PabloConfused Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 So, I'm a 22 year old guy beginning a new relationship with a girl. I'm not one to jump into anything related to romance or relationships very quickly or give myself emotionally quickly, either (this is only my fourth relationship and each of my previous relationships have lasted at least one year), and that wasn't the case with this current girl, either. I took about a good year of getting to know her before full-on courting her before starting the relationship. There were things in her past she wasn't proud of as far as her relationships/romance/sexual history went, but has expressed a desire to put them behind her as she's returning to being more religious and I have seen it in action already (it was part of my reason for holding off on courting her for such a long time, even when she seemed perfect for me in just about every other way). She used to be involved quite actively in a drama/theater club and while I knew that she was in some rather raunchy plays, I never really knew what her roles in them were. Recently, I came across videos of the performances she was in on YouTube and they're extremely troubling for me; she's been in scenes where multiple guys are fondling her gratuitously, scenes where guys are simulating crowding around her and masturbating as she's on her knees, a scene in a bed where she and another guy are disrobing and he's clearly in the missionary position between her legs (albeit under a sheet by this point) and is thrusting, and (what seems quite tame compared to everything else) plenty of long, intense, very physical make out scenes. I've seen questions posted online before about dealing with stage kissing/romance scenes when a significant other is in one, but I don't think that it was quite the same as this. As far as what my actual questions are, I guess I am wondering are 1) How do I deal with all that stuff in the past that's so incredibly the polar opposite of my views on physical intimacy? The majority of the time, probably 90% of it, I couldn't care less about the past whenever I am with her because I don't believe it's fair to hold the past against someone, especially in a relationship. However, the times I do think of it or it's mentioned, I can't help but see the very crude images in my head again. 2) Is there any way to really know, aside from flat-out asking her, if these are things she'd be interested in doing again? There are a lot of things I've seen her permanently bury in the past, and ideally, taking part in raunchy stuff like this would be one of them. Do I just have to sit down and talk to her about both of these issues and ask her to help me through them? Anyone who's been anywhere close to my shoes knows all the thoughts running around in my head, so please feel free to add anything that you feel would help. Thanks, everyone.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Is her drama/theater club an S&M club? I'd have a problem with my chick simulating acts with a bunch of dudes too. You definitely need to talk to her about this. And it most likely seems yer gonna have to dump her.
TheFinalWord Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I don't even know how you deal with that. She should have told you this stuff a long time ago IMHO. You going to need counseling for something like this! It's the same thing I wonder about all these girls doing Internet porn. How do you explain that to a potential LT bf or husband? I don't think I could tolerate pics of my GF or wife on the internet taking part in porn (even soft porn which is what that sounds like to me).
Author PabloConfused Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the replies so far.Is her drama/theater club an S&M club?Watching some of these plays in action, you could definitely fool me into thinking so. Seriously though, I want to point out that these were just really weird plays intended for 18+ audiences; think stuff along the lines of Clockwork Orange and what-not. That definitely doesn't make me any less bothered about all this stuff, but it's not quite as extreme as it seems my original post made it seem. I also want to clarify something else. I have many mutual friends of hers and as I said, have known her for a while now, too. I don't have any remote doubts about her loyalty to me or anything of that sort, and I can honestly say I've never connected with anyone the way I have with her. I truly want to work through these issues with her (that's why I'm here) and move beyond the past, but I'm just not at all sure how to even begin doing that/starting the necessary conversation without setting a negative tone. I'd love to hear that she's not interested in doing anything of this sort anymore, but even if she is, I am just trying to figure out how to work through it with her. Edited January 25, 2012 by PabloConfused
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