livingnightmare Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Hi everyone, Just a quick run down on myself, I was in a relationship a few years ago that went terribly wrong, I have old posts about it on here floating around, the way I dealt with this has left me insecure, and with low self esteem. I also had a career as a builder but have had to pack that in because of an injury, which in turn has left me broke and back at my parents at the age of 33. After quitting smoking, drinking and cannabis all in one go (I used to cover up what's been going on in my head) anyone else going through problems plz do not abuse these after a bad break up they will seriously damage your mental well being. they will damage you anyway if misused. Well I still have a fraction of my old fighting spirit still left in me which Is how I quit my substance abuse cold turkey with no help, and I know If I can do this I will get my life fixed once again! I have made steps. and through my doctor arranged to speak to some one about my demons in my head but I am waiting to get a consultation. Ok, I would like to ask you fine Loveshackers for any tips, any books to read, what realistic steps I should take into rebuilding my life , new friends (as all my friends abuse substances and I dont want that any more) new career and a healthier mind. How can I go about rebuilding my life in general starting from rock bottom I am willing to put in 200% effort to achieve this but need to build a good foundation to get all my goals in place starting from the bottom. My ears and eyes are open I hope I can get some good ideas from you all! Thank you for reading :-)
PelicanPete Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Well, you should be proud of yourself that you were able to quit all that junk eh? That in itself is a major life changing step. People pay a lot of money to damage their body and life with substance abuse. Not only is your body gonna feel better, but your bank account will as well Goals and friends I'll leave up to you, but I think an underrated tip towards changing for the better is this: You're gonna piss people off. Be prepared for people to try to shove you into the mold of who they think you are. You quit the whole substance parade, that's great. However, the friends you shared that interest with may come sniffing around and try to pressure you back into your old routine. People who "know" you are always skeptical or resistant towards you trying to change yourself. Whether it is a change for the better or worse, it's scary for them. It makes them feel exposed and obligated to change themselves. Do your best to cut these people out of your life, whether it be a temporary thing while you wait for the paint to dry, or permanently. They're only going to bring you down and get you to doubt yourself. Just hold onto that image of who you want to be, and don't let anything get in your way to reach that goal. You're making some good moves here buddy, you've already demonstrated you're a strong dude to quit the substances, but you'll soon discover that motivation is only temporary. If you really want this, there's gonna be points where it's just going to be pure gritty discipline. So don't let go. Some books you may find useful: Mans Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl How to Argue and Win Every time - Gerry Spence The Hero with a Thousand Faces - Joseph Campbell Good luck to ya
Author livingnightmare Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 Hi and thank you darkmoon I have been looking into it, and will continue to do so! Hi Pelican Pete, oh yes I am very proud of giving up all of that, in fact i dont feel like I've given up I feel like I am gaining the life I should have had from years ago even though its still in its young stage as of yet, Yes your point on friends is bang on, they dont believe I have quit or they want me to come out and just watch them smoke and drink, I will still be their friends but I am drawing a line with the old friendships I had on how different our lives have become and how I refuse to go down that path again, I have already explained this to some of them but a few dont seem to understand that! Those are the ones I will cut out of my life. Yes I have a strong image of who and where I want to be in life, I do not want to be depressed for the rest of my life and am going to give it my all and better to get there, Thanks for noticing and giving me more motivation with the strength to quit I am real happy with myself for this and feel that way rightfully so as I feel its a major step to achieving a great future. I realise that at times it will take gritty discipline to make sure all works out for the best which is why I am here making the little steps which will become bounds and leaps. Thank you very much with the names of those books, I will be buying them with the money I have saved from quitting so many bad habits and thanks for the kind support and luck :-) !
Teknoe Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer Yes, Joyce is a Christian, and the book is written for Christians in mind, BUT the book is a best seller and has helped MANY non-Christians. You said you're keeping an open mind, so there ya go. The book has helped me a lot in the way I think and see things. Give it a shot, even if you don't believe in God or don't know. There's still plenty of golden nuggets to receive as a non-believer.
PelicanPete Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Thanks for noticing and giving me more motivation with the strength to quit I am real happy with myself for this and feel that way rightfully so as I feel its a major step to achieving a great future. I realise that at times it will take gritty discipline to make sure all works out for the best which is why I am here making the little steps which will become bounds and leaps. Thank you very much with the names of those books, I will be buying them with the money I have saved from quitting so many bad habits and thanks for the kind support and luck :-) ! You got it man. The books I recommended may not be direct self help books but they will definitely change your thinking. Mans Search for Meaning is all about a jewish psychologist describing nazi concentration camps in WWII and is extremely motivational. How to Argue and Win Every time is learning about how to deliver a "winning" argument, and how to speak from your heart zone. And finally, Hero with a Thousand Faces has beautifully synthesizing Carl Jungs psychological archetypes with ancient mythology to explain the human condition. It mainly focuses on the stages of "The Heros Journey", which we can very well say you are on that journey right now. Another good tip for trying to change your lifestyle is to just try some new things with yourself. Doesn't have to be anything major like travel the world or jump out of a plane, but doing things like listening to new music, taking different routes to work, buying some new clothes, or trying incorporating new foods in your diet. They all develop a healthy mindset towards becoming a new you. Little victories like that give you subtle reassurance that you can do it and that you can become who you want to be, and make it more of a reality rather then a dream in your head. Building up that confidence in your comfort zone helps you transfer that confidence outside of it
FitChick Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Try this free interactive website to eliminate a core belief you have that may cause you to backslide in the future if someone pushes your buttons. There is a book of the same name but it's better to experience the Lefkoe Method instead of just reading about it.
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