Broken arm, major setback??

[Chs]

So yeah, finally started to feel okay when seeing my ex around school. No nervous breakdowns and i could almost see the bright future ahead.

But then i broke my arm, now i have this stupid cast on and it's my right arm so can't do anything which is rather frustrating when living by yourself.

 

It just all came back to me with this. I would just wish she was there for me right now, and yeah i still miss her company so all the feelings kind of came back too.

I just feel that everything is against me, she moved on and found a new guy to fall for while im stuck here heartbroken with a useless arm and no new love, which im thinking will also be rather hard to find while i have to wear this dumb thing and im unable to work out or do my hair or even fit my clothes anymore.

It's just impossible to feel that this isn't unfair, and i deserve better.

[geegirl]

You are not alone to feel this way. When something unfortunate happens, you seek support and care and you almost always go back to wishing you had the love and care of someone you once had in your life. It magnifies and reminds you of the loss. It's completely normal.

 

I hurt my back recently and felt so defeated knowing that it was just me, myself and I while everyone had someone. Just laying in bed crying because all I wanted was a hug and it took me back to wishing and feeling sorry for myself.

 

It won't always be like this. It's not a major setback. Sometimes these things automatically put you in victim mode. Your arm will heal and you will soon be back to feeling your old self again. Unfortunately when you hit a bump in life, it almost always triggers the wish to want the support from someone who was once there for you. But once you get through it, you become your strongest supporter again, just as you were doing before you broke your arm!

Edited January 25, 2012 by geegirl

[Chs]

So since the first january i have been no contact with her, but she texted me a few days ago since she heard about my arm and stuff. Was just a few texts back n forth and that was it.

 

Then yesterday around noon she texted me saying that of course her name could be in my yearbook, i didn't understand what she meant since that was kind of obvious to me but apparantly a girl from my class had asked her if it was okay and she thought it came from me.

She didn't say much and again just a few texts, but she called me sweety and sent me a few hearts and just that little thing really broke my heart again.

I have been non stop thinking about her since, and i barely slept last night crying about it.

 

I know continuing NC is the best, and i did delete her messages so i couldnt reply since i don't have her number anymore. But i kind of want to tell her how big an effect it had on me even though it was such a small thing. I just keep looking at my phone hoping she will text again, and i was finally over that state before she did it again.

[Philosoraptor]

I know continuing NC is the best, and i did delete her messages so i couldnt reply since i don't have her number anymore. But i kind of want to tell her how big an effect it had on me even though it was such a small thing. I just keep looking at my phone hoping she will text again, and i was finally over that state before she did it again.

She needent know how you feel, just stop responding and go about your life. You wern't over it, you just didn't have any active stimuli. Almost everyone goes through this and has that false sense when it's been awhile. If it comes back when we get contacted, we wern't ready yet.

 

Either way your NC plan is probably best for you right now. But do not send her anything as she will most likely not worry if she is hurting you as it's not her job to take care of your emotions... it is yours.

[geegirl]

Keep on with NC. Most times dumpers fail to realize the emotional turmoil a dumpee is going through because they're on a different playing level. It's good that you deleted her number but your silence is possibly going to peak her curiosity so she may reach out again. Just realize that her contact doesn't change the situation and that you're the only one that can.

 

I hope that your arm is healing well and that you're feeling much better in that sense.

[Chs]

You are both right.

She didn't dump me though, it was kind of mutual. We had too many fights and in the end it got to a heat of the moment and we ended it pretty roughly with alot of tears and a very hard time saying goodbye.

I know she is seeing someone else, and i would never take her back regardless if she showed up on my doorstep this very second. But i just want her to know how it makes me feel when she sends me little hearts or just contacts me in general. I won't do it though, you are right and i have been NC for a month so i just got to be strong and go on with it.

It's just the small things that still get me, the newest episode of my favorite show californication even made me cry to the point i had to turn it off.

 

Doing fine with the arm though, and im finally starting to be genuinely happy when i hang out with the guys instead of faking a smile and being sad on the inside as i have been for the past 4 months. Guess im getting there :-)

[geegirl]

You are both right.

She didn't dump me though, it was kind of mutual. We had too many fights and in the end it got to a heat of the moment and we ended it pretty roughly with alot of tears and a very hard time saying goodbye.

I know she is seeing someone else, and i would never take her back regardless if she showed up on my doorstep this very second. But i just want her to know how it makes me feel when she sends me little hearts or just contacts me in general. I won't do it though, you are right and i have been NC for a month so i just got to be strong and go on with it.

It's just the small things that still get me, the newest episode of my favorite show californication even made me cry to the point i had to turn it off.

 

Doing fine with the arm though, and im finally starting to be genuinely happy when i hang out with the guys instead of faking a smile and being sad on the inside as i have been for the past 4 months. Guess im getting there :-)

 

It's normal to feel sad when you are triggered by a show, a song, a place, etc. I recently had someone leave my life too and it's hard when those little things bear so much weight on your heart. Completely normal.

 

You sound rational and resilient. Nowhere else to go but up! Keep doing what you're doing and soon enough you'll get there.

[Chs]

So i was in the cantina on my school, suddenly someone patted me on the ass and i turned around to see her. She asked me what had happened with the hand and was all smiling and happy, i couldn't stand it so i left and my eyes filled with tears in the middle of the school it was embarrasing as hell.

She didn't see it and texted me right after saying "just tell me! :-D" and i had to reply and tell her it's way too hard on me talking to her.

Hope i did the right thing, i know it will just hurt her view on my but i really can't deal with it. Had to leave school 3 hours early just because of hearing her voice.

[Chs]

I am so hurt.

Stupid and immature as i am i told her that i couldn't stop thinking about her and had to fight the urge of contact every day, i said that her contacts although small really made everything harder and i had to delete her number and it would be best for both of us. The only reaction i got was "okay" which i expected, why would she bother feeling anything towards me anymore after all.

 

Now i know it was pointless to tell her, and i should have just done it with no contact but that's not why it hurts. It hurts because i know she has chosen the other guy over me for real now, and he isn't just a stupid rebound.

I would give anything and do anything to hold her again, i dream about it every day and i can lie in my bed for hours because i can't shake her off my mind.

I have been devastated for 4 months and i know i have absolutely zero value to her and no chance to ever get her back, but why can't i get over her?! Why do i sit here with the incredibly hurtful thoughts and memories of her all the time. I can see her smile and hear her laugh in my head and i miss the times with her like i have never really lived without her.

 

I can't handle the pain anymore, i want to fast forward my life and i hate myself for not being able to get her out of my head when all it brings is pain.

I don't want to be sad anymore, i won't do it! I tell myself ten times a day she isn't worth it and she can go be happy with him instead, but the hope of her comming back is so deep in my thoughts. I know it will never ever happen and especially not after i said i don't want to talk with her anymore.

 

I am so ANGRY at myself for loving her when she has moved on.

[geegirl]

I'm sorry C. It's very sad to read your words.

 

You weren't stupid and immature to tell her how you felt. Maybe this is what you truly needed, even if you do not see it now. Deep down you were holding onto hope but now her response is your finality.

 

I don't believe it was pointless to tell her. You let it all out, and this will now help you finally close the door. It wasn't about no contact because she would have been invading your space, just as she did without realizing how it was affecting you. Now she knows and while it's painful to see her accept your request, it will be what you need to move on.

 

You said in one of your posts that you wouldn't take her back even if she was standing at your doorstep. Why do you now feel this way?

 

There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. All you can do is grieve and let this take it's course. There is no other way around it but to go through it. Lean on your friends and family for support. Talk about it as much as you need to because suppressing it will only make it worse. Try to be around people and keep yourself distracted.

[Frank13]

I am so hurt.

Stupid and immature as i am i told her that i couldn't stop thinking about her and had to fight the urge of contact every day, i said that her contacts although small really made everything harder and i had to delete her number and it would be best for both of us. The only reaction i got was "okay" which i expected, why would she bother feeling anything towards me anymore after all.

 

I can't handle the pain anymore, i want to fast forward my life and i hate myself for not being able to get her out of my head when all it brings is pain.

I don't want to be sad anymore, i won't do it! I tell myself ten times a day she isn't worth it and she can go be happy with him instead, but the hope of her comming back is so deep in my thoughts. I know it will never ever happen and especially not after i said i don't want to talk with her anymore.

 

I am so ANGRY at myself for loving her when she has moved on.

 

I have been in your same position and it is terrible. I have asked before why we care about someone who doesn't care about us. Definitely a flaw in how the human brain works.

 

If you reread your first post you will see that NC was working well for you. Then after a little contact you are feeling so bad. This is another example of why staying NC is important. Most of us slip up with NC at some point. Hopefully this will make you more determined to stay NC.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Chs]

I'm sorry C. It's very sad to read your words.

 

You weren't stupid and immature to tell her how you felt. Maybe this is what you truly needed, even if you do not see it now. Deep down you were holding onto hope but now her response is your finality.

 

I don't believe it was pointless to tell her. You let it all out, and this will now help you finally close the door. It wasn't about no contact because she would have been invading your space, just as she did without realizing how it was affecting you. Now she knows and while it's painful to see her accept your request, it will be what you need to move on.

 

You said in one of your posts that you wouldn't take her back even if she was standing at your doorstep. Why do you now feel this way?

 

There is nothing I can say that will make you feel better. All you can do is grieve and let this take it's course. There is no other way around it but to go through it. Lean on your friends and family for support. Talk about it as much as you need to because suppressing it will only make it worse. Try to be around people and keep yourself distracted.

 

I was immature because i already told her i needed more time before contact and she was being so nice about it. The same day i texted her in the evening and said it was good seeing her regardless, and she still made me smile. She replied and told me the same thing, and i thought i was getting closure but all i was getting was more hope. Then today i see her post another sweet thing on the new guy in her life's facebook and i crashed completely.

 

I regret texting her today so much! I tried to word it in a nice way, i said "I know it's not your problem to listen to me anymore, but i really can't forget you and i think about contacting you every day. I have to delete your number, because i think it will be better that way for the both of us. I hope you have a fantastic birthday on saturday :-)"

I wanted to say i can't deal with contact now, and that i need time to heal before talking to her. BUT WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THAT! It ended so nicely and i had a perfect chance to catch up with her in the future, why did i go and ruin that. I hate myself so much right now, so much.

 

I know i said i would never take her back, but im lying to myself because i know she would never come back and i don't want her to hold that power over me even though she does.

it's just not fair, i never tried loving someone like this and i don't know how to deal. I've always been good at doing stupid things like this and pushing people away, done it with several friends before and now i did it to a girl i want in my life so bad regardless if she is dating another man. Im self destructive when im sad and i can't handle myself anymore.

Edited February 2, 2012 by Chs

[geegirl]

When you are emotional, you sometimes do all sorts of crazy things. You can never trust your heart to make decisions for you. You were driven by your emotions, and you did what you did and you cannot beat yourself up for all the things that you did that got you to where you are today.

 

You can't assume that her response to you was validation of what her memories are of you. Her response was in respect to your request. What else could she have said to you that would have made you feel any better about the situation. You two had a mutual break-up. She moved on from it and unfortunately, you're still dealing with that void. Whether she said "okay" or sent you a letter, the outcome would have been the same but it would not have been a reflection of what you meant to her.

 

You've asked her to respect your need for NC. You've implemented it to help you heal. The last thing I think you should be doing to yourself is placing yourself in a situation that you already know is not comfortable for you. It is not about proving points or making statements. It's about choosing the best route to your healing. There is no need to talk to her and explain because I do believe she has an understanding of the pain and hurt you are going through. And you have to understand that she is not in an emotional state so this incident is probably not weighing on her so

much that you need to appease her.

 

You deal by removing yourself from the situation. The finality has hit you. We all go through failed relationships and friendships in our lives but that doesn't mean we're failures. There is never a guarantee that everything works out the way we would hope for it to be. You're hurting and your feelings are maginified and that is completely normal. Your emotions are at its peak. There is no other way to deal with pain and hurt but to feel it and work through it. There are no shortcuts. If you are finding it hard to work through your pain, is there a way for you to seek counseling, especially when you are having self-destructive thoughts? Have you talked to your parents about how you are feeling? We all handle pain in very different ways and maybe someone can help you find better coping skills when you're in a difficult situation.

Edited February 2, 2012 by geegirl

[Chs]

Thank you alot geegirl! I'm really happy that you responded, and you are really helping me here. Right now though my head is a mess and i think i need to calm down and just remove my thoughts any time possible.

 

She wasn't the first girlfriend but she was the first one i actually loved and even tough she dated a few no one for as long as me. I guess i just wanted to believe we had something special and she wouldn't move on so quickly.

She used to tell me i was the best thing that happened, and i meant as much as her twin sister. I believe it was true, but it isn't anymore and the hardest part is understanding that the feelings are gone. But i know mine will be too, one day.

[geegirl]

Thank you alot geegirl! I'm really happy that you responded, and you are really helping me here. Right now though my head is a mess and i think i need to calm down and just remove my thoughts any time possible.

 

She wasn't the first girlfriend but she was the first one i actually loved and even tough she dated a few no one for as long as me. I guess i just wanted to believe we had something special and she wouldn't move on so quickly.

She used to tell me i was the best thing that happened, and i meant as much as her twin sister. I believe it was true, but it isn't anymore and the hardest part is understanding that the feelings are gone. But i know mine will be too, one day.

 

It's very hard to center yourself when you're dealing with all sorts of emotions. Anger, sadness, hurt, indifference and it all comes up muddled in your head. When it comes, feel it. Don't suppress it. Purging is a form of cleansing. And it is also perfectly fine to distract yourself so you can step away from what hurts you. Just go through the process the best way you know how.

 

I've had men make promises and declarations to me only to let me down. I have no doubt she loved you and felt those words that she gave you. But, feelings change, people change, needs change and while your relationship started off with stars and rainbows, it also changed into a constant fighting match. You changed. She changed. The relationship changed. Nothing is ever a guarantee.

 

She may have moved on so quickly for other reasons. I do believe that when one leaves a relationship without giving themselves time to heal and focus, its most likely a need to fill a void or to latch in fear. You will never know her reasons.

 

Don't devalue what you had with her. She may have moved on but it doesn't mean that all she had with you was just a passing phase. If she loved you, then it will mean something to her. And in time you too will be moving forward, sometimes thinking fondly of what you two had together.

 

Try to get as much rest as you can. You must eat well. If you are struggling emotionally, you must care for yourself physically. That in turn will help alleviate some of the stress on your body. Talk to your family, your friends, come here and post. Try to distract yourself. Be in the midst of people. Don't stay home alone and wallow. Try to get out as much you can.

 

You will get through this C. It doesn't seem that way now, but I can attest that you will get there. Just stay true to NC and your wanting to heal.

Edited February 3, 2012 by geegirl

[Chs]

I had to break it again, weak as i am

It was her actual birthday so i just had to text her and wish her a good day.

First she just said "i thought you deleted my number?" but a few hours later i got a long response and she described how she felt about everything and about me texting her like that. I guess that made me feel better, since it was a response. Im at peace with being NC and haven't saved her number again, but i guess closure won't come from her as it still doesen't change how i feel. I must find the closure within myself, guess time will teach me how.

[geegirl]

I had to break it again, weak as i am

It was her actual birthday so i just had to text her and wish her a good day.

First she just said "i thought you deleted my number?" but a few hours later i got a long response and she described how she felt about everything and about me texting her like that. I guess that made me feel better, since it was a response. Im at peace with being NC and haven't saved her number again, but i guess closure won't come from her as it still doesen't change how i feel. I must find the closure within myself, guess time will teach me how.

 

Sometimes breaking NC is the best way to learn what a gift it truly is so don't beat yourself up about it. When you are emotional, it's a hard battle to fight those urges.

 

Closure comes from within. She has in a way given you enough to lead you into finding it on your own.

 

It's good that you deleted her number and hopefully, she understands enough to know not to break your boundaries as you heal.

 

Time to get back on that wagon and keep going. I know it hurts C but there is no alternative but to go through it. I'm rooting for you.

[Chi townD]

I hope you don't mind me asking but, how old are you?

[Chs]

I'm 19, wouldn't say im inexperienced but i know im somewhat immature regarding this.

[Chi townD]

So, I take it that you're a Freshmen at College and that she goes to the same institution. Blah, that sucks. Well, here's the thing. I know it's going to be hard for you considering she's at the same school but you need to go COMPLETE NC. No texting, phonecalls or e-mails period! If you feel like contacting her, post here instead. If she contacts you, the normal reaction is to contact back. Hell, that's what you used to do and it feels like second nature to you. Put the phone down, take a deep breath and post here instead. Now, you probably know what her major is in. Therefore, you need to start avoiding the buildings that she normally has to be around. If you see her turn and walk away.

 

Do this, be religious about it and I promise you that one day you'll wake up and she won't be the first thing on your mind. THAT's when you know you're starting to heal!

[CopingGal]

I lost my job and I asked my ex to be my friend because I couldn't handle two losses. This was before I knew he cheated on me and the horrible tricks he had played on me. Anyway, it was such a big mistake. When I went out with him as a friend, and he got irritated with me, I said to myself "yep, this is why I will not go back to you."

 

If I had stayed away from him, I wouldn't have had to deal with the horrible info, his throwing his new gf in my face, and semi-stalking me (stalking me once or twice a month). If I had just continued to stay away.

 

Now it's been about 40 days since he contacted me. I guess my last threat to go to the police was the one that finally stuck. I've learned that if a person is a lousy partner, they will probably be a lousy friend too. I wish I had never agreed to be friends with him. Except for asking him to stay away from me, I have not contacted him since November. I want it to stay that way.

[Chs]

So yeah, at the moment we are doing a big assigment in school and im sitting at home alot because we work from home for 2 weeks.

This gives me a little too much time for myself and too much time i can spend on reflecting over everything.

 

I guess i don't love her the same anymore either, im definetly not in love like i used to be.

I think what i miss is the time that passed, i know it won't come back and it's not necessarily what i want either. I think it's hard to miss like this, missing the past that you know won't come back. I have always had difficulties breaking relations and going new places in life, i dread finishing school this year because changes like that don't sit well with me.

 

This very sunday last year was the night i asked her to be my girlfriend, would have been celebrating with her right now. We had tickets to a place that we bought all back to summer, i guess im going to throw them out right after posting this.

 

I wanted to text her at first, just saying thanks for the memories and tell her she was on my mind today. But i know how she is, and every time i show emotion to her she pushes me away where as when we talk regularly she is sweet as ever. Im determined not to contact her, i won't do it and tommorow is just another normal day where it will all be easier. I just find that writing in here eases my mind just a little.

 

Man, it's so hard for me to work on this assignment. I still struggle alot with motivating myself, i lack the happiness i need to get work done.

I still go out and have fun, and now it's genuine fun and not just something i force myself to. However waking up the day after is even harder, the feeling of loneliness really kills me.

I have gotten super emotional

after the break up, before i met her i can't remember shedding a tear for anything but now even an emotional scene in a cartoon today made my eyes fill with tears so i had to yell at myself.

 

I find it ridiculous, i don't want to be a baby and i want to go back to how i was before. I miss being happy with just myself, it changed me so much to be dependant on another person. I really hope i can find joy in being me again, soon.

[Chs]

I had a great night out with the boys, we made food and partyed at my place all night, it was great. I hadn't really thought about her for long, and i was actually believing i had moved on.

But when we get to club, some hours after we arrive i stand at the bar and turn around, and she is sitting at the table behind me.

I go away, to the other end of the club where my friends are but i can't stop it, i break down and rush outside. Im crying like hell, and no matter how much i try to ignore it and stop i can't. I've cried for over an hour, i can't stand seeing her beautiful face, it destroy's me inside. I feel like im nothing, nobody without her.

 

i cannot handle it anymore, it's been 4 months and she has a new boyfriend, yet i still cannot give ANY other girl my attention, i only care about her. She did so much for me, and came into my life when i really needed it. I can't stop loving her, even when it's the only thing i have wanted for the past many months. I would give everything i own to stop this misery, but it won't work. I feel like i am the cause of my own misery and that no normal person would still care about an ex when it's been 4 months and the relationship only lasted 8. All my friend's who had or is currently having a relationship had at least a single night where the ex told them she missed them but mine never did, i feel so empty and without any reason for going on. I can't deal with it anymore, i can't. I have done everything, i have fought with every little bit of power i have for the past four month's and not a single day have passed without tears. I will not go on anymore, i have nothing left in my miserable life and i don't want to continue this worthless attempt to get better when it just won't happen no matter how much i put into it. Goodbye.