Dark-Farmer Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Some details before you yell at me. They have been split up for a year maybe two. And she has had atleast one serious relationship after him. I went to a bar to see a friends bands on the weekend and I just bumped into her. We were talking and drinking beers and we both got really flirty, hugging, kissing on the cheek and then she kissed me on the lips. I did kiss her back though :S My friend has a new girlfriend that he has been seeing for a while (possibly a year) so im fairly sure that hes over her. However he dated this his ex for several years, although I don't feel like I did anything too bad ... Perhaps I stepped on some toes. So should I even tell him? And I told her we could get some coffee together sometime, I'm pretty sure nothing is going to happen. But should I cancel? All our friends totally bailed on her when they split up, it was one of the things she talked to me about that night. So I would also feel bad bailing on her now
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Well you just kissed her no, I would keep that to yourself. However If you think you are going to date this girl (which honestly man I find pretty gross of you but that's your thing) then you should probably have a conversation with him out of respect. Tell him you've been talking with whats her face and you were thinking about possibly dating her and If he'd have a problem with that? You know just to be a man about it and be respectful as you want to acknowledge your buddies feelings and not just look like a dick. If you're going to have coffee then I think that's pretty much a date and since you kissed her I think things could easily move faster now (unless she pulls the BS I was drinking card - to back out) but I doubt that. Then you'll find yourself having to back-pedal cause then you'll be "afraid" to tell him by then and have to make up that whole "but bro it just like happened, I had no idea!" All in all your friend is probably not going to give that big of a damn and can't really stop you from doing it.
RecordProducer Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) This is really your decision and there's no right or wrong answer. If you like her and think she may be the one for you, then go for it. Is your friend still in love with her? You may have to choose between your friend and her at some point. My first husband was a friend with my first BF. The BF wanted to stay friends with him and was mad at me for hooking up with his friend (we were broken up for a year and the BF was dating another girl). My ex-husband told the ex-BF that we were in love. The ex-husband also decided they couldn't be friends anymore. Edited January 25, 2012 by RecordProducer
Dust Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I wouldn't tell him. What do you say "hey man I kissed your ex and I'm not sure if it's going any where but just wanted to let you know." I mean when you break up with a girl its bad enough to deal with the reality some other guys going to get her... even worse to toy with the idea of your slimy friends getting their hands on her. Plus I really get grossed out by the idea of being with a girl my friends had sex with. But if you like this girl and you don't care then just go for it. If I really liked a girl I could care less what a friend thought. But then again like I said I kind of get grossed out by girls who have been with my friend... but should I face such a hypothetical situation of wanting a friends ex I wouldn't tell them untill things got more serious... like after the sex starts. Give them somthing to really be mad about. Don't be like "we had sex" or "we kissed." Just be like I wanted to tell you so you didn't just find out, I'm seeing your ex. Then when he starts asking for details if he's a masachist just be like "I'm not going into that, I'm sorry man." No need to let him know how many bases you've rounded or if you kissed. No need to ask for permision. If you want her you take her. May be no drama at all, a lot of potential though.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 If you aren't planning on pursuing this girl, then no you don't need to tell him. If you are planning on the coffee date and this possibly growing, then yeah you need to tell him.
Author Dark-Farmer Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 "am I going date her/is she the one" no, its not like I had built up feels while they where dating and was in love with her. But I don't know I guess you never know, right? "is he over her" almost 100% sure he is over her. He has had a new longterm girlfriend for +\- a year he seems really happy with. Some more insight on our friendship. He's a childhood friend so i don't really wanna screw anything up. It's not a hang out all the time friend maybe a couple times a month. I didn't snipe her right after they broke up or anything. So if I don't presue anything, you guys think it's not douchey to not tell him? And if I did want to (which I not even sure if I do) I think I would ask him if it was ok, and if he wasn't ok with it I don't think I could do it. Is this respectful enough?
Author Dark-Farmer Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 One more thing, if this issue didn't exist, She would definitely be someone I'd presue.
veggirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Well, considering he is a childhood friend etc, I say don't even go there. Don't pursue the girl. Dont' tell him about what happened. Just forget about all of it.
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