Els Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Just out of curiousity - for those who live with a partner, which one of you does the majority of the chores (please include gender if not well known )? And, of course, for perspective, how is the financial contribution like? I ruminated a little on this after speaking to a friend the other day. She works a full-time job while her boyfriend is a 'writer' who barely earns enough to even pay his phone bill and gas - so she pays all their rent, bills, groceries, etc. She said that what bugs her, though, is not really that, but the fact that she STILL is the one cooking 90% of the time, and he does not even do the laundry or clean the house in a reasonably tidy manner. I tried to tell her that this really should not fly, but she said she did not want to cause an argument by bringing it up. I realized that this has been a common phenomenon in most of the households that I know of. None of the husbands or bfs seemed to take good care of household chores, not even when they were house husbands. I'm not sure if it's a gender thing, or just coincidence. I notice it in my bf as well - he is a generally good and enthusiastic cook, but really bad about any other sort of household chore. If asked, he does it, but he will never take the initiative to look around and see what needs doing, which items are running out, what arrangements need to be made, etc. This works perfectly fine for both of us because he is the one working full-time and I'm the student who does all the household stuff and errands because he pays the rent and bills (though I do get most of the groceries and my own basic living expenses). But I sometimes wonder, what happens when I work a full-time job? Even worse, what'll happen if I work a crazy job that takes as many hours as his does? (fortunately, this is mostly hypothetical, as I have no desire to be a doctor or anything else that requires more than a 9-5) Perhaps the reason there are more SAH women than men is simply because, women are more suited to the task in general? That the household runs smoother in this way? Do the women who work full-time but also do the majority of chores not feel resentful? Edited January 25, 2012 by Elswyth
FitChick Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Not living with anyone at the moment but previously when the situation came up, I did the vacuuming and he did the dishes simply because we each hated those particular chores.
denise_xo Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I was the main breadwinner for several years and worked multiple jobs while my H was a student. During tatt time he did most of the day to day chores, while i did all the yard work, took care of our finances and various paper work, and did more major cleaning during the weekends. None of us cook much Today we both work but I do more hours. He does nearly all the house work on a day to day basis (minus cooking), I try to make up for that on the weekends. We've never had any major issues about our division of labour.
FitChick Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 She works a full-time job while her boyfriend is a 'writer' who barely earns enough to even pay his phone bill and gas - so she pays all their rent, bills, groceries, etc. She said that what bugs her, though, is not really that, but the fact that she STILL is the one cooking 90% of the time, and he does not even do the laundry or clean the house in a reasonably tidy manner. I tried to tell her that this really should not fly, but she said she did not want to cause an argument by bringing it up. I missed this bit above. If I were in that situation, I'd draw up a list of things to do and ask him what he would like and not like and even put down days to do the task, Monday for laundry, Wed. put the trash out, etc. She is acting like a doormat so she can't complain when he wipes his feet on her.
denise_xo Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Just realised all the typos I was writing on a tablet that auto corrected to a different language. Just to add, I'd never put up with your friend's situation. In general, I think it's important to discuss these issues early in a relationship so they don't grow bigger as one partner gets increasingly frustrated.
carhill Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 In our M, since I worked on the property and was 'home' more, I did more of the day to day 'chores'. As my exW liked to put it, I did the floor and she did the corners, referencing that I was good at gross cleaning but deficient at the finer points of it. I also maintained the property solo and it is a substantial property, so I had/have plenty of 'chores'. From decades of living alone, my habit was/is 'if I see something that needs to be done, I just did it', no matter what it was. As an example, after I type this, I'll go fill the dishwasher and clean the cooktop because it needs to be done, before heading into town on business. My exW had a different 'style', preferring to compress a bunch of stuff into one day, so a lot of chores would 'wait' for that day. That took some getting used to and I did end up taking on more simply because I couldn't 'wait' for that day to come. All in all, I think we did OK on the chores thing but it likely would've been different if I was more of a 'typical' man and didn't care about 'getting it done'. For example, some of my friends (male friends) have *never* done laundry or grocery shopped. This is why I so often hear that 'you'll make a good housewife someday, carhill'. I just don't see labor division the way they do. Of course, they're married decades and I'm divorced, so maybe they're right, wrt to marital synergy. My style is wrong. No matter, I'm not changing so it is what it is. Good luck.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Background: I make less money than hubby, but I quite often work far more hours. Occasionally I have a light week of 30 or so, but mostly in the realm of 40-50 with 60-80 hour weeks being common for 2-3 weeks at a time, several times a year. There are many weeks I work, go to school/work on schoolwork, sleep, and repeat (I'm also a PhD candidate). He has a few busier spurts, but he mostly works 9-5 where he can come home for an hour and a half on his lunch break, leave 10 till 9, and get home by 5 most days; very good job for lifestyle! He does do some side work as well, mostly for fun, but it brings in income. Then again, so do I. Chores: Cooking -- We eat out or take out several nights per week. Most meals we cook are the kind from the bag, though we do cook together on weekends sometimes -- real meals. We both like cooking -- just no time! He cooks FAR more than I do, though I often do prep work if there is any -- chopping, etc -- and do that ahead of time for him to cook at night. I'm super tired at night, so I tend to do more chores mornings (I get up early; he does not) or weekends. Shopping -- We grocery shop together, but I'm usually the one that "just picks up" something. He won't go to the grocery store for 1 or 2 things and hates stopping places on his way home from work. Dishes -- I almost always do the dishes. He does them occasionally, but rarely. Laundry -- We each do our own laundry, as we're fussy. Towels and sheets, either of us does, but I generally end up folding. I tend to tidy up as I go more and then just randomly tidy up the house. He's a bit messier, but it doesn't bother me so his messes (not food etc) often get left for him to clean up whenever, which could be weeks later. He does the floors more, probably 1x or 2x per month. I clean the bathroom once a week because I care about it more than he does. He would clean it, but it'd be more like every other. We both clean up after the dog as needed. I generally walk him mornings, and he walks him afternoons or evenings. I probably put a tad more time into chores each month, but he's very good about getting chores that need to be done immediately done, especially on nights when I'm exhausted. We each do more of the chores we each care the most about --- I'm fine with just cheese and olives for dinner, but he's not, so he cooks something more substantial; he's fine with the bathroom not being cleaned ever week, but I'm not, so I hit it Sunday mornings. I find it to be a good, pretty organic balance. ETA: And he ALWAYS takes out the garbage because he thinks a lady shouldn't have to. I grab it on occasion when he's not around, but he usually won't let me. That's pretty cute of him. Edited January 25, 2012 by zengirl
kaylan Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Ive never lived with a girlfriend yet, but when I do, I plan for the chores to be split equally. My parents raised me to keep things clean, plus whenever I brought girls to my moms house or my own apartments, I would clean top to bottom and make things spotless. So a girl would never have to worry about me slacking with cleaning. Plus I think it says a lot about how you view someone based on how clean your home is when you invite them into it. Also, I dont believe in gender roles when it comes to cleaning. I believe that in a household where everyone works, that everyone has equal responsibility. The only time I believe more cleaning would fall on one person is if that person contributes a good bit less to the household monetarily...or works a lot less hours than the other person. When I was in high school and college I was responsible for a majority of the house chores at home since my mom was taking care of me, and because I am younger and more able so its only fair. OP...personally I think your friends bf is very lazy and unfair. He should be doing all the chores since she supports him. I dont understand why women allow unequal and unfair behavior when it comes to chores, especially when they work as much or more than their bfs. Its one thing if hes the bread winner and shes works a lot less hours or was a stay at home mate...but this isnt the case. Edited January 25, 2012 by kaylan
zengirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 but he will never take the initiative to look around and see what needs doing, which items are running out, what arrangements need to be made, etc. This works perfectly fine for both of us because he is the one working full-time and I'm the student who does all the household stuff and errands because he pays the rent and bills (though I do get most of the groceries and my own basic living expenses). But I sometimes wonder, what happens when I work a full-time job? Even worse, what'll happen if I work a crazy job that takes as many hours as his does? (fortunately, this is mostly hypothetical, as I have no desire to be a doctor or anything else that requires more than a 9-5) Perhaps the reason there are more SAH women than men is simply because, women are more suited to the task in general? That the household runs smoother in this way? Do the women who work full-time but also do the majority of chores not feel resentful? I forgot to address this part. I don't think that means women are really BETTER at chores. I think it means women don't realize men are perfectly capable of doing chores at their own pace/in their own way. Hubby doesn't look around for what 'needs to be done' all the time either; he just does things exactly AS they need to be done (which may be after I think they need to be done or could be before). I keep a grocery list throughout the week and want to plan which day we'll go; he sees no reason to plan more than an hour in advance. Of course, all men are not like that, but it fits with the typical thing you've said. That doesn't mean hubby starved or lived in squalor before I moved in! Nor do most men. What a lot of women do --- and how they get stuck doing extra --- is try to anticipate and do things early, without discussion, and then they get frustrated with the man for not seeing it on their own and first, and then the man doesn't realize the gal is frustrated and just assumes that they've created a pattern where she'll do that chore. At least in my generation, I think that's more common than the whole, "that's women's work!" idea. It's just that a lot of times the wife/GF doesn't give the guy a CHANCE to pitch in because the guy isn't mind-reading the fact that something needs to be done, when to him, maybe it doesn't need to be done just yet. As to your friends BF, he sounds like he needs a reality check of sorts. Could be lazy; could just not realize what's going on. If he's an unemployed writer, could be some depression mixed in there.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Not living with current BF. With my EX that I lived with, I did way more of the day to day chores. We worked the same # of hours per week (40) but I worked 7a-4, he worked like, 7p-3a. Once every couple months, he would get in this crazy clean mode and spend all day scrubbing from top to bottom. But he wouldn't do the day to day stuff to just KEEP IT UP. I did all that. So annoying. We fought about it a lot. We were young (21/22)--this situation would NOT fly now, lol. I have certain chores I really hate (dishes!) and others I'm okay with (bathrooms). It'd be fabulous if that coincided with what my man was more okay with. But if not, a simple "I'll get the dishes, you vaccum" is what I envision now. I wouldn't be with a guy who was slobby on his own (my ex was!) as obviously it'd translate into a living together mess.
xxoo Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 When we were both super busy with work and/or school, we let the housework slide during the week. I did the dishes by hand (no dishwasher then), but I found that relaxing. We would set aside Sat morning to clean and do laundry (no washer and dryer, but we went to the laundromat together every week!). With both of us working on it, the cleaning got finished pretty quickly, and we would go do something fun together for the rest of the day Now that we have kids, and I am a mostly SAHM, I mostly do all the housework and cooking. Basically, when he gets home, everything is done up to that point, and dinner is ready to be served. For his part, he makes sure that things are tidy when I get home from my pt work. Any dishes or messes he and the kids made while I was out are cleaned before I get home.
xxoo Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 But I sometimes wonder, what happens when I work a full-time job? Even worse, what'll happen if I work a crazy job that takes as many hours as his does? In this situation, hire a housekeeper!
Author Els Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Yes, I definitely agree that my friend's situation is horribly unfair. And yes, it is her fault as well for accepting it. I can't really do anything though, as it is her life and her decision. It's great to see that the people here are in relationships where this is not the case. I think my own sample could be biased, but I don't see how, as this particular friend is an American and not an Asian, in contrast to the majority of my other friends. I was the main breadwinner for several years and worked multiple jobs while my H was a student. During tatt time he did most of the day to day chores, while i did all the yard work, took care of our finances and various paper work, and did more major cleaning during the weekends. None of us cook much Hee, sounds like me and the bf. Although I usually am the one cooking when we eat in, and I take care of all paperwork - even some of his personal ones! He is really bad with paperwork. :/ He does do all the stuff requiring physical strength though, and our quarteranual toilet cleaning I am very happy with our current status quo (really, I should be, as it would take far more than the 10 or so hours/week that I spend on household chores to pay the rent and bills at minimum wage), but I would not be happy if I was working full time and this persisted. I probably put a tad more time into chores each month, but he's very good about getting chores that need to be done immediately done, especially on nights when I'm exhausted. We each do more of the chores we each care the most about --- I'm fine with just cheese and olives for dinner, but he's not, so he cooks something more substantial; he's fine with the bathroom not being cleaned ever week, but I'm not, so I hit it Sunday mornings. I find it to be a good, pretty organic balance. ETA: And he ALWAYS takes out the garbage because he thinks a lady shouldn't have to. I grab it on occasion when he's not around, but he usually won't let me. That's pretty cute of him. I think the bolded is the reason for some of the discrepancy that I've noticed. IME women are more particular about chore-related stuff than men (laundry done properly, house being clean etc), so should that mean that they should do the bulk of the work? My bf, for instance, while living alone, wore a shirt for weeks and only did the laundry once his undies all ran out, which was once a month or so. Also, all of the clothes would just be dumped in together, as male clothes generally don't require special care or treatment. From decades of living alone, my habit was/is 'if I see something that needs to be done, I just did it', no matter what it was. As an example, after I type this, I'll go fill the dishwasher and clean the cooktop because it needs to be done, before heading into town on business. My exW had a different 'style', preferring to compress a bunch of stuff into one day, so a lot of chores would 'wait' for that day. That took some getting used to and I did end up taking on more simply because I couldn't 'wait' for that day to come. Ive never lived with a girlfriend yet, but when I do, I plan for the chores to be split equally. My parents raised me to keep things clean, plus whenever I brought girls to my moms house or my own apartments, I would clean top to bottom and make things spotless. So a girl would never have to worry about me slacking with cleaning. Plus I think it says a lot about how you view someone based on how clean your home is when you invite them into it. Also, I dont believe in gender roles when it comes to cleaning. I believe that in a household where everyone works, that everyone has equal responsibility. The only time I believe more cleaning would fall on one person is if that person contributes a good bit less to the household monetarily...or works a lot less hours than the other person. When I was in high school and college I was responsible for a majority of the house chores at home since my mom was taking care of me, and because I am younger and more able so its only fair. OP...personally I think your friends bf is very lazy and unfair. He should be doing all the chores since she supports him. I dont understand why women allow unequal and unfair behavior when it comes to chores, especially when they work as much or more than their bfs. Its one thing if hes the bread winner and shes works a lot less hours or was a stay at home mate...but this isnt the case. You guys are awesome. FWIW though, I think for many of the 'slacker' bfs, it isn't so much because they view housework as 'women's work' (although I'm sure SOME do ), but really because they have lower personal 'requirements' for it. Like, they may not understand what's wrong with the dirty dishes piling up for a week (I'll freely admit, I've done that before during crazy exam weeks ), whereas their gf might not be able to stand it, so even after a hard day's work she'll knuckle under and do it instead of asking him to do it for the 2376728962th time.
Woggle Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 We split most of it pretty evenly. I do most of the cooking and we usually split the cleaning but there are certain things she just makes better and then she cooks. As far as the chores we split them. Neither one of us is a super clean freak though.
tman666 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I have lived with my GF for 2 years. We both work 40+ hrs per week, with similar schedules (the "8 to 5"). As I make more than she does, we have worked out (not the the dime or anything) our financial arrangement so that it is equitable for both people, but not equal. This allows both of us to save money at the end of the month, and allows for both of us to feel like we're both contributing to the "household" without either one of us feeling picked on. With regards to chores, we both do about an equal amount, at least in my eyes (there will always be minor disagreements from time to time about this hahaha). I generally take care of yard work, as I am more efficient at it than she is. Incidentally, she's much better at cleaning that I am. I'm sure this has a lot to do with the traditional roles in which we were brought up. That being said, I don't mind helping out with dishes and cleaning either, nor does she mind doing yard work. We both enjoy cooking immensely, so it doesn't really seem like a chore to us anyway. I think the main thing that keeps things smooth between us in this regard is that when she's working, I find something to work on as well, and vice versa. We both tend to get a little testy if one of us is doing dishes/laundry/cleaning/etc. and the other person is playing around on their phone or on the computer.
Eve Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 We do cook together a lot but often will naturally take the lead on meals where we know we have more skill. There is a standing joke that Hubby will try and get out of doing the cleaning but will pull his weight on everything except cleaning the bathrooms. All in all we muddle through together based on who is at home the most that week. Once we have a young family again we will invest in a cleaner a couple times per week. Not doing all that crap again. Take care, Eve x
Onlyjonley Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I don't live with my boyfriend but if I ever do, I'm going to have to show him how to properly clean. He lives with 2 other guys now and their house is disgusting. He will tell me they cleaned up the kitchen and there will still be stinkin grease all over the stove, food on the floor and crud on the counters. I guess he thinks loading the dishwasher and clearing off the counters is clean. I also have to clean his bathroom every couple weeks or it won't get done. I probably shouldn't give into that but I use it so much anyway. Boys.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I think the bolded is the reason for some of the discrepancy that I've noticed. IME women are more particular about chore-related stuff than men (laundry done properly, house being clean etc), so should that mean that they should do the bulk of the work? My bf, for instance, while living alone, wore a shirt for weeks and only did the laundry once his undies all ran out, which was once a month or so. Also, all of the clothes would just be dumped in together, as male clothes generally don't require special care or treatment. I have been doing my own laundry since I was 10, and my parents both did their own laundry, so I would find it very odd for anyone to do my laundry. I don't think I'd LET hubby wash my clothes! I don't expect him to learn how to properly care for them. But that brings us to a good point: Is it fair to expect someone to do something that's more difficult than what they'd have to do for themselves just because you have more difficult chores/higher standards/etc? I think it depends what standards they'd set for themselves --- i.e. perhaps true slobs, of either gender, could be expected to do a bit more than they need. And maybe neat freaks, of either gender, need to get over themselves a little about these things; at the end of your life, will you really wish you spent more time ironing or scrubbing? But most people, in the reasonable range, who didn't 'hide' their standards or habits from their SO before they cohabitated, I think should be accepted as they are to a degree. Now that doesn't mean you cannot express your preferences, and perhaps there will be a bit of compromise, but I, personally, have no problem doing a bit more work if I care more about it. And I have no problem telling hubby I'm too swamped to do something if it's not bothering me but is bothering him. If he expected me to do half the cooking, and cook the kind of meals he wants when I don't give two figs, I know I'd feel put upon. That said, if he's sick or overextended or something, I'm happy to go the extra mile because that's just what you do. As to wearing a shirt for weeks. . . I'd put that in slob territory. I've never dated a guy who did stuff like that or lived in a disaster zone. Hubby leaves books all over the apartment, and I don't put them away, but he never really makes big messes or anything.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I don't live with my boyfriend but if I ever do, I'm going to have to show him how to properly clean. He lives with 2 other guys now and their house is disgusting. He will tell me they cleaned up the kitchen and there will still be stinkin grease all over the stove, food on the floor and crud on the counters. I guess he thinks loading the dishwasher and clearing off the counters is clean. I also have to clean his bathroom every couple weeks or it won't get done. I probably shouldn't give into that but I use it so much anyway. Boys. :sick: That's disgusting. How old is your bf? I don't think I could date someone who was a gross slob.
kaylan Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Plus Id like to add, that if a girl did all of the house work Id feel bad because: 1. Id feel lazy and like a child. She isnt my mom and Im able to clean up after myself and take care of myself. Im an able bodied adult male, why wouldnt I do my own work? 2. I want a partner, not a maid. Shes my equal and someone who has to clean behind me like some sort of maid or butler doesnt feel equal unless their work is done to compensate my taking care of them. Since I cant see myself dating a woman id have to take care of fully, I cant see that happening. I guess this has to do with how I was raised. My parents didnt live together and I lived with mom and would visit dad on weekends. Because they didnt live together I never got exposed to gender roles at home, since they both did the same things depending on whose house I was at. My dad was a lot more Mr. Clean than my mom, who was a kind of a pack rat. His place was immaculate and that rubbed off on me. Plus my grandma on my moms side was super clean, and since she helped raise me, that rubbed off on me too. Always have your place looking respectable for company is what i was taught...especially the opposite sex. It shows you care about their opinion. Plus when living with someone, cleaning is a sign of respect imo. I have had dirty roommates and it always conveyed disrespect imo when they failed to keep up their half of the chores. Its as if they didnt care how I felt about how the place looked, nor about what our company would think. If you expect someone to live in your mess, thats huge disrespect to me. P.S. - I wouldnt buy into the stereotype that men are piggish...because my mom was the less clean one out of my parents. Also my ex was less tidy than me, and I saw some pretty messy girl apartments in college as well as heard some roommate horror stories. I just think that once unrelated men and women start living together, that some of them fall victim to outdated gender roles. So youll see some guys slack and some women pick up the slack. This isnt all cases though. Edited January 25, 2012 by kaylan
salparadise Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) This stuff was always an issue when I was married. Her mother was a clean fanatic and made the two daughters clean most every day. So my ex came to resent having to clean terribly, yet she inherited her mother's perfectionistic standards. You can probably see where this is headed. She wanted me to do at least half, and I was ok with half, but I could never please her no matter how hard I tried. Laundry - I could not possibly figure out how she sorted her clothes and besides that I wasn't inclined to wash a large number of loads with just a few items in each. She said I didn't want to learn how she wanted her's done so we each did our own, since I was uncooperative. Bathrooms - we had three bathrooms and I agreed to take care of them with a few conditions... that I do them when I want to, how I wanted to, and that my cleaning bucket remains intact with regard to cleaners, sponges, rags, brushes, etc. I would typically clean all three on Saturday morning before she got out of bed and then go out on my motorcycle to meet my buddies for breakfast. It pissed her off that I could clean a bathroom in 15-20 minutes, all of them in 45 or so. She wanted me to put in serious time, like she would if she were cleaning them. I did a good job but admittedly not quite as detailed as she might have since her standard was perfection and mine was good enough. Vacuuming - I tried taking care of that for her but she wanted me to always move furniture, to go very slowly, to go over everything twice at 90 degree angles so as to leave a pretty cross pattern in the carpets. I told her she could just do it herself if she didn't like the way I did it. Same thing with mowing the lawn. This was always my job and she tried to convince me that I should do it twice each time at ninety degree angles to leave that pretty pattern on the lawn. Again, told her if that's what she wanted she could do it herself. Cooking - I'm a good cook and like to cook, but hate to shop. I was home earlier than her, so I told her I would gladly have the meal ready if she would decide in advance what we'd have and have the ingredients in the cupboard. That rarely happened because she preferred to wait until on her way home from work to decide what to have and shop. My policy was that I would not wait until late (7-8pm) to start cooking. I felt our daughter should eat before getting famished and would just whip up something quick if W wasn't home by 6pm. Dusting was her deal and she never complained about that. Anything that was nasty, backbreaking, mechanical, electrical or had to be done in hot or freezing conditions was automatically my deal, and of course I sucked terribly... even if I did manage to save a ton of money on repair bills for cars, appliances, plumbers, etc. I realize this sounds like a rant, and I suppose it is, but it's not exaggerated. So, ladies, the bottom line is that if you have a guy who is willing to do his share show some appreciation and don't expect absolute perfection. Also, fixing cars and appliances and doing yard work and home maintenance should count toward his half. All we want is appreciation and I'll work my a$$ off for a good woman who understands one simple thing. Edited January 25, 2012 by salparadise
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 When I "lived" with my ex (I put that in quotations because I had not officially moved in yet; I kept my apartment but hadn't slept in my own bed in a year), we split cooking and dishes (cook didn't clean) and did our own laundry because we were both finicky about how we liked it done. For other chores, we had a housekeeper. I think that saved us a lot of trouble. We also had a gardener. Oh, and my ex always took and put out the trash. He earned substantially more than I did. We talked about what I was going to contribute financially when I moved in (because we had planned that I would before we broke up). Had I moved in, I wouldn't have actually contributed directly to the mortgage (there wasn't one) or bills, but rather would have spent what I was paying in rent for my apartment on things for the house (furniture, upgrades) and travel/vacations. He had no problem being the provider. Prior to that, I lived with another ex who made about the same or a little less than I did. My recollection is that we split household expenses and handled the chores the way roommates would ("I cleaned the bathroom last week. It's your turn now.") We did sometimes argue about messiness. He was a bit of a hypocrite in that he expected me to always pick up after myself and be tidy, but yet he wasn't.
Cee Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I moved in with my boyfriend 3 months ago. Initially, we had these deep talks about dividing up the chores. But what really happened is we do chores that each of us particularly cares about. Here's the breakdown: Him Grocery shopping Cooking Tidying up his belongings Taking out the trash Yard work Dealing with the mouse traps Me Doing the dishes Cleaning the bathroom Making the bed Tidying up my belongings Buying beer (I guess that's not a chore ) What is pretty cool is that neither of us feels an imbalance. I have so much gratitude for what he does and vice versa. The main problem we have is there are some jobs that neither of us do. The place almost never gets swept or dusted. And the kitchen is tidy, but needs a good scrub. I have started my own business and will be working at home mostly. I will probably do more cleaning, but only because I want that. Not because I am obligated to.
phineas Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 towards the end of the marriage if I didn't do it, it didn't get done. Before that it still was me doing most of the cleaning. Now i'm single & still do it. (though not all that religiously right now) When I was dating over the summer I kept the place "chick clean". Went over everything after the kids went to bed, ect because sometimes i'd get a call from a woman wanting to come over & hang out. Gotta keep it clean for them.
oaks Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Just out of curiousity - for those who live with a partner, which one of you does the majority of the chores (please include gender if not well known )? I read somewhere that if you both think you're doing 75% of the chores then you've probably got the balance about right.
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