maysj18 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) I've been talking to a wonderful guy for about a month now. We met a long time ago and recently got back in touch. He lives about 2 hours away, but it coming down to visit this weekend. Anyways, we are in constant contact with each other. When I was home on vacation, we Skyped nearly every night for a week. We text every day (we are both college age, so texting is acceptable lol) and now that I'm at school, we have skyped a bit less but not much. We don't necessarily talk every second of every day since I have class and he works, but one of us will always send the other a message when we have free time. I have been loving it, but my judgement may not be the best since my head has been up in the clouds lately. It just feels so natural and this doesn't happen to me often. I am curious though to hear a guy's perspective on things. Not necessarily on how I'm acting, but how he's acting. He's not at all clingy or confessing his love for me, but could it still be a bad sign? Anything I should look out for? There are just a lot of threads about constant communication and how detrimental it can be, so it sparked my curiosity. Edited January 25, 2012 by maysj18
runner Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I've been talking to a wonderful guy for about a month now. We met a long time ago and recently got back in touch. He lives about 2 hours away, but it coming down to visit this weekend. Anyways, we are in constant contact with each other. When I was home on vacation, we Skyped nearly every night for a week. We text every day (we are both college age, so texting is acceptable lol) and now that I'm at school, we have skyped a bit less but not much. We don't necessarily talk every second of every day since I have class and he works, but one of us will always send the other a message when we have free time. I have been loving it, but my judgement may not be the best since my head has been up in the clouds lately. It just feels so natural and this doesn't happen to me often. I am curious though to hear a guy's perspective on things. Not necessarily on how I'm acting, but how he's acting. He's not at all clingy or confessing his love for me, but could it still be a bad sign? Anything I should look out for? There are just a lot of threads about constant communication and how detrimental it can be, so it sparked my curiosity. the only problem i'm really seeing here is that you might be spending a bit too much time on LS, and letting the cynics here cloud your judgment. from what i can tell, considering all of the successful relationships i know of, there is constant communication flowing from both sides.
ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I think constant communication is only a problem when someone doesn't respect the others boundaries. Most people want to keep in touch with someone they care about or are crushing on. It's a good sign. The only time I've had a problem with constant communication is when I was dating a clinger for a brief time who literally WOULD NOT STOP texting me no matter what I was doing or how busy I was. Even if I wasn't responding. If I was in a meeting at work he would still text, going to the gym or for a jog he would still text, out with my female friends still texting. He even texted the hell out of me while I was at my father's brithday party dinner. If his texting gets to that point then it is definitely a red flag. Otherwise just have fun with it!
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I feel like I'm missing something. Have you actually been going out on dates, in addition to all your texting/skyping/etc? I know you said he lives 2 hours away, but have you hung out in person even once over this time?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I grew up without all this technology and am one of the oldest guys on LS. I'm communicating a lot through text, phone, e-mail with my LS love FL and never feel it is "too much". But I worry for young people who go right from childhood into relationships in which couples are constantly in contact through technology. Not everyone will have the same issues but as we often see, a lot of threads here are about young folk asking "what does it mean" when x, y or z happens when their partner does this or that on Face Book or changes some level of frequency in texting or some other such thing. It often seems a crisis where, without the technology, they'd be "adjusting" to natural separation--often in which the absence makes the heart grow fonder (meaning a break makes them want each other even more when they reunite). There is no long social theory or knowledgeable parenting or all-knowing experts to turn to on the nuances of technology over-use in post adolescent relationship development (or lack thereof). So, rule of thumb I guess, is if you're not broke you don't need fixing (in other words if you're not getting on each other's nerves from overkill of too much contact, you could just happen to be pretty good for each other and that's never bad.).
Author maysj18 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 I feel like I'm missing something. Have you actually been going out on dates, in addition to all your texting/skyping/etc? I know you said he lives 2 hours away, but have you hung out in person even once over this time? Not since we started talking, no. How we got back in tough with each other was so random, lol.
carhill Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Where is he going to stay during this visit? My superficial read is he senses that a girl he knew from a long time ago likes him so he's investing in that. Men rarely leave romantic avenues unexplored when presented with them. Perhaps life experience has made me 'cynical', but I can't recall a similar 'joined at the hip' type situation ever working out for myself or those in my close circle and, yes, I used to invest in that dynamic a lot like you're describing here, and sincerely. I thought it was the healthy path to intimacy and perhaps it can be, but only if both people have the same intrinsic intimacy style. I've yet to meet such a person. Some on LS call this period 'limerence'. I call it infatuation, especially where there has been no physical contact. The feeling is valid and this weekend will likely go swimmingly. I would highly recommend avoiding sex. Enjoy
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I don't think you should be investing so much time / effort / communication in someone you haven't gone on a date yet since you reconnected. I think it creates too high of expectations, too much pressure. I'd scale back until you actually get together.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Where is he going to stay during this visit? My superficial read is he senses that a girl he knew from a long time ago likes him so he's investing in that. Men rarely leave romantic avenues unexplored when presented with them. Perhaps life experience has made me 'cynical', but I can't recall a similar 'joined at the hip' type situation ever working out for myself or those in my close circle and, yes, I used to invest in that dynamic a lot like you're describing here, and sincerely. I thought it was the healthy path to intimacy and perhaps it can be, but only if both people have the same intrinsic intimacy style. I've yet to meet such a person. Some on LS call this period 'limerence'. I call it infatuation, especially where there has been no physical contact. The feeling is valid and this weekend will likely go swimmingly. I would highly recommend avoiding sex. Enjoy I don't think you should be investing so much time / effort / communication in someone you haven't gone on a date yet since you reconnected. I think it creates too high of expectations, too much pressure. I'd scale back until you actually get together. Agree with both of these posts completely. He might just be thinking, "ooh, here's an opportunity to get laid!" I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but I've seen many situations like this unfold among my friends.
Author maysj18 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 I agree with you on the pressure issue. It would suck if when we actually went out we realized we had no physical chemistry. We both just got carried away and I mean, it's too late now to do anything considering I have two days left. lol But no, he's not staying overnight. He is stopping by on his way to his parents'. I've made it very clear that I do not fool around outside of a relationship and he says he respects it and that's not what he's after. I'm just taking his word for it, because 1) I have no reason not to atm and 2) if it turns out he was lying when he said that, it's his time and gas that wasted, not mine.
carhill Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 The potential for this to be a healthy experience might be indicated by the presence of 'sex talk' in the contact. If it's been 'getting to know' and not 'sexy time', then it's possible it will be a healthy 'visit' on his way to see his parents, as opposed to lubricating the path to some 'sexy time'. As to what 'he's after', time will tell. Most men do not invest in women to hang out and drink beers and swap crude jokes.
ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 The potential for this to be a healthy experience might be indicated by the presence of 'sex talk' in the contact. If it's been 'getting to know' and not 'sexy time', then it's possible it will be a healthy 'visit' on his way to see his parents, as opposed to lubricating the path to some 'sexy time'. As to what 'he's after', time will tell. Most men do not invest in women to hang out and drink beers and swap crude jokes. I couldn't agree with this more. If a guy is all about sexy flirting in the beginning it's a good indication that's the only thing on his mind. I always like to change the subject and see how long it takes him to go back to sex. That's how I gauge what he's after. If it's almost immediately then he's not worth my time.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I learned that anything that occurs in cyberspace and through technological means means moot especially with a potential date, until you actually met in person. So you may be attached and grown accustomed to talking to him simply because we're capable of being emotionally invested too soon. Just be careful that if and when you guys do meet, and the chemistry is not there, you have to go cold turkey from all the skype-ing.
reptilelover88 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 The only thing I would say is that relying too much on texting in the early stages of a relationship, when you're just getting to know each other, can be a red flag. It's a lazy form of communication that can easily be misinterpreted. My ex barely called me once in 10 months and looking back, it was a massive red flag. However, the fact that you also Skype with this guy is very encouraging. I assume that means that you speak to each other as if on the telephone and perhaps even go on video camera too. That is very encouraging and a good way of getting to know each other better if you have to be apart for now. Try not to overthink it and focus on getting to know him better, without setting your expectations too high for this weekend.
Author maysj18 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you everyone. I really appreciate the feedback. I try to keep it as friendly, rather than romantic, as possible. The only sexy talk we have is in the form of a crude joke here and there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 27, 2012 Posted January 27, 2012 Guys: what does this mean? I've been talking to a wonderful guy for about a month now. We met a long time ago and recently got back in touch. He lives about 2 hours away, but it coming down to visit this weekend. Anyways, we are in constant contact with each other. When I was home on vacation, we Skyped nearly every night for a week. We text every day (we are both college age, so texting is acceptable lol) and now that I'm at school, we have skyped a bit less but not much. We don't necessarily talk every second of every day since I have class and he works, but one of us will always send the other a message when we have free time. I have been loving it, but my judgement may not be the best since my head has been up in the clouds lately. It just feels so natural and this doesn't happen to me often. I am curious though to hear a guy's perspective on things. Not necessarily on how I'm acting, but how he's acting. He's not at all clingy or confessing his love for me, but could it still be a bad sign? Anything I should look out for? There are just a lot of threads about constant communication and how detrimental it can be, so it sparked my curiosity. I think it means that you are so giddy that you just yearn to scrutinize every detail, because you're SO into this guy. (that's all fine and dandy, but perhaps you're critiquing little elements which aren't entirely 'there' in the way of true concerns) While most of the people you know probably over-emphasize a "new love" in their lives from the first week/month, and they do so at the direct expense of healthy friendships and familial relationships, that doesn't mean it is a wise instinct to follow (for them, and especially not for you). I don't detect that you're that old where such a rush of feelings should have come over you "that often" to date. What if this is just 'good', and what if you're just having the experiences that confident adults have? (yeah yeah, but you still want to somehow fill your hours with him... becauuse it feels so good!) (it's OK to feel that, but don't use it against yourself)
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