SJC2008 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm on Fb. I like it but don't get into any drama on it. I'm 30 so with my age group it's water cooler stuff. You know, sports, politics etc. And if course kids pics with the ones that have them. I was telling my date last night I'd rather not have my gf as a friend to avoid drama and she was like it's not official until it's facebook official. Am I out of touch or do I have a legitimate point? Tell it like it is. And No I don't have a problem listing myself in a r.
Emilia Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Some people - girls especially - care about others' approval more. Personally that annoys me because I believe you should be your own person but there are many who take notice of peer pressure. I'm guessing her friends are bugging her, telling her that if you were serious about her, you would be shouting it from the roof tops
phineas Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm 40 & my FB is basically the same. Until you get to the single women pushing 40. Their like the 20yr olds. Posting pics of themselves so whight Knights can swoop in & tell them how hot they are. I've started hiding their feeds because of it. But if you delete them you get tons of txts or people asking why. LOL! I was in disbelief. We never interact on FB so why do they care? Must be a friend count thing? IDK. but I get the whole woman wanting to announce she is in a relationship thing. The deluge of comments ect. again. Personally, the people on my Facebook that actually matter are the people who won't need FB to know who i'm dating because I actually talk to them in real life & they have met the woman. I don't use FB to creep on women anyway's however they have used it to creep on me. But never publicly. always through FB messages or opening up a chat session when we are both online. So maybe if I am in a relationship listing it would avoid any issues.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I don't see any reason to exclude a GF or BF from your FB. Granted I'm not 30 just yet, but most of my friends are in their early 30s and Hubby is in his 30s. I don't do a lot on FB, but I'd find it REALLY odd if one of the closest people in my life who was friends with other people on there that they're less close to would want to exclude me from their FB. Hubby and I were friends on FB from a little after we started dating, and he added me to his profile (In a Relationship With) when we made it official. I would've DEFINITELY wondered WTH if he'd kept his FB from me. Nowadays, I log into FB about once a week. I mostly use it to keep in contact with friends who live far away, but a lot of my local friends are on there too. We organize local events with us --- something I used a lot more of when I was single. So I'm not a huge FB user, and neither is Hubby. I just don't see why you would keep ANY part of your life deliberately separate from a SO. To me, that doesn't sound like a relationship. If there's drama, then the relationship has issues, and it seems a poor answer to me to avoid it. I've never had any FB relationship drama in my life. The people who do, IME, have off-FB relationship drama too.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 (edited) FB is is for me like going through the motion, not a necessity. I don't think I need to announce my relationship status anymore than I need to tell people my sexual orientation through a third-party. Its like airing cdirty laundry in the open. However I wouldn't bother to exclude my SO from being added as a friend. If they want to friend me ill friend them. Again, jusr going through the motions. Edited January 27, 2012 by xpaperxcutx
Gettingtired Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 she was like it's not official until it's facebook official. Oh dear..... A student I dated for a while [early 20's] said that to me [30 ish] and I laughed in her face. People put far too much worth into FB. It's a website, on the internet... who cares what's on it. I see your point, totally. A relationship is between 2 people not 2 people and Facebook.......
Onlyjonley Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 When my boy and I made it official, I changed my relationship status on fb but told him he didn't have to (he had his hidden). He ended up changing it anyway, but I really don't think it's a big deal either way. As far as not wanting to friend her on fb, that may rub me the wrong way just a bit. It might seem as if you're trying to hide something.
Jane2011 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 My opinions about FB, friending spouses, and including relationship statuses has changed/varied at times. I used to think it would be ridiculous not to friend someone you're with (as in, been with them for 3+ months and you're exclusive.) Now I can see why one wouldn't. I'd like to have a little privacy, even from a spouse. It's not because I want to flirt with men or that I'm talking about the boyfriend; rather, because I don't necessarily want him to know everything I do and every little quirky status update I do. I'm pretty much a regular user of FB; I do a status update every day. When I was in a relationship with a long-term boyfriend (five years together), he was my FB friend and he saw all of my stuff. It was fine; we were comfortable with each other; we had little/almost no drama. But the recent guy I dated, I had the option, I guess, to friend him, but I preferred not to. I preferred our days away from each other to be *truly* time away from each other where we could actually miss each other. Our occasional texts to each other were enough. And even though we'd only been together six weeks, I really had no intention of friending him even as we got further along as a couple. I'd probably only do it if he asked me to friend him, and even then, I might secretly hide him from seeing my statuses just because I want some privacy. As far as the relationship status goes, I used to really need and want the world to know I was in a relationship. And I have to admit, that's not fully gone from me. But I think I desire it less than I used to. As someone else mentioned, good friends know that you're in a relationship. I don't need the public FB validation as long as I can brag to my close friends about it, lol.. And two, I'd rather be actually happy in a relationship and not have everybody know about it than have "in a relationship" on my Facebook and it actually be a rocky one that's soon gonna end. (Not to say that having the status up and also actually being in a good relationship can't both exist). I just know that when I, for years, had "in a relationship" as my status, the relationship was on shaky ground. Soon it was "engaged to...". and it was still on shaky ground. So I developed this belief that Facebook showiness (not that I was showy...I mean, it was just a status; I was never that woman who was all, "My boyfriend just gave me a dozen roses! He is the best!")) ...anyway, I began to believe that maybe there was something to not touting your relationship too much...that it is probably a solid relationship the less you have to wear it on your sleeve. All that being said, I'm not totally immune to the "silly" female desire to have other people know i"m in a relationship. I just think that, now, I wouldn't push for it unless we were together for more than 6 months (at least) or a year AND (more importantly) it felt really solid, like he's head over heels in love with me.
veggirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 BF and I didn't become "FB official" til we had been together about 6 mos. We were official long before that, both of our FB relationship statuses were blank though (they didn't say we were single). I would be upset if he wouldn't even ADD me to his FB. I wasn't upset that FB didn't say we were in a relationship though.
azsinglegal Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm on Fb. I like it but don't get into any drama on it. I'm 30 so with my age group it's water cooler stuff. You know, sports, politics etc. And if course kids pics with the ones that have them. I was telling my date last night I'd rather not have my gf as a friend to avoid drama and she was like it's not official until it's facebook official. Am I out of touch or do I have a legitimate point? Tell it like it is. And No I don't have a problem listing myself in a r. People who rely on Facebook to make their relationship official are silly. I'm friends with people I date but I NEVER change my status. Not unless I get married. People who change their status from "single to relationship" constantly are just begging for attention. I can't STAND all the folks who post, "OMG what happened?" blah blah blah BS. Of course, I did have "in a relationship" once, but then that's also how I discovered he was breaking up with me. He changed his status to "single" and when I saw it in my news feed, I asked him WTF and he said, "check your email". Ever since then...I will NEVER change my status unless it's to "married". Lots of unwanted boohooing is not what I needed at the time.
azsinglegal Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 BF and I didn't become "FB official" til we had been together about 6 mos. We were official long before that, both of our FB relationship statuses were blank though (they didn't say we were single). I would be upset if he wouldn't even ADD me to his FB. I wasn't upset that FB didn't say we were in a relationship though. ^^ This X2. After 9 months we're the same way. Showing nothing tho, not single or in a relationship. I just started tagging him in my posts.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 If the status isn't single (blank, in a relationship, in a relationship with . . . all fine; it's complicated would bum me out! ), I don't see a big issue with it. But I thought the OP didn't even want to add the girl to his FB, like as a friend. Which was it, OP?
Author SJC2008 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 I'd add her as a friend if we got that far but the main reason is if i put in a r, then it goes south quick and i have to change it everyone knows your business. Like a friend of mine who had one for a month lol
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I'm pretty much starting to hate FB for these reasons. I hate having my life on blast and especially since most of the people on my FB are just family with some friends. But mainly I use it to keep in touch and connect with people I don't see all the time and wouldn't have otherwise. However a lot of people use it as a dumpster, putting just about anyone on theirs. Women ask me for my FB and I just met them, I'm not really into that myself..for me it's just for family. I already made the mistake of putting one relationship on FB and learned from then on. It think it's completely ridiculous when everyone can see when you are in and out of a relationship or what not, especially If you starting posting cheesy crap to each others walls. I resisted this but flowed with the status quo and sure enough when it ended I had women who were just friends asking about a relationship which ended up me having to burn some bridges, hell even an ex was interested again. So that was enough of a learning lesson for me, If you want your **** on the internet for everyone to see that's up to you, and many women like to live their lives on blast like that but they're not going to make me bend for them...so status is hidden or single until it's actually quite serious. I think facebook is just a place for women to watch over you as well, so **** that lol
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I would be upset if he wouldn't even ADD me to his FB. I wasn't upset that FB didn't say we were in a relationship though. Same here.
g450 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 When my boy and I made it official, I changed my relationship status on fb but told him he didn't have to (he had his hidden). He ended up changing it anyway, but I really don't think it's a big deal either way. As far as not wanting to friend her on fb, that may rub me the wrong way just a bit. It might seem as if you're trying to hide something. Exactly. She may simply think you are hiding stuff from her if you dont add her on there. Next she might ask you for your FB password. But honestly, she may get the idea that you are a player. I would add her personally to keep the peace and give her peace of mind. There is also the whole peer pressure thing. Her friends might be spreading around that you are playing her etc. So I can fully understand her. I actually lost my XW partially because of FB so I hate it even though I use it still. It is a good tool, it just makes cheating easy. And perhaps your GF knows this as well. My own FB is an open book but I only use it for family and very close friends. That is what it should be used for IMHO. Not all this friend count crap, ego stroking, flirting and drama that many people use it for today. I did have to remove some people I thought were friends because of this kind of stuff so I also can relate to the OPs thoughts on this equally.
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