Imajerk17 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) bars. How often are you approached by someone you haven't met before, **during the day**? As in, at the grocery store, the book store, the gym, walking down Main Street.... How do you feel about it? My take is that women welcome such an approach, and I shamelessly hit on them then. I don't go to bars much though. I don't think I've witnessed another guy approaching during the day as I have either... Edited January 24, 2012 by Imajerk17
Cypress25 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Women only welcome that approach if they like the guy. Same as any other kind of approach. If she's single and she likes you, the "where and when" of the approach doesn't really matter. To answer your question, I don't get approached outside of bars that much. I would actually prefer it (if I had to choose) because most guys who approach me in bars are drunk and annoying. And bars are often loud, so it's difficult to chat with people. But I think men are reluctant to approach women outside of bars because they can't assume that she's single or looking. Or old enough. (In a bar, it's safe to assume that everyone is at least 21. Just walking down the street, I could easily pass for 16.) Also, a lot of guys rely on the "Can I buy you a drink?" opener. Can't use that when you're standing in line at the bank.
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am much more open to an approach at the grocery store than I am outside a bar. Outside a bar just screams, "I'm trolling for a piece of a$$ tonight."
Dust Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Just walking down the street, I could easily pass for 16.) Also, a lot of guys rely on the "Can I buy you a drink?" opener. Can't use that when you're standing in line at the bank. What thats a great ice breaker for the bank line! Especialy if the girl looks 16. She'd be all "Oh really mister? Gee thanks!"
Dust Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am much more open to an approach at the grocery store than I am outside a bar. Outside a bar just screams, "I'm trolling for a piece of a$$ tonight." You know I'm "trolling" for a piece of that double dollar sign ass of yours. When ever where ever we meet.
thatone Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 personally i'm not in a bar looking for a ONS usually. i'm just looking for conversation...at the bar. if it's with women i'm attracted to great, if not, that's fine too. i figure that if any women i meet have some sort of social hangup about going to a bar we're not going to get along very well anyways. i grew up around NOLA, i like bars, so i want to be with women who also like bars. /shrug
louise_23 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 bars. How often are you approached by someone you haven't met before, **during the day**? As in, at the grocery store, the book store, the gym, walking down Main Street.... How do you feel about it? My take is that women welcome such an approach, and I shamelessly hit on them then. I don't go to bars much though. I don't think I've witnessed another guy approaching during the day as I have either... not often. i get the occasional weird is-this-guy-trying-to-flirt thing, and it amounts to nothing. though thats rare. outside of bars the other main way i get approached is through facebook and thats just creepy.
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 You know I'm "trolling" for a piece of that double dollar sign ass of yours. When ever where ever we meet. Oh, Dustykins... you make me blush.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 bars. How often are you approached by someone you haven't met before, **during the day**? As in, at the grocery store, the book store, the gym, walking down Main Street.... How do you feel about it? My take is that women welcome such an approach, and I shamelessly hit on them then. I don't go to bars much though. I don't think I've witnessed another guy approaching during the day as I have either... Out of curiosity, have many women that you had a relationship or even a one night stand with did you met this way? I always figured this type of "cold approach" be the dating equivalent of telemarketing. In other words, a lot of work and very low success to failure ratio. Perhaps that's the reason you don't see other men doing this? It seems wiser to channel your energy into other avenues for meeting women, where the odds are not stacked against you quite so badly...
ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I would much rather be approached outside of the bar scene. Unfortunately, this doesn't really happen to me. I think this would certainly give the guy a leg up. To begin with (and not to sound shallow), a lot of people look different than we imagined in the light of day (and when one is sober). There is no question you are attracted to someone if you pick them up with all senses in tact and in a well lit place. Secondly, because you kind of have to strike up a conversation and not just smile and nod because you can't hear anything over the thumping music, you have a better sense of what kind of person you are picking up. Again, less chance for a surprise. If you are concerned about not knowing whether the girl is taken, if she gives you a genuine smile strike up a conversation. If she is in a relationship or not interested in you she will somehow make it known to you that she is only interested in friendship rather quickly.
ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I would much rather be approached outside of the bar scene. Unfortunately, this doesn't really happen to me. I think this would certainly give the guy a leg up. To begin with (and not to sound shallow), a lot of people look different than we imagined in the light of day (and when one is sober). There is no question you are attracted to someone if you pick them up with all senses in tact and in a well lit place. Secondly, because you kind of have to strike up a conversation and not just smile and nod because you can't hear anything over the thumping music, you have a better sense of what kind of person you are picking up. Again, less chance for a surprise. If you are concerned about not knowing whether the girl is taken, if she gives you a genuine smile strike up a conversation. If she is in a relationship or not interested in you she will somehow make it known to you that she is only interested in friendship rather quickly.
Feelsgoodman Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I would much rather be approached outside of the bar scene. Unfortunately, this doesn't really happen to me. I think this would certainly give the guy a leg up. To begin with (and not to sound shallow), a lot of people look different than we imagined in the light of day (and when one is sober). There is no question you are attracted to someone if you pick them up with all senses in tact and in a well lit place. Secondly, because you kind of have to strike up a conversation and not just smile and nod because you can't hear anything over the thumping music, you have a better sense of what kind of person you are picking up. Again, less chance for a surprise. If you are concerned about not knowing whether the girl is taken, if she gives you a genuine smile strike up a conversation. If she is in a relationship or not interested in you she will somehow make it known to you that she is only interested in friendship rather quickly. Again, out of curiosity: how many men did you approach this way? How many of them did you end up dating?
louise_23 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I would much rather be approached outside of the bar scene. Unfortunately, this doesn't really happen to me. I think this would certainly give the guy a leg up. To begin with (and not to sound shallow), a lot of people look different than we imagined in the light of day (and when one is sober). There is no question you are attracted to someone if you pick them up with all senses in tact and in a well lit place. Secondly, because you kind of have to strike up a conversation and not just smile and nod because you can't hear anything over the thumping music, you have a better sense of what kind of person you are picking up. Again, less chance for a surprise. If you are concerned about not knowing whether the girl is taken, if she gives you a genuine smile strike up a conversation. If she is in a relationship or not interested in you she will somehow make it known to you that she is only interested in friendship rather quickly. :laugh: "There is no question you are attracted to someone if you pick them up with all senses in tact and in a well lit place....less chance for a surprise. " actual brilliance! lol
ivyvine Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Feelsgoodman: I have not approached men outside the bar scene. But as a general rule, I don't tend to approach men. Perhaps I'm delusional, but I feel that a cute smile should let them know they're welcome to strike up a conversation ....... (I was in a relationship for the majority of my adult life, I'm clearly not that great at this ...
Feelsgoodman Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Feelsgoodman: I have not approached men outside the bar scene. But as a general rule, I don't tend to approach men. Perhaps I'm delusional, but I feel that a cute smile should let them know they're welcome to strike up a conversation ....... (I was in a relationship for the majority of my adult life, I'm clearly not that great at this ... A smile doesn't really mean anything...some people smile just to be polite and avoid the awkwardness of unintended eye contact. Some women smile because they are fishing for attention (such women are lovingly called "attention whores" these days). If striking up conversation with random strangers was an effective way of meeting women, a lot more men would be doing it. But the reality is that it's not effective and hence no one is doing it.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I really like it when guys approach me while I'm out and about. The last 2 guys I dated for any length of time approached me that way -- one when I sat next to him on a crowded train, and the other in the grocery store. I think this kind of random chance way of meeting is romantic and sexy
RecordProducer Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I think meeting the love of your life spontaneously at the storeor even in the street is the most romantic thing ever! I hate being approached at bars. I treat those guys as fun companions for the night, but nothing more.
blueskyday Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 That is the main way I get asked out, and I love it! My last two boyfriends picked me up in the grocery store! Before that, there was one from the bookstore, and one from the coffee shop. The funniest one was the guy who saw me on the street and simply shouted, "Hey are you single?" Didn't go out with that one. Never said yes to a guy I met in a bar. Seems like a fun conversation opportunity, as another poster said, but a guy would automatically be suspect because of the bar hook up vibe. So, go for it away from the bar scene. If you do talk to a girl at a bar, make sure she knows you don't normally hang out there and are more of a shy guy, not a polished player. It's easy to find girls to talk to while you are out and about in your daily life. The guy who met me at the coffee shop walked by, smiled, said hi, and asked me what I was reading. After we chatted a minute, I invited him to sit down. He later told me he was so nervous to approach, but I had smiled at him... Ahh, I think it's a romantic way to meet guys, but I do think it's all about attraction.None worked out, yet. Maybe I need guys with similar interests. I might try to meet guys in some activities next, like hiking groups...
Emilia Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 personally i'm not in a bar looking for a ONS usually. i'm just looking for conversation...at the bar. if it's with women i'm attracted to great, if not, that's fine too. i figure that if any women i meet have some sort of social hangup about going to a bar we're not going to get along very well anyways. Yeah this. I forever talk to guys in bars even if I'm out with friends. More than likely I'll chat with the bartender or some random punters while they are waiting for their drinks or whatever. I watch sports in bars and used to debating stuff with others. I talk to people in shops, etc too. There was a guy a few months ago who in hindsight was probably trying to chat me up in a sports store while we were queueing to try on some gear (unisex changing rooms) but half the time I don't realise it because I talk to strangers anyways so I don't assume they are hitting on me. I think it will depend on how outgoing a person is and how bad or good their day is. I travelled around the world, a lot of it by myself, so I'm a bit like carhill in that sense, I talk to anyone and their next door neighbour, no worries.
thatone Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) yeah well you wouldn't have been very happy with that guy anyway, going by your posts on here, emilia. if he had wanted to make it known he was interested he could have made it blatantly obvious. i can't see you getting along with the hesitant types. and yeah, i'm friends with the door man, bartender, etc at the places i go, particularly my neighborhood bar. and every time i see new people come in there they talk about how great a place it is and how they should come back more often, to be honest. 'bar' doesn't denote a loud room full of frat boys. quiet neighborhood bars are the perfect place to meet people, imo. Edited January 25, 2012 by thatone
Emilia Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 i can't see you getting along with the hesitant types. and yeah, i'm friends with the door man, bartender, etc at the places i go, particularly my neighborhood bar. and every time i see new people come in there they talk about how great a place it is and how they should come back more often, to be honest. 'bar' doesn't denote a loud room full of frat boys. quiet neighborhood bars are the perfect place to meet people, imo. No unfortunately not. I don't have the patience - partly because when I try to deviate from that, it's not worth the wait. When I lived in Zambia, we used to have a bar in Lusaka that was half-ish backpackers, the other half local residents so you had new people in all the time but also had a selected local group. We would drink and talk until 4am and it's also how I got my safari job. Great parties, bad for the liver though
azsinglegal Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Never. I've been approached once in the past year.
Author Imajerk17 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Never. I've been approached once in the past year. Did anything come of it? Is this the guy you are now seeing?
Author Imajerk17 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Posted January 25, 2012 Thanks everyone. Great replies. I would say that I approach about 10 women a week. Thing is, I live in a fairly small town, and I am concerned about approaching the same woman twice, not realizing that I met her before! (Well, actually, that has happened...)
azsinglegal Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 Did anything come of it? Is this the guy you are now seeing? No. He's someone I would never even consider dating. What a blow to the ego, huh? I don't get asked out honestly, or approached ever. Anyone I've dated, I've approached them. Probably another reason it never works out. They see me because I approach them but they're really not interested. I'm just someone "for now".
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