Posh Polly Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Lesbian relationship. About 5 months ago I caught her sending inappropriate texts with another girl. She came clean right away, told me what I wanted to know. I asked her not to delete any texts and to stop the contact. She agreed, but as time went on she mentioned the girls name here and there. Today I saw she got a text from 'Randy' I asked who that was and she said its tracys number I dont know why it came up that way. I said what does the text say? She said it says she's glad I found my wallet. After some questioning and her denying I told her she was lying and walked away. She followed me, admitted that she had seen Tracy last night, and it was all innocent. I then found out they've been texting for 2 weeks, and she changed the name to Randy to hide it. When I asked to see the texts she said she deleted them. I also found a call in her history to Tracy. Still with me? Lol. She did some heavy gaslighting and blameshifting saying she had to delete texts and hide because I had forbidden her to be friends with Tracy. I don't recall forbidding her, but whatever. She swears up and down they have never even kissed and she just wants to be friends. So... Is it time to dump her? Counseling? Is she just a jagoff? Not sure what to do. Questions welcomed.
Buttercup84 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 May I ask what she said in the text's ? Did you ask her how they met ? Personaly , if I caught my boyfriend texting another girl and being all secretive I would break up with him . She knew you were upset , yet changed the name so she could keep texting her and then saw her behind your back . Have you had problems lately , apart from this ? I would flat out ask her what she wants . If I really want to be with someone I do not flirt with other guys like that .
JohnP82 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 It's time to dump her. It may hurt but this person has no respect for you, your relationship, and no understanding of boundaries. Don't be shocked, if you do decide to dump her, if she is in a relationship with this other girl soon after. You deserve someone who is more concerned about her partner's feelings than someone else.
Frank13 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I agree it is time to dump her. All the secrecy and hiding indicates something is wrong. Dump her and watch how fast she hooks up with Tracy/Randy.
Author Posh Polly Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 May I ask what she said in the text's ? Did you ask her how they met ? Personaly , if I caught my boyfriend texting another girl and being all secretive I would break up with him . She knew you were upset , yet changed the name so she could keep texting her and then saw her behind your back . Have you had problems lately , apart from this ? I would flat out ask her what she wants . If I really want to be with someone I do not flirt with other guys like that . They met at the bar my gf is a bartender at. I also work there as an entertainer on the weekends. We have had problems with her drinking too much, I got her to quit for a week and she has cut back considerably but I don't know if the problem is gone for good. I don't want to live with a drunk. She says she loves me and wants to be with me.
Author Posh Polly Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 She said they just make small talk, no talk about our relationship. But how can I believe her when she just came clean on 3 lies? Of course it's my fault she had to lie and hide things because she says I had forbidden her to be friends with tracy.
TaraMaiden Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 'Said, said, said'.... Actions speak louder than words.... You need to stop asking questions, and let your feet do the talking. Make big strides in the opposite direction. Nothing is worth this much anxiety over, particularly as they don't seem to be half as anxious about your feelings....
AmericanHoney Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I think so I mean she already lied to you numerous times how many more lies before you wind up getting hurt?
Phateless Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I think it's less about the truth and more about the fact that you don't know what the truth is. At this point it doesn't really matter what happened because the trust is gone. Have a long serious talk with her and see if you can find a way to break this pattern. If you agree on a plan, see if she sticks to it. If she doesn't, then time to leave or you'll just drive yourself crazy with the same drama forever.
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