ditzchic Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 So I met a guy over this past weekend and we exchanged numbers. We are definitely interested and we are hitting it off pretty well so far. He just officially asked me out earlier today. When he did (after I accepted) I kinda sighed and said "I was wondering when you were gonna finally ask me. I've been dropping hints all week.". That lead to us talking about "traditionalist" when it comes to dating. He asked if I was one. I really didn't know how to answer. I mean, I don't expect guys to pick up the tab 100% of the time. I don't expect them to do all the planning. I don't expect chairs pulled out, car doors opened any of that.... I do expect a guy not to push too hard for sex in the beginning, to be respectful, walk me to my car at least, maybe pay for the major activity of the first date... So I didn't know what to say and I think it's too early to go all into all the details about date behavior with someone I haven't even been on a date with yet.So I just told him that I'm really not and my only expectation is that he is gentlemanly and respectful. I'll let him interpret that how he wants. Am I a dating traditionalist? What the hell even constitutes one??
carhill Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 You met in person the first time, so that's part of traditional dating. In my generation, such practices were the man would arrange dates a few days in advance and pick the lady up at her or her parents home and take her to a social venue, typically 'dinner and a movie', and pay for such outings and premarital sex might or might not happen over a period of such dates. Predominantly, the man would call the woman, make the arrangements, do the driving and pay. My dad always wore a suit or shirt and tie
Feelsgoodman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) When he did (after I accepted) I kinda sighed and said "I was wondering when you were gonna finally ask me. I've been dropping hints all week.". A word of advice: don't say something like this to men in the future. I've had it said to me a few times, and it always makes me cringe a bit. While I'm sure you meant it in good humor, it still makes you sound presumptuous and entitled (as you are basically saying that you assumed you'd be getting asked out right from the start). Since modesty is a quality I value highly in a woman, this kind of talk inevitably rubs me the wrong way. A man has no obligation to ask you out. If a guy you like does ask you out, the proper, polite response is to say Yes and appear enthusiastic. Busting his chops for taking too long to ask you out on a date is not good manners IMO. Edited January 24, 2012 by Feelsgoodman
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 It is possible he thinks you're the type of modern woman who wants a man to be traditional but doesn't reciprocate. I'm not sure what he's talking about really. How did you get on the traditionalist subject?
Dust Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well since you said it was the conversation about dropping hints and waiting for him to ask you out that lead to "traditionalist" talk... maybe it meant he takes things slow? Really you had the conversation with the guy why didn't you tell him you didn't know what he meant? He could mean anything. My guess is that in this context it was meant to tell you he takes things slow whether that is true or not. Since the conversation that was before this one was about asking you out and how you had been waiting...
Author ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 A word of advice: don't say something like this to men in the future. I've had it said to me a few times, and it always makes me cringe a bit. While I'm sure you meant it in good humor, it still makes you sound presumptuous and entitled (as you are basically saying that you assumed you'd be getting asked out right from the start). Since modesty is a quality I value highly in a woman, this kind of talk inevitably rubs me the wrong way. A man has no obligation to ask you out. If a guy you like does ask you out, the proper, polite response is to say Yes and appear enthusiastic. Busting his chops for taking too long to ask you out on a date is not good manners IMO. Well if you're into modest women... we wouldn't be a good match. I wouldn't say that I act entitled but I do have quite an ego. And really at this point I'm only interested in dating good a matches. I'm done with the dating just for ****s and giggles phase of my life. So if conflicting personalities is an issue, it's better to find that out right quick. It is possible he thinks you're the type of modern woman who wants a man to be traditional but doesn't reciprocate. I'm not sure what he's talking about really. How did you get on the traditionalist subject? Because when I said about how I was waiting for him to ask me he took that as me being a traditionalist in not asking a man out first. That's how the conversation about traditionalists started.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I wouldn't say that I act entitled but I do have quite an ego. And that's not the same thing? The fact that the guy asked you whether you are a "traditionalist" indicates that he is having second thoughts. Having a big ego is not a "traditional" quality for a woman (quite the opposite really), so at least you answered the question correctly.
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Because when I said about how I was waiting for him to ask me he took that as me being a traditionalist in not asking a man out first. That's how the conversation about traditionalists started. Sorry. That's not what I meant. I meant how did the conversation flow. Was it argumentative or a playful banter when you talked about traditionalist?
Imajerk17 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 How did you meet him? He came over and asked for your #, right?
colliejoanie Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Well if you're into modest women... we wouldn't be a good match. I wouldn't say that I act entitled but I do have quite an ego. He's a lucky man
Lonely Ronin Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 What the hell even constitutes one?? I have had several friends tell me I'm old school, so i'll assume that equates to a traditionalist. For me, I won't ask a women out, until I know a little bit about her. there have been exceptions, but very few. Basically, I won't ask for a date, unless I see potential for a long term relationship. I have no preconceived notions of when something physical should happen, if it happens at all. I was raised to get and hold the door, whenever possible (for everyone). I was raised to say please, thank you, and you're welcome. I appreciate a women who knows what she wants, and who is not afraid to show it, or talk about it. If she is interested in me I really appreciate it when she shows it, and doesn't play games. I'm not saying she has to be aggressive, usually just the bashful smile look away thing during a conversation, or the leaning in when we are talking is enough for me to catch the hint. does that explain it?
Author ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Sorry. That's not what I meant. I meant how did the conversation flow. Was it argumentative or a playful banter when you talked about traditionalist? It was more like playful banter. I definitely don't think he lost interest. He texts me almost non-stop and seems really really into me as of right now. How did you meet him? He came over and asked for your #, right? I met him at a restaurant bar. I actually kind of approached him first. Nothing too aggressive. I just stood next to him and said hello. That lead to a short conversation that ended with him asking for my number.
Author ditzchic Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 He's a lucky man Lol. It's more like a fun ego. I'm not an uberbitch I swear
zengirl Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 In the context given, it sounds like he was basically saying, "Well, why didn't you just ask me out!" in a playful, more understanding way. He's trying to see if you are a 'traditionalist' in terms of unable/unwilling/whatevs ask a guy out and possibly get to know your dating style in order to accommodate it. Doesn't sound like he meant some big thing by it. As to what it is: you got me. Dating traditions have changed over time, so which one is the true tradition? How oldschool does one need to be to be traditional? Heck if I know. I would've probably answered something sassy and playful like, "Well, I don't require a chaperone, if that's what you're worried about." Because I have no idea what the term really means either.
dasein Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 It's one of those terms you must ask for clarification with all the different styles and expectations in mating behavior today.
musemaj11 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Its pretty clear that he meant to say that based on your traditional expectation that the guy is the one who has to do the asking, then he was wondering if that means that the same thinking extends to your other viewpoints regarding dating. These days less and less men are impressed by women who claim to be traditional. The first thing that comes to their mind is that when a woman says, "Im traditional" its simply a euphemism for "I feel entitled to be treated like a princess".
Imajerk17 Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 It was more like playful banter. I definitely don't think he lost interest. He texts me almost non-stop and seems really really into me as of right now. I met him at a restaurant bar. I actually kind of approached him first. Nothing too aggressive. I just stood next to him and said hello. That lead to a short conversation that ended with him asking for my number. Good stuff. Men like women who give them just a bit of a hard time. Just a bit... as in 'I'm challenging you, are you going to step up? You can do it!'. So your comment about you wondering when he was going to ask you out was well-played.
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