back to doing the same wrong things, although our love is so so great. I don't know what to make of these feelings. I don't even know if we should keep talking. I mean she invited me over a month ago, and it was amazing, she admitted, but there's obviously still something holding us back. But I'm not angry. It's weird. I think it's good.
Frank13 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I don't know what to make of these feelings. I don't even know if we should keep talking. I mean she invited me over a month ago, and it was amazing, she admitted, but there's obviously still something holding us back. But I'm not angry. It's weird. I think it's good. It is interesting. It sounds like you have let go of the anger but you're not sure if you should keep talking. So, either you wanted to move on with your life but didn't feel closure until you were able to release the anger, or now that the anger is released perhaps you are thinking of a second chance. The fact that you are in contact and it doesn't seem to be causing you problems, and your time together a month ago was amazing, maybe means to try again.
Author lalalandman Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Unfortunately there's no ON/OFF button for 'try again'. I think if anything, this is just a step in my long drawn out healing process.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 (edited) Everyday lately, sometimes I'll do or say something and I'm starting to pick up on little nuances of mine, and I'll just stop and think, "Why did I just do that?" Or I'll start to pick up on others feelings and reactions. I can't explain it but something is different on my perceptions of things around me. Me and my ex have been talking recently and you know what, I'm really not angry at her. I don't feel bitter. I even feel like i could apologize to her for things I've done in the past to cause pain. Stupid, stupid things. I mean we both did stupid things but, now, looking back, wow. I couldn't be mad at her if we didn't get back together. I have so much love for her. I mean she was my angel and we adore each other. But I couldn't be angry. I just kind of realize where things went awry. I can't be mad at a girl who is frightened to go back to doing the same wrong things, although our love is so so great. I don't know what to make of these feelings. I don't even know if we should keep talking. I mean she invited me over a month ago, and it was amazing, she admitted, but there's obviously still something holding us back. But I'm not angry. It's weird. I think it's good. OMG I knew it.... Burnout. I saw it in your last self talking post. What I bolded is you starting to own your feelings and process them. When you do so, you understand the feelings of others. You understand now... You understand yourself and in doing so you can see the big picture and that most of the posts here aren't as black and white as people perceive them to be. There are other options that you will soon see. IE. Your communication with your ex, you can do it now because you understand her side. Unfortunately there's no ON/OFF button for 'try again'. I think if anything, this is just a step in my long drawn out healing process. Teehee, give this time Edited January 28, 2012 by Dark Phoenix
Author lalalandman Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 When you say Burnout, because I'm not completely sure what you mean in context, I assume you're saying that I've mentally exhausted myself to a state of nothingness. In terms of coping, I'm not sure if this is positive or negative, so you would need to explain.
smokey bear Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 He means you are showing signs of gigs yourself aka emotional maturity. Only now would a recon with your ex work. When i went back to my ex after gigs, we didnt work, i had matured and he hadnt. We thought differently, i was an out the box thinker and he was still black and white. Before we were both black and white. Gigs recons tend to only be successful if both parties gigs. What wilson is talking about is your showing signs of the gifts that gigs brings, as he says there are many more to come and are tools to cherish for a lifetime. The next time you meet your ex you will notice a difference.
betterdeal Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Have you noticed any physical changes accompanying this change in yourself? For instance, less tension in your shoulders and upper back? Anger often manifests in physical form too, so I wouldn't be surprised if you have felt a change in your body as you let go of anger. I hope you are enjoying the new lease of life you are apparently experiencing
EgoJoe Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Keep moving on buddy. Let go of the anger but...think about just how clueless your Ex is and how you want to move past that kind of crap.
Author lalalandman Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) Betterdeal...I started smoking in May when she broke up with me. I quit smoking a day after her birthday, January 18th, about 10 days ago. I have also noticed the physical changes you mentioned as well. Smokey and Phoenix...I'm still very confused. Sorry. Our conversations are very brief. I personally think she simply has no idea what she wants. To be honest, I'm still up and down on whether I still want to speak with her. I don't want to keep being tugged back and forth. What I was saying was, I let go of the bitterness, so I'm not angry for her not wanting to get back with me, so it's easier to let go now more than before. I'm really trying to understand what you guys are saying but having a difficult time doing so. How does understanding her side make it any easier to work things out? How is that going to get the trust back? EgoJoe...thanks, I'm just not sure how clueless she is. She obviously had enough of a clue to leave me. What does that say? But if what you mean by clueless is confused, then yes, totally. Edited January 29, 2012 by lalalandman
betterdeal Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) Smokey and Phoenix appear to have decided that your future is to be with this woman, and that you are not empathetic enough yet to be so. I find this to be far too presumptive of your, and her, motives, desires, needs, and setting you up for a fall should you not achieve the pre-determined outcome they consider a success, which is not a great strategy. It also looks, to me, like jam yesterday, jam tomorrow, but never jam today, and that's not sweet. I don't know where your future lies. I'm more along the lines of taking each day as it comes, and building on what you have now. If what you're doing now in your life has reduced your stress levels, it sounds like you're on a good path, so keep on doing it. I don't mean keep doing the exact same things every day, but keep reacting to and processing things the way you are, as it appears to be working for you. Enjoy what you have, this new found peace of yours. If relations between you and this woman develop, in any direction, then take it as it comes. Enjoy it. Maybe loving each other from a distance is what works for you, for now. Maybe calling it a day is what works for you, for now. Maybe becoming closer is what works for you, for now. I get the sense you like things to progress in a pretty smooth way. Less severe bouncing back and forth. More nuanced, playful, pulling apart and pulling together with something gentler yet stronger growing in the space between you as a result. More like dancing a tango than the rump-shaking & cock-fondling you'll find in discos. That peace, release, that weight off your shoulders, is valuable. Don't be forsaking it lightly if you see what I mean? Edited January 29, 2012 by betterdeal
smokey bear Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 (edited) Better deal, be careful with your wording..... "Smokey and Phoenix appear to have decided that your future is to be with this woman, and that you are not empathetic enough yet to be so." I didnt say that at all. Lalalaman, something that may help.... Emotional maturity, the 6 levels... LEVELS 1-4 OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY Level One Maturity -Basic Emotional Responsibility- When a person reaches level one of emotional maturity, they realize that they can no longer view their emotional states as the responsibility of external forces such as people, places, things, forces, fate, and spirits. They learn to drop expressions from their speech that show disownership of feelings and a helpless or victim attitude towards their feelings. Expressions such as: "They made me feel . . . , " "It made me feel . . . ," "I made them feel. . . ," and any others that denote external emotional responsibility are first changed into "I" statements as opposed to "You" or blaming statements. They are, for example, changed from, "You make me so mad when you do that," to "I feel mad when you do that because . . . ." People learn at this level to regularly use the following expressions: "When you did . . . , I felt . . . , because . . . ." "When . . . happened, I felt . . . , because . . . ." As time and maturity advance, they begin to use even more accurate statements that inhibit the Blame Game such as: "I chose to feel . . . when I did . . . , because . . . ." "I choose to feel . . . whenever . . . happens, because . . . ." "I chose to feel . . . when he, she, it, did . . . , because . . . ." "I am in the habit of choosing to feel . . . whenever my/your . . . says anything to me, because . . . ." Level Two Maturity -Emotional Honesty- Emotional honesty concerns the willingness of the person to know and own their own feelings. This is a necessary step to self-understanding and acceptance. The issues of resistance to self-discovery are dealt with at this level. They are related solely to the person's conscious and unconscious fears of dealing directly with the critical voices they hear inside. In the past, they have typically lost all interactions with this internal adversary, so their fears are justified. Now, however, they know how to choose to feel so that they can keep from being destroyed, or they can choose not to interact with their accuser at all. The realization of the old maxim, "To thine own self be true," is the primary goal at this level. This means that we are always true to what we feel: we do not hide, stuff, suppress, or repress what we feel, but honestly experience it at this level of maturity. Here, you are at least honest with yourself about how you really feel. As a secondary goal on this level, people learn to locate others with whom they can safely share their real feelings, their real selves. Such work to never again accept self as behavior. Edited January 29, 2012 by smokey bear
smokey bear Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Lalalaman, i try to understand gigs as much as i can, and against better judgement i also try to put a time on each stage, im not saying you have gigs or anything but through all my research id like to make a little prdiction that in the next say 1-2 weeks you will have a great moment where u understand clearly how much you love this woman and to what context. Ill keep an eye out for your posts.
Author lalalandman Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 Thank you everyone. Another update on my feelings... I don't know how to put this, but I've become scared of how my feelings are progressing. I don't know if I'm letting go of the love I have for her or the bitterness, or both, and although it feels good, it's scaring me. And these feelings show. I've noticed that I focus less on the negative. I've noticed that I go out of my way more to make people smile. If someone says something down, I say something to bring them up. The wind feels different. The air I breathe feels different. Everything I hear sounds different. And it's scaring me.
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