AwptiK Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Long story short, I dated a coworker for 5 months, things ended about 3 weeks ago now. A week and a half passed and we started acting like friends, just inside the workplace. That continues on and kind of turned into a little bit of texting, until 3 days ago. She isn't one to show any emotion after a breakup, but 3 days ago we kind of talked a little bit about being friends and we were both pretty happy with where we were. I know she was over me, I still had some lingering feelings though and being friends wasn't really helping me move on. At one point during that day, she said, "It's still kind of hard to talk to you too, but I do it gladly because you're a great guy." That was so great to hear and I wish things stayed that way. Then 2 days ago, things took a huge swing. I don't know what sparked it, but from 2pm-6pm we fought back and forth over text. There was a lot of anger on both sides and I said a lot of mean things to her further on in the fight. At the end, the anger mellowed out and I believe the idea of being friends in time was mentioned. She said she wanted to be left alone for the rest of the day to cool off and I let her be. The following morning I sent her an apology via text for my actions. Today, I texted her again, about WORK, asking if she could find someone to fill my shift because i'm sick. She did, and I replied, "Thank you!" And then she tells me something like, "I told you to leave me alone, I asked nicely but since you won't do that i'm going to file a police report after work today." (She is a little dramatic, if you're not picking that up.) I called work immediately and talked to her, I explained that i'm leaving her alone...but when it comes to work matters, I really expect to be able to talk to her. I said that I didn't mention a single word about anything else; leaving her alone is one thing, but strictly-work talk is needed. She calmed down a bit and explained that the other night was crazy and she wants to be left alone. She went as far as saying that when she transfers stores (1.5 weeks from now), "there will never be a reason (to talk again)." I don't know what to do. Obviously, leaving her alone is one thing, haha. I really don't want to go the rest of my life without talking to her though, I do value her friendship and I thought we were going to be friends after the last fight cooled off. I suppose it's totally in her court though, so I guess it's extremely unlikely to ever hear from her again. I know the extreme space now will help with the feelings side of things, for me. After that night I just assumed that maybe in a month or so I could drop by her work and see her (since it is next to my school), but now I don't think that it would even be welcomed by her then either.
cerridwen Posted January 26, 2012 Posted January 26, 2012 You're coming to realize giving her space indefinitely is a good idea. I agree. If at all possible, handle work issues through someone else in the meantime. When she transfers stores, don't contact her again.
Author AwptiK Posted January 26, 2012 Author Posted January 26, 2012 Thanks for your advice. I guess that is all there is to it. It just sucks, it's hard enough to be getting over her, but to never talk again is hard to accept right now. I am happy and complete without her, I just have to remember that. And, I'm typically a jealous person when it comes to exes dating again, if they do before me. I do suppose this eliminates that idea completely. I put up with too much crazy stuff, to be with her and feel wanted. I know there's better out there. Thanks again.
smudge21 Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Very much a push/pull personality going on there - she wants your attention, gets it, then pushes you away again. She could have commitment issues, be scared of getting close to someone or any number of problems. The fact is, you and no one else knows what is going on and the worse thing you can do now is to start trying to work out the issues, think you can save her, worry about her, etc etc, as that will make you think about her more and more until you can't move on. Your best bet is to leave her be. If she comes to you, fair enough, you can decide whether or not to speak to her (try to remember how she's been though - don't get overjoyed that she's making contact and instead take it steady). If she doesn't get in touch, well I would suggest you leave it. As hard as it sounds, she's the one that's pushing you away and she needs to be the one to come back. She's already threatened the police before and surely that's enough to be concerned about.
PegNosePete Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 It just sucks, it's hard enough to be getting over her, but to never talk again is hard to accept right now. On the contrary. NC helps you get over her. It might be unpleasant at first but you will recover much more quickly without speaking to her. Being "friends" and having contact simply keeps the wound from healing - as you have found.
Author AwptiK Posted January 27, 2012 Author Posted January 27, 2012 Thanks for the input guys. To update, we talked at work yesterday and everything's fine now. Fine simply being, that it's cool to talk and be "friends". I don't really care for either of those, but I wanted things to be at peace between us before she left. Now, they are that way. Back to NC and working on coping with everything.
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