Why do so many people get married mere weeks/months after a BU?

[Sugarkane]

Are they desperate? What makes the next person "the one"? Especially if the first person wanted commitment, yet the dumper goes and married someone else?

[Frank13]

I have seen this a few times. I think the rush to get married is actually more a way of putting the final nail in the coffin for the old relationship.

 

Usually one person wants out (even though the other wants a commitment). If the relationship was long, or there are kids involved, it is hard for the dumper to really feel like it is over. One way to give the old relationship finality in the mind of the dumper (and in his mind, in the mind of the dumpee) is to marry someone else.

 

I don't have stats on how long the new marriages last, but have seen this a number of times with friends who were crazy about their BF/GF and had been with them for years, only to have the BF/GF leave and marry someone else. I have also had friends who were the dumper and married someone else quickly after ending a long term relationship.

[Eddie Edirol]

I think its because when you meet someone new, when they seem so different from the person you dumped, you think they are the greatest thing ever, but thats the ether talking. So they get married quick, and then find out that the new person isnt as great after the ether wears off.

[nature]

I've heard that it's because they learned what they don't want from the past relationship and figured out what they do want, so they look for someone who epitomizes what they do want. That is why they marry them if they find them. It's actually a small percentage that marry quickly after a relationship breakup, but I've seen it too!

[Dark Phoenix]

I like the term burnout, but for this forum, its more widely known as gigs

 

It's because people literally lose their mind on gigs/burnout

[Sugarkane]

I mean shouldn't people at least be single for a couple of months? Jumping from person to person is really a bad idea.Why can't people be single for at least 5 minutes?

[Exit]

I mean shouldn't people at least be single for a couple of months? Jumping from person to person is really a bad idea.Why can't people be single for at least 5 minutes?

 

Because then they'd have to deal with the horrible discomfort of analyzing themselves and their own behaviors. When you really think about it, in the modern world, people can just go on for years at a time without the slightest bit of introspection or emotional/spiritual thought, there's just too much external stimulation. Why bother sitting there facing your own demons when you can just log on to Facebook and find out where the party is at tonight? Why bother feeling any remorse that you had to end a serious relationship, when you can just shoot someone a text message and have a new date for tonight.

 

It's a strange way to live and I think we see the effects of this on our society everywhere we look these days. Why save money when you can just spend spend spend and think about it later. Oooops now the world economy is collapsing.

[Dark Phoenix]

Sugarkane,

 

I jumped. It wasnt a choice. It just happens.

 

There's a psychology behind it. The easiest way I can describe it is there's an itch that needs to be scratched and something just takes over

 

Before people pass quick judgements, learn to understand

[Sugarkane]

Kind of dumb though isn't it? Marrying someone you've only known mere months.

[shayla]

In the case of my ex, he got married because he had the other woman all along and he was using me. Bottom line.

[ilovedhim]

Shayla really? How did you know he was cheating?

 

Can't imagine these marriages last long.

[Frank13]

Kind of dumb though isn't it? Marrying someone you've only known mere months.

 

I think when people were in what they felt was a bad relationship for years, when they meet someone new and it feels better than their previous relationship ever did, they figure if they could tough out years of a bad relationship, marrying the new person should be easy.

[shayla]

I found out on that little slice of hell that's called....Facebook.

He and I were friends, she suddenly popped up there, he spent a year lying to me about who she was, then poof, she posted a picture of the ring he put on her finger.

 

I confroned her, she acted like she didn't know about me, told me all about his "past" which included all kinds of screwing around throughout our relationship, I confronted him, he lied about everything including how long we were actually together (to her), and she married him two months later.

 

I knew that something wasn't right, and I asked about it repeatedly, left him repeatedly, he'd cry and beg and plead and I'd go back to him repeatedly....ugh that's my fault...and all along he had other women. I've never been able to figure out why he would beg and cry when I'd leave him...why would he care if he had other women? Cake eating at it's finest. A selfish man's dream come true.

[USMCHokie]

I mean shouldn't people at least be single for a couple of months? Jumping from person to person is really a bad idea.Why can't people be single for at least 5 minutes?

 

Two words: instant gratification.

[2sunny]

Two words: instant gratification.

 

Or just instant distraction so there's no need to take responsibility for one's own behavior.

[Sugarkane]

Shayla- I wouldn't be so smug if I was his new piece. What makes her think that he wouldn't do the same to her aswell? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Her name isn't Leanne Rimes is it? Helping a man cheat isn't anything to be proud about.

[BoredAgain]

I think it happens for a variety of reasons, but it generally comes down to emotional immaturity. i think these people probably get sucked into the honeymoon phase of the new relationship, get caught up by their own confused feelings, and end up making a risky decision to get married to somebody they may or may not be compatible with.

 

Anybody who's been in relationships knows that the peak of the honeymoon phase is INTENSE, and so you always have the little voice in your head telling you not to do anything stupid. ...but there are some unlucky bastards who don't have that.

[shayla]

Shayla- I wouldn't be so smug if I was his new piece. What makes her think that he wouldn't do the same to her aswell? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Her name isn't Leanne Rimes is it? Helping a man cheat isn't anything to be proud about.

 

 

I wouldn't be either. I would never marry a man after finding out that I was the other woman for the entire relationship. But then, I don't have the kind of heart she has...she buried her husband in November, then climbed into bed with my ex in January.....I know people, men and woman, that have been widowed for 10 years that cannot even bear to take off their rings, and there she was, wrecking someone elses home less than 2 months after burying her husband...I am sorry but that is low.

 

When all this first happened, she was so full of herself on her FB page, talking about how she won and I lost, and how God gave her the chance to be happy, uhm, God was no where in this, but you know, now that it's been a while, she never talks about my ex anymore, her brand new husband. Even when she is asked about him, her answers are very generic. Actually, she talks alot about her deceased husband now, has posted his picture, he was a nice looking man.

[ilovedhim]

When all this first happened, she was so full of herself on her FB page, talking about how she won and I lost, and how God gave her the chance to be happy, uhm, God was no where in this, but you know, now that it's been a while, she never talks about my ex anymore, her brand new husband. Even when she is asked about him, her answers are very generic. Actually, she talks alot about her deceased husband now, has posted his picture, he was a nice looking man.

 

WOW that has to hurt your ex. Agreed, facebook is a slice of hell and why I hardly logon anymore lol. You lucked out by finding out his cheating ways before getting in deeper. Some people are so insensitive.