joel Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 i met a few guys in their 30's who have good jobs and high paying too and nice cars and own apartment and have it all but when it comes to attracting a gf and getting dates they have trouble. why is this i thought once you got the good job and money and stuff it was more easier. i met a few through this meetup and even one who never had a gf or dated . hes like 33 good finance job and nice new car too. funny thing is these guys i met from the social meetup for asian single guys they werent ugly. most were 5 8 or taller, nicely dressed and professionals in finance, accounting, engineering with a least a univeristy degree and working in a good big company one got dates but couldnt even keep a date. they go out with him but after that 98% dont want to see him a second time another in his 30's still hasnt been on a simple coffee date. family owns a business and hes going to law school anyone met someone like this before? why
kaylan Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Because in this day and age women are more financially independent of men, so many of them are looking for love over simply having security. Its no different from how more guys nowadays seek out love instead of just any old nice girl whod make a good stereotypical mom. Theres more to dating nowadays instead of people just trying to find a comfortable spouse based on what society dictates. People want more than just "good enough" nowadays.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 These guys don't meet the modern day definition of cool...that's why. What's considered a great catch is largely defined by the media and the media is telling young women that a cool guy is some metrosexual hipster who wears crotch hugging pants and a weird hat and works at starbucks while "waiting for his acting career to pickup". Or maybe he's a heroin junkie musician or some drug ealing "urban thug". But a stable guy with a solid middle class job is not sufficiently exciting to be considered a good catch these days.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 These financially secured men are also socially inept. They approach dating like it's a business deal or they end up acting like they're on an interview. I have dated and came across these men who, while are very generous with their wallets, lacked the depth for an emotional connection. They try to put on a charming front but I can see they're outside of their zones. Most, unfortunately even lack personality. Then there's the ones who are dating and does not want something serious because they don't want to settle but they still want to cuddle.
Author joel Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 These financially secured men are also socially inept. They approach dating like it's a business deal or they end up acting like they're on an interview. I have dated and came across these men who, while are very generous with their wallets, lacked the depth for an emotional connection. They try to put on a charming front but I can see they're outside of their zones. Most, unfortunately even lack personality. Then there's the ones who are dating and does not want something serious because they don't want to settle but they still want to cuddle. what do you mean emotional connection? examples how can you tell they are outside of their zones-examples dont most ppl have a personality? what u mean they do have one
Woggle Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 These guys don't meet the modern day definition of cool...that's why. What's considered a great catch is largely defined by the media and the media is telling young women that a cool guy is some metrosexual hipster who wears crotch hugging pants and a weird hat and works at starbucks while "waiting for his acting career to pickup". Or maybe he's a heroin junkie musician or some drug ealing "urban thug". But a stable guy with a solid middle class job is not sufficiently exciting to be considered a good catch these days. Very much agree. It's cool for men to be losers these days and women tend to go towards what is cool. Let's see how cool these guys are in ten years when they still have no life.
thatone Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) there was a very good discussion/interview a couple of years back that i heard on NPR while driving one day about how our modern society is in decline because liberal arts education is in decline. people raise their kids with toys (games, cars, etc.) then they tell those kids that they should go to school for whatever makes them the most money, and finish school as fast as possible without learning anything unnecessary to their chosen career. then they're told they are supposed to jump right on to the 60-80 hour a week corporate ladder and like it, because it'll pay off shortly before they're dead. then they get laid off/downsized/etc and are told that they should work three jobs and like it to pay for all of the crap they've amassed with debt. meanwhile they don't really know how to live. they don't know how to buy and decorate a house, they imitate the neighbors. they don't know how to buy clothes, they imitate their co-workers. they don't know how to do anything interesting, because they don't have time, they are either working the 3 jobs or the 80 hour a week job. this all results in a society full of middle class robots. people who have little or no redeeming quality. is it any wonder that they struggle with women? women are passionate, they want passionate partners. this wasn't the case in centuries past. in centuries past a liberal education was a privilege. and the way they looked at it in those days, the people who were going to be the leaders of society needed class, not just a trade or skill. they needed to know about art, architecture, social graces, etc. so they were taught those things. not anymore. so there you have it. in short, post WW2 america is a grand failure of a society in many ways. how do those men stop failing with women? stop participating in a bad society. be different. quit the 80 hour a week job, get a different one, that may pay less but allows more time to actually live. do interesting things, and be passionate about them. it boggles my mind that we actually have people who condemn anyone who does things instead of work. really? that sounds like a 40 year old hall monitor, telling other kids that his whistle makes him important, as he tells everyone to behave just as he does or he'll tattle on them. more than one former gf has told me "you don't sound like most men when you talk about xyz, you remind me of how my female friends talk about their interests". which is why i don't have much trouble with women. i can relate to them. i'm not some mindless drone schlepping off to an office every day to compile TPS reports while saluting the corporate honcho every time i walk by him with some false hope that he'll give me a smidge of his attention. alternatively, find a wife who just wants your money and be content with her. Edited January 25, 2012 by thatone
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 what do you mean emotional connection? examples how can you tell they are outside of their zones-examples dont most ppl have a personality? what u mean they do have one I have dated an accountant who took me out to dinner and propositioned me for sex. His exact words were " So when do you think we're going to have sex? The third date?" I have dated a corporate lawyer who tried to tongue me on the first date. I have dated a financier who wanted to take me out to dancing but his idea of going out was taking back to his place, and dancing in his bedroom. Ugh... I never spoke to any of them again. The fact that these me are outside of their zones meant they lacked the tact to be respectful to a lady. They believe because they're rich and successful they can treat women like they can be bought. Not all of them are like this, but most i have came across are hedonistic and superficial. If you ever read Bret Eaton Ellis' novels ie. Amercian Psycho, most successful men on " Wall Street" are representations of the guppie era of the 80's. Again, I live in NYC. I can't say it's the same everywhere.
USMCHokie Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 ...asian single guys... Perhaps this is a factor...?
ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 The fact that these me are outside of their zones meant they lacked the tact to be respectful to a lady. They believe because they're rich and successful they can treat women like they can be bought. Not all of them are like this, but most i have came across are hedonistic and superficial. I agree with this. Guys who are successful on paper and generally good looking have an easier time getting in their foot in the door but often times they have no idea how to act once they get inside. Guys who are less successful see every opportunity as a learning experience. They develop social skills with women and techniques so when they get there it's more likely to last. The guys that don't need these skills so much know that they can get another girl in a matter of days/weeks so it's no big thing to them. Eventually they'll find one that will put up with their bad behavior or just be DTF no strings attached so their needs are taken care of.
musemaj11 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 No matter how much money you have, if you are very unattractive and severely awkward socially or romantically, you are still going to have a tough time. Money means a lot to women, but other attributes need to be at least at a certain level as well. Just like doesnt matter how hot a woman is, if she is totally crazy no man will want to have anything to do with her.
kaylan Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 The fact that these me are outside of their zones meant they lacked the tact to be respectful to a lady. They believe because they're rich and successful they can treat women like they can be bought. Not all of them are like this, but most i have came across are hedonistic and superficial. If you ever read Bret Eaton Ellis' novels ie. Amercian Psycho, most successful men on " Wall Street" are representations of the guppie era of the 80's. Again, I live in NYC. I can't say it's the same everywhere.hedonism ey? ya dont say
Red Arremer Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I'm like this. Money doesn't buy social skills. It's as simple as that.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 what do you mean emotional connection? examples how can you tell they are outside of their zones-examples dont most ppl have a personality? what u mean they do have one They dont understand how to use words to attract women emotionally. They dont have interesting personalities, meaning they arent funny, and dont know how to talk about things that woman and men can discuss. They dont know that they dont have to kiss a womans ass, or, like Papercuts said, they think they need to be overcocky. If your Asian friends are trying to date caucasian women, well, alot of them dont date Asian men. They make themselves look too needy and too available, they might say things that make them seem like they are desperate and dont have anything else going on in their lives other than work. There could be a myriad of reasons.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 people raise their kids with toys (games, cars, etc.) then they tell those kids that they should go to school for whatever makes them the most money, and finish school as fast as possible without learning anything unnecessary to their chosen career. then they're told they are supposed to jump right on to the 60-80 hour a week corporate ladder and like it, because it'll pay off shortly before they're dead. then they get laid off/downsized/etc and are told that they should work three jobs and like it to pay for all of the crap they've amassed with debt. meanwhile they don't really know how to live. they don't know how to buy and decorate a house, they imitate the neighbors. they don't know how to buy clothes, they imitate their co-workers. they don't know how to do anything interesting, because they don't have time, they are either working the 3 jobs or the 80 hour a week job. this all results in a society full of middle class robots. people who have little or no redeeming quality. is it any wonder that they struggle with women? women are passionate, they want passionate partners. this wasn't the case in centuries past. in centuries past a liberal education was a privilege. and the way they looked at it in those days, the people who were going to be the leaders of society needed class, not just a trade or skill. they needed to know about art, architecture, social graces, etc. so they were taught those things. That is such a load of crap. First of all the average Joe does not work anywhere near 60-80 hours. Some lawyers and investment bankers work those types of hours in their junior years, but the vast majority of Americans are not lawyers or investment bankers. The average Joe works a 9-5 job with a few hours of overtime here and there for a total of maybe 40-45 hours a week. In the old days, the average Joe would be a farmer who toiled the land from dawn till dusk and spent the evening hours fixing his tools or tending after livestock. The average peasant in the good old days worked 100+ hours per week...I'm sure those were real passionate romantics and knew how to live
kaylan Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) These guys don't meet the modern day definition of cool...that's why. What's considered a great catch is largely defined by the media and the media is telling young women that a cool guy is some metrosexual hipster who wears crotch hugging pants and a weird hat and works at starbucks while "waiting for his acting career to pickup". Or maybe he's a heroin junkie musician or some drug ealing "urban thug". But a stable guy with a solid middle class job is not sufficiently exciting to be considered a good catch these days. Very much agree. It's cool for men to be losers these days and women tend to go towards what is cool. Let's see how cool these guys are in ten years when they still have no life.Could you two cry sum moar plz? A great catch is subjective and depends on the individual. You act as if a person couldnt be any of those thing feelsgoodman is crying about and still have their act together. Guess what? I have 2 degrees, and a realistic outlook at the professional world. However, at the same time I am a musician who still plans to play on the weekends when I get new band together and see where it takes me. Thats not starbucks...and plenty of musicians and actors are only doing those things as a side gig to their "professional" life. Guess what? I also sometimes wear fitted jeans and vans...is that hipster wear? or just comfy wear? They dont ball hug at all...plenty of inseam =P Jeez some of you need to get a grip sometimes, not everyone falls into your neat little generalizations. Im gonna try and live out my dream because im ambitious...but at the same time Im keeping a plan in my back pocket...hopefully I can make a big success out of myself through the musician or middle class route. Whichever Edited January 25, 2012 by kaylan
Feelsgoodman Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Again, I live in NYC. I can't say it's the same everywhere. NYC is special kind of place...filled with ambitious yet low individuals trying to make it to the top of the corporate ladder. This is true of both men and women in NYC. So let's not make any far-reaching generalizations, okay? Not everyone with a decent job is Pat Bateman from American Psycho (and had you actually read the book, you'd know that he of all people never had trouble finding dates).
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 NYC is special kind of place...filled with ambitious yet low individuals trying to make it to the top of the corporate ladder. This is true of both men and women in NYC. So let's not make any far-reaching generalizations, okay? Not everyone with a decent job is Pat Bateman from American Psycho (and had you actually read the book, you'd know that he of all people never had trouble finding dates). And had you read a little more, you would've understood that I used American psycho as a reference to the yuppie era.. not necessarily to dateless men in suits. Stop mis- interpreting my words. And I was referencing the city I'm currently living based on experiences. If there is any generalization, its your bias against me thinking I have a low iq.
Cypress25 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Believe it or not, personality matters! I don't care how rich or successful a guy is, I'm not going to date him if I don't like his personality or his sense of humor. I have a job, I have a car, I can pay my own bills. I'm not looking for a man to provide those things for me. What I look for in a partner is an emotional connection and physical attraction. Money can't buy those things.
Dust Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Believe it or not, personality matters! I don't care how rich or successful a guy is, I'm not going to date him if I don't like his personality or his sense of humor. I have a job, I have a car, I can pay my own bills. I'm not looking for a man to provide those things for me. What I look for in a partner is an emotional connection and physical attraction. Money can't buy those things. I would like to add that no matter how pretty a gf is I'm going to expect a few sexual acts from her...
Feelsgoodman Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 If there is any generalization, its your bias against me thinking I have a low iq. I'm tempted to point out the irony of this statement...
Cypress25 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I would like to add that no matter how pretty a gf is I'm going to expect a few sexual acts from her... Of course. But what does that have to do with the topic of this thread?
Feelsgoodman Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I'm not looking for a man to provide those things for me. What I look for in a partner is an emotional connection and physical attraction. Money can't buy those things. Those things are important no doubt (though women tend to grossly overestimate the significance of the "emotional connection"). However, a self-made man with a good job is the one you'd want to marry even if money is not important to you (which it shouldn't be). Such a man possesses intelligence, practicality and motivation, which are all very important qualities in a long-term partner. An emotional, romantic, perpetually unemployed (and unemployable) writer or painter may tickle your fancy but you'd be crazy to marry such a guy. Such a man is simply incapable of being a good father, let alone a head of the household and a source of stability and support. In fact, he is not really a "man" at all...more like a woman in a man's shell. Excessive emotionality is not a hallmark of a masculine man. Men are supposed to guided by logic and reason, not emotions. When you date a sappy, emotional dude you are basically engaging in a semi-lesbian relationship.
ditzchic Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Of course. But what does that have to do with the topic of this thread? I think what he meant to say was "I don't care how great of a catch a woman is I'm going to talk to her like she is just a nice warm hole to stick my d*ck in and if that makes me undesireable so be it."
Feelsgoodman Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Lol...ebonics and hip hop studies? Are you saying that because I am black? Because I dont speak in ebonics as it is...so I would assume your ignorant response is in reference to my appearance rather than how I present my thoughts. No, it was in reference to your lack of literacy and inability to present your thoughts in a logical manner. I didn't even know you were back...in your previous avatar, you looked rather asian. Nice of you to play the race card though...one thing you can always count on. Also, this is an internet relationship forum. Its not like I need to present my ideas in the form of an English paper. But please continue the ad hominem instead of just responding to what I actually said. You don't need to present ideas in the form on an English paper, but proper spelling and grammar are always appreciated. When you consider I am a recent graduate in his 20s of course I dont have a great job yet. Everyone has to pay their dues, and you havent disproved my point. And what exactly are you doing to "pay your dues"? You still haven't told me what you do for a living.
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