mittk Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) I know that the dreaded "I'm not ready for a relationship" line is one of the most common blowoff excuses that otherwise really means "I am just not that into you", but I am wondering if it can ever be true? I have been dating this person for about a month - things seemed to be going well - we spoke often every day, went on about 4-5 dates, talked often, and showed genuine affection and support for eachother. Yesterday, after making plans to meet up, they said they are scared to committ to a relationship right now because they don't feel stable enough to do so. They said they want to have me in their life, even if just as friends for the time being. A bit of background: this person battled drug addiction for a few years, and is currently in therapy every week. They also haven't had a relationship in about 2 years, and said that dealing with this baggage makes them feel they are not at a point in their life to deal with a relationship. They have been out of drugs for these past couple years and said that they’ve come a long way and want to keep going. When we met, we met with none of us looking for anything, but feelings developed unexpectedly for both of us. Now, I am not naïve to assume they are just using that as an excuse, but part of me thinks there may be some truth to the “not readiness”. I don’t, however, have much experience or a good perspective right now to figure it out, so I am asking here, what people think, may be the truth. Should I wait around? Be friendly? Leave the ball in their court? Move on? Edited January 24, 2012 by mittk 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 I think this person is being honest with you. They are not ready for a relationship. Do not pursue.
Emilia Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 You should definitely move on and I think in the future you should do yourself a favour and not get involved with people who have stability issues (addiction, trouble with maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle, etc). Dating and relationships are hard enough when you have healthy boundaries, let alone when you don't.
ditzchic Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 It's always true when someone says it. Sometimes it means they aren't ready for a relationship with you and sometimes it means they aren't in general. It doesn't really matter the reason why. Move on regardless. Don't keep contact. Leave the ball in her court. Don't put your life on hold or spend to much time thinking about it. If she wants you one day she will let you know and then you can take things from there. Don't worry a bit about it now.
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 What's the deal with all the "they" and "their"s? I had to do a search on your posts to find out if you were a man or a woman because I couldn't tell if you were talking about a man or a woman. Since it's a woman, who says she just wants to be friends for now, 99% chance that's all it's ever going to be.
USMCHokie Posted January 24, 2012 Posted January 24, 2012 It's always true when someone says it. Sometimes it means they aren't ready for a relationship with you and sometimes it means they aren't in general. It doesn't really matter the reason why. Move on regardless. Don't keep contact. Leave the ball in her court. Don't put your life on hold or spend to much time thinking about it. If she wants you one day she will let you know and then you can take things from there. Don't worry a bit about it now. Absolutely agree. It doesn't matter whether the person is sincere...bottom line, there is no relationship. Don't take it personally. Next.
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