RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 It's been a little bit since I've posted here. But wanted to get something out and get some opinions as I more curious than anything. So me and my ex of one year broke up over 2 weeks ago. Been NC for most of that. Last thing I heard from her was that she didn't wanna talk and that she was sorry. Since then I have found out that she has slept with atleast one guy. But she played him and doesn't have anything to do with him now. She has been talking to TONS of guys. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't slept with more. So why do girls do this? How can she seriously not feel nasty or bad at all that she is doing this with a few dudes and so soon after a relationship. You think it's to hide her emotions? I know that she is single and is free to do as she pleases but damn how is it so easy for people to show zero remorse after a break up? Especially since it wasn't but a day before the break up that she was confessing her love and sending me pictures an telling me I would always be hers. I feel wrong for wanting her back. I've never felt the way I did for her for anyone else. I also wanna add all of these guys are LOWLIFES. They are all trash and nothing like me or can be what me and her were. Just wanted to get some thoughts out. I'm trying not to dwell on it and move on but it's hard. I just can't believe I catch myself thinking that if she came back I would try and forgive. But maybe that's because I love her. I've read on here where people say its not a big deal and it should be forgiven if they come back and you love them. I kno eventually she will wake up and all this new life will eventually wear off but I'm afraid it will be too late for her. For our sakes and her own life. Cause I still want good things for her and only wish she knew she was better than this and so idk why she stoops so low.
Dark Phoenix Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Its a phase she will grow out of it. A lot of people do this in their lives, try new things, etc There's no need to be jealous of the other guys, they dont have anything on you
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks Phoenix. Idk what to do. I love her. More than anything. She gave me butterflies when I looked at her up till that last day. She really feel outta love just like that? I know to move on and find someone else but my heart is connected to her. I have to go forward but would do anything to have her come crawling back....
Dark Phoenix Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I understand how you feel, you and me are in the same position. Give yourself time, focus on your life and things will work themselves out whats best for you
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 I agree with some of what you said. I appreciate you writing so much on my other thread. But I do think Im learning a lot at the moment. It's almost a good thing she has been on my mind so much. Because of that I've been able to reflect on our relationship and see where I went wrong in some places. This doesn't change that I want her back and really doesn't answer what I was wondering about how she feels about us and if she really just doesn't care that much. Like I said above. Im trying to do the best I can at moving on cause I know that me waiting around on someone is a waste of time. No matter how much I love her. To answer in your other thread. I don't think it's family issues that causes this for me. Me being in a relationship is not escape for me. I have been plenty happy single before. The way I see it, I just reach a new level of happiness when I have someone to share things with. It's a happiness and high that nothing else gives me. That's why I put so much into them. Not as an escape but as a huge benefit. This break up is hard but is no where near how hard my previous one with a different girl was. I was with her for 3 years and was my first love. I was a junior in high school and she was a junior in college. We broke up and I was devastated. She was my life so I was lost without her. I couldn't function without her help. That's how consumed I was. But with this ex that is recent and we have been talking about, things were different. I looked at her unlike anything else. I never felt butterflies like I did when I saw her. It didn't matter of there wa a fight or not. I could look at her and get this feeling of "this is hy I'm here". I don't think I'll ever find words to describe it.
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 But even if I was the one who left the relationship wanting to live it up. I would still feel bad for it. I would still feel guiltiy doing the things she has so soon after the break up. I kno is better to have them not contact you so that you don't get false hope or breadcrumbs. But dang. She hasn't checked up once. Nothing. I would at least want to make sure she was on or worry about her. Cause I love her.
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 (edited) Yes I agree. I would find it hard to sleep with someone so soon and it's sad if it was only used to fill a gap. I can't help but to feel sorry for her and wish I could help her. Ive known her mom longer than her and have even wanted to reach out to her just to get her some help. During our relationship she knew she wanted to stay away from these people and has even had her number changed. She would rant on about how they were low life's and were only going to drag her down. But not look at her. I love her and even though what she has done I still want good for her. But I kno there's nothing I can do to help. Approaching her mom and letting her know the things that are hidden from her would only fuel the fire. But it's sad to watch someone do this to themselves, especially someone you care about. But I guess it's best for her to find out the hard way. On her own. Which makes me sick thinking about how long and what it's gonna take for that to happen. I was the life she WANTS but not what's fun at the moment. She wants a successful classy life with a white picket fence and kids. All which she said she wanted with me. But hell I know those are things you just say to someone at this age. But it doesn't mean she doesn't want that with someone... But with these people that will never happen. I look at it how I remember telling girls in middle school I loved them. Then when I finally had my 3 year and first real love did I know. People at certain ages say the right things but they just really don't know. I know I have a lot to learn. But I would hope I would kno more than what you've given credit for. I'm not friends with her but a mutual friend told me her status this morning was "it's been me against the world since I was born. Why am I shocked now?" like really?!?!? Gah I wish I could look at her and say yea you dumb bi*** cause you run away from the people who are there for you. She has a messed up childhood where her mom left her at 3 and so she lived with her dad where her step mom beat her. They are fine now but she always use to cry on my shoulder about how everyone never stuck it out with her and always gave up on her. I was the one person in her life that wasn't going anywhere. She pushed me out... Edited January 27, 2012 by RockGuy87
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 I kno I have problems. I totally agree with this break up. At first I didn't and wanted us to work together to fix our issues but now I see I wouldn't have realized why I have without this. Her family can't help. I posted what her Facebook status was. She hides all of this bad from her family. In their eyes she is goody good. Only if they knew. Obviously she doesn't want my help and dies by care if I care. But I won't feel bad for being worried or carrying about someone who I still love. I can't control that.
geegirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm not friends with her but a mutual friend told me her status this morning was "it's been me against the world since I was born. Why am I shocked now?" like really?!?!? Gah I wish I could look at her and say yea you dumb bi*** cause you run away from the people who are there for you. She has a messed up childhood where her mom left her at 3 and so she lived with her dad where her step mom beat her. They are fine now but she always use to cry on my shoulder about how everyone never stuck it out with her and always gave up on her. I was the one person in her life that wasn't going anywhere. She pushed me out... Rock, I was a child of abuse and I can tell you for a fact that I was all over the place emotionally and mentally after running away from home at 19. Even through my 20s, I was making bad decisions for myself and getting involved with bad company. I couldn't identify "healthy" let alone seek it or want it. You cannot fix her. Life will do that for her. She's been on a very unstable path and stability is unnatural to her. You cannot project what is right for her until she herself knows what is right for her. Don't call her a dumb bitch because you have never walked in her shoes. She runs away for her own reasons. I ran away from good people because I felt that they would dissapoint me in the end and it was better to detach rather than get hurt because my family, the ones that were supposed to love me couldn't so why would someone else. So I pushed people away. The only person that I trusted with my heart and soul was my Nana. There are so many deeper levels to what goes on in the mind of someone who has suffered abandonment and abuse so it's not as simple as why leave a good thing.
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 I'm sorry you went through that as a kid. I'm glad I have someone who can relate to her helping me out here. So do you think she pushed me out because she was afraid of disappointing me? Or hurting me? That must be why she had sex with a guy and then bailed on him. To try and just fill up a void?...I'm working towards not caring. I've been getting out and have reconnected with some of my old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. I don't regret the time spent with her because it was amazing but I hate that it won't be until long down the line when we barely remember each others name will she come to terms and maybe sees what happened. I pray for her. I was lucky to get to se who she REALLY was deep down. It's a shame she flips away from that and doesn't want better for herself. I enjoyed our time but I look forward to the day where my heart isn't connected to her anymore. The weirdest thing. Ever since this has happened I have not only had dreams (nightmares) of her but also of my ex from before. Which is weird cause it's been so long.
geegirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm sorry you went through that as a kid. I'm glad I have someone who can relate to her helping me out here. So do you think she pushed me out because she was afraid of disappointing me? Or hurting me? That must be why she had sex with a guy and then bailed on him. To try and just fill up a void?...I'm working towards not caring. I've been getting out and have reconnected with some of my old friends that I haven't talked to in a long time. I don't regret the time spent with her because it was amazing but I hate that it won't be until long down the line when we barely remember each others name will she come to terms and maybe sees what happened. I pray for her. I was lucky to get to se who she REALLY was deep down. It's a shame she flips away from that and doesn't want better for herself. I enjoyed our time but I look forward to the day where my heart isn't connected to her anymore. The weirdest thing. Ever since this has happened I have not only had dreams (nightmares) of her but also of my ex from before. Which is weird cause it's been so long. I can't speak for her as to why she is pushing you away. But she is self-destructive and that comes from unresolved anger and hurt. When she said, "It's been me against the world since I was born," it struck a nerve because that is what I used to say. Going from anger, happiness, sadness to depression and back again. It was volatile and I didn't know how to be consistent in my feelings and behaviors. I don't know how heavily her past plays on her but if it does, then you cannot do anything for her. She has to fall on her own. She can't find it in her to better herself because if she is damaged from her past, the nature of betterment is unfathomable because all she has seen is bad. She cannot understand the concept. You can't project your rationale on her. You have to start focusing on yourself. She will never be a healthy partner as she will never show you consistency or dependability until she tackles her demons. All you can is pray for her and hope she finds her way. Your pains and dissapointment are all normal hurdles that you will suffer because this is a loss.
geegirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 You saw geegirls reply and maybe thought "ok she has been through some similar stuff, maybe she has the answers". Stop looking for the answers, they don't matter... Yes Rock, stop looking for answers. You will never be able to step into her mind but what you do know is that her behaviors and patterns are not good for you and you have to let go.
Author RockGuy87 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks guys. Easier said then done. But I'm trying to not wonder why. It's hard not to be curious when it was lovey dovey one second and then gone the next. Each day i try to do better.
Recommended Posts