Lonely Ronin Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I have been seeing this woman for a couple weeks now, and I cannot get her off my mind. I'm not saying I'm falling in love with her, but it's like the time between now and the next time I see her cannot go by fast enough. I'm pretty confident she is having the same problem, because when we chat we have both expressed how we cannot wait to spend time together again. I've never had a relationship develop this fast before, thus the question. How fast do you get attached to someone?
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 If it's someone I really like it's usually about a month or two. If it's someone I'm just meh about it could take longer to never.
EnigmaticClarity Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Extremely quickly, just as you're describing. Sometimes too quickly, because I'll get attached to someone and then notice a bunch of dealbreakers over the next few weeks that I should have looked for earlier before I dove right in. Lust happens for me at first sight, and extreme attraction after the first or second date. By that point, it's on, just as it is for you.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 Extremely quickly, just as you're describing. Sometimes too quickly, because I'll get attached to someone and then notice a bunch of dealbreakers over the next few weeks that I should have looked for earlier before I dove right in. Lust happens for me at first sight, and extreme attraction after the first or second date. By that point, it's on, just as it is for you. I'm pretty vigilant when it comes to deal breakers, and I haven't seen any yet. When we are together, we are both very relaxed and conversations just flow. We have several things in common, and we have very similar life goals etc. We are both very passionate people, and that's really evident if you hear us talk. I didn't get a goodnight kiss till the 2nd date, but my god, does she know how to kiss. :love:
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 If it's someone I really like it's usually about a month or two. This is the type of time frame I'm used to.
HappyPanda Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Typically it goes as follows: - meet a guy, he seems to like me - I convince myself that that cant be true, but decide to throw caution to the wind and date him anyway - My feelings develop, I try to convince myself that I shouldnt get my hopes up, and that this is just temporary - He makes it very obvious that he has strong feelings for me - I panic, and self sabotage and push him away However, with my current boyfriend of 2 years, no matter how many trials and tribulations I put him through, he stuck by me... and Im happier than ever. It took this man to point out that this is the cycle I have been stuck in ever since I first started dating.. It crops up every once in a while, but for the most part, I have my insecurities and senseless worries under control. I think the puppy love stage is incredible, and some one of the most exciting parts of a relationship... So with my hindsight, my advice is to embrace the fact that you seem to truly miss her when she's away, and love being around her when she's near, and try not to question any of the reasons why
Jane2011 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 If it's someone i'm going to like at all, i'm usually "developing" attraction on dates one and two, and full-blown into them on date three. Last guy i dated, i also "couldn't wait" to see him again. Was really nice.
veggirl Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Not that fast. I take a while to trust and feel comfortable with and open up to someone. I need to be able to do that before I feel attached! Sure, it may be earlier that I am EXCITED about them, or looking forward to seeing them...but I'm not attached yet at that point. I may be digging a guy after 3 dates, but if he didn't contact me for a 4th, I wouldn't feel like I was losing something, as I wasn't yet feeling attached. I don't fall in love fast, I don't attach fast. I am at 7 mos with current BF, I'm attached now......it probably took 4 or 5...
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 I think the puppy love stage is incredible, and some one of the most exciting parts of a relationship... So with my hindsight, my advice is to embrace the fact that you seem to truly miss her when she's away, and love being around her when she's near, and try not to question any of the reasons why I think part of it, is I haven't really had the puppy love thing since I was a little kid. I just want to see her and give her a big hug and kiss. Kind of sucks I won't get to see her till Feb since she is out of town till then. I'm already trying to figure out what to do for V-day.
Saxis Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Depends how often we are communicating and/or seeing each other. If we are communicating every day and dating once or twice per week, I can get attached by the fourth date or so. Maybe 3-4 weeks of time? If we aren't communicating that much and only see each other once per week or less, it will take 4-6 weeks or longer. Once I get attached though, the connection usually deepens very quickly, I become "love-blind" and start overlooking red flags. I just have the hardest time letting go when I reach my threshold of red flags and distinguishing between them and dealbreakers...
carhill Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 How fast do you get attached to someone? In reality, meaning real linear time, not very quickly. It's only with substantial time and personal contact (I call it 'pressing flesh') over a few months that I can begin to become bonded to anyone. Perhaps that's part of why dating, in general, has been problematical. Over time, due to lack of success, I had to 'force' it a bit more. The women I would meet literally would move on due to their perception of lack of interest, compared to their past experiences with men. In retrospect, I now see clearly the handicap that integrated emotional bonding and sexual desire can be for a man, at least in current society. Prior, it was a source of frustration; now not so much. It is what it is.
Saxis Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 In retrospect, I now see clearly the handicap that integrated emotional bonding and sexual desire can be for a man, at least in current society. Prior, it was a source of frustration; now not so much. It is what it is. Care to expand on this, carhill? What exactly are you getting at? For those of us seemingly few men that need/desire an emotional bond in a sexual relationship, are you saying that it's more of a handicap because many more women become sexual without that same need these days? Possibly just the natural progression of our over-sexed society...? That does seem to be the case in my recent experience at least...
Dorie Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Once we become sexually intimate, I become attached.
FitChick Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 There is no time limit on love. The problem arises when you don't know someone and fill in the blanks with wishful thinking. Then you set yourself up for disappointment when you discover they are human and make mistakes, have flaws like everyone else.
carhill Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Care to expand on this, carhill? What exactly are you getting at?It's really not complex. Integrated emotional and sexual behavior, specifically delineating that subset of men for whom sexual desire runs parallel to their emotional bonding with their partner, is generally outlier behavior for men, so women, again in general, experience very few of such men so, as an example, when the man isn't becoming sexual with her early-on (not waving his penis around but pursuing her sexually in a more general way like pushing into her sexual space), she infers lack of interest based upon past iterations of male behavior. This is the most common 'reason' I've heard from women over the decades, both friends and dating partners, whom have been honest about 'why'. Does it affect a lot of people? I doubt it. Amongst my circle of male friends, I know of few examples personally, save for one friend who's 50 now and still unmarried and, ostensibly (meaning looks, success and social status) should have been off the market a long time ago. The other guys jokingly call him 'gay' and call me a 'housewife'. That's about it. My perspective is, if we miss, we miss. Nobody's 'right' or 'wrong' in the attachment area wrt to how they feel about it.
Author Lonely Ronin Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 adding a slight twist to this topic, what is it that makes you become attached to someone?
Saxis Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 ...when the man isn't becoming sexual with her early-on (not waving his penis around but pursuing her sexually in a more general way like pushing into her sexual space), she infers lack of interest based upon past iterations of male behavior.... I'm sure I've missed several opportunities for this reason also... It's just not something I've been comfortable doing until I can see a clear, mutual desire for intimate contact. adding a slight twist to this topic, what is it that makes you become attached to someone? Just what I described above: a mutual desire for intimacy, whether it be through communication or physical. My attachment tends to grow with my comfort level with physical intimacy, mostly...
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