HopelessRomantic76 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I am in a dilemma. I have dated very handsome men,(some I only met), and each one was very rude, insensitive,disrespectful,and selfish among other rather unlikable traits. a very few were 1 night stands and great talkers they were. I mean the lies they told,the distance they would travel,just for sex for one night. I have also met some not so attractive,from average looks to down right ugly and fat,or skinny. I have found that these men have been the most respectful, courteous,honest and nicest people I have ever met. I always prided myself that one can't help what he looks like and as youth fades lets face it we all are not going to be very good looking. I find myself being somewhat of a hypocrite. I really like the men I have met who were more average looking than a very handsome man. I let my pride get in the way and let them go hoping to meet a handsome man that would be as a ugly one would be. Here's what I think may be why. The ugly man is so happy just to have a date,while the handsome one can get one anytime he chose. I must admit, I have been married twice and both were not attractive at all,but were good men,accept the 2ND one. What would you do? I am asking everyone including the men with the opposite scenario of course. I also would like to add that I always felt it's the inside that counts,but when it came down to it I found myself dodging both. I am so confused now,that I don't know what to do. I am afraid of the good looking and ashamed of the bad looking. My mother told me to go with the better man no matter what he looks like and sometimes as your feelings grow the unattractive become better looking in your eyes and if you find a very handsome man who is the better,remember looks do fade
Philosoraptor Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Our opinion of someone is built quickly after meeting them. If the instant attraction isn't there many have that block in the way. But there are plenty of very attractive men out there who are also wonderful people. They too are often overlooked at younger ages as it isn't always the looks that people are looking for, but that cocky attitude that young women are conditioned to find as attractive. TL;DR? Cute sweeties are around, you just need to look in the right places.
stillafool Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 OP, how do you look? I've always found that the better looking guys treated me better than the ones who were less attractive. I can say I would never be ashamed of anyone I chose to date. That's why I'm asking how you look because it always seems the most unattractive people worry about those things.
FitChick Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 There are different levels of attractiveness and what is important. To both men and women, some prefer good body, not so good face and others are the opposite. I like the body because it reflects lifestyle but don't care too much about the face, which is genetic.
USMCHokie Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Here's my opinion on this topic...more attractive people tend to be able to rely on their looks for attention during their young formative years...therefore, they may have less developed social skills or personalities...who needs a personality when good looks gets you all the attention you could possibly need? And when you are attractive, you can have no personality or be a complete jerk but still get plenty of attention. There is no incentive for improvement.
PJKino Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Here's my opinion on this topic...more attractive people tend to be able to rely on their looks for attention during their young formative years...therefore, they may have less developed social skills or personalities...who needs a personality when good looks gets you all the attention you could possibly need? And when you are attractive, you can have no personality or be a complete jerk but still get plenty of attention. There is no incentive for improvement. Plus a lot of people are as faithful as their options.. A really handsome guy who has women all over him may tend to be less app to take ish from a women in a relationship when he knows theyres tons of women who'd love to be with him where an unattractive guy might take more ish and be less combative in a relationship because he doesnt know if he can get another women if his current relationship ends..
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 Well look at it this way in this generalization Spoiled child - expects everything and ask rudely and demanding, they get something nice and it's just another shiny toy Poor child - enjoys everything they have and don't really complain and if they do get something nice they are super excited Some handsome men can be more like the spoiled child, and since many women don't mind being dragged through the dirt by men who are handsome/attractive in hopes that they will choose them and start treating them the way they always fantasized about, then handsome men continue to treat women in this way because essentially they can...they still get what they want so why would they all of sudden take notice of how they treat women and change? especially when they're able to be selfish and get what they want at the same time? Some less appealing or attractive men don't have that luxury. They spend their time investing in women that don't reciprocate the same level of interest. Therefore they're always on the chase, so when a woman gives them a chance they try their best to keep her happy and aren't as bold as to test the waters. Those are somewhat extremes, as just because you are handsome doesn't mean you treat people like ****, and just because you are less attractive doesn't mean you had some women sucked into you that you treated like crap. It also has to do with whether these handsome men were available or not, most seem to likely not been interested in wanting more from you. It seems you desired more than they intended just taking a stab at it. The other guys seems more ready for a relationship and yes they also seem like nice guys. Personalities dependent on ego and self-esteem also make a big difference. But generally I think it makes logical sense why a less attractive person with less options would treat you better than a gigolo with women at his disposal like fast food joints.
FitChick Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I consider myself lucky in that when I was younger, I didn't dress well (never wore skirts or dresses), and was rather plain looking. I became "interesting" simply by reading, i.e. "Did you hear that weird story about....?" which entertained people. I didn't talk about myself because I had a boring life, but I asked them questions because I've always been curious about other people. Men love talking about themselves. At an age when women start to become invisible (let themselves go), I started changing my appearance through diet, exercise, makeup, fashion, hair, etc. to the point that I look better now than I did then. That is why I am still a viable commodity on the dating market. I consider myself lucky that I wasn't pretty back then because I would have been too immature to handle the attention, one reason I think a lot of pretty women are so screwed up. It reminds me of actors who became famous later in life. They say they never could have handled fame and fortune when they were younger.
Philosoraptor Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 I consider myself lucky that I wasn't pretty back then because I would have been too immature to handle the attention, one reason I think a lot of pretty women are so screwed up. It reminds me of actors who became famous later in life. They say they never could have handled fame and fortune when they were younger. I feel the same way in a sense. I was never very popular and got picked on a lot, but I was always good looking, interesting, and smart. I see some of the "popular" kids from the past and can't imagine I could have ever been like them, but I am thankful I never had to take that test. Now I get to be attractive, interesting, smart, and successful without letting it get to my head. Instead I spend my time helping others and just finding joys in all of the little things in life. In a sense I am thankful for the hurt and the pain I endured as a child, as it made me the good and optimistic person I am today.
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 25, 2012 Posted January 25, 2012 This is interesting to me. In retrospect, the more attractive men I've dated have treated me better, and with more kindness, compassion, and respect, than the less attractive ones. Although it's worth noting that I've never dated anyone who was a male model-esque "hottie" with a six-pack and chiseled features...just not my type. My last boyfriend was at times crass and dismissive of my feelings; I think he felt that I could get anything I wanted by virtue of my being an attractive (in his opinion) woman, and this caused him to have some kind of unfounded resentment for me. My current boyfriend is more physically attractive than my last, and is in general more sensitive and caring toward my feelings and needs than my ex was.
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