ZimboGon Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Well, my ex and i got back together and things have been going great. Our time together is awesome, i can feel she's totally into me and she's constantly texting me. Here's the thing that bothers me, though... In our prior relationship, she was very dependent on me and saw me almost 24/7, and she would burst into tears if she couldn't. Towards the end of our relationship, she had less of a desire to be with me and i noticed. Now, she puts limits on the time we spend together. She says she wants to see me about 2 or 3 times a week, so each time we see each other its exciting. She says she gets bored easily, and doesn't want to get bored of me and wants to spend time doing other things. So, last night we got in our first mini-fight. She invited me over, and i told her i had work. She was sad, and said oh well we can see each other tomorrow. I suggested that, and me stopping by tonight. She replied, thats too much, and we can see each other longer tomorrow. I was annoyed, and i put up a bit of a protest saying i want someone i can see often, not a texting buddy. She got upset and said she wouldn't let that happen, she just wants alone time, too. I don't know. I want things to get to a point where i can see her when i want to without her being afraid to, but i feel like i am going to end up pushing her away if i keep bringing it up. She's been acting a bit differently since last night. Hopefully in time when our relationship gets a bit longer she'll be more comfortable and want to see me. Its just, i can't help but gauge how much shes into me with the amount of time she wants to spend with me.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 How long were you together the first time? How long have you been back together? Why did you break up? Have those issues been fully resolved? 24/7 is too much time to spend together, esp considering you sound like you recently got back together. Crying over not being able to see her BF one day is nuts. It's good that she realizes this. 3x a week sounds like a nice, normal amount of days to spend together. How much time are you wanting? Maybe she realizes her co-dependency was an issue the first time around and is trying to correct that. That sounds good, to me.
Philosoraptor Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 And the push and pull begins again. If you are not satisified with the relationship then you need to move onto someone you are more compatible with. As I said to your last thread... and every other one. This girl is not at a mature level that she can sustain a long term relationship with you.
Author ZimboGon Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 How long were you together the first time? How long have you been back together? Why did you break up? Have those issues been fully resolved? 24/7 is too much time to spend together, esp considering you sound like you recently got back together. Crying over not being able to see her BF one day is nuts. It's good that she realizes this. 3x a week sounds like a nice, normal amount of days to spend together. How much time are you wanting? Maybe she realizes her co-dependency was an issue the first time around and is trying to correct that. That sounds good, to me. We were together 16 months. We broke up due to how routine our relationship had become. I couldn't afford a car, and she lived within walking distance. Basically, she would come over to my house every single day, and we would just stay here and hang out. When things got stale, she broke up with me and started dating someone else. They were together for about a month, and i contacted her and she told me it was a mistake, it helped her realize how much she missed me, and admitted she was bored with life and the relationship, but not me. Another reason we broke up was my massive pride. I couldn't ever admit i was wrong or back down from any fight with her. I've overcome that. Plus, i have a car now so we actually go out and do things. We haven't been together for that long, 2 weeks about. I just really care about her, and i want someone to spend time with. I'm not the kind of guy who desires time alone. I mean, 4 - 5 times a week would actually be preferable for me. I know she is trying to correct it, but it seems like she's forcing herself to hold back and put limitations, and that doesn't seem fair when i am going all out.
Author ZimboGon Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 And the push and pull begins again. If you are not satisified with the relationship then you need to move onto someone you are more compatible with. As I said to your last thread... and every other one. This girl is not at a mature level that she can sustain a long term relationship with you. Oh no, philosoraptor found me >_< How embarrassing haha. I am satisfied, i just want to spend more time with her. I feel her actions will end up ruining the relationship.
ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I think she realized that being dependent on you for 24 hour attention was a bad way to play it. She wised up and realized she needed a life outside of her boyfriend. Especially since it sounds like the life you had together (her coming to your house to hang out day after day) was kind of boring and not keeping her interested. She's not ready to settle into the old married couple routine yet. If that's the way you want it to be, it's probably best for you to move on and find someone who wants that too. She sounds like a smart lady. I think the best way for you to deal with it would be to learn from her example. Having a life outside of your partner is a huge plus. It means you'll have more to share with her. More to keep her interested. Do you ever take her out? Or is it always just hanging out at one of the others houses?
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 We were together 16 months. We broke up due to how routine our relationship had become. I couldn't afford a car, and she lived within walking distance. Basically, she would come over to my house every single day, and we would just stay here and hang out. When things got stale, she broke up with me and started dating someone else. They were together for about a month, and i contacted her and she told me it was a mistake, it helped her realize how much she missed me, and admitted she was bored with life and the relationship, but not me. Another reason we broke up was my massive pride. I couldn't ever admit i was wrong or back down from any fight with her. I've overcome that. Plus, i have a car now so we actually go out and do things. We haven't been together for that long, 2 weeks about. I just really care about her, and i want someone to spend time with. I'm not the kind of guy who desires time alone. I mean, 4 - 5 times a week would actually be preferable for me. I know she is trying to correct it, but it seems like she's forcing herself to hold back and put limitations, and that doesn't seem fair when i am going all out. So why did she break up with the other guy? How long were they broken up for before she got back together with you? Be careful of jumping into things too fast. You SHOULD take it slow. You don't need alone time? Well, then you need to spend time with friends, etc, not just her. Tread lightly!
Author ZimboGon Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Ditzchic: Yeah, we've actually being going out a lot lately and its been a blast, and she always tells me how much she is enjoying herself when we go out. Even the car ride from place to place is full of laughter and jokes. Veggirl: She broke up with him apparently because he never really spoke to her, he was too intimidated and was pretty much the exact opposite of me. She said when she started to miss me, she wasn't given him any attention and she started to dislike him. I had happened to contact her a week or so before they broke up(i went through 7 months of NC for healing), just to catch up. We talked for about 3 and a half weeks about our relationship and the flaws and how we felt about each other before we got back together.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Here's an insight- half of relationships that involve an ex fails because you fall back into the routine and habit of what made you brreak up from each other in the first place! The reason your ex is taking you for granted is because she's comfortable with you, too comfortable in fact that it was the very reason she broke up with the rebound. Instead of looking at the current relationship as an extension of the one before the breakup, view it as a new beginning. That means putting in the same amount of effort as when you're courting a new interest. Tell her she needs to straighten up her act because your patience with her is already beginning to run thin. To put it nicely, talk with her tell her you're not the same person and you expect her to be a different person as well- so work on that and communication.
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