darb Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Ok I am 34 and let me rephrase the term "girlfriend". I met a girl online and she is also from my gym as well. She was seperated 2 weeks from her husband and was moved into her own place and going to get a divorce when we met. Going into it I just looked at it as fun but I fell for her. We spent alot of time together and had really good times and I can honestly say I considered her one of my best friends. We got along really good but she was only seperated and I kept my distance because I didnt know what was going to happen. She is a single mother with two little girls and currently not working and I know struggling. I only met the youngest one a few times and never met the oldest one. Well she was acting strange for a couple weeks. No sex, distant, nitpicking me, and becoming somewhat religious all the sudden which I am really not a religious person. Well we kinda had a small fight one day but nothing bad and I sent her a text asking what the deal was and why she was on me so much lately and her response was "IDK I dont think this is working" I responded WOW goodbye! and the very single next day I got back on that site to see if she was on there and she was looking 'for a relationship"! I was so hurt and confused. I told her about this and how mad and upset I was and she said she was confused and that I do mean alot to her and felt we do have a connection. She could tell I was mad so she said she would leave me alone and said she was sorry. I didnt talk to her for a week but I recently made a facebook page up and decided to add her and message her. Then I made the mistake and sent her a text and said I still miss her and she said she missed me also. We started texting a bit and things I thought were going well but it quickly turned sour! She said she had kinda moved on after I was nasty to her (I was not nasty in any way at all) and because I didnt talk to her for a week. We started talking on facebook a little and we have been argueing on there some. She said it was so easy for her to disconnect because she said she never seen herelf having a future with me. I cant tell you how much that hurt to read. I was crazy about this girl and thought we were real friends. She had become really nasty! I honestly dont care if she wants to date other people, move on or whatever! I just thought were were friends and she has said so many mean words to me. I asked her if she never seen a future with me why the hell was she with me for 7 months? and I then asked if she used me? I got no answer though. I deleted her number and facebook and sent a last message saying I dont wanna fight back and forth and argue and keep reading more things to hurt me and wished her good luck in finding what will make her happy. I told her I considered her my best friend and valued her. Honestly there was alot of red flags while we dated but still thought we had a pretty good friendship. Is she trying to make herself feel better by being so mean? Or be super cruel just to make sure I stay away? I even told her I dont care if she dates a millon people, wants to see whats out there, find her happiness or whatever but why do you have to be so cruel? One other thing I forgot. She has NEVER had an orgasm she said. She said not even masterbating she has had one and we talked about this several times and she seemed pretty honest about the whole thing. She has been close she said but it just never happened and it made her feel like there was something wrong with her she told me. It was very frustrating sexualy with her but she really enjoyed having sex and seemed to be vocal on what she liked and disliked but it just never happened. She has had alot of plastic surgery and I honestly think she just has a low self esteem/self image and sees herself as someone else on the outside. She is very beautiful and actually competes in bikini competitions but I think she feels defective on the inside for several reasons and honestly she told me I was the third guy she was with after she split up with her hubby! that was in a month span. I know she was married for ten years and is probably very confused. She even told me she doesnt know what the hell she is doing at times. So I sent one last message a couple days ago saying I am sorry for saying some hurtful things and that I really enjoyed the time I spent with her and considered her one of my best friends and basically told her to take care of herself and maybe we can be friends in the future someday. I am trying to be cool about all of this. Even though she may be no good for me and is a very thoughless person at times I still care about her. I deleted her number, her facebook so I cant look at her page and have been avoiding the gym the time she goes. So far two days. It wasnt a perfect relationship and often times she was very thoughless towards me but all in all we got along very well and had alot of fun times together. We seemed to have a connection and was very similar and had similar sense of humors. I just miss the friendship so much and her saying she never seen a future with me really cuts deep. Edited January 24, 2012 by darb messed up
Eddie Edirol Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Wow it sounds like you were a rebound for her, what were the red flags that you ignored?
Author darb Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Well she would always talk about other guys for one. She was very thoughless. I didnt even recieve a christmas card. She called me cheap and tight in a joking way alot even though I always paid when we went out. Alot of weird stuff! Like casually bringing up that she was looking at the casual encounters on craigslist but because she was bored and she found it funny. She even mentioned seeing so and so that she knows on match.com....this was while we were dating. Honestly she even told me the day she moved out and into her own place she had a guy over that she had liked from the gym and known for a long time. The very same day she left! Now this comment I brought up and said why the hell would you tell me that and she apologized. She was like too honest of a person. I really thought of her as just a fun person to be so I overlooked alot most of the time but I guess I got attached! I know this sounds crazy!
Author darb Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 I hate to be harsh but maybe all of them! This relationship had no chance from the get go. If you were thinking clearly you would have understood that. In 3 years time if you read this thread, you 'should' say what the hell was I thinking. Something is not right here. I would spend the next few months figuring out why you fell for this woman, at that time. Your inner voice should have stopped you after the first date. It didn't and you walked straight into heartbreak that most would have avoided. She was nowhere NEAR ready, yet you were drawn to her. The big question here which I don't have the answer to, is why... I agree actually. Most of the time I looked at it as fun and friendship I think? I always kept my distance and never completely opened up to her or let my guard completely down but in the end I still kinda fell for her! I think I fell for her because of her looks, sense of humor, and personality was actually very good despite some things. We really had fun together hanging out. She grew on me and I got attached.
Author darb Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Your 34. At 34 you should be looking to be the right person for you. The fact that you were willing to 'settle' for an attractive divorced mom (just seperated) who has disrespected you so openly, says more about you then it does her. I think it's time to take a long hard look in the mirror and hope that you can find some answers. A confident emotionally healthy man, would have either hit it and quit it or (if he has good morals) never gotten involved in the first place.. I definitely kinda agree with you and I am in the process of looking at myself! I think I just fell for the humor, frienship and companionship more than anything. We really had alot in common and we spent alot of time together. Yes she was very pretty but it was more her personality than looks. I definitely feel disrespected now that I look back but we joked at each other so much it was hard to determine what was serious and what was joking sometime. I will definitely admit my morals arent of the highest regard.
Author darb Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 The problem here is those relationships are fun in early 20's. Is it really want you want in your 30's?? You very right and I think I am slowly realizing this now. The last 4 years or so for me I have dated alot of women and had hardly any real relationships. It was a litte different with this one I think on account of what I thought was a good friendship and had so much in common interest and personality wise. We are both into working out and lifting and she was also my gym partner. I guess I became really attached to her even though I kinda knew it wouldnt ever be in a way but thought maybe she was going through a crazy confused time and she would change! Does that make sense?
Author darb Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Nope ................................. Thanks for cheering me up just miss the friendship more than anything...... No contact now. I know I will survive
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