When we're together I'm a little turned off, but I want so much to be with her!

[Freddys]

Hi people,

 

I've been "dating" a woman for some months. We get together, one way or another . . .

 

We had a really long time to see each other lately, but we kept contact via

phone & texts. There wasn't a particular reason why we couldn't make a date

to see each other, I suppose some passive-aggressive games from both of us.

 

Anyway, I really like this woman, and have feelings for her. She likes me too.

 

But, we got on a date some days ago and I can see myself kind of turned off

when I see her person to person. She was really opened and attracted but for

whatever (!?) reason I wasn't feeling that attraction for myself, although

I really like her.

 

She wanted to initiate hugs & touching but again I was feeling too "cool"

to do the same.

 

Anyway, when we get together I don't feel that attraction, but when we are away

I REALLY want to see her, to touch her.

 

What's happening to me?

 

-Why I don't feel that comfort when I see her?

-I really want to be together . . .

-Could I fall into the category: "I don't want you for myself, but I don't want anyone

else to have you either"

-I feel a little confused, for reasons I can't explain.

[ditzchic]

It's called a crush. You like the idea of her more than you like her. I'm sure if you think about it long and hard enough you can come up with a list of concrete things that turn you off about her. But you like the idea you have built up in your head of her so much that you ignore the logic. It happens to the best of us. But don't lead her on about it. Leave her go.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I feel a little confused, for reasons I can't explain.

 

Can't explain or won't explain because you feel guilty about it? Surely you have some idea what the issue is. Are you physically attracted to her? Does she annoy you in some way? Not much to say without you getting more realistic about what your issue with her is.

[Freddys]

Can't explain or won't explain because you feel guilty about it? Surely you have some idea what the issue is. Are you physically attracted to her? Does she annoy you in some way? Not much to say without you getting more realistic about what your issue with her is.

 

You speak the truth. Sure I have some idea what the issue is. I think I can't

trust her that much. She always speaks indirectly, under euphemism.

Inside myself, when she is "acting" hot (although seems to be true), I think

that she is playing games or something.

 

I really want her to be more clear, even with words, but when I start to initiate

an honest conversation, she seems to avoid it . .

 

So probably that "annoy me" could be this of myself.

 

Make sense? If it does, please explain me further your ideas.

[EnigmaticClarity]

I think I can't

trust her that much. She always speaks indirectly, under euphemism.

Inside myself, when she is "acting" hot (although seems to be true), I think

that she is playing games or something.

 

I really want her to be more clear, even with words, but when I start to initiate

an honest conversation, she seems to avoid it . .

 

Do you have any specific idea why she would be leading you on? Is she in some kind of financial difficulty and could be just looking for a man to support her? Did she very recently get out of a long-term relationship and you could be her rebound? What has she done to make you think she may be faking or exaggerating an attraction to you?

[Freddys]

Do you have any specific idea why she would be leading you on? Is she in some kind of financial difficulty and could be just looking for a man to support her? Did she very recently get out of a long-term relationship and you could be her rebound? What has she done to make you think she may be faking or exaggerating an attraction to you?

 

First of all, seems you are really good to solve enigmas!

 

She is under a major difficulty, but is not financial, is a huge health issue.

And yes she is looking for a man to support her. She got out last year from

an one-year relationship.

I already confessed my "crush" to her, we were together in university and we

met again after many many years.

 

I told her that her health issue isn't a "minus" for me at all, and I could be

easily be with her for a long term commitment.

 

Well, she was mainly playing hard to get & she was flaking dates. She is always

using the push & pull technique with me.

 

But, she is not the only one to blame. She is aware that I may like her idea

more than I like her, and she is trying to move things slowly, so then develops

something more stable for the both of us.

 

But one way or another she could be more honest and clear with me.

For example: Instead of saying me that we should really know each other

better and in depth so we start something really good, she gives me book

titles so I go check what's the book about. Also, she prefers sending messages,

via tunes she posts onto her facebook page. But, then again she is a woman,

and women love games that built mystery.

 

Looks like she is measuring me for the long term commitment, before she

gets hurt again, and I can say that she won't initiate an honest talk or

deep physical before she is 100% sure for me.

[thatone]

ummm, you're missing the point. the book titles and songs on facebook are hints, you take the hints and respond accordingly. that's part of it, it's fun, play along and she'll be putty in your hands before too long.

[Freddys]

ummm, you're missing the point. the book titles and songs on facebook are hints, you take the hints and respond accordingly. that's part of it, it's fun, play along and she'll be putty in your hands before too long.

 

Yes, I agree with you. This is playfull and women get more attracted when you

get in the game with a funny, silly, and teasing way.

 

But, still can't explain myself why I was that confused when we got together

a few days ago, she was really attracted.

 

Next time I should respond to her attraction game. Hope she didn't get mad

or something with my "attitude".

[thatone]

get over that apprehension, from everything you're telling us she is completely receptive, so be more aggressive.

 

if she likes you, you're going to struggle to do anything very wrong that would really upset her to the point that she won't get over it.

[Feelsgoodman]

ummm, you're missing the point. the book titles and songs on facebook are hints, you take the hints and respond accordingly. that's part of it, it's fun, play along and she'll be putty in your hands before too long.

It may be fun for her but it doesn't sound like it's fun for the OP. Freddys, you don't have to put up with all that game-playing BS just because she's a chick. She is the one with the health problems needing your support. You are practically doing her a favor by agreeing to date her despite of her issues. She should be more grateful.

 

One thing I've learned is that if you find the woman's behavior objectionable for any reason, you have to address it right away. You don't need to be bitter or upset about it, but you need to tell her that you prefer people who are honest and straightforward in their communication style. If she doesn't feel the same way, maybe your are just not compatible enough.

[Freddys]

get over that apprehension, from everything you're telling us she is completely receptive, so be more aggressive.

 

if she likes you, you're going to struggle to do anything very wrong that would really upset her to the point that she won't get over it.

 

Both of your meanings are true.

 

Perhaps, I'm afraid of myself if I act to her attraction and then she gets all the power.

 

This is how I was feeling the other day, when we were together. I was trying

to act cool, to the point that was bad for both of us.

 

Still trying to "forgive" myself for my reaction to her attraction, but I didn't

expected her to act that way (!!) and seems that she got me in surprise.