GG3 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ladies, how often do you come across guys that talk about themselves more than they ask you questions about yourself on a first date or initial emails in online dating? I come across one every now and then and these are guys that talked to me first. One of my girlfriends said "some guys are like that." I find it boring to talk to them much. I'm not much of an ego builder person. And then it seems like some of them wonder why I quit writing or lost interest! How many of you have encountered this?
spiderowl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 It seems quite common, in my experience, and it is very boring. If you have any sort of intelligence, it soon wears thin. How can you have a relationship with someone who is so self-absorbed. I don't count asking the occasional questions and then answering it themselves as interacting!
Almond_Joy Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Most guys I've been involved with are this way, and the one guy that wasn't like this tried to use the info about me that I shared with him to manipulate me into doing what he wanted me to do. If I had to choose between the two, I'd prefer to stick with the self-absorbed. Edited January 25, 2012 by Almond_Joy
FitChick Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I prefer it. That way you can learn if there are any dealbreakers and red flags. If you talk about yourself there is a greater chance of a man pretending to be interested in everything you are or to have had the same background and experiences to get on your good side. I am a good listener and know how to ask the right questions.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Its because when men are trying to initiate conversations with women online, the women never say that they arent interested. They engage with maybe one sentence, and the men think they need to talk more to keep the conversation going. All they can do is talk about themselves at that point. It could be what they are accustomed to doing.
Titania22 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Ladies, how often do you come across guys that talk about themselves more than they ask you questions about yourself on a first date or initial emails in online dating? I come across one every now and then and these are guys that talked to me first. One of my girlfriends said "some guys are like that." I find it boring to talk to them much. I'm not much of an ego builder person. And then it seems like some of them wonder why I quit writing or lost interest! How many of you have encountered this? I never come across it. I would prefer guys to talk more. Asking too many questions makes it feel like a job interview.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Most guys I've been involved with are this way, and the one guy that wasn't like this tried to use the info about me that I shared with him to manipulate me into doing what he wanted me to do. If I had to choose between the two, I'd prefer to stick with the self-absorbed. I see this too. And it's been reiterated by the men on this board countless times. A guy really doesn't care so much about your whole life story or philosophy as much as he cares that you are cute, fun and have a few basic common interests so you won't nag him. I prefer it. That way you can learn if there are any dealbreakers and red flags. If you talk about yourself there is a greater chance of a man pretending to be interested in everything you are or to have had the same background and experiences to get on your good side. I am a good listener and know how to ask the right questions. This is a good way to play it. I tend to do the same thing. I've dated too many guys that tried to be everything I wanted because I told them what I wanted only for it to all fall apart in a few months when they stopped faking.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 In my experience at least, is most women don't have anything that interesting to say...you can tell they are trying, but actually they are very boring themselves. So If you don't make the conversation interesting or do more of the talking then there isn't much of a conversation because you get the sense that women are afraid to talk much (well some of them), or nervous, anxious etc.. Women that I met who are good conversationalist I always end up having a really good time with and we don't have problems opening up and have more than 3 words to say to answer a question. Women who aren't talkative tend to like not feeling the pressure of having to think of what to say (of course in their minds If you don't talk then they consider you boring even though they're contributing as much to it themselves with these other men). Unfortunately for me In interested in someone who has a good personality even If they are hot ::shakes fist at god:: I talk to a lot of women who are interested, but honestly most
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Women who aren't talkative tend to like not feeling the pressure of having to think of what to say (of course in their minds If you don't talk then they consider you boring even though they're contributing as much to it themselves with these other men). Unfortunately for me In interested in someone who has a good personality even If they are hot ::shakes fist at god:: I talk to a lot of women who are interested, but honestly most I really think this is a compatibility thing. Of course some women probably are just boring because they are so hot they don't need to be any other way. But I think anyone short of a perfect 10 has a personality that they want to bring to light. It just might not be one you like. I can be quite the talker (sometimes even called attention whore) amongst friends and family but I'm sure for as many guys as I found to be bad conversationalists there are just as many that would say I'm boring just because we didn't have enough in common or the same conversation styles so there wasn't any flow to the conversation. And one or both of us just shut up. And then there are the guys that just make you uncomfortable by talking too much or about things that you don't really consider date conversation so you clam up. I've had that happen a couple of times too...
mortensorchid Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 That's quite a question because it has many layers. I have encountered some people who cannot get past small talk (the weather, for example) and others who want to know your deepest, darkest secrets and seem to get all offended if you haven't told them what your deepest, darkest secret is/was. There must be a happy medium someplace, but I find that those who are proding you for your deepest, darkest secrets really are unhappy with themselves and are looking for ammo in which to take others' self esteem and make themselves feel good about it when they knock you down a few pegs. The same goes for those wackjobs out there who think they can just start talking about one's sexual history to any woman they encounter and make themselves look cool instead of offending others. Those who can't get past small talk, forget them, as well as the ones who are plying you for answers/secrets. I've learned over the years that if someone asks you a question you feel uncomfortable with, just simply say "Oh, I don't think I'd like to talk about that right now. Maybe later." Because you don't know the person really. Once you feel a bit more comfortable with them, then give more information over. But not right away. And if they get angry because you aren't responding in a way they want, then you walk away because they're psychos.
SJC2008 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 So what if he talks about himself? If it's in a getting to know you way like where he's from, what he likes, what he does for a living, ie; his "story" I see nothing wrong with that. Now if it's in a bragging way then you have a point because that's just obnoxious and if he asks nothing about you then I'd worry. Other than that why does it matter what order things go in. Flip it, make it your job to charm him, you ask questions to show interest, you make him laugh, you pursue him after the 1st date. That's what I thought!!!
xpaperxcutx Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 So what if he talks about himself? If it's in a getting to know you way like where he's from, what he likes, what he does for a living, ie; his "story" I see nothing wrong with that. Now if it's in a bragging way then you have a point because that's just obnoxious and if he asks nothing about you then I'd worry. Other than that why does it matter what order things go in. Flip it, make it your job to charm him, you ask questions to show interest, you make him laugh, you pursue him after the 1st date. That's what I thought!!! Sorry, even though I understand men, I do not want to be a man.
thehead Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Most guys I've been involved with are this way, and the one guy that wasn't like this tried to use the info about me that I shared with him to manipulate me into doing what he wanted me to do. If I had to choose between the two, I'd prefer to stick with the self-absorbed. Yea, I had a teammate that used that tactic. He didn't just do it with women, he did it with everyone in his life, including us. He'd listen, store the information away, use it down the line. He's a politician now, not joking. I've met women who do the same thing, OP. They rarely ask questions or do it only because they want to give an answer for themselves. It's a frustrating part of dating. But self absorbed people of both sexes are everywhere. Keep em moving.
Author GG3 Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 So what if he talks about himself? If it's in a getting to know you way like where he's from, what he likes, what he does for a living, ie; his "story" I see nothing wrong with that. Now if it's in a bragging way then you have a point because that's just obnoxious and if he asks nothing about you then I'd worry. Other than that why does it matter what order things go in. Flip it, make it your job to charm him, you ask questions to show interest, you make him laugh, you pursue him after the 1st date. That's what I thought!!! Because it's boring as h*ll! Of course I want to get to know him. But if they aren't interested in getting to know me too...why bother.
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