Myself and others?

[MsKnightSoul]

Hi

 

*laughing at myself* Here I go again, talking about "guys I like" yup, I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve. And here I just got out from a relationship that wasn't going anywhere, If you read the other postings I have done, it talks about me still having some a bit feelings for my xboxlive exboyfriend Junior. Me having a boyfriend and still thinking of the single life, blah blah....Anyways, me & brent talked late evening(jan24th) we ended it. I told him what I felt, and him too. I'm glad we understood each other, so now I am a single woman again . I feel like theres more i need to type out to explain but I want to keep this short, you might get bored of me lol oh well caresshhh, this is what I need to blurt out. Since I don't have anyone to rely on, talk to, seek, I've been used of that. I just keep everything in, and don't tell a soul, but my journals. I like to write a lot, I haven't really written anything, my hand just stops as i put the pen on the paper. I think I'm going to burn all my journals, rip some chit out that i want and burn the rest.

Hmmm, I don't know what my life is going to be then so yeah...I'm still in my flow feeling zone lol! re reading that makes me think, that's probably why I'm sensitive person...Or I don't know.. lol xD *sigh* right now i am listening to music from itunes, wondering what to do. Also I am thinking of Junior, well not to much of him cause i'm just a bother with it. Kay heres what I wrote yesterday

jan24th2012- A dude i cant have can never happen, oh how i wish that i could speak to you. just hearing ur voice made me smile, I probably sound crazy, awwm....in the end i'll be the one paying4 it, me always getting ahead of myself thinking wrong thoughts like " oh he likes me" I be wearing my heart on a sleeve. My wonderings and questions, if he still likes me. I start thinking if I wasnt that girl, that girl...who lost you we be meeting i'd still be ur girl, it be 2 years for us if our path wasnt changed, you have ur gf, and i have brent (lol not anymore me) I'm still obsessing? Lol! Yes xD "

Yup thats what I wrote, man..I wish i could write everything down like that. I'm afraid to lose my friendship with that dude, but then i'd accept it. Sometimes I feel as if Junior might just tell me to back off, if I were to just explode my crazy ness LOL! awww...i dont want that to happen now...hmm, ugh..I havent felt like this for an ex, well i have but they kinda different. This guy was my longest relationship, and the longest to heal, now that Im thinking of our time, I remembered...He never asked me out on there, we just hung out on this game, talked, and chatted. xD I had no idea how our relationship was suppose to be, cuz no one never said anything, of course feelings grew. But I got kinda scared and my insecurities were all wrapped around me, I was blind. All I wanted was him, him not being online a lot. I grew impatiences, and other stupid stuff. Least I know now lol! Well.. I removed him off my list, i did that like 2? or i think 3 times, i knew he would grew tired of me doing that, after that i said im done being that girl who leaves him. lol of course i have to remember the day cuz its inbetween my brother's bday(feb5) and my niece's bday (feb7) feb 6 is when he told me "goodbye" couple months passed, October I mailed him a letter asking to be friends lol xD i felt like a creep. Anyways im all good being his friend, and dreaming. Oh when he said goodbye I was ready to sell my stuff to go see him, and ask him why. Lol! Awww! ahaha just a die hard.. but yeah, now that were friends and all..I want to get to know him more, didnt do that much back that lol! awwm.. see the other sides of him if i can.

My Brother's wedding feb 18th xD im soo excited and nervous haha im in the wedding party! WOOOO! well i guess thats all for now peace it to alll