Mimsicles Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ive been dating this guy for a couple of months now, and I really like him. I'd say that I haven't felt like this with a guy in a long time. To cut a long story short we met up on the weekend (both of us were extremeley drunk may I add) and he came home with me. I thought it odd that he was glued to his phone most of the night, but we had a lot of fun . Anyway after spending the night together he said he'd 'see me soon' and left.When I went online I realised he'd sent me a friend request on facebook, I accepted, only to find he is in a relationship and has been for over 6 months. What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! Or is it his way of telling me about her? I feel slightly guilty for his girlfriend, but I have such strong feelings for him I dont know what to do. I will most definatly bump into him again next time i'm out. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away?
skywriter Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Hi Mim, The fact that he wouldn't look you in the eyes and inform you of his girlfriend is telling to say the least. Please don't sweep that under the rug. It should be a big ole' warning flag for you. ....and yea, that's his way of telling you about her and maybe hinting at how a cowardly person goes about telling someone something. In your best interest, try to suppress those strong feelings for him, if you know what's good for you. If you have future contact with one another. Try not to put the cart before the horse anymore and get to know him. Take in what he says,& does, play it back in your mind later. Maybe you'll learn some things about him that will benefit you.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Walk away. The fact that he wants you to see that hes in a relationship means he has no intention of dropping her for you. That also means that he is a blatant cheater. You want to be in a relationship with that?
bentnotbroken Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ive been dating this guy for a couple of months now, and I really like him. I'd say that I haven't felt like this with a guy in a long time. To cut a long story short we met up on the weekend (both of us were extremeley drunk may I add) and he came home with me. I thought it odd that he was glued to his phone most of the night, but we had a lot of fun . Anyway after spending the night together he said he'd 'see me soon' and left.When I went online I realised he'd sent me a friend request on facebook, I accepted, only to find he is in a relationship and has been for over 6 months. What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! Or is it his way of telling me about her? I feel slightly guilty for his girlfriend, but I have such strong feelings for him I dont know what to do. I will most definatly bump into him again next time i'm out. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? Would you "date:confused:" him if he were abusing her physically and you knew it? What he is doing emotional abuse. So is emotional abuse okay with you? Does that make the "but I have such strong feelings" okay with you?
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 He is an as$, period! Who knows how many other girls he is screwing around with behind his gfs back. I hope you used protection if you slept with him. How often do you see him? You say you are "dating" him but then it sounds like you have just had a ONS with him. What's the attraction? He is nasty! Why would you want a guy who cheats on his gf? Your self esteem must be pretty low. he is clearly CLASSLESS, and you are attracted to that?!
MissBee Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ive been dating this guy for a couple of months now, and I really like him. I'd say that I haven't felt like this with a guy in a long time. To cut a long story short we met up on the weekend (both of us were extremeley drunk may I add) and he came home with me. I thought it odd that he was glued to his phone most of the night, but we had a lot of fun . Anyway after spending the night together he said he'd 'see me soon' and left.When I went online I realised he'd sent me a friend request on facebook, I accepted, only to find he is in a relationship and has been for over 6 months. What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! Or is it his way of telling me about her? I feel slightly guilty for his girlfriend, but I have such strong feelings for him I dont know what to do. I will most definatly bump into him again next time i'm out. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? It's safe to say he doesn't care how you feel and maybe your strong feelings aren't shared by him. Did you know him before you met up and slept together? I ask, because it doesn't seem like you know him very well at all...and if so, you can easier get over any strong feelings you have...as they aren't based on anything real/sustainable. If he cared about you he would not have done what he did. Not that hiding his gf would be more noble...but he is showing how little he thinks of you by thinking you'd be okay with this. Please don't prove him right. A woman who values herself would be FURIOUS and SPRINT in the other direction. There is really nothing to discuss and pursue....and if you do continue making yourself available to him, even as a "friend", in light of this, he already doesn't respect you, but never will...and you may end up feeling like a fool later. I'm scared that you'll believe you can negotiate this disrespect, you'll talk to him and your "strong feelings" will cause you to buy into some cheap crap and you'll continue down this road with this loser...which is what he is. Plenty BETTER men out there. He is NOT your last chance. I'd tell him how low he is then delete and move on. One has to have self-respect first.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ive been dating this guy for a couple of months now, and I really like him. I'd say that I haven't felt like this with a guy in a long time. To cut a long story short we met up on the weekend (both of us were extremeley drunk may I add) and he came home with me. I thought it odd that he was glued to his phone most of the night, but we had a lot of fun . Anyway after spending the night together he said he'd 'see me soon' and left.When I went online I realised he'd sent me a friend request on facebook, I accepted, only to find he is in a relationship and has been for over 6 months. What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! Or is it his way of telling me about her? I feel slightly guilty for his girlfriend, but I have such strong feelings for him I dont know what to do. I will most definatly bump into him again next time i'm out. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? Yes tell him how you feel and let him know he's a jerk for dating you while he has a girlfriend!
2sunny Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 What has your "dating" consisted of? If you had sex with him - then realized he was taken - then continued to see him - did he take you out openly - or is he just meeting you secretly for sex? Please clarify how this "dating" has transpired...?
pureinheart Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Ive been dating this guy for a couple of months now, and I really like him. I'd say that I haven't felt like this with a guy in a long time. To cut a long story short we met up on the weekend (both of us were extremeley drunk may I add) and he came home with me. I thought it odd that he was glued to his phone most of the night, but we had a lot of fun . Anyway after spending the night together he said he'd 'see me soon' and left.When I went online I realised he'd sent me a friend request on facebook, I accepted, only to find he is in a relationship and has been for over 6 months. What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! Or is it his way of telling me about her? I feel slightly guilty for his girlfriend, but I have such strong feelings for him I dont know what to do. I will most definatly bump into him again next time i'm out. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? Well, first off, how good is he with navigating FB? I have to have help with everything and really couldn't tell you what my relationship status is. Maybe he forgot to change his status? I would talk to him first...lots of luck to you!!!!!!
Emme Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 What I dont understand is why add me as a friend as he knows i'd see his relationship status?! The purpose of showing you his status is to let you know where he stands, in a relationship. In doing this he leaves the decision in your court if you wish to continue being his side chick. He's not dumb. He's calculated. You have no clue if he's in an open relationship and you won't. If you continue you can't blame him when your feelings get hurt because the information was disclosed. You might put your own definition to what that status means but in the end it’s a fact. Or is it his way of telling me about her? He's telling you if you still want to be his side chick, you have to decide. Should I tell him how I feel or walk away? Depends on what you want. If you want a monogamous relationship then inform him how you feel. If you just want to tell him you have a crush, you can do that also. The thing is YOU have to decide if the character of a man who openly displays his insensitivity towards you from the jump is someone you’re willing to bed. The ball is in your court. Good luck to yah.
Frank13 Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Facebook friend requests are like people selling Amway, they will get anyone they can. You see, most people on Facebook are narcissists who have this false belief that other people actually care about their life. So to "impress" people who they mistakenly think care about their life, they try to get as many fake "friends" as they can thinking this will impress everyone. Meanwhile all these fake friends are busy getting their own fake friends to impress the people that they think care about their life.
Butterflying Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Never date a person who is already committed to someone else. --End of story--
Dust Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 You think he'd atleast be worried about you telling the other girl? He could have made a second facebook account where he was single and added you to that one... I really don't know whats up with this guy. I'm suprised you still like him. You'd think a person would lose all attraction for a person like this.
Ms. Red Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 What has your "dating" consisted of? If you had sex with him - then realized he was taken - then continued to see him - did he take you out openly - or is he just meeting you secretly for sex? Please clarify how this "dating" has transpired...? Great questions 2S. Tis exactly what I wanted to ask. I think we need more info before answering. On another note, I'm totally cracking up here on how many ppl can totally tell all about this guy from a short post that hardly contains any info.
Author Mimsicles Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 Right, just to clarify the dating had been going on for about 8 weeks or so, we went to the cinema, went for a meal and drinks etc, as for those saying it was a ONS, we did not have sex we just spent the night together. I had no idea he had a girlfriend and would never have dated him if i'd have known this. Because we've been seeing each other a lot my feelings have already developed for him as I actually thought we were going somewhere with the relationship. He has openly sworn to me has has no girlfriend and the first I knew about it was on facebook! He even uploaded a photo of them together last night, which goes to show he is lying. Maybe I should just supress my feelings and pretend it never happened, I just know it will be difficult as we socialise in the same places regularly. I dont want any awkwardness between us but things seem difficult now as ive been lied too, and so has his gf!
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Right, just to clarify the dating had been going on for about 8 weeks or so, we went to the cinema, went for a meal and drinks etc, as for those saying it was a ONS, we did not have sex we just spent the night together. I had no idea he had a girlfriend and would never have dated him if i'd have known this. Because we've been seeing each other a lot my feelings have already developed for him as I actually thought we were going somewhere with the relationship. He has openly sworn to me has has no girlfriend and the first I knew about it was on facebook! He even uploaded a photo of them together last night, which goes to show he is lying. Maybe I should just supress my feelings and pretend it never happened, I just know it will be difficult as we socialise in the same places regularly. I dont want any awkwardness between us but things seem difficult now as ive been lied too, and so has his gf! I dont see anything in here about you breaking it off, what are you going to do?
LadyGrey Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Lying about having a g/f or a wife is a clear indication of having a serious lack of character. Because he withheld this most important information from you, he didn't respect you nor honor that you are a woman who has the right to make informed decisions. IMO, men or women who lie about their relationship status are the lowest of the low and if they lie about such a monumental thing, you can be sure that other lies fall off their tongue as easily as they take a breath. When someone shows you who they are (and he has) believe them. Irregardless of what bs excuse he could come up about why he lied, I hope you realize there is NO possible good reason........ever! If you continue to see him, you are showing him that you will tolerate lies because he will always know he got away with the big one. You can't claim victim status after this either, you are now a knowing participant.
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I had no idea he had a girlfriend and would never have dated him if i'd have known this. Because we've been seeing each other a lot my feelings have already developed for him as I actually thought we were going somewhere with the relationship. He has openly sworn to me has has no girlfriend and the first I knew about it was on facebook! He even uploaded a photo of them together last night, which goes to show he is lying. Maybe I should just supress my feelings and pretend it never happened, I just know it will be difficult as we socialise in the same places regularly. I dont want any awkwardness between us but things seem difficult now as ive been lied too, and so has his gf! Re-read what you wrote! You say that if you knew he had a girlfriend from the start you wouldn't have dated him.. Well, NOW you KNOW for fact he infact DOES have a girlfriend. What's changed? Because you have feelings for the guy, you're going to put up with being second fiddle and being lied to? Made a FOOL of? Come on, where's your anger? Why suck it up and pretend to make nicey nice all because you're afraid of confrontation? Afraid that it'll be weird and uncomfortable next time you see him? Why are you being so passive and letting some loser guy who is a cheater hold you back? Why don't you want the akwardness? HE did this, he created it! Seriously, what are you so afraid of?
whichwayisup Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 If you continue to see him, you are showing him that you will tolerate lies because he will always know he got away with the big one. You can't claim victim status after this either, you are now a knowing participant Exactly. Not only that, but be very aware that if you don't confront him and blow him out of the water on this and you sit quietly with a smile on your face, pretending all is okay - He'll get the biggest ego feed out of this and also know he can do, say and treat you any way he pleases.. He has no respect for you. The choice is yours. If you choose this path, then suck it up and enjoy the rollercoaster ride of pain, lies and deceit as well as losing yourself respect.. or, get some strength and deal with this head on and don't let fears or worries hold you back.
2sunny Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 He's shown evidence that he IS a man who intends to - and is capable of juggling several women at the same time. He expects you to be ok with that. Are you ok with it? Will you be ok with it when you two are married? If not, stop seeing him. If you are ok with it, just know what he offers - lying and cheating. You have choices! IF you choose it by continuing for one more second - you've signed up willingly to never be HIS priority. IF that is what you want - continue - but you know what you're going to get. He's shown his hand and you have continued to play his game - you gonna keep playing or end the game? Even If you keep playing - I wouldn't give him any sex, at all!!!
veggirl Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 So, does he know you know he has a gf? How does he explain it NOW THAT YOU KNOW? And please get rid of him.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Not only is he a liar, but he sounds like a complete dunce. And, arrogant. Evidently, he is confident that he can get away with anything, with anybody. Speaking for myself, a guy who "stayed glued to his phone" on the first night we spent together would be sending a very clear message about his level of interest in me - and loose my interest simply for being absurdly rude. Even without the girlfriend! Please WALK. FAST. And who cares about awkwardness. This guy SHOULD feel awkward - the fact that he seems cavalier about his behavior makes him seem like he has a few screws loose. Why don't you talk to him about his "relationship" the next time the two of you are among your common group of friends.
LadyGrey Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 I meant to add that clearly he didn't seem to be concerned about the evidence of adding you to his fb friend list and you seeing his g/f which shows his arrogance about your acceptance of him having a g/f. Since you didn't raise a stink about it and he got away with treating you rudely in regards to the phone, he will see it being as OK with you that he does have a g/f. Also you are being much too nice, you should be outraged and pissed that he dare trick you like that. He is the one who did something wrong, you didn't, unless you continue seeing him. If you do, then he knows that it's OK to treat you badly because without words you will be communicating that you don't value yourself enough to say NO asshat, not me. People will treat you the way you allow them to. Don't be "a doormat". What he did is unacceptable, kick him to the curb and retain your dignity.
phillyfan Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 Dude u just been playd big time by a playa. Ill tell u rite now what is goin down. He has charmed u big time, he knows u r crazy 4 him, he knows u wil do wat u tell him, so he givs u his FB so u can see he has a girl, then rubs that sh*t in ur face extra by postin a happy photo of him & his girl cos u r gona see it...he is abusin u really, n u only been wit him for 8 weeks. Hes treatin his girl like a big POS as well. Not tryin 2 be nasty but girl, r u a puppy thts been traind? Cos rite now u r thinkin of just takin it n sayin nothin!!! vn worse he thinks he can giv u access 2 his FB and he thinks he knows u aint gona say NOTHIN on there 2 get him in trouble. And rite now girl, u aint, are u. GIRL u r BETTA thn tht. Take it from a dude. I used 2 be a real playa n it is neva about the girl its always about the dude, its an ego trip, he dont give a **** bout u or his girl, or God knows how many otha girls hes been playin wit. Belive me girl thts the truth. Heres wat u do, u tell him WTF dude U make a real noise ova this. Eitha hes got the mutha of all excuses or hes a f*cked up ego freak playa and u need to give him total sh*t ova the way hes been treatin u n his girl thn neva see the loser again.
Author Mimsicles Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 I understand I have been played and have acted a doormat, I was just too stupid to see it. Anyway he called me today and said he was sorry for lying to me and that he should have come clean from the start about his girlfriend, and astonishingly asked me if i'd be ok keeping what had happened to myself..... So I have written all over his facebook telling him what a liar he is, and announced it to all my friends on there. I also commented on the photo of him and his girl saying 'Is this the girlfriend you claimed you didnt have the other night when you cameback to mine?' I must admit I feel so much better for doing it...hopefully that will show the world what a lying little **** he is!
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