Author Dust Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 That's interesting. I'm not saying that I disagree. But I wonder if you would agree that a man should prioritize his wife's feelings during good times and bad. If both did, there would be few bad times I think a man needs to respect himself at all times there for showing respect to others. People keep focusing on some situation where the man is married to a woman and only wants sex nothing else. We're talking about a situation where he's around and everything would be just fine if it wern't for the sex. Plenty men find themselves in that situation.
xxoo Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 We're talking about a situation where he's around and everything would be just fine if it wern't for the sex. Plenty men find themselves in that situation. We'd have to ask their female partners to know for sure that everything is just fine, except for the sex. Again, if she would be enthusiastic about sex with a new partner, isn't it more likely that she likes sex but has lost her desire for her longterm partner? That's a very common problem, but it isn't as simple as women who like sex, and women who don't.
zengirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 It was more of rant where I wanted to tell guys not to put up with it. Same way girls have to kiss a few toads before they find their prince... Men have to battle it out get our princess. In the long run any way you look at it the battle is won when you accept yourself. So you're all right I shouldn't make it so external. Well, rants and questions are very different. And rants really don't reflect 'reality' --- they reflect someone's frustrations and blown-out reality. Rant away if you want---I thought you were actually looking to keep yourself from being in a LTR where the sex dried up. I wasn't trying to 'blame' men, but rather just to provide a perspective on the reasons it does---which are more often than not unrelated to the woman's attitudes about sex in general.
Author Dust Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 We'd have to ask their female partners to know for sure that everything is just fine, except for the sex. Again, if she would be enthusiastic about sex with a new partner, isn't it more likely that she likes sex but has lost her desire for her longterm partner? That's a very common problem, but it isn't as simple as women who like sex, and women who don't. Yes women who don't have interest in LTR sex is what I'm mainly talking about. These women will lose interest no matter what once in a LTR. Who knows what they would say if you asked them. What does it matter. If they say the man has become distant but he isn't then it doesn't make it so. Well, rants and questions are very different. And rants really don't reflect 'reality' --- they reflect someone's frustrations and blown-out reality. Rant away if you want---I thought you were actually looking to keep yourself from being in a LTR where the sex dried up. I wasn't trying to 'blame' men, but rather just to provide a perspective on the reasons it does---which are more often than not unrelated to the woman's attitudes about sex in general. Then rant isn't the right word. I had position and I still think it. You have provided perspective that I'm already well aware of. Although I do enjoy your woman attitudes. Thanks. I'm well aware of all the things you said though.
Titania22 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Sex drive is a complex issue. It's true that some young girls feel that society in general expects them to have sex and behave in certain ways regarding being sexy, and displaying enjoyment of sex they may not feel. I was one of these girls. So I always appeared very sexually desirable to men, while having no actually interest in having sex as I very rarely enjoyed it. Coupled with this a lifetime of sitcoms of married couples joking about how they don't have sex anymore, and my parents being extraordinarily discete with regards their sex life, made me think that sex was something people did before marriage and you didn't have to do it after marriage. I was completely horrified when i got married and discovered I was still expected to have sex. (let me clarify that i didn't have a sexless marriage, but i would have been over the moon if he would have taken a mistress). Fortunately television have changed and I would be surprised if a young person today would become an adult with such misconceptions. As far as I am concerned, I changed with age, and now have a great sexual desire, and even in my last relationship I was the one wanting sex, and getting rejected. All the examples people have given in this thread are real reasons why sex ebs and flows in some relationships. But the OPs original suggestion in true in some cases too. But in my case it wasn't trying to trick the man, it was rather literally not knowing any better. I wasn't educated and instructed on the ways of the world, so I learnt by looking around me, there was no internet so i learnt from tv.
Andy_K Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I read somewhere that people with a high sex drive have a fundamental difference in their brain chemistry and it's response to sex than those with a low sex drive. For someone with a high sex drive, sex is a stimulant. It wakes you up when you're tired, it improves your mood when you're sad, it revitalises you when you feel depleted, distracts you from any pain or discomfort, and just generally puts you in a high in virtually every way. Just the foreplay knowing sex is going to happen is enough to evoke this response. All the negative feelings fade into the background as the drive to have sex takes over. I know this describes me pretty well. For those with a low sex drive, it's different. Sex takes energy instead of giving it, and requires the right mood. They won't be interested if they're tired, hungry, or otherwise in any discomfort. Sex might well improve their mood a bit, but everything needs to be right in order to respond to it in the first place. People with a low sex drive generally claim they've got a normal sex drive, but it's only low because of whatever not being right. People with a high sex drive can basically get in the mood for it any time as long as they're not at death's door.
Author Dust Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Sex drive is a complex issue. It's true that some young girls feel that society in general expects them to have sex and behave in certain ways regarding being sexy, and displaying enjoyment of sex they may not feel. I was one of these girls. So I always appeared very sexually desirable to men, while having no actually interest in having sex as I very rarely enjoyed it. Coupled with this a lifetime of sitcoms of married couples joking about how they don't have sex anymore, and my parents being extraordinarily discete with regards their sex life, made me think that sex was something people did before marriage and you didn't have to do it after marriage. I was completely horrified when i got married and discovered I was still expected to have sex. (let me clarify that i didn't have a sexless marriage, but i would have been over the moon if he would have taken a mistress). Fortunately television have changed and I would be surprised if a young person today would become an adult with such misconceptions. As far as I am concerned, I changed with age, and now have a great sexual desire, and even in my last relationship I was the one wanting sex, and getting rejected. All the examples people have given in this thread are real reasons why sex ebs and flows in some relationships. But the OPs original suggestion in true in some cases too. But in my case it wasn't trying to trick the man, it was rather literally not knowing any better. I wasn't educated and instructed on the ways of the world, so I learnt by looking around me, there was no internet so i learnt from tv. Shocking a woman who admits that there was a time in her life she had an LTR where she didn't want sex regardless of if the guy had been an A+ gentlemen. And you're a really cool girl Titania. The thing is even with tv today I'm sure you would have been this way. I think you just grew as a person. Had you stayed that way forever nothing would have been wrong with it. Like I said I'm sure there are plenty of low sex drive men who see sex as a chore. I'm just not one of them. I do think less of these men though. So in my mind of course a woman wants a high sex drive man because he makes her feel the most desired. Then of course she loses her nature of wanting to please in that respect after the honey moon phase wears off which could take a while. She can't relate. Titania said she would have loved had he taken a mistress. Obviously she didn't mean this 100% but women with low sex drives actualy say and think this type of thing. I've had a low sex drive girl jokingly/ maybe not so jokingly say go have sex with other girls. They just don't want the sex pressure just a safe relationship. So Its really funny I tried to make a thread about low sex drive girls. Every girl wants to come in and post... no probably just a man screwing up haha. What about the woman she's screwing up big no? Well apreciate every ones posts. most entertaining. I read somewhere that people with a high sex drive have a fundamental difference in their brain chemistry and it's response to sex than those with a low sex drive. For someone with a high sex drive, sex is a stimulant. It wakes you up when you're tired, it improves your mood when you're sad, it revitalises you when you feel depleted, distracts you from any pain or discomfort, and just generally puts you in a high in virtually every way. Just the foreplay knowing sex is going to happen is enough to evoke this response. All the negative feelings fade into the background as the drive to have sex takes over. I know this describes me pretty well. For those with a low sex drive, it's different. Sex takes energy instead of giving it, and requires the right mood. They won't be interested if they're tired, hungry, or otherwise in any discomfort. Sex might well improve their mood a bit, but everything needs to be right in order to respond to it in the first place. People with a low sex drive generally claim they've got a normal sex drive, but it's only low because of whatever not being right. People with a high sex drive can basically get in the mood for it any time as long as they're not at death's door. Yeah this becomes obviouse. I could be feeling sick and tired and if a girl want to ride me I'd be happy. I'd have to be like vomiting/explosive diahrea not to want have sex... and even then maybe I'd want it. A low sex drive person isn't going to want sex unless everythings just right. Like right time of day and in just the right mood. Comming home from a long day of work and having sex just anoys/disturbs them. So it's hiliarious people just keep writing stuff about a man who must not listen or being doing something wrong...
Titania22 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 And you're a really cool girl Titania. I am who i am Dust. I don't try to hide it or play games. My life has been a huge journey with much change. It has been a long road to get to a point where I know who I am and who I have been, and don't bother trying to misrepresent or sugar coat it. Thankyou for the compliment.
xxoo Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 . Coupled with this a lifetime of sitcoms of married couples joking about how they don't have sex anymore, and my parents being extraordinarily discete with regards their sex life, made me think that sex was something people did before marriage and you didn't have to do it after marriage. I was completely horrified when i got married and discovered I was still expected to have sex. . If you are willing to share, what year did you get married? Did you know any families with lots of kids growing up, and consider where they came from?
xxoo Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 (edited) I read somewhere that people with a high sex drive have a fundamental difference in their brain chemistry and it's response to sex than those with a low sex drive. For someone with a high sex drive, sex is a stimulant. It wakes you up when you're tired, it improves your mood when you're sad, it revitalises you when you feel depleted, distracts you from any pain or discomfort, and just generally puts you in a high in virtually every way. Just the foreplay knowing sex is going to happen is enough to evoke this response. All the negative feelings fade into the background as the drive to have sex takes over. I know this describes me pretty well. For those with a low sex drive, it's different. Sex takes energy instead of giving it, and requires the right mood. They won't be interested if they're tired, hungry, or otherwise in any discomfort. Sex might well improve their mood a bit, but everything needs to be right in order to respond to it in the first place. People with a low sex drive generally claim they've got a normal sex drive, but it's only low because of whatever not being right. People with a high sex drive can basically get in the mood for it any time as long as they're not at death's door. I wonder if most women can relate to either of these. I am regularly up for sex 5x a week (in a 20+ year relationship), but I won't have sex if I'm hungry. I'll say, "I need to eat something first," and have sex 15 minutes later Edited January 28, 2012 by xxoo
maybealone Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I read somewhere that people with a high sex drive have a fundamental difference in their brain chemistry and it's response to sex than those with a low sex drive. For someone with a high sex drive, sex is a stimulant. It wakes you up when you're tired, it improves your mood when you're sad, it revitalises you when you feel depleted, distracts you from any pain or discomfort, and just generally puts you in a high in virtually every way. Just the foreplay knowing sex is going to happen is enough to evoke this response. All the negative feelings fade into the background as the drive to have sex takes over. I know this describes me pretty well. For those with a low sex drive, it's different. Sex takes energy instead of giving it, and requires the right mood. They won't be interested if they're tired, hungry, or otherwise in any discomfort. Sex might well improve their mood a bit, but everything needs to be right in order to respond to it in the first place. People with a low sex drive generally claim they've got a normal sex drive, but it's only low because of whatever not being right. People with a high sex drive can basically get in the mood for it any time as long as they're not at death's door. I wish there was a blood test to determine sex drives -- and that my husband and I had taken it before marriage. I will never understand how anyone could turn down sex because of a sore back or a minor headache...
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I guess jaded is as jaded says. I came in here with a set way of thinking that for the most part hasn't changed. I've enjoyed reading everyones posts even the ones I didn't agree with. I'll continue to enjoy reading anyones posts because I feel this is a major issue especialy for men. Heck even the men who don't have a problem with this think about it and don't want it to happen. What exactly do you even mean by that Dust, "I guess jaded is as jaded says?" You've completely missed the point. Everyone of us usually has a set way of thinking. We are all adults that for the most part, have formulated the opinions we have and most aren't going to change unless they have a life changing situations happen. And yes, not having sex can be an issue for men. However, that doesn't give you the right to call others "jaded" because you disagree with their thoughts. The fact that you also spoked about "yet another woman"...shows a predjudice on your part. Men might not get all the sex they want in relatonships. Do you really believe that women get all their needs met 100% of the time from their partners? Women are real people. They are not a porn video you can pop in and masturbate off into. They have their own unique set of issues, needs, imperfects and feelings. When you are able to recongnize this, you will begin to connect with women on another level seperate from what you feel most men are losing out on within their sexual relationships. I shouldn't have shamed any one but if you notice there was a lot of shaming going on toward men in general. Blaming them for the sexlessness of a relationship. I would almost compare that to blaming some one for cheating. I didn't see anyone "blame" anyone for anything. I saw women sharing their reasons why a woman might not feel like being intimate with her partner. You can either listen to it and register it, or you can ignore the realities of why sometimes women don't have sex with their partners and take the stance of the "evil women" birgade. I want to be clear we're not talking about a couple getting in a fight and not having sex for a week or a few weeks. We're talking about months, years of little to no sex. I understand. usually there are other issues in the relationship that need to be delt with that might have nothing to do with sex. Whether they are emotional isssues between teh couple or physical issues with a lack of desire. Titania: Sex drive is a complex issue. It's true that some young girls feel that society in general expects them to have sex and behave in certain ways regarding being sexy, and displaying enjoyment of sex they may not feel. I was one of these girls. So I always appeared very sexually desirable to men. I totally agree with this. I know when I was younger that there were expectations that men placed on me regards to sexuality. Men are quick to label eiher women a slut or prude depending on how she sexually behaves. I use to do things with guys that I didnt' want to do but I knew he wanted to do and that he would praise me for. He thought the experiece was great and I was left feeling disappointed. At the time, I was more concerned about his pleasure then mine so I never shared that. And I think a lot of young girls, especially with a lot of male sexual media centric media that caters to perceptions of how girls should act and look sexually, they get the idea that men's pleasure is more important then their own. It took me a long time (and something I still work on today) to sometimes be more honest about my own sexual desires. I don't think a lot of men understand the unconcious pressure they put on women to perform a certain way. And I don't think alot of men or younger guys will ever understand the messages young girls and women get from sex and expectations. Men will give you compliments for "acting like a pornstar" but they won't give you compliments for being true to youreslf sexually and wanting to express you as just YOU instead of some fantasy ideal. There also seems to be an increasingly number of women that are the ones being denied sex. I have talked to many married women that have unfulling sex lives but it's not because they don't want sex. It's because their partners don't. Of course, some of that has to do with internet porn and of course other reasons as well.
maybealone Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 (edited) I am regularly up for sex 5x a week (in a 20+ year relationship), but I won't have sex if I'm hungry. I'll say, "I need to eat something first," and have sex 15 minutes later Yeah, that would probably be my only dealbreaker. But just throw a piece of cheese at me and I'd be good to go. Same with the headache thing -- ibuprofen kicks in quickly! There also seems to be an increasingly number of women that are the ones being denied sex. I have talked to many married women that have unfulling sex lives but it's not because they don't want sex. It's because their partners don't. Of course, some of that has to do with internet porn and of course other reasons as well. I mentioned this previously in this thread, but of all the women I know that are in LTRs ranging from anywhere from 5 years to 25 years, they are the ones not getting enough sex. I really have doubts about the stereotype that men are always lacking sex in LTRs. I know it happens, but I doubt it happens as much as people generally think. Edited January 28, 2012 by maybealone
Titania22 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 If you are willing to share, what year did you get married? Did you know any families with lots of kids growing up, and consider where they came from? I was married in 1992. And as we were taught in sex ed, it only takes having sex once to make a baby. In my area families generally had 1, 2 or 3 kids. And in sitcoms even they joked about once a year sex in marriage. I mentioned this previously in this thread, but of all the women I know that are in LTRs ranging from anywhere from 5 years to 25 years, they are the ones not getting enough sex. I really have doubts about the stereotype that men are always lacking sex in LTRs. I know it happens, but I doubt it happens as much as people generally think. Well that makes sense, because in a very long term relationship it is likely the woman will reach her sexual peak during it. So even the most sexually uninterested woman early in the marriage can reach a period of great desire to have sex. And if there marriages are anything like mine was, the man gets all confused, because he figured out how to have sex with me 10yrs ago, and now I am wanting to change it up.
xxoo Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I was married in 1992. And as we were taught in sex ed, it only takes having sex once to make a baby. In my area families generally had 1, 2 or 3 kids. And in sitcoms even they joked about once a year sex in marriage. I was married around that year. But, as I mentioned on another thread today, I was influenced by the Cosby Show. Cliff and Clair Huxtable got it on all the time! But I was a crazy horny teen, and I got married young partially so that we could have sex every day
Titania22 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I was married around that year. But, as I mentioned on another thread today, I was influenced by the Cosby Show. Cliff and Clair Huxtable got it on all the time! But I was a crazy horny teen, and I got married young partially so that we could have sex every day I was never one to notice subtlety. And I was so naive. As a teen I knew other girls were interested in boys, I was completely oblivious as to why. I was more interested in science fiction. You know how you can look at something years later and see all the things that went over your head at the time, that's what it is like with me and old tv, i never got any of the sexual references at all.
somedude81 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Titania22, about how old were you when your sex drive kicked in?
Disenchantedly Yours Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I mentioned this previously in this thread, but of all the women I know that are in LTRs ranging from anywhere from 5 years to 25 years, they are the ones not getting enough sex. I really have doubts about the stereotype that men are always lacking sex in LTRs. I know it happens, but I doubt it happens as much as people generally think. It probably happened more pre-internet. I think we've see a rise of women that are not getting their sexual needs met because of a combination of men literarily taking it into their own hands and the fact that women are now allowed to explore their sexuality with more freedom then in previous generations. Which has made more women more intouch with their own needs then probably our grandmothers where.
Anela Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I know a young, newly-married woman, who's not getting her needs met by her husband. He turns to porn, rather than her.
Lonely Ronin Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 I know a young, newly-married woman, who's not getting her needs met by her husband. He turns to porn, rather than her. So disappointing, I mean honestly, porn is not a substitute for a real woman.... :(
Titania22 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Titania22, about how old were you when your sex drive kicked in? It started booting up around 27yrs old, but didn't kick into high gear until my mid 30's
somedude81 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 It started booting up around 27yrs old, but didn't kick into high gear until my mid 30's That's something I keep hearing. That women's sex drive doesn't get started until their late 20's early 30's. What's really weird is that most guys like younger women, but the younger girls aren't horny. Was Waynebrady right?
Author Dust Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 That's something I keep hearing. That women's sex drive doesn't get started until their late 20's early 30's. What's really weird is that most guys like younger women, but the younger girls aren't horny. Was Waynebrady right? Women enjoying sex when older doesn't mean they have it more. A young girl looking to please her man is a powerful thing. They are just talking about when they personaly felt most comfortable being naked and having enjoyment... not necesarily when they had the most sex.
somedude81 Posted January 29, 2012 Posted January 29, 2012 Girls would have sex when they don't enjoy it just to please her man?
Author Dust Posted January 29, 2012 Author Posted January 29, 2012 Girls would have sex when they don't enjoy it just to please her man? Young girls have trouble saying "no" to sex with a guy even if they don't want to. They will pretty much rape themselves rather then face disapointing a guy by saying no. This thread is more about a girl in an LTR say a few years down the line where they've become comfortable with saying no...
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