Kyle787 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I'm still a relatively young guy, and I see attractive women every week. I just feel I am inexperienced since before I have always been in a bubble with people I knew well. Basically I will see an attractive person my age on the 40 min train ride to school and/or work and I know eye contact is important, but I've realized I have no idea what I should be initially doing, if I should smile, how long to hold for. Does anyone have any tips they'd be willing to share? I feel fine talking to new people after the initial contact, but I've never really practiced making the first moves.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I've been in the same position myself. So I feel yer pain. I lost my inhibition by just talking to women. If she wasn't absorbed in a book or a cell phone, I'd walk up to them and start talking to her. I'd sit down and say something like, "My name is Oxy. I'm a regular dude with a bit of a problem. I don't know how to approach women. If I've been introduced myself, I have little problems. If I have to do the introducing, I have a problem. I am too worried about looking like a creep to feel comfortable approaching. So could you give me tips on how to approach women?" It seems kind of a lame thing to say. But I was actually accomplishing what I was trying to fix. I was talking to women. Many women really liked giving tips. I even got a few numbers. All in all, I just did the simplest approach: approach women you don't know and ask them what's the best way to approach them. And have fun doing it. I didn't just talk to women on the street; I talked to women in customer service jobs too. Eventually, I felt more confident.
salparadise Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Well, it's a subtle dance that works something like this... you see a woman that you're interested in, so look but don't burn a hole through her. It's best not to face her directly as that can seem to direct and intimidating. It should seem more like you're trying not to stare but can't quite keep your eyes off of her. She will sense the attention without looking at you. She will then give you a signal as to whether she's receptive to an approach or not. If she frowns or closes off the body language just move along and don't bother her as she is not receptive. But if she smiles a little, adopts open body language, fiddles with her hair, mimmics your posture or movements, then she is probably receptive. If she actually looks at you and gives you a little smile, the opportunity is yours to not screw up. Now the eye contact is important but there's not much point in analyzing it here other than to say, don't avoid it and don't hold too long. If she give you brief eye contact with a positive vibe and then turns away it's still a go signal and she's just being demure. She's in actually in control of the interaction but it's supposed to seem as if you are. So you have to stay within the rhythm and don't hesitate. This is one of the most important things. If she gives you the go ahead you need to approach without hesitation––if you take more than two second the spontaneity of the moment will be lost and it may become awkward. As far as what to say, there are volumes written on the subject. Don't use canned pickup lines––they reek. You basically need to be spontaneous and say something she can relate to, or even better if you can figure out what she's thinking about at that moment and start out as if you're in the middle of a conversation. Don't ask yes or no questions, comment on the weather, or launch into a monologue. Ask short essay questions. Keep the conversation focused on her, listen actively and don't be self conscious, inject a little wit and humor, keep her talking as much as possible, smile some, make appropriate eye contact, don't fidget or drool, and don't get caught staring at her boobs. Try to seem confident and at ease, but if you're a nervous wreck you'll not be able to hide it, in which case just smile as if to say, Ok I'm an open book so please be kind. Assuming you've been successful you have to figure out when and how to exit the conversation. It's better for you to terminate before it dies a slow death. You now have to either ask her out directly or get her number. If it's going really well, ask her to join you for a cup of coffee. If she says, oh I'm sorry but I have to be somewhere then ask for her number and call her the following day––not an hour later, not a week later. When you call her up you'll want to make small talk for a few minutes and then ask for a date. Be decisive and specific as to what you have planned. You should just go out and practice, and think of it as a nothing to loose kind of thing. You'll probably need to go through it a number of times to realize that the worst that can happen is that you'll get shot down, and there is no penalty for that. When you're able to do it without having all of your self-esteem invested in each situation you'll learn to relax and the ladies will respond positively. So give it a shot and let us know how it goes. I'll check back tomorrow night!
Jane2011 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Im at a coffee shop right now, looking at a cute guy and dont know what to do. I typically do nothing. Anyway, my advice to you is to just go up and say something related to something she's doing. For example, im typing on my nook tablet. If a guy liked me, he should just come up and ask me a question about my e-reader/tablet.
salparadise Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Im at a coffee shop right now, looking at a cute guy and dont know what to do. I typically do nothing. Anyway, my advice to you is to just go up and say something related to something she's doing. For example, im typing on my nook tablet. If a guy liked me, he should just come up and ask me a question about my e-reader/tablet. Which coffee shop? Give him the signal––brief eye contact, a soft smile, and fiddle with your hair!
Author Kyle787 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks for all the feedback. And thank you salparadise! Your post was very very helpful! I think before I just refused to leave my comfort zone. I know friends in the same boat and they all say things just take a lot of practice. Guess I have some work to do.
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