person123 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I have noticed my friend's roomate is pretty cute, and I really want to get to know her. However, from talking to friends who have heard gossip, I heard she is very conservative. We are both in an undergraduate program, and from what I heard, she does not party much, does not date (the last time she dated someone was three years ago), and works really hard. So my question is how to I talk to/flirt with a girl who is like this. Also, I need to think of a way to get to talk to her. We have met once before, and this was a week ago when I was hanging out with my friend, who is her roomate (my friend is a girl too). The thing is I don't know my friend well enough to just say I think her roomate is cute, so I'm really at a loss at how to get a chance to meet up with/talk to her.
Andy_K Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Why bother? She'll probably be crap in bed and hardly ever want sex anyway.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I agree with Andy K. It sounds like her personality is the shut-in type. Most likely doesn't have the social skills for an intimate relationship either. Pass.
carhill Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 If your female friend is her roommate, meeting her and talking with her are pretty easy, presuming her roommate has a handle on her schedule. What you do with that time is up to you. Admittedly, her behavior is a bit outlier for a modern college student, but such behavior also has its positive aspects wrt her character and ambition in life. IMO, the only way to do this is to take advantage of an opportunity presented and ask her out. Accept her answer and, if no, table it and move on to the next potential. If her friend is accurate, she's been single far longer than ten seconds and perhaps another opportunity will present itself in the future. If nothing else, at least she'll know for sure that one guy likes her enough to ask her out. Nothing wrong with that.
thatone Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 don't write her off based on a stereotype. you don't know anything about her. for being alone so long, she might be desperate to knock someone's socks off in bed!
silvermercy Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Don't listen to the advice that says to pass because she may be crap in bed. LOL That's a stereotype if I ever heard one! She may be she may not be - and you should look at her personality as a whole. If you don't at least TRY, it's you who may later bang your head on the wall. As for how to approach her... can you learn about something you may have in common? Maybe ask for help with a lesson since she seems to be some kind of book-work? Maybe a book-related question will make her drop her defenses and open up to you after a while. Good luck!
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Don't listen to the advice that says to pass because she may be crap in bed. LOL That's a stereotype if I ever heard one! Agreed. These guys obviously didn't date any catholic school girls in high school. Often times the people that you would least expect end up being awesome in bed. Why? Because they are more picky about who they do it with and have steam to blow off. Drunken sorority girls often end up just being cockteases anyway.
Dust Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I have noticed my friend's roomate is pretty cute, and I really want to get to know her. However, from talking to friends who have heard gossip, I heard she is very conservative. We are both in an undergraduate program, and from what I heard, she does not party much, does not date (the last time she dated someone was three years ago), and works really hard. So my question is how to I talk to/flirt with a girl who is like this. Also, I need to think of a way to get to talk to her. We have met once before, and this was a week ago when I was hanging out with my friend, who is her roomate (my friend is a girl too). The thing is I don't know my friend well enough to just say I think her roomate is cute, so I'm really at a loss at how to get a chance to meet up with/talk to her. Telling her roommate you find her attractive would be pointless. It's coolest to ask the girl out yourself. Just be yourself, the best most confident version of yourself. Girls like guys who come off genuine. Just flirt with her and ask her out. Don't be afraid! You don't need a reason to talk to her. Just act like your running into her at school and then do it! Don't listen to the advice that says to pass because she may be crap in bed. LOL That's a stereotype if I ever heard one! She may be she may not be - and you should look at her personality as a whole. If you don't at least TRY, it's you who may later bang your head on the wall. As for how to approach her... can you learn about something you may have in common? Maybe ask for help with a lesson since she seems to be some kind of book-work? Maybe a book-related question will make her drop her defenses and open up to you after a while. Good luck! If a woman is ready and willing she won't be crap in bed. He already knows he finds her hot! Agreed. These guys obviously didn't date any catholic school girls in high school. They say it's never to late to start!
Cypress25 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I have noticed my friend's roomate is pretty cute, and I really want to get to know her. However, from talking to friends who have heard gossip, I heard she is very conservative. If I may give you a piece of advice: Forget everything you've heard about this girl. It's all hearsay. Gossip is usually wrong. Talk to the girl, instead of talking to other people about her. Get to know her without any preconceived notions. Just because other people say she's conservative doesn't mean she is.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 "Conservative" means too many things to too many people. I'll take it that you mean that she is "reserved". This manner of being reserved can mean a lot of different things too. Perhaps she's just highly motivated to do well in school and succeed and doesn't want to go off script with other people your age that you're thrown together in the circumstance of school. She could as easily be reserved because she is very self-conscious and has some hang-up about herself. She could actually be the daughter of politically conservative people who are big on repression and shame her into being prim. Whatever the truth is, she deserves respect, space, and courtesy, and if she does not entertain your most basic salutation or positive acknowledgement of her existence (a smile and an affirmative nod if not a hello, good morning, etc etc), just accept that she's not interested and don't project any negative on to her just because she doesn't respond to you. My advice or style is more of trying to simply be someone among the many who appears to be confident without being arrogant or cocky. Assert yourself in the system--do well in class, volunteer to do good, try to speak publicly and so forth so as to be "marketable" to the type who is impressed by that kind of guy instead of the moron who can't display enough anti-authority symbolism no matter how many tattoos he gets of chips he carries on his shoulders. There is not enough here about this young women to say what the best thing to do is--only she can communicate that (and that can be done silently by her choices and the intensity of seriousness toward those choices.) But to me, taking that much interest is a bit obsessive.
Andy_K Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 It's all very well saying you can't judge someone who's quite conservative, but if this girl hasn't even bothered to date anyone for three years I have serious difficulty believing she's got a high enough sex drive for my (or most guys) taste. Three years? I'd be clawing my eyes out.
Cypress25 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 It's all very well saying you can't judge someone who's quite conservative, but if this girl hasn't even bothered to date anyone for three years I have serious difficulty believing she's got a high enough sex drive for my (or most guys) taste. Three years? I'd be clawing my eyes out. Perhaps she wants to date but is having trouble finding the right guy. Contrary to popular belief, women can't just go out and snag the man of their dreams as soon as the urge strikes them. Of course, this is assuming that the gossip is correct, which it probably isn't. Other people say she hasn't dated in three years, but what the hell do they know?
TheFinalWord Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Wow, kind of shocked at the stereotyping going on here! No wonder people have such hard times in relationships! The best thing to do is ask her out. If she is not your type, then move on. Don't try to "seduce" a type of person you aren't compatible with unless you enjoy being miserable! I know I wouldn't date one of those looney liberals! She might try to get me do do drugs, yell at me for eating meat, or have an STD from all the casual sex!! (j/k but ridiculous right?)
Author person123 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Perhaps she wants to date but is having trouble finding the right guy. Contrary to popular belief, women can't just go out and snag the man of their dreams as soon as the urge strikes them. Of course, this is assuming that the gossip is correct, which it probably isn't. Other people say she hasn't dated in three years, but what the hell do they know? I've talked to a close friend of hers, and her friend told me that a lot of guys actually think she's cute, so I don't think she has trouble getting guys' attentions. I just think she is looking for the right one. I did tell her friend (who I am casual-borderline regular friends with) that I thought she was cute, and she confirmed for me that she is single. I am in the process of asking our mutual friend whether our not this girl would be interested in getting lunch with me or something so I can get to know her better. Do you guys think this is the right thing to do?
Dust Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I've talked to a close friend of hers, and her friend told me that a lot of guys actually think she's cute, so I don't think she has trouble getting guys' attentions. I just think she is looking for the right one. I did tell her friend (who I am casual-borderline regular friends with) that I thought she was cute, and she confirmed for me that she is single. I am in the process of asking our mutual friend whether our not this girl would be interested in getting lunch with me or something so I can get to know her better. Do you guys think this is the right thing to do? Lamest route posible sir! You should have just flirted with the girl directly and asked her out. If you had no way of finding the girl on campus and talking to her and asking her out you should have simply told your friend "you wanted to talk with her." Telling your mutual friend "I like her, is she single?" is lame. Way better then nothing but your chance would be at their best if you just asked her out. Instead of wanting a match maker.
Author person123 Posted January 28, 2012 Author Posted January 28, 2012 Lamest route posible sir! You should have just flirted with the girl directly and asked her out. If you had no way of finding the girl on campus and talking to her and asking her out you should have simply told your friend "you wanted to talk with her." Telling your mutual friend "I like her, is she single?" is lame. Way better then nothing but your chance would be at their best if you just asked her out. Instead of wanting a match maker. Ah, but I feel like she is one of those girls who would not just go out on a date right away. Instead, I would probably have to get to know her by hanging out with her a lot before she would agree to go on a date. Would it too rash if I just ask her out even before hanging out with her for a bit/knowing her somewhat? So right now I'm thinking about just asking our mutual friend to ask her if she wanted to get lunch with me or something. I feel like the best way is if I get my friend to help me set up a one on one meeting with her in their dorm, and after having at least talked for a second time (this would be the second time I talk to her), I can at least ask her myself if she wanted to grab lunch or something?
carhill Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 OP, if you've talked directly to any friends of hers and have mentioned her name, the Barbie Hotline has already vetted you one way or another and you can bet your bottom dollar a decision has been made about your worthiness as a potential. All the remains is for the paperwork to catch up with the decision. IOW, she already knows you are or may be interested and has formed a preliminary impression of your potential. Asking her out directly without further conversation shows that you are decisive and open with your interest. You know, almost without a doubt, that she's single. That's really all you need to know, along with the fact that she's risen from the page for you, as 'pretty cute'. Get moving.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 Ah, but I feel like she is one of those girls who would not just go out on a date right away. Instead, I would probably have to get to know her by hanging out with her a lot before she would agree to go on a date. Would it too rash if I just ask her out even before hanging out with her for a bit/knowing her somewhat? So right now I'm thinking about just asking our mutual friend to ask her if she wanted to get lunch with me or something. I feel like the best way is if I get my friend to help me set up a one on one meeting with her in their dorm, and after having at least talked for a second time (this would be the second time I talk to her), I can at least ask her myself if she wanted to grab lunch or something? I'm on the fence on this one. On the one hand, Dust is right. It is lame to ask a friend to be matchmaker. However, I have definitely met some conservative women. These types of women only seem to be comfortable getting with guys who are introduced through friends. In places like the Pacific Northwest, this seems to be the only way to get women. Portland, Oregon is notorious for this. Me and other guys who lived there were exasperated by the fact that the best way to get a date is through being introduced through a friend. One of the lamest cities in the U.S. So yes, Dust is right, it is lame. However, if you deal with a girl as conservative as the ones in Portland, it's the best way. Since you said she's that type, that's your best option. However, I think you should leave a chick like that alone. There are cute chicks all over. But you need a cool personality to go with it. She doesn't seem to have one. Dust made a thread about women who don't like sex. Your crush is probably one of them. So you should watch out.
Cypress25 Posted January 28, 2012 Posted January 28, 2012 I did tell her friend (who I am casual-borderline regular friends with) that I thought she was cute, and she confirmed for me that she is single. I am in the process of asking our mutual friend whether our not this girl would be interested in getting lunch with me or something so I can get to know her better. Do you guys think this is the right thing to do? Well, let me ask you a question. Are you in middle school? If not, this is NOT the right thing to do. Stop talking to her friends and talk to her directly. Asking a mutual friend to ask her if she wants to go out with you is the lamest thing ever. I don't care what kind of girl she is, I'm sure she expects guys her age to ask her out directly. So what if she wants to hang out with you for a bit before going on a date? Approach her, chat with her, get to know her a little, then ask her out. That's how normal people do it. Why would she agree to go out with a guy she's never even talked to? Surely you could do her the courtesy of having one conversation with her before you ask her out. Otherwise, she'll say no because at this point, she doesn't know anything about you except that you're too chickensh*t to talk to her. You've gotta give her a reason to go out with you.
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