oldguy Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 (edited) THINGS; money, cars, careers excreta too often do define a person and there in lies the problem; when things define the person rather than the person having a clear & comfortable definition of themselves. I speak as the person who was once owned by all his possessions but was never content with any of the toys for long. In fact I was caught in the viscous cycle of working harder to pay for the things & in turn resenting the things because they where the reason I was working so hard. It was easier when I took inventory of my base priorities & gave up many of the toys, most of which sat idle while I was working to afford them. Bottom line is this; once I stopped being a possessions junky it took the pressure off & allowed me to relax, be more content, happier and a much more accessible as well a nicer person to be around. I think that is because my possessions where defining me. Edited January 26, 2012 by oldguy
gaius Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Environment matters, and so does market. I could bang half a dozen "pretty ones" if I wanted to, but I also care about intelligence, a girl's career path, and overall quality of character. He's not banging 25 year-old Med students with a tight ass, and if you tell me he is, let me know the strain you're smoking. Pretty isn't everything, just as money isn't everything. Hence the topic of the thread. I was insinuating these girls had options while keeping my post short, and no med students that I'm aware of. The one ex I did meet had a nice personality, he wasn't exactly settling for women that had something wrong with them. They had jobs and made a decent amount of money too, as they were the ones that had to pay for their travel and anything else they wanted to do. He's just a good example for guys who keep saying they can't get dates because women are shallow, money grubbing, etc etc. If they will accept him then you should be able to get them to accept you.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 More along the lines of if I'm a catch what do I want with a woman who can't perform the most basic of girlfriendly duties. Because the title of this thread should be "hard time getting good gf" because if you just want any old gf theres always a cypress or two ready for the snatching. Ready to devote yourself to the priest hood of cypress. But I don't get what this has to do with the thread... Women like sex just as much as men. Some even moreso. We just have different triggers to what turns us on. Guys that go in guns blazing with their "Oh baby, you're so sexy. I've been thinking about your hot ass all day" talk are a lot less likely to get somewhere than a guy that shows a little respect. Don't talk to us like all we are is T&A and you'll be amazed at what we are willing to give you. A guy that can hold a conversation about actual stuff of substance is such a turn on. A guy that puts the p*ssy on a pedestal comes off as immature and sometimes even a little pathetic like he's never seen one or touched one before. What girl wants to throw herself at a dude who comes off like he'll take any kind of scraps he can get? Have a real conversation with me, impress me with your naturally flowing personality and show that you're interested in my whole person instead of just my vagina and there's a good chance you're getting road head on the way home. Bring nothing to the table but bragging about how awesome and impressive you are and how much swagger you have between the sheets and you're likely to get nothing. We've heard it all before.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Guys that go in guns blazing with their "Oh baby, you're so sexy. I've been thinking about your hot ass all day" talk are a lot less likely to get somewhere than a guy that shows a little respect. Don't talk to us like all we are is T&A and you'll be amazed at what we are willing to give you. . Disagree completely. There a lot of women who get off on that kinda raunchy talk. Why do you think attention whores and cockteases exist?
aj22one Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 But I don't get what this has to do with the thread... Women like sex just as much as men. Some even moreso. We just have different triggers to what turns us on. Guys that go in guns blazing with their "Oh baby, you're so sexy. I've been thinking about your hot ass all day" talk are a lot less likely to get somewhere than a guy that shows a little respect. Don't talk to us like all we are is T&A and you'll be amazed at what we are willing to give you. A guy that can hold a conversation about actual stuff of substance is such a turn on. A guy that puts the p*ssy on a pedestal comes off as immature and sometimes even a little pathetic like he's never seen one or touched one before. What girl wants to throw herself at a dude who comes off like he'll take any kind of scraps he can get? Have a real conversation with me, impress me with your naturally flowing personality and show that you're interested in my whole person instead of just my vagina and there's a good chance you're getting road head on the way home. Bring nothing to the table but bragging about how awesome and impressive you are and how much swagger you have between the sheets and you're likely to get nothing. We've heard it all before. Haha. A lot of the guys on this site and all over the internet who complain about women are the ones who haven't seen one before. And then everyone always tells them "get a good job", "get your own place" "be a catch without a woman in your life". And then they go and do those things and still can't get anywhere because they can't relate to women. Why would we expect them to "act like they've been there" when they haven't? This is exactly why I tell guys to a) date whoever you can get (if just for some practice) and b) don't worry about your "status", if you wait until you get established you might as well wait til you're 60.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Disagree completely. There a lot of women who get off on that kinda raunchy talk. Why do you think attention whores and cockteases exist? Just for the record, I'm talking about a guy doing this in the early stages of dating. Like before the first date or dates 1-5. Once a secure sexual relationship has been established, dirty talk away! And No, I agree about the attention whores and cockteases falling for it early. Also girls with little self-respect or daddy issues will go for it too. This approach may get you a few one night stands, maybe a girl to bang for a month or two but you have to consider the quality of the girl. She'll be out the door when someone richer, cuter and a better dirty talker comes round. Or the guy will be out the door when he realizes she isn't girlfriend-wifey-mom material and she's banged half of his social circle. You see it happen all the time in college aged circles. But the original post was about successful guys in their 30's. Most women (I said most not all) are over this stage of their life by then. And I would think if they aren't it would be a serious red flag to a guy. Some guys are just slower to mature and haven't learned how to talk to a grown ass woman.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 This is exactly why I tell guys to a) date whoever you can get (if just for some practice) and b) don't worry about your "status", if you wait until you get established you might as well wait til you're 60. I agree with this whole-hardheartedly. Never turn down an opportunity. Even if it leads nowhere you can still learn something about yourself or someone else and that is never a bad thing. And it sure beats the hell out of sitting home alone on a friday or saturday night jacking off to hentai.
Scottdmw Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 As others have alluded to, the thing is that having a stable job is neither here nor there for attracting women. They don't find it unattractive, but neither do they find it particularly attractive, as in a reason to date the guy. In times past there was more social encouragement for women to find guys like that. Since part of what makes a guy attractive to a woman is determined by social norms, that route used to work better. The other thing is that people now spend a lot more of their lives being single. If the norm is to get married by age 25, that tends to take away a lot of the most attractive guys who have the whole package--money, looks, and personality. Now, a lot of those guys are free to remain single. While they are single, they have a tendency to date multiple women at the same time in casual, no-commitment relationships. This means that there have to be a good number of guys who have no women at all. Whether it ultimately makes them happy or not, many women choose to be in these kind of relationships with these kinds of guys, either because they hope to capture them or it's more fun then committing to a “boring” guy. It seems like a lot of women spend a good part of their 20s hoping to get a guy with the whole package, but having the experience of these guys being difficult to pin down in a committed relationship. Women see these “complete package” guys around and single, so they feel that it should be possible to find one for a boyfriend. Many women would rather be single or a FWB to a guy like this than the girlfriend of a boring guy. Again, perhaps that won't ultimately make a woman happy long-term, but that is where her feelings can tend to lead her. Then the women who are not lucky enough to land one of the complete package guys spend a good part of their 30s wondering “where have all the good men gone,” and still not really wanting to settle for the boring guy. What can a guy do? Accept that having a good paying stable job is just not enough. Work hard to develop passions and interests, and a more social personality. Realize that a stable job is just a starting point, and maybe it should be used as a jumping off point to do something completely different. Realize that although that doesn't seem to make sense, it may be “what women want.” Realize that the upside is maybe you as the guy are also a little bored with the job you have and might be happier doing something a little less stable. I think a lot of guys make the mistake of trying to be a husband/father before they have children or even a girlfriend. They try to set themselves up in a stable position capable of supporting a family before they actually have that family to support. They don't realize that women's attraction does not follow their idea of logic. They would possibly be better off to pursue their passion and keep the option for a stable well-paying job available for later if they actually have someone who needs the support, ie children. Scott
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 But the original post was about successful guys in their 30's. Most women (I said most not all) are over this stage of their life by then. Still disagree with this. My old lady will be 60 in May. Just last summer she was shopping at Macy's when some dude her age started flirted. He talked about how sexy she looked; how her walk was like dynamite; how she had a nice hairstyle and gorgeous smile; etc. And she was flattered and giggling by it. When she got home, she couldn't stop talking about it with the rest of the family because it really made her day. From my own experience, your assessment is way off. Sure, you're not only supposed to talk about a woman's body. You're supposed to talk about her body and her personality. I've made comments to women over 30 I hardly know about how they would look sexy in fishnet stockings and g-strings. I also know a hot woman who is almost 40 who I used to talk to when I visited the physical therapy center where she worked. I used to have conversations with her about regular things, but I always made sure to talk about how attractive she was. I made comments about how most guys would kill to have a woman with a body as hot as hers. Just last week I bumped into her after not seeing her for a month. She was real, real happy to see me. What do you think she missed especially? My comments about her attractiveness, obviously. So yes, talking about a woman's body does work, regardless of her age. It all depends on her personality, her mood, how comfortable she feels around you, and if you make sure to talk about other things as well.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 So yes, talking about a woman's body does work, regardless of her age. It all depends on her personality, her mood, how comfortable she feels around you, and if you make sure to talk about other things as well. Have you banged these women? That's the point I'm making. Who doesn't like an ego stroke? I imagine any 60 year old woman would be thrilled to realize she 'still has it'. Any woman at any age likes that guys want to do her. That doesn't mean they would sleep with you. Or make you enough of a contender in her mind to keep sleeping with you after the next smooth talker comes along. An ego stroke from a stranger, no matter how creepy (really, g-strings comments to girls you hardly know?), is still an ego stroke. We'll take it. But it doesn't mean we take you seriously. And if you want someone to want to date you it's kind of important that they can take you seriously.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Have you banged these women? That's the point I'm making. Who doesn't like an ego stroke? I imagine any 60 year old woman would be thrilled to realize she 'still has it'. Any woman at any age likes that guys want to do her. That doesn't mean they would sleep with you. Or make you enough of a contender in her mind to keep sleeping with you after the next smooth talker comes along. An ego stroke from a stranger, no matter how creepy (really, g-strings comments to girls you hardly know?), is still an ego stroke. We'll take it. But it doesn't mean we take you seriously. And if you want someone to want to date you it's kind of important that they can take you seriously. Yes, I have had sex with women who I have talked raunchy with. I have also gotten into a long-term relationship with them as well. And yes, I know guys who have gotten into long-term relationships with women after talking raunchy with them. Like I said, age is irrelevant, it all depends on her personality, her mood, how comfortable she feels around you. Raunchy talk does work.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Personally, I never dated a guy because of the job or money that he had.( women tend to grossly overestimate the significance of the "emotional connection" Believe what you choose, but I challenge you to find a single woman who is satisfied and happy in a long term relationship who does not feel a very deep "emotional connection." Also, when it comes to written communication skills, Kaylan gets my vote over the brilliantly misnamed Feelsgoodman.
thatone Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I agree with this whole-hardheartedly. Never turn down an opportunity. Even if it leads nowhere you can still learn something about yourself or someone else and that is never a bad thing. And it sure beats the hell out of sitting home alone on a friday or saturday night jacking off to hentai. i lol'd at the above. i'm guessing there's a direct inverse correlation between average amount of anime porn watched in a week and how close the person in question is from ever seeing a real woman naked.
Woggle Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Trying to create this emotional connection is pretty much mission impossible. Who knows what it even is?
Scottdmw Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Trying to create this emotional connection is pretty much mission impossible. Who knows what it even is? An emotional connection is womanspeak for mutual attraction, no more and no less. If a woman is not attracted to you she has no desire or interest in knowing your emotions or telling you hers.
Content Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Because it takes more then a guy to be sucessful and have money to attract women Having those things doesnt mean a women is automatically gonna love you and want to spend her days barefoot and pregnant Men need to spend more time learning how to be social around women instead of thinking beign wealthy and/or having status will get you women
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I promise you that I am not the only woman reading this who has experienced mutual attraction without "emotional connection." No, they are not the same thing, even to us silly women, even though when both are in play at one time it's pretty hard to resist. You guys who are very confident about dissing the idea of emotional connection haven't experienced it, I'm sure. And most any man reading this who is happily married, or in a fulfilling relationship that has progressed beyond the honeymoon stage will acknowledge that an emotional connection is a part of it, I bet. Not just the women. There is also the intellectual connection contributing to many successful bonds between couples. This is also different than "mutual attraction" and is regular English, not womanspeak. Whatever some of you guys mean by that.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Because it takes more then a guy to be sucessful and have money to attract women Having those things doesnt mean a women is automatically gonna love you and want to spend her days barefoot and pregnant Men need to spend more time learning how to be social around women instead of thinking beign wealthy and/or having status will get you women Wealth and status will get a man women. Those relationships will mostly be short-term and one nighters. But some guys prefer that and so it's no big deal.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 There is an interesting crossover between the fellows who like to trash talk women for NOT appreciating "good" guys who have good jobs and income, and also trash talk women for going after guys BECAUSE they have good jobs and income. Do you crossover guys have a preference, or is it just impossible for a woman to like any guy and be okay with you?
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 There is an interesting crossover between the fellows who like to trash talk women for NOT appreciating "good" guys who have good jobs and income, and also trash talk women for going after guys BECAUSE they have good jobs and income. Do you crossover guys have a preference, or is it just impossible for a woman to like any guy and be okay with you? Haven't you stated over and over again that you're in a happy relationship? If so, then why should you care about what guys you're not dating prefer?
Content Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Wealth and status will get a man women. Those relationships will mostly be short-term and one nighters. But some guys prefer that and so it's no big deal. Well yes if you dont mind that a women is using you for gifts and has no attraction to you and your just using her for pussy then it can work
g450 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 These financially secured men are also socially inept. They approach dating like it's a business deal or they end up acting like they're on an interview. I have dated and came across these men who, while are very generous with their wallets, lacked the depth for an emotional connection. They try to put on a charming front but I can see they're outside of their zones. Most, unfortunately even lack personality. Then there's the ones who are dating and does not want something serious because they don't want to settle but they still want to cuddle. Wow. Maybe you would have better luck with: "some metrosexual hipster who wears crotch hugging pants and a weird hat and works at starbucks while "waiting for his acting career to pickup". Or maybe he's a heroin junkie musician or some drug dealing "urban thug". Sorry, couldnt resist.
g450 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Trying to create this emotional connection is pretty much mission impossible. Who knows what it even is? That's easy. After you make her next car payment, have her drive you both to the beach where you can walk in the moonlight holding hands. It helps if you bring some wine. Then visually undress her and tell her she is the love of your life while rubbing coacoa butter all over yourself LOL. Works for me every time. :bunny:
kaylan Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 I promise you that I am not the only woman reading this who has experienced mutual attraction without "emotional connection." No, they are not the same thing, even to us silly women, even though when both are in play at one time it's pretty hard to resist. You guys who are very confident about dissing the idea of emotional connection haven't experienced it, I'm sure. And most any man reading this who is happily married, or in a fulfilling relationship that has progressed beyond the honeymoon stage will acknowledge that an emotional connection is a part of it, I bet. Not just the women. There is also the intellectual connection contributing to many successful bonds between couples. This is also different than "mutual attraction" and is regular English, not womanspeak. Whatever some of you guys mean by that. This...men and women can feel attraction without emotional connection...and we can also feel an emotional bond to someone without a physical attraction. Having both with one person is great, but rare.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Haven't you stated over and over again that you're in a happy relationship? If so, then why should you care about what guys you're not dating prefer? Why not? I'm interested in interpersonal relationships. That's why I post here. I believe you post about women you're not dating. A lot.
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